#
yeah and conning people and this #
yeah , he was alright #
I've never seen Paper Moon #
probably is then , sounds like #
I don't think so , unless I go up to Richard's #
by accident #
yeah , I don't know what I'm doing actually , cos I've , I can't work Tuesday cos I've got an exam till five #
I'm gonna try and do #
well I've told Claire any way , she'll sort something out #
below Neil #
no #
Matt the donkey #
I don't know #
she acts about ten years older than she is , I know that #
I'm not sure though what actually #
no I know there not #
doubtful #
pardon ? #
what my Victoria ? #
my Victoria not my monkey , my Victoria's not got a monkey #
Darts was on again last night , I was watching it #
Tony Greaves says that's the crippler yet again #
oh that could be the crippler now #
yeah #
he's dead funny right , cos he was on and he's , and some , some match was on he's , in his er , he said there's my son in the crowd and this kid had his finger up his nose , picking his nose #
I's got I woke , my alarm went off at nine thirty this morning , I thought shall I get up I thought no , better not #
well it weren't on fire #
luke , tepid #
so did I #
s'alright , but are you gonna do the lasagne like you said you are ? #
I have to make sure I don't electrocute myself with my cup of tea #
I don't know , I couldn't tell you #
yes . #
no #
two #
German , reading and French oral , French oral's a doddle #
yeah so is German reading #
the only one I don't like is the e economics ones #
no , but the exams are easy #
the ones were doing are , absolute walk in the pan #
should be quite easy though I think #
eh Rob show mum how you do your horse falling over , we saw a horse falling over #
listen , neigh , neigh Neddy #
I saw the end of it #
yeah , it was , the bit I saw was that policeman when he goes although those two were up to no good #
cos I saw them skating round that car #
the only reason #
the only reason that police get away with drink driving is cos half the buggers are Masons and they give them the old funny hand shake and its oh on your way sir #
yeah #
yeah #
oche I #
bloody thick in it ? #
very thick the Birmingham accent #
as Hitler , yes #
Grandma was really slagging her off weren't she Maureen Lipman , oh god , yeah , oh I don't like her , she has too many programmes , I've only seen about one #
I've seen her in about one programme in the last five years #
About Face #
no not fire in the #
I know a fire in #
his mummies #
she's in , he's insured on it #
well #
yes #
yes #
excuse me Robert #
no , I no , well yes , but I don't know what is it #
I think its some C D E or something like that #
Katie that's it , two #
yeah in town last night right you get so many drunks untrue , right , this bloke like staggering across the road I thought #
erm , about ten o'clock he was seriously #
yeah I know #
I don't know , I think we caught it , I don't really #
so it gets back in town by about half past ? #
yeah #
oh can't you go back to town on the bus ? #
there gonna loose loads of money doing that #
you never know #
well no , but not on , to town , but there might be somewhere they want to go on the way #
he depart #
I don't know #
yes well it did the other week #
didn't balance seriously #
Neil was absolutely worried as hell because it was #
can't remember how much it was , it was like two thousand pound out #
no #
kept what #
one thousand , nine hundred pounds for about twenty quids worth #
she mul multiplied #
can you move your ladder please Robert ? #
some , some #
no #
I don't know #
oh no #
shut the door #
cos I'll have to put a bat up my pyjamas #
no #
is it ? , no Morse #
Robert will you move your ladder please ? #
no there's not , move it #
er now you can move it can't ya ? #
it were er , next door #
he's right no quality in he ? #
yeah Geoff talks out of his ears #
possible yeah I think so #
dunno #
yeah I could do couldn't I ? #
I might get some black gear #
I might get some black , yes #
do you want one of gee ? #
what's that on that , what's that sticker there Robert ? #
did she ? #
oh that's what he had #
don't you like it Rob ? #
probably in that #
in your Ribena you've dropped poor #
swinger #
mm they're away at Plymouth , they might do , they might , they might not they're winning runs got to come to an end some where #
two cup wins #
two first division wins #
yeah , she says , she says spitting all over the place #
oh I don't like them #
well I'm depriving him of his chair #
no #
I don't #
no #
I need trousers not jumpers #
us , I don't know , I want #
er , erm #
that's true , its true #
no #
no I ain't really got time this afternoon #
two thirty #
I know I don't want to though #
I don't want to #
yeah but I don't need a tra ,ba another jumper though #
I know , but where , no point in buying things for the pr just for the sake of it #
well how many have I got ? , #
I've got one #
two , three , four , five , six #
precisely #
yeah that's what I don't want #
I'll go next week when I've got some money #
yeah #
no , no I shall do it myself , thank you #
cor rashes of roses #
nineteen sixty six , nineteen sixty six weren't it ? #
I did #
I did #
I'm clean I have one every other night I have done this week #
what to see all its friends ? #
and where else ? , nowhere else #
know who's working at the Co-Op ? #
Kate #
oh good , that's him off the way #
yes #
you leave it alone you rat bag , who's digging my stuff out aren't you ? #
rat bag #
don't hit yourself on the head , it'll hurt , shall I make you say Robert #
probably #
no , I probably have to wait till the season starts #
I don't know what's happening , but I'm gonna get something off him any way , definitely #
cos I'm going to , when the next time I see him , I ain't been up to Humbersome for about three month though #
I know but I'm not the ideal member am I ? , go to Scraptof more than thing #
yeah #
no #
yes I have and they said no #
yeah #
as long as a piece of string , but I might be okay cos Matthew's junior captain this year #
so he might be able to #
yeap oh this is it #
yes both as good as each , well yes I suppose they are both as good as each other #
yeah hip joined #
that's it just like that #
just like that , aargh #
Robert #
Robert would you be so kind as to shut the door for me ? #
well shut the door first and then you can do it #
middle drawer #
yeah that's the one , that's your shocks drawer #
the thinking man's cam cowboy's sandwich ham , jam and spam wrapped round a wagon wheel #
no #
I think they're awful #
I don't like the biscuit #
I think that's awful #
I don't like that either , I don't like the chocolate either #
wogginton boots #
I wish you would be a neat clag as my granddad would say #
Yorkshire saying for trouble #
Yorks #
no #
they must of been red #
cos you always bought things totally the wrong colour for my sex #
has he got any thing in there worth nicking ? #
is that the milky bar I gave him ? #
I have nee #
a hat , a hat #
oh god I haven't seen that for ages #
I'm not surprised , oh here it is , its over , its on the settee #
yes I suppose I can #
no I'm not being horrible #
I fetched your hat with an A #
creeping gets you every where #
bye , bye , bye bye spotty dog #
yeah #
yeah its dead easy you don't need to be exactly er a one intelligence do you ? #
oh though , its a woman's job though , in it though ? #
and that's not trying to be sexist , but that's how #
it is #
no #
mummy #
test , testi what ? #
oh yeah his testimonial #
he's a prat #
ruined it years ago #
well he was , he was #
well he did that for a while #
Willie Thorne the gambler #
yeah #
your getting like grandma now #
don't like him , his wife , he left #
don't like him his wife left him #
don't like her she left her husband with nine children #
oh god you don't like him do ya ? , yes , why ? , ooh well why shouldn't I ? oh he left his wife with a hundred and fifteen little children under the age of four #
she used to love Ray Reardon to pieces #
cos he was Welsh #
and then he went to London , she said oh he moved into a flat with a girl he hardly knew , A she was forty when he met her #
and she was , and he was about foot fifty , something like ten years different which is very little #
and second of all he'd known her since they were at school , well he was like ten years older , but something like that any way oh brilliant this is back on Jack The Ripper that #
its him look that one , Lewis Collins and Michael Caine #
able line #
yes so is Michael Jackson #
no #
yeah , he was the detective #
Dave Stevis #
no that's true , since he married #
no its true though its true since he's got married he hasn't won #
cos he's been devoting his life to his wife more #
I'm not saying that's not , but that's the reason bloody vegetarian's again all people who do something that they don't have to always shout about it and try and turn every one else like it #
er , yes #
exactly but every body who did something like being vegetarian or what's the other thing ? , goes to church , church people are the bloody worse #
there #
they go to church because they've done something wrong half of them #
precisely , I mean Prince , the Duchess of York goes to church and she lived in sin for ye years with that bloody racing driver so she's , she's nothing #
