# Ah ? # Could do love cos I've gotta get er Karen's er card . # Yes I might find something there . # Yeah hopefully ring up her ring up er ticket line see if it's er they might be # about a day yeah . # O eight nine eight four hundred three three three . # In that one Paul and I are going into work , alright ? # Yeah he's going to do his homework there . # Yeah I know you out Who takes you tonight then ? # Yeah . # Where's the calendar gone ? # Have you got it ? # Make a other meeting . # Well that's alright we can go w whe y you if you're at Mencap oh you w # Why is tha why is David involved in that all of a sudden , it's not through us is it ? # It's very odd isn't it ! # What ? # Oh right . # He won't mind will he ? # You'll have all re you'd know where it is , won't you , by then ? # Do you hear Gary Lineker's got his son's got # but it it's not life # life endangering though is it # The irony of it is this is that he has done a lot , he gave ten thousand # pounds , is it , not to the leukaemia was it or w was it ? # Yeah it's almost though he knew , it weird ! # Well it just shows you how famous he now means you are . # Shame ! # It said a lot of people who're watching how they react ? # Ask at your your Christian Union about Sunday and bring that up , Sunday lunch we had a right old ding dong at work today ! # Trev # Trevor thinks it's not stopping you going to church he said . # What ? # Dunno I # I n I like the new quick ones # than the ones in the # lot's of # we'll go through go through some papers and start cutting out things # only thing if I if you do it # you won't enter the quiz so what do you wanna do ? # Would you rather me do it on my own # And then you can enter with cos I thought about sticking everybody into pairs # Well you'll know the answers won't you ! # Now let's have everything tha I want to aim a at doing any oral questions just # like # Oh well he says he's got e he's got enough now hasn't he ? # Oh I see . # Oh Trevor was quite good he di he d he would've got his big pay rise today an didn't push it too much I don't think perhaps it's Nick though # Well he got promoted didn't he he's stable now that child though hasn't he ? # But it said I heard that it said chemotherapy well what's that's erm drugs is it , no that's radiation isn't it ? # Oh y # well you wouldn't give that to a little baby would they ? # I thought they washed the blood out changed all the blood . # I was saying to Trevor it's it's not very nice but it's rather so much better than than than having a cot death isn't it ? # If you see what I mean . # I can actually imagine the feeling of going to a cot and then finding no no the child was dead , that's awful . # I haven't got five pounds # That's been quite good that cos you know I had a hundred and ten pounds left # I only took out the palace because I knew I'd given I'd written a cheque for forty # and I've only just started , still got two people outstanding so I've got that forty pound and I put that into the building society and use that forty pounds for months see so it kind of like saved it for me , I've managed , had to do without it # and er # What mu a a th agent says I only have to pay it off a day # Yeah and that way . # Well Dave'll be down there today . # Well I suppose I'm sure Adrian won't mind if I paid him the day after or a week after or something . # No I don't mind saying it I I'm not gonna ask any more . # Well so that yo about Adrian after a few weeks it's you know # Yeah . # Where'd she get the clothes from ? # Who's idea is it ? # Was it ? # Ah I should think Fairy Godmothers put the ideas into somebody's head , I would have thought . # It's just a very good way of er teaching chi I mean children will I mean that's the kind of experience # you never forget , do you ? # No . # Victorian # just close enough to sti still remember a lot of the cloths and stuff . # Ha ! # Yes . # Frightened the life out of them . # So what did John look like perhaps like a little Billy Bunter didn't he ? # And they wore that all day all of them all day ? # Search me ! # How old's that child ? # And he can't # Can't write names . # Frightening isn't it ? # No . # You think you're exhausted after a days work imagine if you've been doing that all day long , shouting # and shrieking , no I mean that # Well go and won't they . # Oh well neat ! # He enters into th the to the fray doesn't he with it er # Did they have to ask him to do that or did he just volunteer . # Oh no ! er ! # Why cos you keep telling him off ? # Eh . # Well I was gonna paper out and start cutting out some faces I think cos I mean a I may just as well I mean I was quite happy to let Paul help me out but then # he can't enter the quiz then # but he shan't # I don't think I'm gonna do as much as I'm just gonna do # a big stream of pictures right # and them I'm gonna think I'm gonna do the same South America # but do South American you know get some big ones # in that might be fun mighten't it ? # Yeah you could u u or split up the to start . # Oh yeah ! # Alright . # What's all this then . # All of them or # single ones ? # Where did you get that # Oh yeah . # Are you sure it's up-to-date though ? # Sorry . # Deceased , D E C E A S E D . # Urgh ! # Yes . # No I was wa er what what the other guys did he's gone through a whole load of newspapers cutting peoples faces out # some a little quite obscure # and just stuck it in little boxes , like little boxes and # that put it underneath that's all I'm gonna do is , do I I'll measure the framework # and stick them on photographs an filling in a the names underneath . # Yes . # Ish so that it # The la funny enough they had Gasgcoigne and the picture was so poor it looked people put things like oh you know er Edna Everage things like that and he ju , he looked like # a woman and he the really # Yeah . # No I'm gonna photocopy it . # Yeah . # cos I've got tomorrow as well . # Yeah not all day . # Ah don't look ! # Yeah aha go over there # cos you're far too near whe wha I'm what I'm doing . # Do you want a coffee Ruthy ? # Ooh it's a good one , there's some really obscure ones ! # Your # I'll do a full face on that one cos that's hard . # Actually it's surprising how many faces you can get just looking at cheap newspapers you see , incredible ! # You think ooh that's well done quite easy . # I thought this has co ro come round quite soon . # So she can't come to the ? # It's just as well cos she's bound to say something about my quiches ! # . # You don't about this cappuccino is I don't understand is that here Maxwell cappuccino is # twice the volume # that's right much more powder than you use # Sorry ? # Ooh yeah aren't they . # I don't they're going to grow that tall , somehow but gone up straight as a dye haven't they ? # Hey # My hic hyacinths have all come out except no , they've all come out , one goron l looks like it's gone and lot congealed little bad and another hyacinth has two have come up and other ones not come up at all . # Well no not perhaps as many as last year . # No except for some . # Well you're not having any . # No Pauline # would agree . # Wanna a Kit-Kat Pauly ? # Urgh ! # Are you looking ? # She's you Pauly . # Shut up Ruthy ! # Yeah . # Ooh pardon me ! # No you were looking at the Mal Vicinty # No . # What a dozy ! # Yeah . # Yeah . # What ? # Just thought Mu Mum's got this newspaper so she might ,s know some of them photographs . # Well I haven't got them . # Yeah ? # Right . # That's a hard one . # Still get some wrong it don't matter anyway does it . # Yes that's what I mean , I noticed that the man who did it balanced it rather nicely , he had some actors some politicians , that everyone can contribute especially in a . # Abysmal ! # . # Yes . # Hurry up with the scissors Pauly . # Cutting out like mad here . # Oh , still waiting for the scissors . # Don't throw scissors , ooh it's very dangerous . # You saw then you were looking ! # You were ! # See you can't be trusted . # Oh that is ridiculous ! # That's it ! # See you can't be trusted , you're a you get quite upset when you get accused and Pauly quite rightly accuses you . # I caught her looking Paul . # Yeah . # Usual place . # It is . # Well cos she called it out . # Oh yeah . # Yeah . # Yes you're on , no you're off . # Eh ? # One or two I I know now I'm writing them down and . # So which fair is this at school is it ? # Oh I don't know I heard it's a craft fair , that's all I heard . # No I said it's a lovely craft fair . # Why did you know what to do there then ? # Yeah . # Mm . # Sounds like Aunty Sheila's mardy # she says mardy don't she ? # We've got twelve people coming , right ? # Well cos I'm gonna have pairs I think here # Oh singles then ? # It's more # fun in pairs isn't it cos the people can have the scraggle and talk to each other . # Well that's not fair then . # Oh yeah # Right . # Couldn't I . # Nope . # Have a chart . # Have a chart . # Yes I mean that's the first thing you have to say , you have to think when you look at you keep , anybody who does the whispering # is giving their answers away in fact , what we did , the team of four , is they all had a little pad of paper , if you spotted something you knew , you went and you wrote it down because people we there . # Yeah tried to do and they obviously can't . # Well this th this is the the faces and I thought I'd do the maps and the rest were questions I don't know whether y should do some questions . # Yeah I'll see how I go any # Yeah . # What all split up , yeah ? # Oh . # Yeah could you ? # Blanked out without the er the countries names # in it ? # Oh yeah . # No that'll be harder . # Yes because if you've got the scale you just drop , trace it all off where as you got the you've the you gotta sort out work out i th the scale of everything , haven't you ? # Yeah but how do you ge # How you going to know exactly where the boundaries go or i in between some land-lock countries that you got it in the right position # Well enough anyway , I mean I thought you were giving me something easier to do not # Yes # well # probably ni or tomorrow I was gonna do that . # No I like to balance it , I ju there's some balance there , there's some easy ones and some hard ones . # You find that if if if i in a team , if there's teams i you find that in a singles , but if there's a team e if everybody feels the everybody feels they can contribute something to it when you've got # Yeah I know # Well write down the names let's have a go at , let's work out , let's work out the teams # lo , write down the names . # Write down the names and th work out some balanced teams then for me please . # Then people don't argue then # do they , if they say look that's the team then th people are h happy . # Yes , they don't know cos they're both Daily Mail readers and I'm cutting the majority of these out . # Don't put # don't put Michelle and Andy together . # Yes Karen is # will be as sharp as iron # Who're you putting Karen with ? # Be careful cos Karen is the # No that's far tha well # think again isn't that # Andy an Andy and Karen will streak through . # I bet you . # I bet I'll give you a bet Karen will win it . # Because # she thinks , she reads papers . # It's just her her what ? # Mm . # Yeah ? # Yeah so # You'd be surprised , Karen's well read , newspaper wise she's not # See I'm in so me th th they'll all be able to contribute . # That's right # Be careful who you put Mooty with cos Mooty # Oh that's alright , that's fine , yes . # Sorry ? # Yeah . # Yeah . # They will win . # Sorry ? # I am yes # That's alright . # Yes . # Paul you gonna throw me another pencil I seem to have lost # lost one . # Throw me a pencil please ? # I'm not giving any clues away I'm balancing as best I can . # Pencil , I know you couldn't concentrate on three things ! # Yes that brown crayon you've got in your hand'll do . # Well you seem a bit desperate . # Well # Yeah . # He's doing his homework . # Yeah . # I'll slot it in sometime tomorrow . # Ooh there's a hard one . # Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh that'll sort out the I'd like someone to say , I'd like to have one or two that nobody gets . # Sorry ? # Suppose there should be yeah . # Little individuals is it ? # Can't fool you . # He said I used to laugh at my Dad when he used to do these quizzes but when # Yep . # Mm ? # No this is do this is just a gentle little thing it'll just get people laughing and things cos # No he no go upstairs th in pairs if they wanna do it , quietly . # Getting silly ! # Don't know . # Then cut it up , I don't know you cannot loo go through you cannot go through those ! # I don't care # Sorry . # Find it over there what about over look ! # Oh give it ! # Yes you better had # Oh where are your keys ? # I took them upstairs . # I didn't want that lady thinking you were untidy . # Mm ? # In a minute oh this is it oh no they're not re releasing in that Cor look at this he's not doing the one , he's doing all his Christmas ones together . # Cliff that's why they did it , cos they put them all together . # Clever I think . # Alright , I think I got enough here . # Right , yeah . # No . # Are Paul are erm Manchester United playing in their blue strip today , will they do you think ? # That's their unlucky strip . # Let's hope # That awful white and blue # strip . # Yeah I suppose they can't have red can they ? # Not with a red # So , we're so much like red aren't we ? # Red and blue . # What did they have , what colour did they have before the blue ? # Oh it was blue last year wasn't it ? # Oh yeah . # Yeah . # Oh yeah . # They played the cup final in white didn't they ? # Right . # I looked up the teletext and it said full squad for Manchester United . # Even Paul Parker's fit . # So they've got the full # No Man United , yes . # So they can't have any , if we beat them they can't have any excuses . # Well I don't know . # I don't think # don't think that's , that means that I don't think . # I hope not . # That's all we need . # I've got to try and make sure the petrol lasts till the Texaco garage # That one by Carshalton ponds I don't think there's any one nearer is there ? # Been to it before but not for a long time . # A three . # Lovely new road . # Be kind of funny to see the mascots going on knowing what they've done . # Except they'll have had a four course meal to eat . # Well maybe . # On Saturday well I mean it's the option to have it Saturday . # I don't know , at at that price I don't know . # I don't think very many do . # Really don't . # Did you see that erm did you hear that in the Zenith Data # er game ? # When the Q P R man interviewed the ref . # The the Sky television man interviewed the , # he said what's the coin ? # And he says nineteen sixty two when I started reffing and he said the oth they're not I'm not giving them this one but these two are for the other mascot scene . # You lost out there didn't you really ? # Oh badges . # Oh . # What did you ref say ? # No chance sorry you can't have it ? # He asked on your behalf didn't he ? # Well you can't ask any more of Geoff Thomas than that I suppose . # I wonder why that little bit was in the paper about Geoff Thomas being absolutely priceless ? # Was it cos someone's # someone's after him again ? # There was a little article in the Sun I told you about . # Alan Smith saying Geoff Thomas is absolutely priceless . # Er all he's got to do is score more goals . # That's what I couldn't understand . # What a nerve ! # .I think he meant for England . # All he had to do to seal his England career was pop in a two , a few goals like he does at Palace # and er could be on the way to a regular spot . # Well I don't know . # Hope , hope that's true . # Yeah but well you look that that jaguar four litres ! # . Four litre car ! # I dunno . # Well quite . # It does about eighteen miles to the gallon . # I hope we do something like thirty six . # Don't think it's much more than that . # No it doesn't work that way . # No . # Well I mean do they have huge tanks ? # I mean they take if you , if you filled up you could put I think it's about twenty six gallons in that car . # Nine ? # Eleven ? # Eleven . # It was eight , nine . # I think this might take eleven . # Don't forget if you've got all that weight , you've got that you're gonna lose even more petrol . # Well , twenty six I think it's something like isn't it something like two pounds a gallon now ? # You don't , they do it all by litres now so it's really hard # Yeah . # Oh yeah fifty , sixty pounds . # Yeah . # Well like that new advert for the Rover he says don't , I keep thinking my back my back tailgate's flapping or I keep hearing , you keep hearing creaking don't you ? # A creak here and you think what's that , what's this , what's that ? # So that new Rover has been built so everything fits perfectly , right ? # So nothing rattles . # No toleran er the tolerance is you know minimal . # Whereas the tolerance here'd be I dunno eighth of an inch here eighth of an inch there he says the advert says as soon as you have tolerances like that then thing work loose and start rattling and creaking and # you can hear it go E E er E . # you imagine cruising in a car , lovely car like that and it makes no noise . # Just cruising away and it just like glides , and you glide you know like , like Papa's Citroen type that kind of suspension . # Crikey what was that ? # Was it that Rover ? # Carving everybody up . # Yes . # That was er that , yeah well it's not out yet is it ? # Looks like a looks like the front of a B M W to me . # I think that's what they're trying to emulate . # Don't know how much it costs . # Should think it starts at about sixteen , seventeen thousand . # A three's heavy isn't it ? # Look . # So you got any ideas what you're gonna get , what you should get mum for ? # We could just fall back on a bit of sweets and chocolate or something in the end but I'd like to get some # there's some funny little weird shops down Thornton Heath aren't there ? # Well I dunno . # Something I'm not I've no idea until I see it . # Could get her some , some toiletries or something . # I dunno . # I was hoping for something even more er # Oh yes she did tell me that she'd like some of that . # Right we , we'll we'll treat that as a fail safe then . # If we can't see anything more unusual suppose we could always fall back on the bubble baths or the anyway I think that's a bit more than but there you go . # They're off to football aren't they ? # Look at that ! # I've never seen a Metro so full . # Five . # Five full adults . # Look really down on his haunches . # It's really low innit ? # Mm . # See that's the B M W I think the Rover's gonna look like . # That one , that's what they're copying . # It's really like it . # Oh I wanted to let him go . # Oh look ! # Someone's been right through that wall there , look . # Ooh ! # I wanted to let that car go , I was # Well I like to be polite . # I don't like the people like this who who straddle across you and just stop you . # Specially when they're Indians . # Come on , let him go for goodness sake . # Yeah I I held up a traffic jam of about sixty cars doing that . # There's . # Still there . # Judy , yeah . # Yes it's Judy . # I don't know . # Wah . # I think we're gonna have to invite erm Adrian again . # One of these football evening matches we could couldn't we ? # I'm gonna see how many people I can let go across here , between here and Palace . # Right four # oh no I did four at that one and I just did one there . # That's five all together now . # Five five times I was polite . # No , well no I let them go though . # Five yeah . # Only ones I don't like are the ones in like oh that doesn't matter cos he's allowed to do that cos it's a keep clear zone there . # I wonder if they're going to our match here , do you think ? # They look like a football crowd don't they ? # Well I dunno # Is it ? # Oh well . # Perhaps not then . # So if we get there early enough do you feel like a Wimpy ? # I don't know what That's a tiny little shop for a Sony isn't it ? # Oh it's not a Sony shop though look . # It's audio Sony advert . # Mm . # Cheapskates . # They don't put the lights on in this Christmas thing till it's slightly dusk . # Well you well you would be able to though wouldn't you ? # Cuts cuts down on the electricity bill . # It's funny , every time we've sat at our seats that bloke has come to ask the chap next to me # what he thinks of the match hasn't he ? # . There hasn't been one game we've been there that he hasn't or both of them haven't . # Suppose they're both season ticket holders . # Mr who's quite strict isn't he ? # He looks # Oh does he ? # James is always into trouble isn't he ? # That's rather disgusting though # putting water in and spitting it out . # Did he give him a de de detention or not ? # James is very excitable # Now when I , when we went to that open day that Mr is very stern isn't he ? # Didn't think it helped he'd , just before we got there his biro had exploded in his pocket . # All the ink was all over his shirt , it was coming out all over the place . # I don't think he was in the best of moods when he , we got to him . # But he seemed very very stern . # No . # Terse . # And you say they're nothing to do with Mark # ? # Isn't it Yeah . # Unless it's Smith in Cypriot or something . # So what's his wife teach then ? # And her for English ? # Mm . # She's the one we did our Geoffrey Chaucer project , project with . # I always feel guilty passing Mike's house . # We really should sort of take him to football , don't you ? # But # I don't think he's I don't think he's interested as you is he really ? # Yeah . # I don't think he's got any lack of things to do , has he ? # Really ? # all those Christmas trees in that lorry , look . # I don't know , they're loa , looks like they're loading them in , they're putting them in the gar the school . # Has that school closed now ? # I think perhaps it has . # Yeah , I think it's closed . # Were they nice to you there , the teachers ? # I mean there weren't very many teachers anyway were there ? # How many were there ? # Three or four . # Three or four ? # That'll be quite good about your maths test won't it ? # Cos you'll be , you're doing it again with , like that aren't you ? # Your maths # you're taking class nine # you could get better than them . # Look that house is really old . # Look it's got the plaque on it . # Well yeah it's yeah . # No no it's not but it's , it's saying how old those houses are . # all , all these # are really old . # Yeah . # Well no they're kept to look like new really old . # It's got a Surrey Surrey badge on it look . # Building of historical interest . # Don't know well it's probably near erm three or four hundred years or something . # Yeah . # More modern , yeah . # Talk about that being out of place . # Look at that . # Well # That bloke looks like your Derek doesn't he ? # The old Sunday school teacher . # Chap here , yeah . # He's only got a beat up old Metro . # They , they had a documentary on Metros apparently and the Me they said that Metros of a certain period for about , I think from his period sort of A registration , B registration , Y registration they're absolute rubbish apparently . # You know , all the rusting and everything , they've improved now . # The Me if he had a Metro now he'd , you'd get a better deal but they said that # Well yes but not cheap if you have to keep replacing them and # Erm yes . # Er I think the American version is and I think that's the English version and that's right . # Yeah . # Ooh I wouldn't mind buying that , look . # For sale , doesn't say a price though , but look , doesn't half look new doesn't it ? # Complete new Opel body I reckon he's got there . # T registration but Opel Manta . # This corner here gets worse and worse , traffic lights and yet the traffic # gets further and further back . # And yet two or three years ago it used to stop up there . # Now you stop further , now you're almost stopping on the lights . # The lights are getting clogged up . # Don't they ? # No . # No . # No , it's not conducive as a sporty image the walnut facia . # architecture . # They're quite nice actually aren't they ? # They , they're a bit run down . # They could have a bit more money spent on them . # Had a new roof I note but # They're always for sale . # There's always a for sale sign out outside one of those or one of those . # I reckon it's one of those flats , you can always get a flat there . # So many that , er yeah , so many of them that soon as one's sold somebody else sells another one . # Oh # It's a lot isn't it ? # Up there's alright . # I like it the way the ones that you can close each time , now I'm sure my aerial will last longer . # Cos you can # Well it compacts . # The ones that stick out all the time , they I suppose that is good . # If you have one that doesn't compact , you you're best to have one in the middle cos it's less likely to get pranged there isn't it ? # Here like walkers by can bend it and Oh look . # Here's my next one . # Six . # I've let six go now . # I didn't , no I haven't . # No . # Haven't had the opportunity to . # What is this lady dressed up like ? # What has she got on ? # Bunch of wool . # Yeah , I don't know why they do that , I was gonna ask that , why they chop those off , look like they've been vandalized don't they ? # They haven't replaced that garage have they ? # It's Volvo's in there . # They've got no-one , no-one's # Put a new garage in there already . # Could have let that one go but I was too late . # Back there . # Headphones on the wall again . # Yeah . # B and Q . # So so far I've let six people go . # That's not bad . # Six ! # Well I could you could let this one go but I think he's gonna come out isn't he ? # I don't know what to do . # Here you are , no , I'll let him go , oh two I let go ! # That's eight . # Yes ! # Eight people . # She's gonna sit there all day she's that far back . # It's also being alert to watch . # I mean some people just don't expect you to let them out so they're dreaming mostly . # Times you flash people er ? # And you have to flash flash flash flash flash before you know oh , oh , ooh ! # You know , they're just , they're just waiting you know , sort of Others are like on the ball almost too much . # They whip across you before you've even thought about it . # Texaco ? # Er no that's B P . # Texaco is round the corner . # Don't forgot to switch that off when we go in the garage . # Oh look . # Number nine . # Yes ! # No I can't cos they're , they won't let her , let them go . # Get stuck there . # I , I'll ask about that . # Yeah ? # Do you ? # But have you got a form or something to get at the garage ? # What were they called ? # What were they called ? # I , I know arm bands but was it , is there a name for it ? # Protective arm bands ? # Flick arm bands ? # Flick on bands ? # You want me to go in a garage and ask for , have you got a flick on band ! # You flick off ! # Fancy having a car called eggs . # Oh that's the way you spell eggs . # Flick it off now . # The garage is here . # Mm . # This is the one , you know I went wrong in the B P ? # This is the one I always think I was thinking about . # And when I went wrong the other time . # You know , went to the Esso and I went all wrong and I couldn't le , I went down a no en # Woman said no way . # No way chummy . # Oh there you are children should be application forms here . # Cos I think sometimes it doesn't . # You just sit there thinking you're taping and you're not . # Pooh . # Mummy's gonna say that's very strong , Paul . # In fact put it at the back somewhere I think pong . # That's it . # Can you put that in the in the glovebox then please . # No thank you Bounty What's the Egbert fund ? # I'm supporting the Egbert fund . # Do you know it ? # Oh . # No we've picked the wrong one there . # I don't think we'll pick spice again , do you ? # Smells like somebody's lavatory . # Looks like you'll have to sort of like put it up for a day and then take it down for a week and put it back in again . # It's too much for one day . # You shou , perhaps you should have kept the bag on it . # You know it's too strong to . # You take the bag off , off it after a month or something . # Even your Bounty must taste a bit poorly . # Yeah ? # Yeah . # I know . # Put it in there . # Yeah . # Er hang on though , perhaps that's not so good . # I , it might make the sweets taint . # I reckon we'll when , when we get out we'll put it in the boot and it'll filter through through on its own . # Ooh dear ! # It's overcoming me . # Open your window , quick . # Panic . # Not everybody's window , Paul . # Ah ! # Strewth Pauly . # And why did you hit this car ? # Well you see # my son took his magic pongo tree out # and I was overcome , thus hitting the car in front . # I see Mr . # Do you expect us to believe that do you ? # Yes . # He is an idiot . # I leant on it . # No I want it . # I # I hope this traffic jam's not all the way to Croydon . # I do so hope . # Oh can you imagine what that Purley Way's gonna be like ? # Forget the s , egg and chips Pauly . # Forget mummy's present . # Oh what are they having here now ? # The Christmas fair . # innit ? # Yeah I think you did wrong . # You should , you shouldn't have er yeah . # You shouldn't have er opened the packet . # It's funny that shop didn't smell of it did it ? # So I mean the seal must keep it all in until you open it up . # No it's quite a nice smell if it's like taken out now . # We'll put it in the boot or it'll just be sickening on the way home . # I can smell it when I'm listening to it ! # There's our little football group . # Look , it's getting bigger and bigger . # There ! # Got a lady teaching , got a team to go there . # Do you remember that lady that ran the team at er St John's ? # Quite keen . # how her little team got on . # Whether it folded or not . # I think a lot of them do . # Yeah . # You imagine what Purley Way's gonna be like ton , today . # Christmas shopping . # Oh we're taking forget two o'clock . # I said two o'clock we'd be parking . # Stopped for petrol I suppose . # Well look there's an estimation look they're parking , they're queuing on this brow of the hill instead of the other one . # Everybody's got Christmas fairs on haven't they ? # Look , balloons . # This is the day . # Or sixth # Is it ? # Yeah . # No it could , you could overcome , I wonder if there's a warning on the packet . # Do not open this and drive at the same time . # Really heady . # On an empty stomach it's made me feel quite queasy . # Oh look he's done , someone's done that to his , look , look . # Smashed his wing mirror , look jam a glass in it , er sock in it to stop the glass falling out . # Oh it's not too bad . # Yes Paul . # Well really you should have read shouldn't you ? # Yes but you opened it all . # nose I've got my asthma . # That car's got smile just to annoy everybody . # Smile , just to annoy everybody that blue Datsun says on # Ooh , yeah be pleasant and ooh . # There you are , look , look # Baby on board . # I can't stand those ones . # Well I can see # Got a Palace picture on . # Oh . # Don't let them out . # They can stay there . # We hate United . # Hello , hello , hello . # Who is that munching cashews on the tape . # Here we go , you go right close , go