and when you #
hypocrite #
embarrassment to the royal family going #
I don't think so #
and she's not doing any thing nice to endear herself to the public apart from erm , what gran grandma says that princess Diana spends too much time with aids patients #
that #
I think , I think she goes #
over board though #
every time I look , turn round , she's been visiting some aids patient #
I mean the you've probably got more chance of having an audience with her if you've got aids than if you haven't catch aids , meet the princess #
I and infecting the country that you go to #
two pianos ? #
oh I see #
oh pathetic names or what #
its not how they came into the world of real names to stick with prat names like Beatrice and , I mean I know its old royal and that and I mean fancy going to school in that bloody Henry and William , I mean William's not too bad #
king Billy's the best I think something like that #
I know #
I don't know , Henry , Harry comes from Harold I would of thought #
Harry ain't coming back #
I think Ena's gonna be back with it , before you know it #
oh Sidney's gone forever #
that's in the annals of history I think , an thank god as well #
oh in it sad eh ? , reading in the paper the other day about that thing the , the list of top ten names , I mean half of the ones on there are pathetic #
I mean Lewis is something like nu number seven in the country , I don't know any Lewis's #
I know at my age group they're all Darren and Gary and Steven and #
and Dean and Scott #
I like that actually #
the thing is when you've got a last name your stuck because it , every thing , you can't have any thing too new otherwise it sounds stupid #
I might do #
could do #
Martin James Thomas #
yeah #
no Geoffrey Thomas , Thomas #
Geoffrey Thomas Thomas #
yeah #
could do #
David #
that's awful that , well it ain't awful I don't like that #
no #
what's her name something like Patricia #
Pauline go on #
Pauline , Iris something #
that's it , Susan , Pauline , Iris , Susan #
Pauline that won't come back #
oh ain't they terrible #
I know #
so she changed the erm #
so she changed the Susan to , to Theresa and made it pits instead #
P I T S #
hoover #
Dave hoover #
and also a household name Dave Moulinex #
Steve bath #
Richard dining table #
huh , he's an Essex boy I can't see his white socks though #
they're dead naff , right , cos Steve Wright in the afternoon as a thing , he says , he says , what do you want Essex girl and he's said something funny she'll , she'll go , you crack me right up you do , you make me crack right up , right and they're suppose and they are , well I don't know , but they're supposed to be really naff #
naff , over the top , the per the car that an Essex boy would drive would be a Ford Capri #
either where white socks with loafers , you , you know naff #
and look generally pathetic and the , all the woman have peroxide blonde curly hair , shoulder length #
its just a naff place #
yeah but this is , this is different though , just #
s'I think so , yeah #
Leicester's dull though in it ? , you've gotta say Leicester is dull #
the night life is absolutely pit pitiful #
its really pitiful though #
well #
Nottingham's got better night life , that's the , probably the nearest good place #
but Manchester that's probably the hive #
at the minute , because they've got there the Hussy End which is like the number one , that's better than the Stringfellow's apparently , Hussy End are in Manchester thirty quid to get in #
yeah yours #
yeah ain't bad #
s'not bad , its a bit of a meat market , there's loads of like #
Tracy Sam and Cheryl #
no no #
they leave them in the cloakroom #
I don't personally #
because I look for the men , now I'm just joking #
not it , it is like that , but #
some places are worse than others #
he's got worse , well I don't know he's complexion's are about as bad as mine #
twenty two #
fifty three #
the final #
a lot of rubbish that one #
come on Steve , come on Steve #
get the wonga up to their #
oh you missed Only Fools and Horses the other night , its the funniest one ever , its the one where Del was in this wine bar pretend to be a yuppy #
and er he saw the , he was with Trigger he says , he says keep calm , drinking calm , were in here my son , right , and er its the bit where he's leaning on the bar and the bloke lifts up the bar and he just folds like a tonne of bricks sideways #
the best #
oh yeah #
well he's alright though in he ? #
well if it was just some things #
so when somebody says to him what sides your heart on and he says right they say no , he says yes it is #
its when they find out when he's three years old , his face is on upside down or something , oh god Marathon Man I'll be on tonight , I hate that film , that's that terrible bit with the dentist and the teeth #
tonight #
I don't know if I'm going to , lets see what else is on , Jagged Edge is on I might watch that instead , oh god its still time , I could , yes I think I could just about give that a wide enough berth #
You know that Morse that was on last night ? #
was that the one where hang on let me think what it was , there's some , there's a it was , at Oxford College weren't it and one of them was trying to be a like high up in the church or something #
and one of them got bunked off #
was that the one with Zoe Wanamaker in it ? #
Zoe Wanamaker #
shame it was a repeat , there not doing any more with him #
I like all the ones there not doing unfortunately #
I don't like him so much #
yeah I know , but I don't like David Suchet , I prefer Peter Ustinov #
cos it loses its erm #
mm , could do #
yeah , er , probably be about right #
no not particularly #
not keen on swede #
not really #
no , no , no #
what's all this craving for making new puddings , you know #
let's have a look at the puddings in there and I'll shall choose , I shall show you what I'd like #
oh wicked #
I see you didn't say that did ya ? , you never said that did ya ? eh , eh , eh , no #
so what is it then ? #
yeah I suppose I've had that before #
right , yeah , I've got it #
yes I will oh er #
er I don't like them #
eh you know those walnut ones ? #
granddad's got this thing which you open them with #
it's a key #
well its like a tri a triangular piece of metal , right #
triangular piece of metal , you dig it into like the crack and twist it and it just opens #
well you don't with this #
you don't with this it's quite good it's not bad at all #
I just move some of this stuff out the way , I know , I've had a good idea , a smart idea #
you got a bin or something I can knock the , the remains into ? #
okay #
I do know #
after seventeen years in the business I think I know what an almond looks like #
again #
fish , fish , fish #
so what you do you see with these al with these walnuts #
you stick the key in there #
and twist #
and just breaks it #
its ever so clever , dead ingenious good god there's enough almonds in this bag #
ah #
yes , how #
yeah #
yes not Ted and Sheeba but Sheeba and Ted #
Sheeba and Ted's house #
do you want all these almonds really #
don't you got some hazelnuts ? #
look at all them , that's only out of one bag #
well it was real value buy buying nine bags of nuts over Christmas wasn't it ? #
yours #
South Crostain dead sort there #
no Golden Fleece #
yeah #
mine #
yeah , but not when he drives #
Richard #
coke #
tres sensible #
I don't think Richard would ever drive again if he did drink and drive #
yeah #
although his dad's er , you know his dad's a police surgeon ? #
sometimes I mean he's been out when he's had a drink , on call , sort of thing #
I'd hate that being on call or cos he gets called out right in the middle of the night sometimes couldn't do that #
well he does the blood tests , cos the police couldn't do it #
yeah #
but as far as she did erm thing do da's #
G P #
I don't think he would have moved to a two hundred and thirty five thousand pound house either #
from a small well from a #
Long Way Crescent which was just a semi #
I know , that's where all the live #
a nice little term I've nicked from my driving instructor #
oh yeah #
oh it's massive it was , the house he's got now is massive #
tres beau , cos there's the living room , its like he's got two living rooms and Richard and his sister and there's a vid there a telly and a video in each of them , buggers #
I don't know #
it's ridiculous #
should give it me this gonna take me three weeks cracking these almonds #
I've heard that story before an all #
you got pork ? #
Gonna say tough luck out I've got beef oh it just smashes into pieces #
it does when you don't know where half of it's gone #
actually , yes I've found it , what do you want me to do with it then ? #
give us another bowl #
give us another bowl and I can dig out the little manky pieces #
no , well probably #
yes you'll have the every now and again you'll be biting into a piece of shell which will be nice #
oh , glad he had nightmares #
cowabunga do #
yeah #
oh that's better two down , three hundred and ninety six million to go #
I've got a cold coming , I've decided #
what ? #
is it ? #
no it's gotta be a is it #
doubled #
trebled , it would be twe it would be twenty seven #
oh #
does that look right to you ? #
that was I T V , I T V started in the fifties , B B C was in the thirties #
it was on I T V the programme #
get off ah #
right #
huh , was Cliff Richard there ? #
knickers #
dunno #
er all greasy #
yeah #
cos they've watched the fifties films that's why #
oh I his got nervous exhaustion ain't he ? #
I have #
no their saying , I don't know he's got nervous exj exhaustion #
I haven't seen a ph picture of him #
what his programme ? #
it's called Barrymore #
with people with bad throats #
oh god #
what's that mean ? #
do it with your eyes shut #
you better teach me how to make gravy if I'm going to polytechnic , because I don't know how to do it #
oven #
is get a woman in #
I'm gonna do that then #
oh beggar #
what's that mean break , bake blind ? #
eh , whole nut smashing #
jam , raspberry #
eh , oh its another one , beauty #
scrap the bowl off those #
gosh you've had that a long time #
twenty P #
cochineal , er that comes from beetles #
yes #
it's taking ages , oh can I have another cup of coffee ? #
begger begger me #
what ? #
I don't even think I've done half of these yet #
oh , beauty , photograph that one #
play it right , went to the Rose and Crown after South Crostade and played darts #
yeah , I played darts against this bloke , scratch golfer #
plays off none #
and I think , and he plays at Leicestershire #
I don't know #
yes he , bit #
right , we played three men , you know you supposed to do it , it supposed to be five hundred and one #
well because there was three of us we went , it was seven hundred and one , like , their go , first bloke got a hundred and eighty , next one got a hundred and forty , this one got a hundred and twenty and me and Matt got about forty each and Rick and we were stuffed just bit , have you been watching any of the darts ? dead interesting #
oh that's darts innit ? , oh right Davis won #
yes #
it's er nine eight I think it was #
Davis did ? #
oh I saw that one #
no #
that's been in the fridge nine weeks #
apart from when grandma gives it ya #
oh god got a bad stiff neck #
yeah #
I dunno #
it weren't bad yesterday #
and it weren't bad Friday but it's come on again now #
yeah #
yeah cat hovering #
this is well er annoying this is #
doing this #
I had a beauty I had a run there I had about four in a row which came out whole , but now I'm getting crushed nuts #
very painful #
you'll have to do something with them #
now this could be better , oh yes , slightly better that shot off nicely somewhere #
er , I'm over hitting these #
no , I'm thrashing them too hard #
you beauty #
I don't , I like eating it #
not since my disaster with the soup in the second year #
tell you what it seems ages since I was in the first year , but not very long since I was in the second year #
don't to me #
like Yorkshire pudding every Saturday , every Sunday #
yes , well I've heard this before #
I know I've noticed #
I'm not getting much revision done here mother #
I noticed #
cheek #
bit sickly , but I'll eat one #
I think we can all learn a thing or too from that oh er that sounded nice that that sounds even better , oh I've cracked it right down the bloody middle #
there are mum there's another big piece coming for ya #
there's another big piece here , well , no little well greasy these are #
what you doing with these here ? #
huh , ain't gonna have many on the top at this rate are we ?oh lovely got another one for the top , cracker #
that's a full one that is #
now how did I do it ?not like that obviously oh that's it , I'm getting a fifty percent success rate of whole ones to small ones here #
and this is another #
no I've two the week after #
yeah , we go out , are you , if you , oh you bugger , I had four in the row now , beauties . #
if we go driving , I'll , I'll show you all the manoeuvres I can do , which is all of them #
pol polish up on the mirrors and get ready for a mock test #
I don't know , yeah , but , I don't think he's bad #
mm #
you'll be quite pleased with this cos I'm getting some really good big bits out now #
ow #
what's one of them an E C G ? #
I'm , get this #
and failed it #
you wally #
er , er #
do you call that frizzle ? #
where's my cup of coffee ? #
they're coming out better now #
oh that's got two in it #
and I got them both out whole an all #
why you mean used to ? #
no , I shall go and fetch it yes I I must have brought it in #
erm #
yes , the red one , the red one which #
well it makes it look , well it looks like the er paints fading off it #
are they ? #
cor that's a big 'un , looks grand #
I know #
leave them I shall sort them out in a moment #
yeah #
bloody well hope so too oh another manky one #
ah with the walnuts and she does that #
she does it on er , the , the inside of her elbow joint #
she doesn't say she's Miss United States body builder nineteen ninety one #
blackcurrant #
mm , mm my favourites #
ten to #
no , it's er minor catastrophe isn't it ?oh damn #
yeah I know , but they haven't lost a home match for seven months for #
seven , seven or eight weeks #
they've won the last six home matches #
yeah #
haven't , Leicester never do well when they're at , if they go away , if they play away , if they go right down South or if they go right up North they'll get beaten every time #
I don't know #
I don't know , they always get beaten seriously by Newcastle , Middlesbrough , Sunderland #
yes , I should think so #
I don't know , there's still got a long way to go though #
there's probably two above them that have played one less #
so they would go up to fifth #
yeah I know #
well #
well yeah just the match before , the Saturday before New Year , there's one point covering the top six #
and if Leicester had beaten I forgot who it was , whoever they drew against , they would have been third . #
confidence #
that's what I mean confidence #
this is sounding great this is , I'm , every time I crack a nut I hurt , hurt me hand , these last three won't crack #
I'll get out all the whole ones #
no well I'm gonna do it any way #
want #
no I didn't get up till twelve #
Marquis of Blandford , speeding and all the other #
yeah it's Rebecca #
oh #
yeah here are , I shall go and just get the paper . #
Oh not Catherine bleeding Zeta Jones again I don't even think she's nice #
you thought of the classics you do , podgy country maiden #
nice I don't , well I definitely don't think she's that nice oh I see what you mean Leicester are seventh #
oh they came from two nil down as well #
and the other one was er #
yeah it's not bad #
best thing to do when you see the football results is to look at who their playing next week , and then you can get a fair idea of who's gonna do what #
Swindon at home and Swindon are right er below them by one #
no the place below them #
yeah #
Blackburn are away to Portsmouth who are both above Leicester , Southend , Southend , Southend should beat Bristol City Camb Cambridge Middlesbrough have got Millwall at ho away , well yeah don't know oh Sunderland did well #
beat Millwall six two #
it was only one one at half time #
five in the second half , bloody hell three goals in three minutes , fifty five , fifty seven , fifty eight Don Goodman this bloke got a hat-trick , he got it within fifteen minutes #
Ian St . John holds the wor holds the Scottish record for the fastest hat-trick #
he got three goals in two minutes #
for Motherwell this paper is only interested in two sports and that is football , cricket #
mm from Ann isn't it probably ? #
yeah a bit strange I suppose #
yeah I know , dunno why she wants to keep all them I'm sure #
I don't think , I don't know , I think he might be , I couldn't tell you though #
no #
mm #
Sue and who ? #
oh #
oh that one #
mm , oh dear #
yeah it does , not too bad , I don't think they'll be enough nuts to tell you the truth #
what's the topping ? #
you want to cut a piece off and let me see what it's like #
yeah he's got an appl an offer #
er Bristol Poly #
marketing , he's been offered two D's #
should do it and if he doesn't I'd be , I'd be surprised #
I don't know , I couldn't tell you I really don't know #
me ? #
I'm not sure , I don't know #
television something like that #
no research in of that #
mm with difficulty I suppose #
very difficult but if that's what you want to do #
yeah I know #
what ? #
no I know , I don't know though could go into a bank or something like that #
there's lots of things though #
it was in the folder #
I'm not so keen on chocolate cakes #
me #
I can take it or leave it #
oh that cream , creme de la creme looks nice #
oh that don't look like , is that cream caramel ? #
egg custard I don't like that at all #
you never guess what Andy Spence's mum did when I went up there for dinner once ? , it's vile #
eggs in custard #
poached eggs in custard #
yeah #
yes #
it was awful #
I didn't eat it #
sweet #
cut me a , hacker off #
yeah I think so , well he eat it , whether that was because he had to I don't know , but he did #
yeah #
personally #
huh not more #
why might got to employ the cat don't you ? #
must've been already off though #
yucky , yucky #
no he ain't gonna open the door , no he can't open the door #
well that's clever innit leaving the door open #
oh lovely boy #
got him #
wouldn't you kill that fellow for doing that , that's what you call bare-faced cheek #
it's a he #