ah ! # You wicked trickster you . # You can't have a cashew nut . # You would . # Tasted nicer ones . # Mm can . # Mm . # Lovely . # Why are the dearest things the nicest ? # Mm . # I can't , look at you eating them like that . # Oh look Pauly hot rod . # Mm . # No ! # That means give me the packet . # Hurry up , come on . # Quick . # Give me the packet please , they're mine . # What me ? # What . # Oh that's where you should go for your computer , look . # P C World . # This bit's not so bad . # Once you get through that traffic light back there # it's alright . # Mm . # Well it's so long for the . # They make them longer during the evenings and Saturday . # And this lot have got to go first haven't they ? # Quite ridiculous . # Far too long . # Regulars down here I should imagine . # Regulars probably who come down here and know # Yeah . # Well these lights used to be quite easy , didn't mind being stopped by them . # Now you're petrified of being stopped by any of them cos you know it's # really long wait . # Don't know . # I don't think they're in any rush to develop now , are they cos this housing business is so poor . # whoever's got the land has decided # No . # That is so naff isn't it ? # Putting your scarf across the car like that . # Crystal Palace . # Least it says Crystal Palace . # Right . # Who shall we , who shall we get # as a replacement for somebody . # Who is there ? # Who would you like ? # If we had all the money . # Buy Ian Wright back I suppose . # Yeah but Deane won't be available till the end of the season . # There's no way Sheffield United # just stoking the price up I think . # Cos it's not old Bassett now , this is what it's all about . # to get the odd draw you need the odd goal and er it's not gonna come from any other people than er # Deane . # But Deane didn't score today . # It was Beazley apparently . # Beazley . # As you say the main problem is , as you say is are you going to change your whole team , game # I think he's gonna have to raid the bottom divisions again , you know . # he's probably got his eye on . # I mean that Coleman was a very good buy wasn't he ? # Yeah ? # How much did he cost ? # Three hundred and fifty . # No it wasn't , it was three hundred . # It was two # Oh anyway , it was still pretty good wasn't it ? # No , but I mean you could see play really well . # I mean Southgate's all the more pleasing when you think he's somebody that's worked his way up , right ? # That's really nice to see . # And he played really well . # Yeah . # I think I'd drop Mortimer oh look , Palace . # Red car it's like ours isn't it ? # I'd drop , I'd drop Paul Mortimer # and have Collymore in right ? # And encourage that's the trouble , you drop Mortimer you drop somebody who can er flip the ball in but I think you definitely want to take the heat off Wright . # Now if if all Collymore does is distract but Mortimer was not playing enough of the game . # We can't afford people like Mortimer to , I mean he scored a goal but I mean # Eddie I think is worth sheer sort of opening teams up . # Well he does open , there's no not many players can play a team better like than opening up # Well I mean they've got , they've got , he's gotta do something because you're gonna lose that Birmingham game . # can see that coming now . # But Birmingham must have won today cos they had equal top must have won I would have thought . # Chelsea won one nil . # You'd have thought Forest would have beaten Chelsea wouldn't you ?really annoyed after being # He's gone the whole hog that guy hanging down to his # They did very well with those little tulip hand out things didn't they ? # There's a lot of people who er don't , who would not have gone to the bother of going into the shop and buying a one pound or two pound or four pound # Well yeah they're free but they've got their advert on it haven't they ? # tulip tulip , I mean you're like a roving little advert aren't you ? # I mean it , it draws your eye those little pictures doesn't it ? # You # And he's got a badge on the right hand side as well . # So he really is # Oh my goodness . # He's nice though isn't he , wasn't he , he did say something # I didn't have to say anything . # I said to him I don't know , he said did you enjoy yourself Tuesday ? # Oh I said , did you see us ? # Oh yeah we saw you . # And his dad's nice . # Yes # Palace played really well . # The first twenty five minutes , when you think we were one nil up right I thought gosh if we could get that second goal it would have made all the difference and United would have been really would have been in trouble . # Oh I enjoyed it , yeah . # Just don't enjoy Palace losing , but sheer football and it just shows you that ironically the two games can match each other and there were chances for Palace to wrap that game up . # But er when they do play that ball to ball business erm # we look like we've got huge spaces in our in our midfield . # I mean that's what teams are doing now , they're realizing that's where all our weakness is in midfield so don't take a er a hefty boot and try and er er people like Thorn and I mean Thorn and Young were impeccably they played beautifully today . # You cannot ask Thorn and Young , I've never seen two players play they do , they did th , they do the simple thing but they do it consistently well . # Over and over again , maybe a hundred , hundred and fifty times in one match and they'll make one mistake and usually like Coleman was there to c , I think Coleman backed up well and Gareth backed up well once or twice . # But defence wise superb . # Absolutely su , there was a lapse with that guy , don't know who was to blame about that third goal but I mean # Oh , didn't see who it was . # It was like , it was like a , like they were waiting for an offside or some there were just couldn't believe , it was # Yeah , it's well they do say both sides that it's the most dangerous time straight after a goal . # I mean often , times you see teams equalize immediately . # You know it's like , you sometimes you can go a whole game like seventy minutes of a game and no-one's had a goal scoring chance # and then someone scores and the guy goes in straight calmly and scores straight away . # You know it's people aren't # I don't know , it's psychologically sort of still got their mind on going through what's er # Yeah . # Fact you you often sort of watch videos of managers . # Managers are often shrieking you know about what's happening next rather than you know , all their players are jumping with joy all over each other and you think and they're saying get in your positions . # Do your stuff . # Don't let it slip straight away , I mean That was annoying thing is that we didn't deserve to lose three one really , I mean # Sneak that that box of sweets in then for mum . # Eh ? # Well she knows that we're giving her something , yes . # I mean we could have been worse , could have forgotten completely . # I mean it's easy , cos when mum gets all those things for everybody else , clearly she doesn't get something for herself . # No I didn't get , we didn't do this did we , last year ? # Do we ? # You what ? # This very busy road , isn't it ? # seems to be very busy # where the heck are we . # hundred percent better # you wouldn't believe it would you ? # nice big posh shop like and it's got cheap # and nasty in it . # follow you up # Suddenly it clears this bit . # No this road . # Dunno some go off that way # Don't know . # Well it's how long they've been going , I suppose . # I don't know . # I've never noticed that badge before . # sixteen thousand one hundred and sixty . # Fourteen thousand # September . # twelve thousand miles # What if we lose at Birmingham Paul . # Will you wanna go to the Chelsea match ? # Well the Chelsea match is the following Tuesday . # Yeah . # And what Saturd , what's the match on Saturday before squeezed in between that ? # I think there might be . # Oh not a big team is it , again ? # Oh no ! # Yeah . # Were we ? # Really ? # Oh well . # Perhaps we can play Tottenham when they haven't got er Gary Lineker in their games any more . # You start hitting periods like this and you think oh no . # You think every team you start worrying about almost every side don't you ? # They outplayed us last season at fairground didn't they ? # Liverpool # Well we lost no we beat them two one # Most surprising result of that season . # It is when you see us struggling against Birmingham . # What do you think the score's gonna be against Birmingham ? # Three one to Palace ? # Be great if that is . # We have got to get another goalgetter . # I mean old erm does his bit crossing and splitting defences and getting goals but not scoring them . # Now , well now it's just now we've got nobody who , who score actually really scores goals except Thomas I would say at the moment . # We really do need somebody who regularly pops them in . # Well he's coming along . # I think he he had a really good first half I think it like , I think that to be fair , apart from Coleman an Southgate everybody faded in the second half didn't they ? # Are , are Manchester United not the most cockiest fans going aren't they ? # They really are cocky . # Leeds , I like Man United , I don't , I don't hate them or anything I just , they get a bit I dunno . # Mind you not that they've had an awful lot of success recently but they are , really are a cocky lot . # Leeds are aggressive so you're always quite glad that you've beaten them but . # Specially with Palace I think they seem to think but they really . # Should have finished them off in that first # Yes , see who I mean I can't think of anybody who's in the reserves who could do any better than the lot that are in , in at the moment . # Can you ? # Other than perhaps give Colleymore a full blooded game , right ? # I think perhaps it's , it's worth it now . # The season , I mean we're not gonna come top of the league are we ? # Right ? # We've gotta make sure we stay in the first division but # I think we can afford to blood Colimore as a good one now . # He could have this whole of this season to get used to playing , right ? # And then who knows what fireworks could happen the season after . # I mean he's never gonna be a when he's obviously another Bright . # No , I don't know . # No , well I , I mean you saw the point really . # I mean to pick I mean who , who who could replace ? # He's , I , he , the way he plays is virtually unique , isn't he ? # So I mean you're not gonna say well let's go and get another Ian Wright off the peg so fair enough . # But er in the kind of situation where Ian Wright was very very good was in tight situations . # differently through se sheer speed and but er I can see Gabiadini I mean Ian Wright never flicks like some of the flicks that he does . # I mean some of the flicks are fantastic . # But erm there is a nice side to his game but god he doesn't half fade . # Can you afford somebody that fades like that , I don't know it's # I , I , that's what I would do . # I'd drop Mortimer now and er keep , I wouldn't , I'd keep McGoldrick up don't have him as a sweeper . # I mean if you're gonna have McGoldrick as a sweeper then you'd have to bring Mortimer back but # I noticed it was quite odd that he didn't use McGoldrick as a sweeper did he ? # I mean we , we went out to win that game didn't we , again ? # Well , don't you think ? # We didn't play a and yet the defence played well enough . # So I think drop Mortimer and bring Colimore in for a full ninety minutes and then and and again and again and again . # Get sort of like half a dozen games . # Well . # Well yes , you could say , yes # Bright's tired . # You could say Bright is absolutely tired . # He looks tired at the moment . # Mm yes . # Well he , he didn't play well in the second half though did he ? # I don't think . # He sort of # Yes , well , yes . # Well it it was one of the , I mean when you saw # Oh look , that's where Fergie made those funny faces . # Oh and you didn't see that did you ?in the paper . # Look Croydon Caterham valley . # eyes . # Enya . # It's in the , it's in I think it's number nine in the hit parade # What's Enya's record called now Paul ? # Enya's record ? # It's number nine wasn't it ? # Nine , wasn't it ? # Number nine . # It's silvery . # Greyish . # Is it ? # Enya anyway . # Well Paul was asking this , when well I'll have some presents . # Whoever comes , brings me in we'll open those . # Do you want yours opened ? # I'll open one in the morning I think . # Up to you , what do you think ? # Alright . # I could do , yeah . # Now you've found my keys for my I really need to get those # Wonder what he looks like now ? # Nineteen sixty eight , so that's twenty three years ago . # He was only twenty three then I should think . # Listen to this . # Absent minded spinsters Beryl and Doris lost their car in a repair shop . # The sisters are eighty and eighty one reported the mini stolen # got the er three months later they received thirteen hundred pound pay off from insurance Commercial Union and promptly bought a replacement car . # But when they booked their new car into Tristar Motors for its first service , they found their old model waiting for them . # Unless they lost their address . # Hee hee hee hee . # I mean the fact that this come out is that the # Yeah but the fact it's come out is that they've been honest . # Isn't it ? # Right ? # You could have kept that quiet , anyway . # Kinks isn't it ? # Yes . # Tears of a Clown . # No I know but he , that's what he's famous for isn't it ? # Tears of a Clown . # I bet someone's vid , I bet Alan's videoing all these . # Put them all together . # Look at the sets in in sixty eight . # You could , as the camera goes by you can see where all the sellotape and the gum's stuck to boxes . # I mean look at those boxes . # Just just scrappy old blue looks like something the art college has knocked up . # Moody Blues isn't it ? # They all look like Allied Carpet salesmen now don't they ? # I mean they looked old then don't they ? # I mean you didn't have sixteen , seventeen year olds in those days coming through did you ? # They were sort of like # I mean look at those boxes . # You can see all the sellotape and the bubbles and # Oh you've got poor eyesight then . # Which other bit of paper ? # Croydon Advertiser ? # There you are . # Oh . # How could you not find it funny ? # Oh ! # A German ? # Is that all she's got to do ? # I wonder if they'll have the er custard pie part in it ? # ? # Oh look . # Pete Townshend . # Ah ! # Well she # Oh no . # Yeah but I mean she looks about fifty five to me . # She's not younger than us . # I I thi feel I look I I feel thirty so I mean I always think # I thought that was very interesting that # Oh look it's all when The Who used to smash their rec , all their , I mean that used to be disgusting . # They went to total excess and then they had to come back the other way . # Well one died . # The guy , the drummer just drove his car into the swimming pool didn't he and drowned . # Well that was the point . # I think they did . # Yes . # Yes . # He's dead . # Look here Paulie , you come and have a look at this . # This is Crystal Palace going up in f flames . # November the thirtieth nineteen thirty six . # Look , there's the shape of Crystal Palace . # Gutted in one night . # No I was not . # Yeah that was the furniture repository nothing about the crystal palace . # stuck in that one . # Eh ? # I'll stop the tape and # Six hours ! # Yeah . # Can you pull the curtain please Paul . # Yeah . # Twelve # Make sure it's Oh yeah . # Well we've got plenty of roll cap haven't we ? # We've got a wadge of