he's also got hairy legs , as well as the lump in his pants #
that's , that's Richard's that is , does has done that , I've seen him done loads #
pass #
oh yeah funny , tell you about when he went to court #
he went to court and he says oh about Jane #
what happened to her ? #
wouldn't you die ?one of the bits of her wedding dress #
oh that's a nice new bike in it ? #
it's not #
now that was silly , that bloke's gonna go in in a minute I'm sure , or one of the kids is gonna do a really weedy jump #

oh nightmare #
no it's not that hilly , not that woody #
oh lovely #
hey that's disgusting #
that's seriously gross #
it's gonna snap , it's gonna snap #
that is absolutely ridiculous that is #
probably been practising for the camera #
these are , these good this week actually #
he's gonna come someone's #
oh I've seen these before , that water looks mucky an all #

I'd hang my feet , I'd hang my feet over the top #
no , you have to really do a snub underneath #
it's Jack The Ripper shot that is #
I never saw them #
kid's gotta be blind #
oh referee #
gotta be mad #
that's disgusting that #
slitty eyed git #
no that's the , that's Freddie Mercury and Robert Maxwell that is #
dodgy seaman #
no I don't think so #
I don't know #
I don't know shut up #
how do you know ? #
I dunno I might do I might #
I dunno , I might go , I might not , millions of things , millions of options are opening #
exactly , precisely what can I say #
that's what you call out of order in it ? #
he's got a totally short hand you know well , yeah #
I love these , cos #
it's gonna fall , it's gonna fall #
what the hell's that that's just fell on his head ? #
he's gonna #

bugger me someone's gonna come in #
got , don't you just love those , oh dear , right there #
I did when I found out I got two hundred and fifty poonds for it #
no poonds #
he's had a finger cut #
it look's like a wedding to me #
he's gonna , summat #
wouldn't you cry if that happened ? #

 #
her skirt falling down in church #

 #
shut up Geoff #

look at it , that's totally had it ain't it ? #
he jerked #
this is this is a security camera in a shop #
it must be deep #
a couple of minutes #
I bet they're thanking them for getting two hundred and fifty nicker #
oh , oh Hawaii Five O #
why they just carry that on #
crucial music #
show man respect #
he's going off the side #
he must've fell about six feet #
he's going off that chair #
that's what you call vigorous isn't it really ? #
the other one's gonna go rolling down the stairs #
oh that looks like er Jesus we love you festival doesn't it ? #
oh no #
can't hear her #
oh you cow #
that's what you call don't F in it ? , don't er #
yes Dame Kiri's turning in her grave oh this was funny #
I don't think this was that good , that cat opening the door #
nor was this funny #
I think that bloke coming off the ladder with the buckets of paint would've been funnier than them #
it was , cos they interviewed him #
er , yeah , I like the one when that car run over that woman's hat #
it's gotta be the kid on the sports day , your joking me #
he ain't gonna get a quid is he ? #
she ought to #
for ever #
as long as you get it yourself #
just for you , just sincerely #
a rude awakening #

fat bugger #
no they're good they are , so you don't #
no #
she usually put the , oh no #
no I haven't indeed #
I'm highly unfortunate young man #
Geoff's greased up to the nines after putting on a eig eight tonne of Oil of Ulay #
he'll slip between the duvet #
fogerific , you can't tell #
fogtabulous #
absolutely fogtabulous absolutely fogadab #
fogadabadogulous #
cherry #
oh fantastic #
yeah yeah #
this plays on #
I just found it on three #
the middle is not hoptastic #
stick it in the microwave , pass us my cup of tea #
that's out of order jelly like that #
it's not on like that #
jelly is supposed to be like ah , you see it in cartoons like #
wobbly #
how's it go mother ? #
absolutely grotoskew , you've got a worm , you feed him #
more , more meat on a jockey's whip #
don't know how , he don't eat a thing #

I'm hungry an all #
yes #
as Patrick used to say you'd be able to poo through the eye of a needle #
er goggle eyes at the Co-op , I saw him the other week #
and he's funny , Ackman Avenue #
no Glen Glenfield he made , he makes me laugh though #
scurf #
dunno , it's living in the bin #
it's only on for two minutes #
a bit of arson on a Sunday night never went down badly #
see if Geoffrey's Oil of Ulay face #
would er #
Geoff don't do that dear , don't wanna do that #
I think #
was on Thursday night and I flipping missed it #
did you see it ? , did you see it mum ? #
was it funny mum ? #
funny as route canal work , I like it , I think it's not bad #
that's a well-known American actor #
where's that ? , they can't call that pony that whatever it's called ? #
where's there always be a pony that's what I want to know #
oh that's it #
there must be a pony and trap #
check Poirot out see who did it , don't know who did what , but see who did it anyway #
yes I like them ones #
go on then , put it on #
ooh #
yes it is #
no , it's the ar , it's the finals , semi-finals if you like #
this is a weir-r-rd game this is #
I think it's great #
come on #
German , huh #
this is exciting this is #
Lady Hornblower #
dang , dang Cafe Hag #
all the annoying Germany always pops up at the wrong , the wrong most inopportune time . #
big garage #
I tell you what erm #
I'm still underwhelmed at Joe's choice of name for his latest son , Slobodan #
if the worse thing is , you can't shorten it to anything decent , you can't call him slob #
oh I yeah #
I think Vich is probably what it'll #
Slobo , that's what he should say #
how old is she ? #
twenty three #
Yugoslavia I keep telling you #
he's at war with himself you see , that's why he's #
he probably doesn't know what one is #
yeah #
I am #
keep a well #
what did you say ? , what's it , what's he say dead patriotic then to Yugoslavia ? #
oh you're joking #
Polish , he's Yugoslavian if anything #
they're probably Jewish because they always reckon that there's people after them and that's what she's like #
you've been , been hard balling my wife #
crummy Max Lennon #
his sister's name #
more #
homeland #
I think flipping #
Yugoslavian ,Sloboda #
no #
Slobo Slobodan #
oh right , you know Paul who plays for Leicester ? #
right , now , if you had about twenty thousand pounds to spend on a car Dave , what would you buy ? , no seriously , I mean if you were just like , start , no , actually no that's the wrong thing to say , what looks really smart ? #
yeah , I mean for twenty thousand what could you have ? , you could have a Calibre couldn't ya for twenty thousand #
yeah , but I'm saying what you could have , not what you bloody want , you #
yeah , he's had , yeah , he's had an R S two thousand and I mean I think that's absolutely pathetic , total Essex boy thing to do that is #
drive round in his white socks and black loafers and drive his white R white , his white R S two thousand #
white #
yeah #
oh #
yeah , yeah #
but I mean I'd rather have a Calibre than that definitely #
yeah but the thing is he's got money #
that's what I'm on about #
yeah , well he obviously has on an R S two thousand twenty , twenty one #
well the thing is I mean he plays for England under twenty ones #
he weren't #
I never liked any of them #
didn't like it #
I liked Sooty #
I liked Sooty #
Sooty , Sweep and Soo #
Sooty , Sweep and Soo #
oh you've had one of these haven't you ? #
these frozen meals Geoff #
that's what they says #
no that's what you had #
oh no it wouldn't've been er with spin with spinach and ricotta cheese , what's it like Geoff was it nice ? #
yes you've been promising for weeks #
oh I don't like the Darling Buds of May at all #
I like er back , he's coming back that's coming back an all , oh yes #
no they're good #
I like him P D James is a woman though isn't it ? #
mum ? #
died , given birth and #
oh this stupid bloke gets on my wick , lovely boy Neil strikes again #
good job he's not in another country he'd be eaten for #
he'll go to stud and start producing won't he ?not with your #
his wife is the biggest gasbag #
oh no another wet , loads of people like him at our school #
yeah , it's wide open , but he ain't gonna get it #
what do you mean there's much chance , he comes down every Christmas #
you told me it's the chimney #
how low quality can you get hiding guns and ammunition in a church #
yeah she had burglars #
New Parks , well that asks for it really doesn't it ? #
no , but if you don't want it you don't move to New Parks the roughest Council estate in Britain in , in Leicester , Britain #
no , it's not surprising is it ? #
you don't have any stuff left #
well that was somebody had it in for them #
well New Parks is more likely than any where else #
don't give me that #
for you what Dave #
did he ? #
oh I've a #
oh God this family make me sick #
yes , run away . #
Perhaps he's #
beef #
he is #
doesn't make them . #
She always looks like a sack of spuds she does #
she's awful looking #
oh that tie doesn't even go with that suit , look at that , brown tie with a blue suit get this into ya , ha , ha #
I have #
shall I have 'em ? #
oh that's out of order #
Robert excuse me #
Robert excuse me please , thank you #