roll cap . # That's # you know # Yes it's true . # No . # Trophy holders Palace are now just three steps away from another trip to Wembley . # Oh that's good isn't it ? # Three steps # We are . # I don't think we'll get there actually . # Chelsea kicked us out last time . # Yeah I know . # Against the team we lost five one to last week . # Oh you can imagine what it's gonna be like tonight . # What I was glad of , we didn't play poorly . # I didn't think we played poorly . # Ha ha ha ha # Yeah they showed you that , yeah . # No , we'll have a look at it , I think Paulie missed it . # Kanchelskis scored that third goal . # It was a really funny goal wasn't it ? # I didn't see that . # I didn't see who scored . # Hughes I think . # Oh hang on you didn't see no goals you didn't see ? # Oh . # Oh I s , it was on telly ? # Rewind a bit then . # Right . # Oh you were right , McClair Paulie . # Kanchelskis # Sshh . # No . # Can we have a look at the , we'll have a look at the results cos I didn't see er no no not that lot . # Turn all of it off . # Thank you for that bit . # No I thought she caught the film . # Actually there was a little bit , they showed you the four goals on the television so they might show it on the nine o'clock # n news . # Do you know what he was doing in the car ? # With the speaker ? # I th he thought I didn't , couldn't see . # He was going ooh ooh ooh . # That poor person # on the end of that tape . # I want er # Eh ? # Let's have one results weekend league programme . # Let's have a look at # Got the gates on there , look . # Twenty nine thousand . # Well apparently it's gone up . # It says in this paper that last they could only # they could only hold twenty seven . # But now apparently there's a , this with this seating or something there's now can hold thirty one . # And it wasn't completely full was it ? # Paulie ? # So it could just , probably just squeeze th # They could just get thirty thousand in there . # I think thirty one's a bit # Oh Manchester United would no Manchester United have er oh at home yeah . # Liverpool can hold about forty two # That's pretty low # What ? # Yes . # Ooh . # And Manchester City are doing well don't forget . # I knew , good old Wimbledon . # That's how they stay up . # That's how Wimbledon stay up . # They go up to those games # and they make it nil nil they've drawn wi , now with Manchester City and Liverpool in two successive weeks , nil nil . # You cannot break them down . # Oh ! # Well Villa went above us . # Or Villa are above us . # We're sixth . # But they're above us on cos our goal average must look absolutely diabolical now . # The goal average must # Gosh Oldham , good old Oldham . # Did us a favour there then didn't they ? # Can I have one five two # Cor ! # Barnsley beat Newcastle three nil Paul . # Well poor old Newcastle . # Brighton beat Plymouth . # Yeah . # Southend won again . # They've gone up # Who would have thought that when you drew Southend in a cup , you think oh great we'll thrash them . # They'll be could be a first division team next season . # Southend ? # They're about fourth or fifth . # They won again ! # Oh Swindon slipped again . # They should have won that , against Grimsby . # Er yeah I bet # Poor kids . # Oh I feel sorry for them . # Shut it ! # I was just gonna say , what games have we lost ? # We are getting used to it , I mean there was a coup , a sea , last season we had # Yeah but I mean last season we hardly , Paulie and I hardly ever used to come home having lost . # Now we're starting to get used to it . # What have we lost at home , Paulie , this season ? # Come on . # Yes . # Is that all ? # No hang on . # That's the two we've seen . # Have we lost any others ? # Oh well we can't complain then , only two . # Are you sure ? # Q P R we were preciously close . # Birmingham we were preciously close . # Here you are , programme here . # They hit the crossbar as well . # Yes . # I thought we did . # I was sure , I thou # I know . # That was that was annoying . # We should not have wo , lost that . # Birmingham . # Yeah . # Yeah , page three . # Oh look . # Birmingham won two nil . # Oh oh . # Look at the gate they get . # Dreadful isn't it ? # See West Brom , really a first division team . # They shouldn't be in the third division . # Yeah . # Tradition that is , West Brom . # Just tradition . # They're getting bigger # Yeah . # Yeah . # I've been a West Brom supporter # all my life . # What ? # Well I mean it shows you what marvellous West Brom were . # When West Brom got lost four nil to Woking wasn't it Paulie ? # The next round they had West Brom supporters supporting , came down from # Birmingham to support Woking in the next round . # It's pretty good isn't it ? # No . # Oh . # Yes . # Yes well Paulie said they did . # They played # at Gateshead . # Hearts won again . # They don't have they don't have amateur do they ? # Fog ? # Oh yeah there it is . # Berwick East Ham . # But the Linekers had better go home . # They can't stay and look at the , that child all the time can they ? # I mean it's gonna be weeks isn't it ? # They've arrested it now haven't they ? # Oh . # Ipswich # Jemson saves the . # Now we should have picked him up . # Why didn't we pick him up ? # He just floated over Sheffield Wednesday , honestly . # Should be the next page # The premiere . # Oh if they've won they've done it . # Five nil ! # Oh it just # They're just walking away with that division . # It's a waste of time . # The whole # Yeah . # Enfield are the second team . # And they've won five nil . # They're about , that that makes them nineteen points in the lead . # Ludicrous ! # Yeah , they'll be definitely in the . # That's in their division five couple of seasons la we could be fourth division team . # Shut it . # Shall we pack up supporting Palace and go to Woking Paulie ? # I I've done a tu turncoat once already so it's easier for me . # Lineker . # The condition of the baby son of England's football is poorly but stable . # That was yesterday's . # Ugh it's Jaws . # It's gross . # Guys getting eaten . # Ugh that's horrible . # This is a horrible film Jaws . # Look it's got somebody's body in its # Gross ! # He's died . # His mate's died look . # Gone under . # Took him under . # Gosh quick . # They're leaking . # That's in the studio . # Oh no it's not . # Oh the story of this particular one is that it er er they tried to make out that the erm that the the the the shark has actually got something against the human beings on this boat and it keeps chasing them . # Here it comes again . # There's in a studio , that bit . # Look out here it comes . # Look it's gonna knock her right off . # He spots it . # Ugh . # Going through all the previous ones . # Yeah they look gross now don't they ? # Oh god it's broken . # Oh you can see it's a model can't you ? # No . # It's got to be wrapped up . # So has your , you can't have your song book either till after Christmas . # Ruthus we're taping . # He keeps going Geoffrey Chaucer's here . # But we saw the best bit Paulie . # The last five minutes . # No , it was the last you know the dramatic end that everybody who's been waiting for watching that film from seven o'clock till # Er ? # No . # It records everything Ruthie . # All of # But the towel's for wiping your hands on . # I've got to finish my quiz off . # Must do that map . # Yeah . # We'll wait till the end of the tape and then you can go . # I think Paulie's invalidating most sides by total and utter gibberish . # Eh ? # What the mental cases in Woking # I used some big words on the way down . # bought one of those stinky old er pine tree things and Paulie ripped the whole wrapper off it # and we nearly died . # It nearly overcame us . # It nearly over , we were in danger of going off the road with it . # It was so strong # I put it in the boot . # I think it'll have to be put in the garage and then put in the car once a week or something . # I dunno . # Unsupervised as you would say . # You'd ripped the wrapper before # Yeah the spice was was not nice . # No well no it's usable . # Wimbledon got got the right royal rave . # Watch the super dons flatten the . # The . # How come they use the same box office , I suppose they would wouldn't they ? # Seven seven one . # Oh it must be funny working for Palace at the moment . # You think you're doing well and you get hold of another # Mm . # yeah . # Eh ? # No . # Watch , I'm reading my paper now . # Oh look you always get these people we have just witnessed the top London club suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of . # Oh this looks good , let's see . # Is it horror ? # Now you'll see the goals on this , now . # Because it was on the other B B C one so it should be on this one as well . # Yeah . # All four goals . # Here's a letter that m mistakenly done today . # It says it says it now seems painfully obvious that after our performance at Forest we have reached the stage where teams have finally worked us out . # For some time we've been in a false position and our two games against Birmingham have confirmed this . # Dunno why they're saying this bit . # Steve may explain the game at Saint Andrews was for low to ground players . # Don't well they . # But surely by now we have a squad to deal with such eventualities . # We have clearly lost our way in both fullback positions . # Well that wasn't true today . # Our two fullbacks played the best of the Palace players , I thought . # Both were , couldn't been asked any more of . # Both saved instant goals . # Er both got feet in just as goals were about to be shot and scored . # This is er ob now obvious after it's aft as it is restricting our attacking options . # What possible reason is there for not playing Bodin ? # A proven player of international quality who enjoys going forward . # We are told that we have to pay Swindon another fifty thousand if he plays . # But if we went out of the cup it could cost us more in lost revenue . # Come clean Steve . # Swallow your pride . # Play Bodin in the position you bought him for and show off our defence that otherwise will leak goals like two seasons ago . # It's not true . # Bodin's I don't reckon's as good a defender as that . # He's a good passer of the ball have him in the middle . # Dunno . # Well we cou , he might be able to use him if Thomas can't play erm on Tuesday . # I can well believe Thomas won't be fit for Tuesday now . # Not after ricking his ankle like that . # If his ankle's any , half as bad as mine he wouldn't play on Tuesday . # No . # Pardon Ruth . # You mean steroid , do you ? # Aha . # What they , what they deflate your swelling quicker do they ? # Humphreys isn't it ? # Thorn Thorn's been captain before now as well hasn't he ? # Thorn and Young ! # Couldn't cr er complain about that . # It didn't look like , you have a look at this goal . # Didn't look like Young's problem . # Put a tape in Paulie just in get a tape quick . # And see if we can tape this th th th last time they showed all four goals . # Clearly B B C # Just a minute . # Oh yeah . # Yeah but still # Yeah ha . # We can record one of the party then can't we ? # You can get loads out of that could you cos people will just forget it . # Yeah but then list the name , then list the # names of the next home tape again they'll think it's # Oh no ridiculous isn't it ! # Yeah but then yo er in a party situation you could probably do that in the first minutes couldn't you , I would have thought everybody in th room will have spoken in the first five minutes wouldn't they ? # Yeah Oh we've got more this time # Aha . # Right , better do that then so is that or kilo ? # Gosh ! # This # No I'll put that on it's easier save that for your Mum put them on here did you say ? # This tray ? # What've they got in them though ? # Got any little flags for what they've got in them ? # Paprika ? # Yeah . # I might be able to eat that where's the little # black knife ? # You said the black knife , you said . # Alright and don't burn them then . # Well I have . # Ooh yeah ! # Well # well yes I do tha you've done this before , that this buffet thing , it's quite nice , people can sort of like , if they're staying they can just say y leave it out and you sa eat whenever you want to really innit ? # So did I hear you say to your Mum that there's gonna be a ra exactly the same rap at a # No sorry , I only put , well you got one I suppose if they know that this rap thing won't last long # will it , so it's all gotta # be done this year # well it she could've been done last year but we've not done this year , be gone . # No . # That is the whole point of rap they're completely personal it's a personal rap . # can put your finger on it though ,it it's like it's not what it used to be . # I don't think they , they don't walk out of we of er er er er er Por # Portis Head there it's too in ten tenuous . # I don't know not really . # No I think sh # I seem to remember she says she's gonna do that on the fourteenth . # Mm , think so . # Suppose so give them , I mean I don't think they're gonna be opened then . # As I said , If I remember right , I said well when are you gonna come and see us before ? # She said on the fourteenth , you know and give it to you then . # Mum and what's it and presumably , Michelle and Andy # can give out presents that day as well , can't they , cos they'll be there . # Where do I put the ready ? # I think there is . # Ju oh . # Pile them up . # Should never have told Bill . # Mhm a three day week . # this butter's # Oh yes . # Yes . # I didn't say I'd come and see him # on Wednesday # But I did say , I'd come and say on the the Christmas show so # yeah I well I I did say that I was gonna play badminton then go away and sort out that when I see Ian # No I haven't # Er yeah I'm sure I have . # Right . # Mm . # Can you do that , yeah ? # Right Got a roll of film for the camera ? # Well don't you need it to be here ? # She go yeah . # Better than what I'm doing any of it though . # Yeah . # Have you checked the aways is it ? # No thank you . # Yep . # Mm , keep that where did the C draw voucher go by the way ? # Oh I must see If I can er Bob and Mum not Karen and but Mum . # We've both seen that one Ruth , is it alright ? # With your way you put your foot in it # isn't it , oh yes perfectly harmless no malice meant there at all but you try and convince somebody of that . # Where do you get that from ? # Cranberry . # Oh let's do that , I like that one # Now that Christmas card one , I'll have that one . # that'll be the lot . # Well I'll do a I know I'll do a Christmas section then , right ? # Oh right , # Who'd have put Michelle with this , little bit unfair to put Michelle to put between them . # That should be alright then , shouldn't it ? # Oh right . # Done it whe who's Paul with ? # With a # No , Paul should go with # Mrs Michelle and Mutty , balance it up . # Andrew and Carole yes , Andrew and Carole , fine . # You could put that as in as bu bum question couldn't you , see if anybody gets it , right ? # So what is the best way to do , that where you ask the questions , now they did if you could help me out is the when you do one section an you hand all your papers in somebody else marks them # Ah but no what they did is somebody else marks them while the the next round was going on for # and then they announced # could # Would you , why ? # Oh I see yes . # Oh I see , yes , that's right Well let them mark their own I mean who's gonna cheat ? # It's a bit confusing innit , swapping the papers round ? # Now I can't go oh no ! # I can't give that oh oh oh , can I , cos you're in the blinking quiz ! # Come here ! # Can't do the oh oh , that was funny now you'll know it ! # You are daft , honestly ! # You # I wouldn't ever stop , cos you # Half past twelve . # So I'll take from whatever you gi can't get caught for that one . # Someone played that accidentally you can't use that ! # Knowing your Mum is a served you right ! # Oh dear . # I mean if you told her , put a C in front of it and that's what it is . # Rap . # She wouldn't understand our line of # Crap , what's that ? # Crap ? # You should of let # think what you have to do Mum , so you ought to say , when they say rap , you can say that it's crap # and she heard it , it's crap . # You think , how can somebody be on the earth , I mean # you don't have to appreciate do you , oh yeah # Yes I suppose so . # I reckon there's a lot of parents # know or at least sh they don't it's called rap I've this Yen da da day dan dan dan da day I mean # Well the bad ones are as when the kid do it themselves isn't it ? # They make up the words themselves , right # whereas Paul's # been having some kind of direction there , hasn't he , I mean at # however nauseating , it does all make sense , doesn't it ? # Actually it not an easy thing to , it sounds easy , but it's not an easy thing to do . # You turned it off ? # Are they ? # Ah the kids deserve # That was all about # that was only because he was like transferred there I thought that # he was gonna tone do , he had to tone # down when he was # Or a Christmas # Yes . # I mean he should # Well probably the Dad would but he # The irony is , I don't think all the time , they are as pompous they give an air pomposity don't they ? # I don't think that Dad is at all , but # And how you were brought up , I suppose . # It's just as well Paul didn't go with him , cos Paul would've been singled out as well . # Teachers always think right , he's with him , he's a new # you know , identify with it , even if you don't portray those feelings . # Who told you that then ? # That's if you were interested . # You can't please them , that Paul managed to get the school team and he can't # Do you think Mel would , I would of thought Melanie might have been the type t to sort of li be lenient on that , you know , # Yeah , sort of say well # Oh . # Urgh ! # Should of left , Rufus . # I'd have should of left it till . # Well I might not Peter's entire office dip switch Trev . # Yeah . # That's your lot . # When do I add the drink in ? # What we having ? # Yeah . # Yep . # Appletise . # Bloody cheeky moo ! # Oh they're alright , they go nice . # No I was gonna re write them down though . # Yeah but you'd mark the ones you know , Ruthy ! # Where's the answers ? # Three so far . # Two pictures and a map countries it's Africa so you're you're gonna do quite well Ruthy . # look at it , I find it makes them easier because I think there's gon so that's gonna be quite hard isn't it , I'll # Eh ? # Oh no I haven't been that that bad but I reckon I've # I've done some that i the pe # I've given them er question mark on the shape of the country it's a map but the ha what I think is easy , I dunno I mean to I mean I look at maps all day long , so # Twelve . # Mm that's what I mean , I y we found that with four , is even more so , what some people were strong on others weren't and it it worked round you know , if you picked your team right everybody would thought perhaps it was better to have one woman in the team or , you know , if you had four women # have one man in the team it i i it's # No . # What we got , what can we get , what can I get ? # What you looking at the questions ! # It's just walk over there and talk to me please . # Right . # Well I it's easy isn't it ? # Oh yeah . # Strewth !oh that's too easy isn't it ? # Eleven eighty two , eighty oh # Mm . # Oh yes . # Paulie looked at one of the questions ! # Well you should go in the front room cos I've got the test papers to write . # Where's a pen ? # Cos I had a pen here . # Don't look at y , he's looking ! # Well go , you go over you can eat it over there # go on . # No go on Paulie cos I can't # Eh ? # Cos there's a table here . # But keep away from Pucker . # No it's not . # Yeah . # Oh Ruth ! # Well it was so said wasn't it . # Oh yeah . # On # This is Your Life ? # Say that again . # Might be a bit older than that . # Urgh ! # I'm sure someone else could of dealt with it better as a # Costs # Suppose su some of these questions you'll remember won't you ? # Mhm . # Not eh ! # Well it depends if I get these shares I bought yesterday or not . # British Telecom . # I told you ! # I did , I did , I've gotta go and get my British Telecom money ! # You said oh yes . # No , no , no # Yes no I said I'm getting my B T's in offer in haven't got them . # Yeah # Halifax was out the window , yes # there was about # I dunno it was about to shut wasn't it at the same time and it it was like well it's worth gonna get them . # Technically I suppose # if you get inside the shop before the time closes they they're on a bet # Just but , once you as you long as you got in before twelve o'clock # Anyway it's # But he looked across to us and saw us and then he really cheesed off with me we he di he virtually sat # Ah . # What this Christmas ? # When ? # When they getting them ? # Oh . # Well Atari's no good they're games # They only want it for games do they ? # Oh yeah , is that right Paulie ? # Pauly showed me this this thing , the game thing for Atari where you li disk pack what's it called Paulie ? # Ray's getting . # Sega . # Megadrive . # It's got a # Having been up a ladder , only I could see how easy it is , you could fall off a ladder as simply as anything . # Excuse me . # Pardon ? # Er oh yes Macau . # Any letters ? # Oh that's Agaza Agat # Something U mm # M A C A U . # Oh no . # Yes it might I've seen it spelt both ways . # Nothing # Yeah bolshoi's right so which one is it then ? # Mm I've seen it a U as well I must admit . # Right # you done it . # Yo # Exam papers turn over your papers now do not look can't start yet . # Oh I know that er a ki kirey isn't it e earring # Very good # Clare # Done it . # What that say again ? # Oh . # Asia . # Not Mo # not Mother Theresa . # It is India innit ? # Something I something A # Temptress . # # Vi Vincent Vasco de Gama # Take them ou out of circulation then if they're disgusting . # Get away ! # Urgh they're the ones that smell like bad fish ! # You've had it before . # Pu clean them away , people won't like them ! # Oh yeah . # He'll grow out of that one day . # What ? # You're really clo clobbered with that though , it really smells like bad feet you smell like you haven't washed your feet I think you better clean your teeth where are those crisps take them away . # That's two you've eaten now # that's the first thing someone's gonna think is that her feet smell ! # They won't think that # you've eaten some cheese crisps . # It really smells like I haven't been near a bath for a month . # They must be the ones that Mum had been eating when you I came in . # Right when you eat them ? # When you bite them it smells like # Well that's alright there they are . # Nope oh they're delicious ! # No break them Right you want me to go and get the other drink in now , you say ? # Where's Paulie's big blow up straw , the copying was it , was it over here ? # Which chair ? # That one ? # Yeah . # Hello # They're gonna be late now because we insisted on them all coming . # Say half twelve bomb or something . # So when's this Wogan thing packing up then , do you know ? # I can't see them letting Wogan # go though can you ? # They'll do # do something else . # Put that heater on then would you that one on for a while just before they come . # After lunch . # Mm . # After everybody drinks when they first come in yeah ? # Yeah that guy's chest looks what he's been through . # Like a rag doll . # Isn't that awful about Stoke on Trent's garden thing ? # That that was before and look at it now . # Been allowed to # Yeah . # Don't record on that car rally one , that's Trevor's . # No . # was such a # Oh that's the one where you put the when it was being done . # Oh yeah # Do you want some more of this , ? # Does anybody want a drink top up ? # Want a drink ? # Michael # Yep # Yep in a minute # You okay there ? # Michelle have you got another dirty glass you want to replace # Same drink Michelle ? # Then what ? # Yes . # Yeah . # Have you turned it on ? # Let me take those # Do you want another honey ? # Does Mum # Yeah # Mm . # Yes . # Ooh it's a big quiz , one of # Following in my Dad's footsteps . # Yeah everyone's gotta play # I always remember # we all had the naughties , used to say . # Once you get out of car and I thought it was a dog that she had ,bu didn't have , she didn't have a dachshund he had a little # No I'll get it . # Ah right # Right # Let's see that one . # I can't guarantee it works like clockwork . # Hopes he finds # Oh have you seen that face lift job he wants ? # It's well out of order ! # You seen that Andy ? # This face lift jobby . # your one . # No not my hands please Mm . # No , no , no , no you'll muck up everything . # Just look . # Are you gonna leave the tape on ? # Put the tape on . # Paulie put that other tape # You're cheap ! # No that bats Ooh look , I've got my ears caught # Andy didn't mind . # I # Show it everybody . # I'll get it all right now # Now you're a five star # I'm the one who comes last ,looking at the other people . # Oh hurry up , number three ! # Ah this is useless ! # Course , then there's that bit , alright . # And then the nose bit . # Quartered yeah yeah . # Well I # I I said to the chap he said did you have a good day , this little guy sitting next to me he answered yeah , good day yes did you see us ? # I said , yes we saw you . # We saw you but did you have to come running over # waving to the crowd ! # Five one # They try and take photographs of him . # Well I first had to go down and ask . # No I went in # Yeah . # Which is actually , that's a chemical thing , isn't it , that's the E E C # isn't it # label every chemical . # I dunno there might be some then I can have one . # You open the lens cap . # Well hasn't it got a tall thin flash ? # Well we've got # we've got lots of batteries Paul , though # They'll have , they'll have # Oh yeah . # B and Q # Little tiny ones we'd stay and we'd replace them . # They've lasted all this time . # Must do that # must do that . # They're getting me a hose for Christmas . # Yeah , we're gonna have a flat one . # Oh no , it's just remembering without the words . # But they can take it off the wall . # Should be perfectly natural . # then do something and urgh ! # I don't need a box , oh only so you can break it and then take it back . # Oh you're # quite terrible ! # Why didn't it flash then ? # Why doesn't it flash ? # You bought it from B and Q . # Yeah . # Or you I just thought I'd tell you . # You need the flash on cos you've got innit ? # Did I ? # Well that's it , there's only one each # That's # I wish somebody else is ! # Oh to charge up the # flash ? # Ooh is this my next lot ? # Mm . # That's the that is the paper that Michelle # gave me # these ? # Do you know how many here for you ? # I'll end up # Yeah . # left , right , left , right oh no ? # Don't worry I'll use the battery power . # It says on here do no dismantle once the , I wonder why not , wonder why that is ? # It must be # Well what has this got that's attached in here , eh ? # on there yes # Yeah . # I see # yeah I know , we got that already , yeah # Yeah . # hang on a minute . # Can I get you a drink ? # Well I think that you clip on here . # Is it blue ? # Is he still doing his crossword ? # He was doing that about five minutes ago . # Oh yeah . # So many people do . # doesn't it ? # Hold on Yugoslavia # Bulgaria . # Oh thank you , yes . # A something I something A Oh , I could've you that # Saint Theresa we wanted # Right . # Right # Oh good . # Yeah I will . # Where do I put it , inside the garage ? # I mean # Yeah we'll fix it up in a minute . # Don't worry about it # I'll manage # Why # Yeah . # How can you tell ? # How can you tell ? # Yeah I think I've got some . # you got a ? # Do you want any ! # Anyway # I just # Eh ? # Or have you got the same blanks as I've got . # Yeah I got a minu A blank I blank A # taking it to pieces you can't get them back together again . # What's the ancient name for the # Spanish peninsula ? # You two are paired up for the quiz , I had a lot of money # When was that ? # Oh aren't I lucky ! # Thank you very much . # Alright there , for coffee ? # Mm . # What you bossing me for ? # looking up my brother-in-law's nose real . # Yep . # I am hurrying as fast as I can , don't # Is that recording thing on ? # Did you love ? # Alright now with ? # Is that for the # Five minutes ? # Oh yeah . # But the office improved , haven't they got all the decorators out now even # No they've done that they've fixed the roof . # Yes . # Mm # Sorry ? # Coffee's ready , everybody # coffee's # Pardon ? # Yeah . # Yeah . # Usually mine or church . # Don't have to remind me Mum ! # Thank you . # Thing is , he'll think # That's what to know . # Is it right ? # It's rather yucky . # No I mean a lot of people would say that this was a # Wary or lary ? # Lary ,yeah . # Now . # not really # the day they sell # lary # Put it down ! # Yeah so put . # I'll put it # I went to pay the books . # for I was there ! # You have when you have it # with Tia Maria # I'll read out the groups to you . # it's me . # Go and get your glasses ! # Yeah # All out , everything out . # What we'll do now then # Can I do i # the firs # the first round is # Bamber Gascoigne doesn't have this trouble , look # the first round # The first round is pictures so if you # keep your voice down # Shall I move over here ? # Right . # Er it's not # Something else he's got there . # Alright . # You're not supposed to be # Well you set things up . # You set the papers up . # Pens are there by the telephone . # Everyone got a pen ? # Joy ? # Okay , about ten minutes . # Don't turn over your papers . # Yeah , this is a mock . # Mock # Ah ? # Yes the answers # are in a little box , under each picture put the name what you , who you think it is , underneath , in that part # If you shout out other people will hear # Starting now turn your sheets over now . # Well to be quite honest when it's when it's I'll give one point for the character's name # but if you get the actor who's playing it # No that's my future on , sorry ! # That's a that's for # You get one mark for a character name and if you name the actor who's playing it , two marks . # Yes . # It's a good idea though If you want a spare one or are you all happy ? # Anybody want a spare one ? # across . # A spare one there . # Yeah # For a character name ,the , if you get the # one mark for the character # an extra mark # Oh no you couldn't get it for singer . # Right . # Oh he's not a character it only works in # only works in # Well as you all know I'm really good on names . # Keep your voices down the ears are listening . # Write it down # Oh come on . # Hate to tell you , that was the easy page ! # Alright , time's up . # Why's one of them lying on her back ? # You can tick your own . # I'll decide as I go along . # Right , ready ? # Eh ? # Right number one who any of the answers , give me some answers . # Dicken's character . # It's wrong . # Fagin I give you one , for Fagin . # Anybody got a name , the right name ? # No I # Alec Guinness . # You get one for Alec Guinness , one for Fagin . # Er no , no , no , no . # Right # I I don't know his name in # I'll give you one for that # I'll give you two for his # right one for that I'll give you two for his actor's name # real name # Nearly . # According to me , it's Roy Barraclough . # Two for Roy Barraclough . # That's # Yeah that's # one for Coronation Street . # Right , three is # Bernard Manning ! # A cook ! # One for that , yeah . # cook yeah one . # You could of got # four , I cut that down as much as I could so # Tom Jones , yes # One for that . # No , one that's only co couldn't be anything else # It's all the same for everybody . # No we'll have si , singer , no we're not having that . # We're not having actor for number # either . # Oh yes ! # Alright one for that . # Who got six ? # Yeah . # It's over # It was on last night . # Who ? # Well yeah , he is a rab # he is Mason he's Jackie Mason # He was a # Yeah , # Well he was on last night . # He's not a chat show host ! # Yeah , one for comedian , that's alright . # You and Michael , ! # When I go through this , I know who's gonna go . # Yes yes that'll be Saunders . # One for you , cos they got Ernest Saunders , two # for them . # You get one for tick tack # Wait # Anybody got his name ? # Two for his name . # Tick tack , one # bookmakers , one # tick tack's , one yep . # And I heard Dad say straining , that is close . # Jack Nicholson and he was straining # he was pulling up that water you know the # water # No . # I think we're two for Jack cos Jack and Nicholson # Right # one alright , one . # Cos we had it on one # And one for # Yep . # Did he play Daryll in the Witches of Eastwick ? # Alright , one for that # One for that and two for you . # Paulie knows number ten , he's # Two points # for Bart Simpson . # Bart and Simpson . # No I've decided . # No sorry I've deci , I said I'd make it up as I went along ! # Two for Bart Simpson # One for Heron # Russian ! # name though . # Who is it ? # Heron is a # Yes . # from the head of the . # Lancia ? # Yeah , what for Heron # I don't I don't see the connection . # Ha ? # One o w one point off for being cocky ! # One that's only have one , that's easy . # Who got thirteen ? # Kevin Maxwell # Maxwell Maxwell , Kevin # You're closer than you think # Move back # come on , # One point # go on then put it there . # # Jimmy Greaves # Jimmy Greaves . # Chelsea football right # Great Crystal Palace # Minus one , huh . # One football # No , we didn't get anything # Right ,this evening # One mark . # Two for magic # And , and , that he acres # Who didn't , who didn't get number eighteen ? # Two , two's the maximum you can get # What you get three for ? # No , if you're not getting # three # Why not ? # Don't be greedy . # One # Good try , but no . # Arnie Schwarzieger # Two for that cos they got the film as well # . # Oh right # I got only wrong answer # Cruel . # Right come on Ruthie # Half , where'd you get a half from ? # Right who's good at geography ? # You need your papers , oh there it is . # Yes , you any good at this ? # Neither have I . # What ? # Are you a calling me ? # Yeah # Mm , mm . # Yes there is , but it's got a new name , called # You'll get , yes you'll get one for that # No you can't put near # No ,isn't it mum ? # Have a guess . # Well hopefully there won't be too much argument this time . # Unlike the last # Number one , a character called , don't call out # write it down , people here will be giving away your points , a character called Dandeanee whisper it or write it down so that people can't hear , that's right . # Everybody ready ? # Number two # A character , a cow sold for a bag of beans . # Yes , number three . # A cow sold for a bag of beans , what pantomime was that in , a cow sold for a bag of beans . # Recorded all this ? # Oh dear oh dear , right # a widow who runs a Chinese laundry # I'll give you one mark # I want one mark for the pantomime and one mark for the character # Yes , whenever I say . # Number four . # A character called Dandeanee , in what pantomime ? # Question number four , a very large white bird in what pantomime ? # Whisper it , very quietly # Question five , coming off the pantomimes now # what kind of fruit sauce is traditionally eaten with turkey ? # I know you know the answer to that one . # Yes , that was after the , you realize that was after the # I did say # Number six was the sending of Christmas cards introduced in the year eighteen forty six , eighteen forty eight or eighteen fifty . # Eighteen forty six , eighteen forty eight , or eighteen fifty take a guess can't you or you have one in three chances this is one I didn't know , who were the Magi ? # Yes I do know now . # Who were the Magi , what , who where they and I'll give you an extra mark for each one of their names , I didn't know they had any names . # M A G I # Magi # One mark if you could tell me who , who , what , who they were . # One mark for each one of their names . # I won't blame # Ruth's got it right , I know . # I didn't know # Yeah I know , but they're brilliant . # No , no . # Well that's right , give it away the first part of the question # Question eight , # eight , # Where did Jesus , Mary and Joseph flee to when Herod decreed that all baby boys should be killed ? # Where did Jesus , Mary and Joseph flee to # when Herod decreed that all baby boys should be killed ? # The bible . # No ,that was where he was born . # Ready , question nine , these the following lot I want you to fill in the blanks # Every time I say blank there's a word , right ? # Somebody just gave it away . # I saw blank , blank come sailing by I saw blank , blank # That's number nine , fill in the blanks . # I saw blank , blank come sailing by question ten blank , blank but once a year # Blank , blank , but once a year # I like , it is my favourite # Number eleven . # Blank , blank but once a year # Blank , blank , but once a year . # I think it's gonna be split like that cos some people are gonna have one word perhaps , I don't know , I'll have to # I like number eleven , I like number eleven , all I want for Christmas is my blank front blank think hard . # All I want for Christmas is my blank front blank . # Oh come on Michelle , it's obvious # Now Michael should of been here for this one , # God Bless us everyone said blank , blank # God Bless us everyone said blank , blank yeah # God Bless us everyone # said blank , blank . # God bless us everyone # said blank , blank # blank , blank , did this . # Right last one . # Yes . # Eight ? # Where did Jesus , Mary and Joseph flee to when # Herod decreed that all baby boys should be killed ? # The last one , the holly and the ivy now they are both blank , blank . # Holly and the ivy now they are both blank , blank . # Here you are then . # Are we all ready ? # Question number one , a character called Dandeanee . # Cinderella # A cow sold for a bag of beans . # Yes , one mark . # A widow who runs a Chinese laundry # If both you get two . # Mark for Aladdin , mark for Widow Twankey . # A very large white bird . # One mark . # Good try though , hang on , hang on let me say the question first # What is the British sauce traditionally cranberry sauce # Right , what , when was the sending of Christmas cards introduced ? # It was eighteen forty six ,eighteen forty six # Nobody got , eighteen forty six . # No one got it # Number seven , who were the Magi ? # One mark for three , three wise men # Yeah , but they ain't got their names # All three yes , # One # Read this book didn't you ? # She got all that on her own . # Where did Jesus # No I didn't , Egypt , where did Jesus , Mary and Joseph flee to , Egypt . # Three ships , one mark . # No , no . # Number ten any wants # Christmas comes # but once a year . # No one . # No , unless someone's got just Christmas . # All I er # The answer is two teeth # not two front teeth # Not according to the judicator # Oh # Yes , the answer is two teeth , alright , front , yeah O K . # Oh # One mark for all these yeah # Tiny Tim , yeah . # No nothing it's wrong . # Number thirteen holly and the ivy now they are # Paul , thirty three and a half . # Ooh . # Fourteen so I can get it in # Not enough , is it ? # I'll add them up for you . # She's just adding them up , she'll call them out # More questions # Number fourteen Christmas # Thanks Kev # stroppiness . # Questions please . # Fourteen in this one . # Right . # Shut up , right , number one # This is a mixed bag of # Number one , name Britain's largest wild mammal # I'll give it to you , oh land on land , we don't want you confused . # Wild mammal . # Scotland , there's a clue there . # Word of warning , I'll give you a word of warning , I'll give you an extra mark for an absolute accuracy . # Yeah # Number two , here's one for mum , the dahlia is popular in Britain , from which country did it originate ? # The dahlia , which country did it originate from ? # No , been , quite a long dahlia # Now then , next one , hurry up # Come on Bamber # Come on Bamber get a move on . # Lyde is a seaside resort , where ? # You didn't get the question right though . # No , # Alright two if we're # Number four . # Alright , what about this one , what is nix , what is nix ? # N I X # Nix . # Yeah what does it mean # when someone says nix ? # Question five # Number five , which coin ceased to be legal tender in August the first , nineteen sixty nine ? # Sorry about that over there # Sorry about that over there # Nineteen sixty nine , August the first , nineteen sixty nine . # Which coin ceased to be legal tender in August the first , nineteen sixty nine ? # Right , next question # Come on I'm gonna hurry you . # Right oh , number six , who is the goldies crew ? # Who's the goldie crew ? # Who are the goldie crew ? # Who are # Yes , yeah . # I can be ,be # Who is and who are can make a difference . # Telling me what they do is , telling me what they do , is telling me what they are . # Here's number eight . # A yellow jersey is the coveted prize , in which sport ? # A yellow jer not the yellow jersey a yellow jersey , see a coveted prize in which sport ? # That was seven . # Number eight # Oh it's a good one , it is good , the Crucible is a venue for snooker contest , which city is it in ? # The Crucible . # Snooker . # Here's a hard one , hard one coming up . # Number nine you alright ? # You alright brain boxes ? # Yeah , they're such brain boxes especially they are # Right , number nine , which sport world cup was hosted at Willesden in ninety eighty six ? # Which sport's # got it's own world cup , and it , this time it was hosted cap Willesden in ninety eighty six ? # I'll give a clue , lunch , lunch # That's for mum to know and you to guess . # Right number ten then , number ten # That's good , name the two fences # which are only jumped once # in the Grand National , two fences # but they only go over once in the Grand National . # I want two names # I want two names # There's two names for two # separate fences # which are only jumped once # Right , there's only one , there's only one person who's gonna know this , this question , # little Paul , I think . # Number eleven , The Tangerines are the nickname of which football club ? # No , I want the names # Well I think so . # Well yes he might , yes , I could see why he would know , yeah . # Yeah I can't , well I'd give it away . # Yes I think it is . # No # That's the nickname of the Tangerines # It's a nickname of a famous football club # Tangerine Paul'll know that . # I'll give you a clue , it's to do with their stripe . # It might grow # Right , number twelve # it's an easy one , what must ladies wear in the Royal Enclosure at Royal Ascot ? # It's alright you all know the answer now # Thank you Eric . # Well there's only one in # Number thirteen , two more to go . # This is a good one as well , which creature may be called # Bubbly Jocks in Scotland ? # Bubbly Jocks # Bubbly Jocks , J O C K S , Bubbly Jocks in Scotland # Which creature ? # It's called a Bubbly Jock # I'll give you a clue , it's a bird Kev . # Which creature may be called a Bubbly Jock in Scotland ? # May be called . # I'll give you a little time for that one . # Last one # Thirteen , with which creature may be called a Bubbly Jock in Scotland ? # Bubbly Jock # J O C K S # Last question # What term describes a group of ducks ? # A of ducks , a of ducks . # The something of ducks . # No , a of ducks . # Group name of ducks . # Right , ready for answers ? # Name Britain's largest known mammal ? # Red Deer , two marks # Deer one mark . # It's not moose # Right two , the dahlia what country ? # Mexico . # Not a lot of people know that . # Right , number three . # Isle of Wight . # One point # Good try Andrew . # What is nix ? # That's how many points you get # Nothing . # Two for nothing . # That's the actual word , nothing to hand down for . # Right , which coin ceased to be legal tender # Old half penny . # Old half penny . # Number six , who got six ? # Definitely one for that , it's the second crew , it's the reserved crew of Cambridge # You got second crew which is two # No , one mark . # You can't put both for that one # Goldie crew . # The yellow jersey coloured # it's not the Tour De France anyway # Never , they never started # Right , which sport's world cup was hosted at Willesden ? # Oh yes , so sorry . # Sheffield . # Right which sport's world cup # Hockey . # Just remember next year , you do not put me in for # I think you'll win anyway . # I had it written down Kev . # Er # Right number ten , name the two fences which are only jumped once in the Grand National . # What I got here , the Chair # I got , that it's got , had water jump . # It had water jump . # Well we're all , all happy . # Right , number twelve , oh no , number eleven . # Blackpool . # Right # Everybody ready ? # Question one name the first English printer . # Voice down . # I # christian name # Christian name and surname . # I haven't got his christian name # In which year did the great fire of London occur ? # Which year , I want the # exact year # No . # Right question three . # No one 'll get the answer to this , but I just wanna ask the question to this . # Question three , who discovered Uranus in ninety seventy six ? # I just wanted to say that question , so , who discovered Uranus in seventeen eighty one ? # W , H . # Question four , I don't think , question four how many sides has the brass threepence , the old brass threepence ? # How many sides has the old brass threepence ? # I'll give you one mark for er the right answer and two # two extra , two extra , no one extra , one extra for the exact # What was the Silver Ghost ? # I want , I'll give you two marks # for the accurate . # Silver Ghost # Cos Adrian this is true to # the answer's obvious but there's a little bit to it as well . # Someone can experiment # No , it's two , you get one for the right answer # one more for # Number six . # Why # Why was Edward the black prince so called ? # Why was Edward the black prince # so called ? # How do you tell the age of a horse ? # How do you , yes your # your way # How do you tell the age of a horse ? # Question # know that one . # There's one for Mutty . # What is a Blenheim orange ? # What is a Blenheim orange ? # Question nine . # What is a coypu ? # A coypu . # A coypu . # Well no # What is a coypu ? # C O Y P U . # And no marks for the obvious answer here , question ten , what are the willies ? # What are the willies ? # Number eleven . # Name the famous golf club , and golf course at Virginia Water . # Name the famous golf club and course at the Virginia Water . # Number twelve , what is measured in Ells ? # E L L S . # Unit I suppose . # What is measured in Ells ? # E L L S # Right question thirteen , two more to go let's finish , question thirteen # What was the name given to the tight trousers worn by teddy boys ? # You're trying to catch me # Yeah . # Last one , easy question . # What is a Friesian ? # What is a Friesian ? # No you . # No cos you're # No alright , we've just # Right , answers , question one # Well you know William you can have two points # I , I believe you . # In which year did the great fire of London take place ? # Very good . # Very good . # No one answer , no one you # No William Hurschell . # Ah ? # Number four , how many sides has a brass threepenny bit ? # Twelve it is . # All the way round , who's got one ? # Who's got one ? # Adrian what # what was the Silver Ghost ? # Rolls Royce one point # I , it isn't # Phantom . # You've one mark for Rolls Royce you get two , an extra mark for saying Rolls Royce first model . # number six . # Why was Edward the Black Prince so called ? # Black armour , colour of his armour is black . # Who's got number eight ? # Apple , one mark . # Number nine , what is a coypu ? # Rodent . # A rodent , yes # Animal , that's not good enough # Point two five . # Ha , a six pack of coypu # Right , number ten , what are the willies ? # Nerves # The nerves . # I think I'll give that . # Yes , I'll give that . # Right , number eleven who got the famous gold course # Wentworth . # One mark for that man # What is measured in ells ? # Very good . # Lengths of cloth . # Right , who got thirteen then ? # Drain pipes is # Drain pipes . # I tell you what I guarantee Karen wouldn't have known the answer to the next one if she hadn't known me . # Right . # What is a Friesian ? # A cow . # Add them all up . # What , someone's eaten them . # I love Ferrero Roche # I'll put the kettle on . # Didn't they have character those coins . # Remember those ? # Ireland . # Put them down there love # just for a joke . # Are we now ? # Well that's open that's why . # Er one minute past midnight on the second of December . # No , tomorrow's the second # No , it's the second tomorrow . # No , a minute past midnight on the second . # Right , so other words one A M on the second that's right . # Paul , the coin shop ? # I've got old sixpences here and # before nineteen twenty , # There's one there , nineteen , nineteen , the other one nineteen sixteen . # Well it's the same age as Waitrose isn't it ? , # Yeah . # Tropicals ? # Oh right # this morning , and then the key , the key wouldn't work in the lock . # The mind boggles . # Tuesday # at one o'clock . # Yeah . # No we can manage with one car , bus or walk # The two one three is marvellous # Karen couldn't believe I got back so quickly the other day . # Well I didn't even wait that long . # Erm , when was the last time I caught a bus from you ? # I got a , I went , I , I walk down # the bottom of the road # across the road and took my cigarettes out , out my pocket to light up a cigarette and a bus came round the corner so I put it back again . # No , but you can get , you can you can get , you can get to Wickham Avenue , the other end of Wickham Avenue from that . # Yeah # I've caught some , where I'd caught a bus to you , if , remember when I was decorating the flat ? # Walk down Wickham Avenue and catch a bus at the end of the road # Four O six is it ? # No , no , it's a red bus . # I can't remember # but it stopped outside the baths . # You can get to us , you can get on at the ba , at the baths and it comes up past Park and you get off , you get off at the end of Wickham Avenue # That's it # Yeah . # The two nine three's every half hour . # I think so , yeah , # Cos I looked at the timetable , I looked at the timetable when I , when I caught it over there , # it was on time too . # You can catch a ninety three from Alison's to us # the ninety three comes to us # What Wimbledon station ? # Yeah , cos the ninety three comes to the bottom of the as well . # No , the ninety three comes to Wickham Avenue as well . # It comes off at North Cheams and goes down Church Hall Road , and up Priory Road , till it the end of Avenue # Mm . # Yeah , well I used to , I used to when I used to go . # I don't think Baker's been a very good Home Secretary . # He flaps a bit , he always # He moves too late , I think # Yeah then he fires from the hip and doesn't far too strongly . # I don't think he's good at the job at all . # What's that ? # So you tell my that are frightfully posh drive , he comes in backwards oh who's that ? # Well which one's , well this one's Karen's , the one with the piggy on it # No . # No # The pink one # the pink one is mummy # the one with the piggy on it . # Happy birthday to you # Yeah . # It's a long way to have one # You alright , a couple of there ? # Seventeen ninety three ? # Cor , strewth # Seventeen ninety three for the great fire of London . # You didn't ? # What's query # what's query , query , query , query , query , query . # What ? # I haven't had mine yet . # You didn't tell me it was there . # No , how do I know whether it might be Paul's . # I'm all sweets things and savoury I like # Cook toffee in it , the idea is a toffee tray . # That's why I came second in the quiz # Would of won it if I'd been on # I see , I thought I delivered you two cups # and you've only had one , right , O K # You want one plenty more # Don't say the word ! # Pubescent # Yeah that's right , maturing # he was drawing big willies and little willies . # I thought straight away . # cracking up . # Dear oh dear . # Where have we got to ? # Just you ? # Er title , book title . # Open book . # Er pages front pages # er # er # Front page ? # Index ? # What front page ? # Oh . # P , what's P ? # No it's not got an arrow . # do this one . # Yeah I had . # Are you ready ? # Yes ! # starting # Plains # Oh she's off again , look . # Vase er er base erm whirlwind . # Base of a fire # Er root of the fire , base of the fire . # Simplicity . # Vase bottle # Cigar tin opener # electric iron then goes on to erm she's ironing # she's ironing this frantic frenzy again . # Erm # Er burnt , scorched ! # What've I got to do ? # What colour ? # It's got , yeah arrow D . # Who do I show it to ? # Here you are . # I'll show it to dad first then . # D . # It's got an arrow on it . # I need it back again cos I've forgotten what it is . # You said blue ! # She said blue . # Green , er no no we can have that one . # Green where's my pen ? # This green . # One word . # Of you . # Oh blimey I don't know what to do . # Finished . # Comedy . # Ha ha . # Ha ha . # Oh well yes I should have done one word . # Yeah I was trying to do ha ha . # No I didn't , I didn't . # I know you're not allowed to do that . # Ha ha ha ha ha ha # No I couldn't do that . # It was too hard . # marks , get set , let's have a look . # Oh crumbs . # Exhausting , this game isn't it ? # I think it's the start of a scribble , that is . # Is it the which colour ? # Red is it ? # Red Ruth ? # Ready go ! # Another single word . # vase , # money # Here she goes again . # She's off . # Frantic money . # Circulation of money . # Spinning money # Tumbling coins . # Collection . # Sounds like # Sounds like # profits . # Er triangles . # Pocket , sounds like pocket . # Sounds like # I'd have done I'd have done a quick , a little man carrying a bag with dollars # Oh yeah . # any symbols . # You're not allowed the hatch symbol that's all . # Hatch symbol's the # sketches may not include reference numbers or the hatch symbol . # Because that means number in America doesn't it ? # the letter though . # Pass it on . # All play . # Red . # For you , yes . # Yeah . # Red . # You're not supposed to look at it are you ? # Well what are you reading it for ? # I know I know I know . # No , erm # Yeah , should have done a sounds like as well . # Yes . # knows . # dear oh dear . # me to draw . # Ooh I like quick ones . # Ready , go . # Candle erm # Look at that little church . # Oh we've done that one , perspire . # They have . # They're scorching # Go . # Waves . # Sea . # Action , raising , going up . # Rising . # Construction ? # Climbing . # He's gone and knocked the sand out # Finished # We would have done that , you know like a pile of # peat . # Steaming pile yeah . # I've seen the word now . # Who's who's who's drawing ? # Red . # One word . # Car , travelling . # Speed . # Smoke , oh exhaust . # Fumes . # Smoke . # You said smog . # I said smoke . # Yeah I think I heard him say smog . # car was the smoke , smoke from the exhaust and he sa I said smoke carbon monoxide smog # No I think he , he he did smog . # What were you calling out for ? # Oh yeah sorry . # You were playing yeah . # Yeah you can play with me . # Alright . # No , no . # Yeah . # Ooh there's a delicate little drawing going on here . # They are old # Can you get those repaired then ? # Finished . # That was hard . # It's amaz amazing how often people resort to matchstick men # How many words ? # Pop hasn't seen it has he ? # Go . # Fat , obese . # Insect . # Back ! # Get back ! # Ready steady go . # Two words . # Erm # Television er # She's zapping the zapping the television . # Sounds like # Revolution . # Er clock face , clock # clock , sounds like clock . # Clock # Clock , timer . # Clock . # She's off again . # Frenzy again . # Er # don't you point at me . # Er erm # er er er clock tow tow , clock # Oh sounds like clock . # I'm going clock clock clock . # Oh dear . # Yeah I would have gone up and down with graphs . # Oh yeah alright . # Shhh . # Strong smell of burnt fingers going on . # Mm ? # Well I sent the money off . # That's us as well . # Brown . # Oh , ready ? # Yes . # Got it . # No no she had it first . # Yeah I heard before . # You should shout louder . # Yes . # Is it ? # I'm not in . # Poor old # Right . # Ready go . # Falling . # Wasn't a shower ! # What ? # A shower ! # That's a bath ! # That's a shower ! # Is it ? # Right . # Oh . # Yeah that's that's alright . # Entering's alright . # Entering . # Entering . # Enter . # Entering's alright . # That's good . # Well done Annie . # Your drawing's # Four . # Oh we're nearly there ! # Right . # This is an all play . # off this red one mum . # Red . # That's it . # Right . # Isn't it ? # Blue . # Sorry . # My fault . # Blue . # Blue blue blue blue blue . # Boxes . # Telephone . # It's a mobile telephone . # Er two # fish . # Fishes . # Erm er # You got walkie talkie out of that ? # You got walkie talkie from a Sony Walkman there . # There's fifty years of empathy # Yes that's right . # If you win this # That's , you have to keep # Hang on # You're suffering , she's wet ! # Yes I that that does seem a bit odd . # You're right . # It's not # Who's who's go ? # Who who's drawing for you ? # Yes . # You've got to you've got to win twice to get off . # I think # No . # It's a bugger of a square to get on , that one . # I think the rule should be you should move on soon as you win one , I think . # What's what's that behind over there ? # That that over there ? # This , that bit there . # What's that ? # Erm volcano # Why ? # Oh no no no eruption , erupt is alright . # Yeah yeah . # Yeah I think # Yeah . # No # Yes . # I think it is . # Quite clearly you can't roll the dice the first time you win . # Ah . # Yes . # Yeah . # Right . # Mum thought it was wrong . # If you're in an all play situation you can move on straight away . # You're right and wrong # Have you looked at it ? # Oh I've got to see it . # Is that it , the card ? # Oh . # Ah . # Blue . # Did we roll we didn't roll the dice . # She said it . # She said it . # Puzzle . # Oh jigsaw puzzle . # All that effort . # Action . # Oh well I don't mind . # I don't like action ones . # Go . # Shall I put that one back , that card ? # It's not that one . # That's the card . # That's a good drawing there wasn't it ? # Two . # Mhm . # You know it you know it do you ? # Go . # Speech # Rainbow . # Er typhoon . # Tidal wave . # We throw the dice . # Right . # Is there any more paper Ruth ? # Mum , mum I was a bit slow . # I got that one # I had typhoon . # I was going typhoon and # No . # What colour ? # What co , oh . # Oh . # Erm # Oh Ruth ! # Why do you think of everything but funeral ? # Mortuary , rigor mortis . # She thought of everything # Ooh Ruthie ! # Hang on . # Everybody ready ? # Hang on , it's blue . # Ready steady go . # Hammer # Baths . # Loo . # Oh # That was brilliant wasn't it ? # Yeah oh that's sorry # Whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo # Yeah . # No , no # No . # Hey ! # Cos I know she won't get it but I'm try pretty confident nobody else will but erm . # Don't think you'll ever get that word # so I'm trying to give you that one . # Bongo drums . # Oh sorry no . # I thought it had gone . # I don't think anybody would have got that . # I don't think anyone would have got bongo # people would have got drums # Would they have got bongo ? # I mean # Erm # Yeah . # I was doing sticks I must admit . # I can't draw hands . # We can't win . # Yeah . # Yes . # It's dark isn't it ? # On your marks ready go . # Vest . # Pockets . # Oh . # What was that Ruthie ? # You see when she if you don't get it with Ruth # in the first ten seconds she goes ccchhhrrr # Agog in whirlwind of , frenzy of frustration . # It's like if you don't get hold # I'm going to smack you . # Oh here we go with this . # Come on . # Brown ? # Oh not brown . # I don't like brown . # Can I have another colour ? # It's an arrow , yes . # Oh well # It's easy if we don't show you what it is . # There ! # Don't don't draw that . # Oh . # You can't see it when it's like that . . # Brown oh that'll be , it's impossible . # Erm # That's what a tr with a transport # A quick one then , is it ? # Are we all ready ? # On your marks , go . # Hand , tennis court erm loudhailer . # Erm # Music . # Singing . # Coach . # Erm erm # Ref . # Here we go again , she's off . # Erm # Aah !music . # Erm erm . # Choir . # Chamber music . # Opera singer . # Erm # Classical . # Violinist . # Soloist . # Tenor . # Erm baritone . # Thank goodness for that , they didn't get it . # I'll let you draw it , right . # Cut it out you two . # What is it ? # Brown is it ? # Sounds like # Mm ? # No on the word you showed me how it could possibly # Done . # Rag . # Yes rag is quite funny isn't it ? # It's # It's brown is it ? # That's it . # good . # No . # We're coming up , we're coming up . # Here we come . # How does she know looking at , that's funny , that's from someone's subconscious . # How would you know that that was a footballer ? # Alright ? # I mean # it's weird . # That someone could get half the question right . # It was taken about nine it was when he was eighteen . # It was about nineteen fifty eight . # hair . # Oh no . # So can somebody find me the other one and I'll looks , oh that's alright . # That's okay . # I have got two . # I need , can you find that , oh I bet I've thrown that other one . # Mind you that's the only one I can't # You didn't like the Africa one ? # Too hard . # Yeah , that would have been a good one . # Ruthie got five marks for that didn't she ? # No , she didn't get as many as you expect . # Ruthie is that one reserved for your mum , or can I take that one to the office ? # Si at the supermarket . # Oh # Well french speaking I wonder if french speaking # Yes . # It's french speaking . # I wonder whether she's had a holiday there . # Yes she should have got those . # French Morocco . # Yeah Morocco and Algiers , Tunisia and Algiers are all French , French African colonies . # So she would have done that in her geography . # Geography , see Michelle should have I was conscious that perhaps Michelle was gonna be a bit out of that bit , some of those # Yes . # That's what I said . # That's why I moved Michael away . # I said that's why I thought she had you and Mi Michael with Mootty and Michelle . # I said no , we've gotta # I said you've got to put