oh yeah they usually manage to come back in the end #
that old bat #
was it nice ? #
yeah weren't bad #
Robert stop moving them away please , thank you Rob #
we've had one of them #
no thanks #
can't believe that Sky was one of the most popular names last year in this country for a new baby girl #
was #
oh but still flipping stupid #
yeah #
cos they pledge to you that they get it cleaner than anything else #
no why do you like Thunderbirds Rob ? #
no he's not at all #
no I said after Thun after , mm , after Home and Away we can have it on #
after stowed it all #
no thank you #
yeah #
well no not full up , I just don't want anything else . #
this is stupid this is , it really is daft #
as if he'd even have a chance of it anyway #
no thanks #
careful #
that ain't Madge #
Claire #
oh there's a a minuscule portion of fat in the bottom of that thing . #
super #
no that's on tomorrow night #
six months #
it's , it's up her nose #
I haven't #
that's good innit , go to a coffee bar and don't pay any thing , just what you want #
bloody won't #
well you can have the dog , but I won't be here for the week if you're having a dog #
I , I don't like dogs #
I can't stand them #
I don't care I don't like 'em #
they stink for a start #
so do you but we can't do anything about that either , but dogs stink #
they always do #
awful #
I'd rather have a rat in the house than a dog #
at least a rat's small #
I bet he can't swim #
Get a divorce they , they've never been happy at all since they've been married have they ? #
mm , it's Ben #
it's Ben though innit ? #
oh thanks will you open it for me Rob ? , oh , oh , oh #
yes you can , anyone can #
well crack #
two big things #
two big things #
thing and respect #
no #
how could anybody want to go in the army in nineteen ninety two #
and some people have got #
what getting up at six every morning ? #
being shouted at running nine miles with three tonne of stuff you'll never use on your back #
pretending to use a gun #
that isn't cheap , it's not cheap at all #
no chicken burger or fish , what was it fish or chicken ? #
I've never seen a chewing gum advert for them before #
Orbitor extra #
the only one I've ever seen for is Wrigley's #
don't know they're stupid #
don't know they're stupid #
your legs go #
yeah , but you've got littler snub legs #
thirty six #
oh that's long #
old what ? #
oh #
mm #
did you say I was thirty six ? #
there was no people though got #
yeah , everybody knows a #
eight foot six #
six s #
Lei Leicester's the place to be if you're a scientist in it ? , bloody hell #
don't #
yeah Julie Brown #
Julie yeah #
oh you cow #
autistic #
articulate #
no #
stuck that needle straight through her finger #
that's clever innit ? #
er every time you see her you do #
no #
erm , rates about an eight #
check my record collection and that's that then #
oh yes sir , have a bit of that , yes Barry Manilow #
oh he's a stickler if you don't smash it down to the ground , I'll be really shocked . #
Yes well , Larry , have less of that #
oh no #
what you having Rob ? #
what this ? #
oh ain't I silly ? #
two , three of that makes a horrible noise don't it ? #
oh , oh careful , careful , careful #
what , what , what I got to watch you do it , careful , #
no #
that's , that's a clip #
microphone , do you want to talk ? , no , don't , just stay up there , talk , no , go on talk #
not too loud #
pardon ? #
what you doing at school today ? #
playing and standing up , what you been , what you been doing then ? #
stay there #
you don't have to hold it close to you #
hold it far away from you then #
mm #
what Gartree ? #
oh #
you'll have to get up earlier #
none tomorrow #
two #
French and Ger er Economics and German #
yes , you can't two in the morning can you ? #
twelve #
one thirty #
you doing #
go to #
yeah #
oh if he does he gets er done , dunne #
oh god #
yeah #
yeah #
no #
mm #
mm #
mm #
if they phone ca call the police , they'll put a tracer on it #
no you call you can call the police #
pretend you don't know who it is #
and then get 'em nailed #
you want #
so write to Mr #
, don't bother #
you never know I'd do it any way #
write to and just say erm Geoffrey's leaving the school as and then say why #
why I'd #
A few but not as many as he's got , not as many as he's got #
Crown Hill #
no #
I'd send him to Gartree mother #
yeah #
if its that drama teacher any way #
write to Mr about that #
definitely #
mm #
yeah #
yeah #
write to Mr #
yeah #
She'll deny it though #
if she denies it , that's even worse #
I'd let him leave it as soon as possible #
mm #
you can't really go round their house #
well you shouldn't go #
oh wow that's really bad #
could I have a sweet Rob ? , where is it ? , out there ? #
can I have a sweetie Rob ? #
how does he's mummy talk to him Rob ? #
no let , no , no , no , let him say , how's he say Steven ? #
how'd she go Rob ? #
and what did she say after that ? , what she say after that ? #
she's #
Steven she go like that ? #
did she hit him hard ? , did she hit him really hard ? , did she hit him as hard as this ? #
oh missed , took a real swing at it #
do you do it #
properly Rob ? #
is that as far as he goes ? #
careful , are you coming with me ? , #
Thunderbird one #
but that teachers looking for a kicking #
hurry up girl #
mm #
mm , mm #
oh its terrible in it ? #
mm #
she just didn't go to market , pretty dead though round there any way #
not pigs #
yeah #
No , I ain't going in tomorrow I've told you #
yeah #
dunno #
no #
no #
Mat and Rich , but , but Mat last #
dunno , not sure #
I saw her today #
Nijinsky #
I wouldn't like that so much you know #
one week in Spain , I'd rather have that two week's in Australia wouldn't you ? #
better than Barcelona ? #
that's the , actually , actually I'd rather have that best , that's the third prize two week's in #
two week's in New York , shopping , spending money thrown in #
for the Ba for the Olympics #
I'd rather go to New York , yeah definitely #
that's what they should do I'd of thought #
that's what they used to do #
turn it over Geoff #
turn it over Geoffy #
No it don't fit #
that were good #
move please #
I was sitting there don't put your feet up please , thank you #
I know #
nine point six million per biscuit #
move it shut up David Swift #
that bloke is David Swift #
you don't even know what he's been in #
he's in Drop The Dead Donkey #
who ? #
who's it supposed to be ? #
Colin #
no way #
I bet you three million quid that ain't #
Steven North #
yeah #
and that is not , he was in Metal Mickey that kid , he played erm the annoying little punk #
ah , but , his face ain't round enough for Colin #
its not , right , there's no way he ain't got the moles on his #
alright then and if not you've gotta give me a quid #
well that #
I'll wait for your pocket money #
Dunno #
perhaps #
no , yes #
eh ? #
oh #
Stick the C V in and you can't go wrong #
What's happen to this button ere ? #
I don't know there's something in here oh he's Steven Darell , he's the #
health means you #
and where's the thing for ? #
how much money a year d'you reckon John Majors on ? #
try , erm , you know #
seventy six and what d'you think a cabinet minister's on ? #
er sixty three , and how much d'you think a normal M P's on ? #
go on #
thirty one #
its a good job in it ? #
six hundred pound a week #
well he's a solicitor , he says he doesn't do any soliciting jobs on the #
side , I , I asked him that and he said he didn't , well I , I think he was lying #
you lying git #
I'm not a lying git , you're a lying git you know that #
I think he's a right lying git , I couldn't , he's been a right lying git , he's been saying all the things that he's supposed to say instead of the truth #
do more than , oh look , wonder if he's Jewish look in that back with that star of David flag in that back ground #
I like this , its been proved that waiting list have gone down in the last six months #
people have been treated quicker , so that per cent no its not how can they say no its not ? , they wouldn't lie because if they lie they'd get really done wouldn't they ? #
well , I mean there's some things #
that people don't need doing desperately #
and I mean exactly #
and they say I've been waiting seventeen years for this pollack , or having your tooth out or having your tonsils extracted #
I think if you want your tonsils out you should go private to have it done personally , cos you don't need it do ya ? , #
I mean you don't get tonsil cancer do ya ? #
oh well that's really serious that is , its like having the flu every year . #
Yeah I know I've had it #
the thing is , its not serious is it ? , its not life threatening #
oh no , that's gotta be well out of it #
like Claire one , I don't think she should of had that done #
don't do , do cos tic , cosmetic surgery on the N H S do they ? #
yeah I mean face , face lifts #
that's what I mean #
vanity in it ? #
What makes me laugh that the Labour party always say oh interest rates in , sorry the tax rates in this #
er what is it ? , what are they complaining about ? #
Tax reductions , of that's nice , interest rates or something and those said oh they're two high over here , in America they're four per cent , now what they don't see is the interest rates are linked with the amount of peop the amount of people earn , the amount of people actually save #
yeah , listen to this though , they're saying oh its terrible America have got four per cent and we've got fifteen , America have got four per cent because out of the interest rates comes money for erm , that can't be right , something tax #
they say oh tax is too high , I mean Labour want to put it up any way , but by the by , this answered them any way , what they say is oh its too high , erm even the American tax is four per cent , who gives a dam , because the thing is in America what you're loosing , what you gain in your tax you have to pay out through the nose for health care #
you can't afford to be ill in America , I tell you what #
if you had what I had we'd of been totally #
bankrupt #
exactly #
well said #
yeah #
I stood there #
mm that box is absolutely amazing #
that box there that Paisley , I really hate him , I saw him #
yeah , that was the , he's so frightening him , see him and you wet yourself #
we go with Matt right and it was the Sun it was the Wednesday after Spitting Image was showing one as him as Hannibal Lector , and he says I'm going to eat your liver with a nice bottle of campion #
Nigel Croftman , er Joe Croftman , aargh , huh #
right and he said in it oh Roy , er Roy , strap him in Roy , cos he's got this like thing and face mask to stop him talking , we saw Roy Hattersley right behind us , it was most embarrassing moment #
shut up Roy shut up , just shut up , he ain't too bad #
yeah , we saw Michael Meacher , Social Security bloke , he gets on my wick he does , were from the Labour party and were gonna have such an improved Social Security , and its going to be so good #
I've stood where he is an all #
people have too short memories #
Devon #
yeah #
you don't get that with the Conservative party cos they don't let 'em get away with it for a start #
yeah , that's what I mean they don't let 'em get away with it #
oh , #
British Leyland were well knackered by then #
they were , getting paid #
for that #
that's a good job that is in it ? #
mm #
er the Japanese now they went to Nissan , they only do one thing at , one thing each #
mm #
you know my , you know vouchers for shops mum , do they give you change ? #
or a bit more #
or though you could just like , if you got something for say ten ninety nine and it was fifteen pounds and you got something else as well #
just to make it up #
say you want to make it dead on then or just #
not even with Labour around #
save #
mm #
I tell you what though #
they can't #
its like the franchise businesses , but they'll nationalise them again #
and what'll they do buy the shares back off people which'll #
cost them bloody loads and then they'll turn it into an absolute cack heap like it was before . #
I mean British Gas , fair enough it was quite efficient , but its not as efficient as it is now , same with Telecom , Electricity , Water and Sewage #
mm #
you the thing is #
what Labour is saying is that the reason why there's low employ high employment is because er where , they're trying to cut inflation which is , one of the side ways of cutting inflation is that interest rates go up and , but the thing is that which then leads to unem unemployment , but the thing is you can't have a decent the , full growing economies , its full capacity if you've got high inflation all the time knackering you up #
before you do any thing you've gotta kill that before you start #
its alright saying twelve years , but twelve years on a scale of hundred is nothing really #
the thing that annoys me most is that , the amount of bad memories people have , I mean not bad memories as in bad thoughts , but bad #
forgetfulness #
I mean how can you flipping forget ? #
the sewage not being er rubbish not being collected , graves not being dug #
have you ever had that ? #
I mean Maggie Thatcher came in and told them whether they #
they , told them they can like it or lump it and they said the miner's strike , but she still won the election after the miner's strike which #
was only about seven months after #
if you don't give in to 'em , you'll nail 'em #
its twenty seven weeks #
well , well in diff in different , different parts of the country #
in Liverpool it was twenty seven weeks #
Liverpool was the worse , they didn't dig , dig graves for about twelve months #
twelve weeks are they ? #
I like the , there was , there was a , er big bill board in town , I dunno if you saw it and it says , I think it had Labour right , in really big letters , and they said who's really behind me , it was a Conservative one , they said who's really behind them and in it every one there's like a T U C leader one of the union leaders #
which is true #
yeah , I mean in Ireland they , fair enough , they call it the unionist party #
but what makes me laugh is doctor he's , I think he's absolutely cracked #
cracked #
oh is he Labour , he's , he's straight left he is #
I mean that's ridiculous , the money he's on they'll cripple him , they'd absolutely nail him wouldn't they for money ? #
and granddad Pat was saying that there's , Steven Fry on the telly he was , he was saying he made ,ha I think he said he made half a million pounds out of something and he was , he says I'd like to join go into parliament as a Labour thing , granddad says oh that'll be really sensible , he said you'll loose half of that money if you do that #
but Pete if he , I mean I don't see why he doesn't if he went private for two years he'd make enough to retire , in two years , no sweat , he won't have to work again , I mean I bet his house is paid for #
I mean the thing is though #
in this private in this country doesn't mean that you've got to pay for it , it does mean that you've got to pay for yourself , but its not like obligatory , so you might as well get the money you can , if you that , at that , at that standard aren't , hadn't you really ? , if you can get that money , you'd be thick not to go for it #
mm #
oh look #
I know him the bloke on the left , sorry , this is where I've been , that bloke #
called Joe , that bloke on the left , he's #
about his personal secretary #
that's still not it as much as er Robert Maxwell lost and seem ,ca , see the Labour party nailing him for that , no you don't because he was a head of a Labour party paper #
Thrindon Five Mill that's a , that's er that's two thirds of Maxwell's pension fund Keith's gonna become a cabinet minster I reckon at , the way he's going , bad luck #
no shadow cabinet #
look at that #
how many wogs ?yes wogs #
or whatever it is , oh B C C one employees spokesman #
I mean there's seven people there and six of what , six of black #
the thing is , the thing that makes me #
sick about this is , B C C one , if they wanna put in a bunk what's wrong with the big four , I mean you don't prat around with B C C one #
they just prat around abroad mainly #
I mean Abu Dabi there based I mean Abu bleeding Dabi #
that's lining their pockets who've they've got more money than they know what to do with #
oh er are yeah , Maxwell , you see his sons are clamming up , they're not saying a flipping word #
they , oh don't tell me they don't know , they run the company see #
mm , yeah #
oh Mrs #
Mrs can't stand Neil Kinnock you know #
she thinks he's a Welsh wind bag , she said , she said that the other week #
mm #
can't be doing with Algeria #
I really cannot be doing with Algeria #
where is it then ? #
Sweden #
well where did you have it ? , when did you have it ? #
I dunno what get , I don't know , it gets on my wick out there , there always like , every country linked with religion for some bloody stupid reason , I mean its so primitive , no body else is in the modern world are they ? #
I mean not even Russia and they're well behind the times #
yeah I know , but they , they don't say well if you're not orthodox you can't come here , do they ? #
oh no #
Spurs are out Gary #
Aston Villa , but they're t , first division though , empty net , there's a bloke standing on the line , how can it be empty , let's have a look oh Woking lost , Leicester didn't play tonight , no #
cor West Ham struggled against Farnborough , struggled , Bristol City yes , you beaut , that means we Leices , Bristol City's instead of Wimbledon #
Wimbledon are sods you know #
you don't want them that's good erm , that's a good win away from home . #
Breken #
oh five nil , five nil #
er , they always score more goals in Scotland #
I think the goals must be bigger or something , but they always get loads they always #
and the goals #
are far more fu , fun to watch because they always fly in from miles out #
the thing is in Scotland though , there's five good teams and the rest are rubbish #
there's like #
oh you do , you do don't you Dave you get loads of draws in Scotland ? #
the last few are fifty six , fifty eight are usually famous for draws #
good night C B E , but #
yeah , he got charged for the commander #
mm #
oh I like this advert , watch , watch this #
no its rugby Bill Maclaren , I like him , shilly , shally #
what are they like ? #
oh #
well I can't say I eat either , so it wouldn't really affect me would it ? #
don't do it any more I don't think #
no er he had a Peugeot three O five #
you talking about Glen ? #
yeah he had a Peugeot three O five #
quite biggish one big Peugeot #
yeah that's the one biggish car #
yeah #
yeah it , it looked a bit like that , but its Peugeot definitely #
no #
no it weren't it was metallic green , dark metallic green #
it was #
was #
the other day when you went over to see what's it mother #
oh well I thought it was green but never mind #
well I mean it was still a Peugeot three O nine , its definitely Peugeot #
oh , well , yeah #
I had a very interesting talk in my French oral about #
Prince car industry #
got it ? , is that it ? #
well look in your other magazines #
get the other magazines #
we know what the #
I know what company it was #
I mean if its any thing like a golf magazine , every week , every month #
the same company's I'll advertise #
I mean in every golf magazine you get Eagle Golf , you get American Golf and you get Navada Bobs and that's it #
oh its a cute , little , little cowboy with a big hat on called Et Navada Bob #
an American company surprisingly #
look at this , please could you send me the following disc the Amiga five hundred , number , any num he writes number every time , one , two , three , four , five #
five #
yeah , listen to this , this sounds a bit confusing , number two , five , four , Monopoly , Cluedo and others #
others what ? #
oh right , oh go on , send disks to Mr , send disks to Mr Geoff , I'm getting worried , I've not heard from any of my polytechnic's #
I've , this is more important mother , this is serious #
full gallon , full tank #
London and Newcastle and Portsmouth , well no , Portsmouth and Newcastle have #
they'll do , they will do #
well I don't want to go to London particularly #
well I #
look at that #
now if you're not telling me he went , he , you telling , telling me he didn't go too fast thirty cars and six lorries #
give #
give , it was zero weren't it ? #
I'll find it , no probs #
well look again Geoff get every thing out and place it , that's it #
do you know where you send in the thing to ? #
why don't you address the envelope ? #
ah well this is it love , there's load up here #
legend , this looks like it to me #
hadn't eaten #
poor thing , tell you what I wouldn't #
I'd of seriously given that thing a good kicking #
what the hell #
wouldn't be over there Geoff #
I think its legend #
G something in it ? #
Saturday #
turning me #
Geoff #
oh its quite there #
Elf looks quite okay #
it was half a page one weren't it ? #
that's not half a page , about that see that one you did , you used to have one on your thing , on your er doodah #
on your armpit #
rubbish #
no #
well in that case you don't , you're not gonna need that any way cos its not gonna be in it , is it ? , you should of left it in the magazine Geoff . #
oh dear , dear #
why you looking there ? #
oh I don't know where this is who's this El Vira woman he keeps seeing ? #
who's she ? #
El Vera is with an E , that's I , El Vi #
I say El Virus but , you don't say oh I've got a Verus #
Jack The knickers , er Jack The Ripper #
oh I see , you've got this haven't you Geoff final blow #
paper boy two #
tut , but I'm of the old breed I suppose aren't I ? #
this look's better #
got all teams in it mine's different cos I've got intimate football #
yes , look , that's never , that's not him is it ? #
look at his hair , his hair ain't that thin #
I don't know #
yes , er yes you can do about eight , coffee pot on #
no I said eight #
oh when ever it don't bother me #
perhaps he's telling you off #
what a red barrel ? #
yes she gets absolutely #
killed to pickle see its not is it mum ? #
strapping it on him #
she's never done it before #
she don't know she's not gonna like it #
Shakeara Caine #
who him ?he's teeth are terribly yellow #
he's are white #
yes I think so , oh well class rugby #
dunno why they've got Gary Schofield down there because I don't think with rugby league would it ? #
oh its her that gets killed actually #
yes it is #
Lysette Anthony #
You know Scott ? #
My , my cousin #
she's a girl , she smokes cigars , that's a bit sad that is #
my other cousin though she's got the biggest bats I've ever seen , massive titlets #
is she nice ? #
oh this is a hefty fucking Cleo Rocos on this , Cleo Laine or whatever her name is . #
Are you shitting about that fr about that economics exam tomorrow Rich ? #
I wouldn't worry it's not that hard well it's hard , but it ain't too hard . #
That's a nice patch of fog weren't it ? #
. Look , I tell you what Rich , make it your New Year's Resolution to ask out Julie on Saturday , no worries #
so what #
exactly #
in which case Richard the laughing B H S man comes in handy #
who's she going out with ? #
not Mike ? #
he's alright actually #
why ? #
fucking hell , this is well bad . #
in the country , in the , the city , yeah #
What you doing at the weekend Rich ? #
Gonna caddy for him Scott ? #
When I caddy for Matt he made loads of putts , it's was well cool . #
do #
did you find it stiff sticking to a millimetre , going you crap bastard why didn't you hold it . #
He's a fucker , I can't stick him he's the most snobbish little cunt I've ever known I'd like to see what stuff he had if he had to pay for it himself #
hard luck , no I'd like to see what he'd do with his stuff if he had to pay with it , pay for it himself . #
Cos he's well out of order , when you , were you there when he was #
were you there when he was like slamming his nine iron into one of those brick posts , that's sad #
he's a twat #
oh you prick I don't believe this #
cunt #
go past him and give him a fucking shot on the hooter twat #
oh this guy's , got the foot down now , he's doing thirty five #
go on horn , you know you wanna #
don't that put you off when drivers come the other way and you've got right of way and they always go , and they go past #
exactly #
Cor you're a long time coming back from the Rose and Crown , don't forget that's where we were #
d'ya reckon #
yeah I know , but the thing is if , they don't have to have brother and sisters at #
parent be #
I mean that our dad was gonna come up , he says do you want me to come up , but there's nowt you can do though #
not against a gang like that though , no #
the thing is I reckon Geoff could take them all on one by one #
but I mean #
but three , but more than two it's that #
precisely , still would be , get me the salt #
tomatoes ? #
no cos you can't act hard when you're crying #
well the thing is #
well I mean that's good because at least er , I mean city haven't done that have been #
Gartree they think that a boy hitting a girl in the back is serious bullying , a boy hitting a girl in the back . #
that's for #
three weeks in up , up old John #
that's where we went and we saw those lads who'd be about our age , so funny , right one night #
those lads next door #
eight #
we went right and these lads were about our age and the next get drunk every night , you know , talk normal sort of thing , and erm #
they came in our tent cos they all look the same #
oh , #
so he collapsed #
and Matt's in the middle , yeah #
us running away from the tents when there about to collapse #
pulling them fly sheets was good cos Maureen was yanking 'em right off really hard , how many pegs got broke ? loads weren't there ? #
oh yeah she went down , she'd a #
fell straight across her throat you know , and she got up coughing #
no #
Ruth much more arsier than er #
still does #
yes #
Ten C C #
it's a killer journey though #
he says to me , he said tell your mum we're gonna have three weeks in France , we're gonna be drinking , going out and huh , picking up prostitutes , see what she says to that and if she says okay to that , we'll go anywhere #
no , but you wanna go early July if anything wouldn't ya ? #
we'll go on holiday #
bloody hope so , finish in middle of June German is the last one and he says they end erm middle of June #
wrong it's further #
Saint Tropez #
I prefer fra France to Spain #
precisely #
dunno #
tents are cheapest , but are they totally rainproof #
ten years ago we went #
it is , it's exactly ten years although I reckon like , well , the thing is , these like late bookers like Richard was saying the other day , the flight ones , you dunno where your going #
but till you #
I'll get it , if it's Joan you're not coming for #
hello , hi Matt , alright I did an absolute steamer , excellent , did it really well , it only took me an hour and ten minutes it took me an hour and ten minutes I haven't no I knew , I knew vaguely , knew vaguely enough I mean I have , perfect question came up just describe er the youths portrayed in the er book and there was only two , there was the main character who I got most of the stuff from , from what Katie told me and the rest was the other bloke was called Carston Corsalius and basically all we knew about him was he fancied this other one , the main character , and erm was a journalist , that was it ah put it in nine times , no , I , I don't know what it means eh , er Matt didn't come in , er a bit of a shame couldn't no yeah ,what did you really want ? or was that it ?yeah yeah , fixed , flexible and managed yes fixed , flex , fixed , flexible and managed oh right yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , don't they and er advantages and disadvantages of indirect tax was , untax and direct was the other one , you know it indirect taxes yes yeah I can't remember , I really can't remember , like a colour yeah , you wanna know both of those , I'd , I , I couldn't remember all of demand pull , I put down the wage , price , wage spiral or the waged price spiral , that's a stinker that is , that's a beauty , I put that down , its' a beaut , that's my best diagram and I did three diagram' in four essays I hate doing diagram' yeah he's here now , we're about to go for a quick drink like , he says he's been revising all day so erm , and I shall , I shall brief him , just as you would expect , I shall tell him all he needs I don't ,I don't want to leave him in the lurch okay see you in French yeah , bye , bye , bye #
well I'll have a sex change #
well we know that cos those three lads went #
well are you ready Richard ? #
I'll bring it back with my or what , sometime soonish alright ? #
yeah , it isn't bad is it that one ? #
I don't know #
oh coat , I don't know , I've got my key so don't worry about that #
erm , mm , yeah , do it latish #
I dunno #
need to know , need to know , I don't know mum , I couldn't tell you just erm stick it on before you go to bed just give it a bit of time to take the chill of it , alright , bye You can if you wish discard everything that's just been said I mean my mother's trying to book my holiday which doesn't surprise me , , but then again she usually tries to anyway , where you going ? , what you doing ? , who you going with ?right , I shall tell you now the exam questions shall I ? , what do you want to know ? #
exchange rate , like the systems , do you know the fixed , flexible and managed , the disadvantage and advantages ? , #
Rich #
well that's a question #
yes , that's the money supply and measures , the measures of money supply I'm sure you'll be okay you should beat what I got anyway , cos I saw it sort of cold I could see you were put into shits of boredom , they go totally over the top most of the time my parents #
no I know #
so do I , my #
I've got me darts in me back pocket any way #
fucking steamer darts they really are have you a professional set of these ? #
no , they're quite good aren't they ?so what you been , what have you revised then ? #
have you done inflation #
er that's a fucker , there's nothing on that #
well there's not #
no , no nothing inflation , have you done inflation ? #
oh yes , yes , yes all you really need to know what the question is in inflation is how the why it's regarded as the biggest economic problem and secondly #
inflation is the biggest economic problem and what problem it causes and it says discuss the fact that erm with inflation now being around four to five per cent it is now a , it is now being cured , discuss that sort of thing , you say yes it has , but at the moment we're still suffering the effects because we are in , we've got high interest rates , we , and in order for us to have really beaten it , we could have low interest rates and low employment and low inflation , but we're still in the middle of it #
yes , now don't say don't , yeah that's right just don't forget that we are , actually still going up and it means that we're , erm , but we're out of it , but we're coming out slowly , we're technically out , if you put technically you'll get a pass #
here you are Scott my mother just killed his ear , ear lobes about going on holiday , mother works #
oh lovely I should one , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten , eleven , twelve , thirteen , fourteen , fifteen , sixteen , seventeen , eighteen , nineteen , twenty , no you're wrong #
Des bolt #
these are really tacky , ah #
ah tungstens , bye , bye , drill #
we'll have these naff efforts #
ow that'll great #
ooh , ooh no #
I was fucking shocked , I can't remember what they are #
oh bye , oh #
erm what else was there that was on there ? , there's a couple you'd like actually #
I know #
the lesson #
showing their form #
oh well they're in Corfu you see , that's the , that's the #
the , but , I reckon can I remember what #
Have they got the ice cold , nice cold on her , as he was saying ? #
Didn't you get those #
that , that bloke with the stupid name and I E D too goody master father #
did you #
used to play darts ? #
really #
you #
bloody hell Rac I tell you what I saw Rachael today and she was looking right fat and all , it , it's just #
and it's just what you'd expect #
we had , we had one of them Bristol dart boards , but fucking twat at home threw #
it out #
these are black and silver you see #
raisin very good raison #
I can see the hand print #
oh you're so horrible you know , you know you love him really , my oh you're so horrible you , you really are the tickle maestro strikes again with his #
it's good in it ? #
cocky jockey hawks hockey #
comfy #
well you usually do , so I'm wondering if you're going for the , you know , your , the usual performance #
were , were you impressed by Rich , were you impressed with Sarah's , sorry with Lorraine's immaculate humour ? , but I'm sure you're more impressed with her immaculate assets #
her perfectly proportioned upper parts she says oh no , I says what , she says broken nail #
how will she know it ? , will she see it ? #
your joking me #
I'll have a cigarette for later if you don't , if your handing them out at this point #
so where we going then ? #
South Croxton's got one ain't it ? #
oh yeah , yeah #
sorry Crowston may I have a cigarette to put , place behind my left earhole then ? , thank you #
no #
consider the behaviour is on it #
that's more to do with utilities #
do ya ? , #
I feel better after I've done the exam #
yeah #
yeah #
I suppose there is one although I suppose there is one , but it's linked with privatization the competition one #
cos it says erm says that , privatizing , the Government's nat policy of privatization , now what does it says , shit I can't remember what , it's something to do with resource allocation and efficiency #
yeah #
I tell ya I got an offer today from London City Poly ? #
yeah C D D #
not bad #
C Economics , C French , D German I'll do me #
yeah definitely , although that essay I did today I think is really good , it's probably the best one I've ever written the grammar's good , I don't know whether , I don't think the content's particularly thrilling , but the grammar's good #
which is the reason , which is the thing I , usually nails me nice car #
oh , well #
the what ? #
I'm nearly #
everybody else I know who's applied to London City's had rejections , so I can't , can't be doing something badly #
especially if I were to actually get , if I get that I'd consider going if I could get a place in the halls , the residence #
yeah , you get a subsidized grant for going to London , yeah , so you get like more than normal #
I dunno , my step , my dad's earning quite a lot though #
yes #
yeah , but I should still get #
well I don't know how they work it , but I shouldn't get a bad one , it should be okay , I mean my dad's gonna give me money anyway , so , I mean if I , London City so Phil was saying one of the best in the country he says that , so hopefully if they , they give me an offer , the others should as well #
yeah #
no #
four #
no poly #
yeah #
yeah , basically , I mean you could go to poly with what you could get , yeah #
better had #
if I were to get C C D or C C E or C D D I'd be fucking over the moon , fourteen points I'd be well happy with #
yes , that's right , yes or six , six , two , I don't really care , as long as I get fourteen it doesn't really bother me #
yeah #
that , no C C D #
Will she know you're coming , see you coming back ? #
what , what she gonna do work ? #
that is out at the minute #
who's he going out with ? #
is he ? #
I had a Christmas kiss off er an all #
I she was throwing it around Christmas Eve though weren't she ? #
I answered every thing and I seem , I think I got quite a few right , I mean I do , I , if I got fifty percent on that I'd be very pleased . #
I definitely , I don't really think I got more than I did in the end of year , last year one , I think I got forty percent in that #
and I think I beat that #
Is that what's it's house there ? #
are they ? #
what with Catherine ? sorry , with Melissa ? #
she's come back apparently Matt was saying #
she rang him #
why ? #
dunno , he's seeing her though #
he's , I think he's seeing her though #
I think so , tomorrow night #
I dunno #
no #
he's going is he ? #
cunt quick get in , thank you #
No , came this afternoon though #
said he was ill , he looked ill though #
yeah he looked a bit bad but if you're off for one you might as well be off for two ain't ya ? #
s'pose you're right #
eh ? #
I dunno he just said he felt terrible . #
He does , cos he never shaves #
yeah he's alright , he's harmless #
why after seeing those papers ? , #
I hardly got a look at it #
although having said that I'll know that if I do well its mine , its in my own , own work , which I think is probably better because when it comes to it you don't get any help on the day do ya ? #
exactly like Maddock #
no , he was last year cos he'd done the year before but this year he's finding it much harder . #