Paulie in there to balance it up a bit . # Lucky he did cos Michael just shoved off didn't he ? # No , not quite . # Did Paulie's team come last then ? # I I I suspected that anybody with Karen was gonna win . # I think Karen was , Karen was just # No no # Oh I don't put them in the bin . # Well have I got any presents to come tomorrow ? # I haven't now have I ? # Oh Paulie's . # Oh well wicked dude . # Yes . # I know . # I bet # Where did you hide that ? # Where did you go to get ? # Oh . # How long ago did you have to buy that ? # You got it in the garage ?magic yeah # I was gonna say . # Did you see , yeah he got , you know his duvet , your duvet's in ? # What's he gonna sleep under ? # He has . # Oh I know . # You'd have been . # Did he sa did he say sorry ? # Yeah she was quite proud of old Paulie though cos he , he stays and plays and all the other two just keep wandering off don't they ? # I mean I suppose # No . # No , don't think so . # . Chipped oh yeah . # Well it's cheap and cheerful but I was keeping it , you know within your budget . # I've got a few days I can go into work disco poster , I've gotta do this and that . # Not this month , it's all gone now you can clear that off . # What's that mean ? # Number eight three 0 three . # Eh ? # Oh . # What for ? # Oh you # Who by ? # No ! # What , she had a Manchester United scarf on did she ? # Mm . # It stands to reason that you're gonna # get the more yobbo-y fans standing than the ones sitting . # That's right ? # We had Palace Manchester United people sitting round us and there was no problem were there Paul ? # I mean , they have a dig , we have a dig at each other like you're talking and you you you talk , you know like you used to do ? # Talk to the next person but really you're talking to there say and they do it back to you , but erm Oh so he didn't , he won't be going again then ? # You should put it in context though . # Ten years ago he wouldn't have dreamt of doing that at all , would he ? # Right ? # If you'd gone into a , with an opposing team's colours into a standing zone police wouldn't have let you go in there let alone wa you wanting to go there . # They'd come out half dead . # They literally pushed them down the stairs ? # Yeah . # No . # Half # half , yeah . # Hear no , no , hear no evil , see no evil , speak no evil , which leaves do no evil available . # talking to self Hear no evil speak no evil hear no evil see no evil speak no evil # Yeah . # Well it's the only available e evil that's left . # Yeah . # Ah Paulie 's card . # That was a nice one . # Paulie didn't get that on his own did he ? # Take that , no that , no ! # Oy . # Come on , off . # Ruthie ! # I'll break Paulie's arm . # Oh my watch ! # If that's broken , you're paying . # I don't know Ruthie . # Bailiff's dead . # Mm here's 'Arry , here's 'Arry boy . # Oh he's singing . # I'm missing my news . # Yeah I know . # Mm . # You have to bang it Ruthie . # Bang it with the paper on it then it won't go all over the place . # Paulie's making it all up . # There you are . # He's ma , he's he's er squitting It's complete squit He's been exposed . # No thank you . # Solo . # Solo . # Polo , solo # This is Italy . # What was that ? # Paulie , bring me in my , my or has it gone upstairs ? # Can you go upstairs , it's in Si's bedroom for us ? # Si's room . # Paul come on . # Don't be silly . # Mm . # Mm . # Blimey . # Did he have a white cane ? # Eh ? # No . # Yeah I know what it is , yeah . # Yeah because you'd watched how the other two . # In other words you get into the rugby team because you happened to go third instead of fourth . # Can you imagine anybody being hit by Paulie going ? # What was he , a pygmy or something ? # No . # Not Stubby Wilkins ? # Stubby . # It like something out of Bu Billy Bunter doesn't it ? . # Eh ? # In what context ? # Give me a context . # Yeah think so . # Pigskin . # Hide . # Ooh there's a horrible bit coming up where she bounces off a white , they use a white car , it's disgusting . # One of Mike's friends # her sister committed suicide . # I reckon she watched this . # She was cooking the meal , right ? # Cooking the evening meal , her husband's left her but has been pestering her or something . # And erm she's just cooking the meal and she went upstairs went into her son's bedroom , got his belt and hung herself and her children coming back from school and find that . # Lovely thing to do to your child . # Doesn't matter how desperate . # Mike's friend's sister . # And Mike's friend's sister said that if this husband comes to the funeral he's gonna swing for him . # He's gonna go for him . # Gonna assault him . # Yeah . # And the dad of the wo woman says not if I get to him first . # How can you , could you do that if you've got I mean he's about twelve or thirteen comes home from school # Must be . # I thought you weren't meant to let them sleep on their fronts like that . # record on the way again , can't we ? # No problem . # Leave your nails alone . # Why don't you sit in that seat ? # Oh mum ! # You might get an extra merit mark if you do an extra session . # You what ? # Horse's odds . # What are they ? # is it a ? # No letters ? # Well you'd better get some money ready then hadn't you ? # There's a pound upstairs Paulie . # Have a look upstairs . # Hurry up . # Quick # That's a milkfloat isn't it ? # See what they've done they've waited for December haven't they ? # It's rather crafty and they're gonna do it every night . # Well I bet they go on every night until # Oh Paul get on with your job . # Greens is in golf isn't it ? # Greens ? # What's he doing # going ? # No well suppose # he's doing that quite well . # I mean what he's done what the director's telling him to do . # It's better going up than down . # How was sorry what was how much ? # Mm . # Hello , we're at fisticuffs here . # Paulie's burnt out like that fireman , look . # He's got algebra fatigue . # He's gone . # You , she shouldn't be using her maths ! # You should be doing it . # I just did ! # A hundred and thirty five ! # We don't know any . # Oh look . # It's me favourite . # What ugh ? # No . # Yeah I can knock it , I'll knock it home . # Oh look ! # The watch on the right there they both get smashed but the one on the back will cost you the one on the right will cost you as much to replace its glass as the one on the left completely . # You think the other one's gonna be alright but of course they both get smashed . # But the one on the right it's glass will cost you more to replace than the complete # They're good because that's the company you bought me # Yeah . # Three Q R squared ? # Oh what a weird advert this one , look . # Oh . # Pil ce not pils . # Tut . # Pilce . # No , you pilce . # Oh you haven't gone up to a bar and asked for a pils have you ? # Have I . # Oh what's he done ? # S skirmish . # Er # Yeah , a scrap . # Who ? # A motteose ? # Mm . # Who has ? # What the one no we haven't just seen him . # No . # No it's not ! # No I'm not , don't rewind it . # It's not . # Why is she in a huff ? # She reminds me a bit of Jen this girl . # Don't think Jen would thank me for that though . # well I dunno , well I think she's quite nice actually . # Jen might think she's a bit tarty but she plays a tarty bit in it doesn't she ? # Ha ! # December the second nineteen seventy one . # Twenty years ago . # Oh yeah I know that . # When the letter goes dot next to it it's multiply isn't it ? # Well you know next to each other like , like Q P R that's Queens Park Rangers . # You multiply queens by park by rangers . # Mr will tweak his ear off if he doesn't get that done . # How many points is er in front of you now ? # Oh well he's just pulling away . # Like if you look like er Woking , you're W he's Woking and you're Enfield . # Paulie . # Your maths like Laura . # What's Laura got ? # God if you're away you lose points . # Vital points . # You what ? # Oh # Paulie I want my back scratched . # Come on ! # Means money . # Who ? # Which one is Desmond ? # Which one ? # Oh the old one ? # Right get that tape going Paulie , quick . # Oh yeah # I didn't see in the end . # Went out to see the puppet , , one good thing at least it shows he's being quite a good boy not sure about the school # Well , they've had , they've only had you must of been better or Miss Johnson would of said you couldn't go to the public # Yeah , but how do you know it didn't work ? # She don't , the first time in our history # in that competition , they've been beaten cup . # That ain't terrible they mentioned Swansea in the early sixties , but eh # I don't , I'm thinking if I had some scrapers always managed eventually get through like we did . # Warmer There must of been three thousand , two and a half thousand , membership at Birmingham's # Do they ? don't know with all that corner and a , a , and one with great , one with the lock in the Alex could # Oh a couple of there's youngsters , there what , those two boys that talk to us they must of been about , at the most eighteen I think , messing about getting chips and fish and burgers and stuff ,rubbish . # No . # Yeah # Got the car things going through . # Mm ,got them , on Monks Lane the # Yes , and its not through yet , presumably they'll have another look at it at the end of the month . # You want the papers you've yet to find someone with a painting and # That's what he says , I really have seen the place , the man in the pass him # How do you know it's on now ? # Just mucking about , look , look , he . # Pretty good # Sshh # sequel rip off # She don't , the first time in our history # in that competition , they've been beaten cup . # That ain't terrible they mentioned Swansea in the early sixties , but eh # I don't , I'm thinking if I had some scrapers always managed eventually get through like we did . # Warmer There must of been three thousand , two and a half thousand , membership at Birmingham's # Do they ? don't know with all that corner and a , and one with great , one with the lock in the Alex could # Oh a couple of there's youngsters , there what , those two boys that talk to us they must of been about , at the most eighteen I think , messing about getting chips and fish and burgers and stuff ,rubbish . # No . # Yeah # Imagine rushing out to find your equipment # so Jack good cos he's a teacher . # Yeah , Ruth look , crumbling school # Is it ? # You could always say your spending more # every year . # to spend more # Very dodgy position , but your the one that's just taken up full time post # Well got a contract that made redundant # What ? # What do you mean ? # He , he's allowed to choose which one he makes sacks , sacks though isn't he , I mean # Really ? , have too ? # It's a bit like me , you don't expect to loose your job but you , you can , you can , no one these days can say you can't # Everyone now knows you can . # Trouble is with all this efficiency right and we can cut cost and do this and we streamline this , in the end unless you tell people , you've still got those people on your hands haven't you , you still in the end you've got to pay their unemployment benefit haven't you ? # and then you wonder sometimes , okay it makes everybody off balance # balance , the balance all balance their books , but in the end they all start complaining about that extra tax and corporation tax , why , because the governments got to play with the people of income # employed . # Is everybody like that though , is to mean here's Jan , where's Jan's contract go too ? # Jan # Well # oh # so you could be made redundant then # You'll find that # Yeah , but you'll find that when the people will get threaten with their job loses they do everything , do anything . # Who ? # Oh dear . # It's a child really isn't it ? # Because he's got so much decorations up , he answers a funny # In the right # picks up the phone not knowing who it is and says Santa's Grotto it is funny isn't it ? # but as mummy says it's not what a respectable headmaster is supposed to do is it ? # But then I , I , it's unfortunate that you had your first I mean someone who had no experience of headmastership , head , head teachers , I mean all the head teachers I should think are in financial problems this year cos it's really there first full year # isn't it ? , right , but I mean , he has , he's had other problems to compound it and distract it # and he's made it probably an even worse hash than , than the average teacher # I mean he's a , he's got to a , he's got to be a claim all across the whole sitting is that the , that their budgeting is not enough is it ? # Is that really true or is that an exaggeration ? # Think about it , is it twenty or thirty a day ? # Well he only asked , I mean that's obvious that he can say children # But then if it's twenty or thirty it stands to reason that's probably about the same # the same children stealing them # every day , well why # don't you clamped down on these kids ? # The point is you don't do these children any service by letting them getting away with it , cos they think they can get away with it . # Said this is a test ignore , this is a test and there was sort of like keying in # Yeah . # Well anything , any message I suppose , you can key in any message you want # Yeah I should imagine so but they wouldn't , but they could . # What ? # What's he to me know ? , what ? # Well I , I , don't think no , no , there not gazing up is it really , I mean is , its so huge you couldn't miss them # Posh # You don't see the , the # tabloid there , I read those , the headlines are hilarious , the headlines I think the manager who runs the headlines in The Sun is more funny than it all together . # oh Martino # give it to me # Yeah . # all day long . # Would you ? # Putting a roof on it # office they're all right . # I dunno , don't wanna go . # Who do they know in Australia then ? # Say that again , sorry I can't # Hasn't he got enough money ? # Sshh , Paulie . # That milk ? # Oh , that's hard on the eyes isn't it Ruthie ? # Oh no it's Graham the er cartoonist of Fred Bassett died . # I wonder if somebody else will take it on ?my new mug . # Oh yeah . # It's your last one you'll ever have Ruthie # Weird is it ? # What ? # Has it got , we had a and you're allowed to fire the shot are you ? # The sketch involved staggering around completely blotto . # This , can you see this Davro . # And he said it wasn't his fault , he , he told to do by the script writers , but I mean it's to make out that he had no right to , it's ridiculous . # waited for # What is ? # That can # Must put that champagne , once you've done that orange er Ruth , orange , put the champagne in there # Yes my birthday Rufus # No I'll have an orange that erm , straight from the bottle . # Er # Up where ? # You going to this , what a toy party is it ? # Best to , I place . # There's some more in there . # Yes . # , what did you do with the of the milk we had ? # Well , can't be fairer than that , she was passing on John's weren't she ? # another one like Trevor no matter what they , how they reason with what they saying it always puts people's backs up . # I think it's both the same # Oh , first is it ?that # I just opposite Macdonald's road # Yeah , Mah Jong # Two Mah Jong's . # Where's the other two then ? # Those coke ones are yours now , they're not , they are ones we don't do without . # We had twelve # taking those ? # Well we'll crush them , and then you can take them , wash and crush them , then you can take them in a box , to your school , put them in your school , yeah . # No someone has to . # Why did I , why did I do , put them in the machine instead of dropping them on the floor then ? # Well he should of carried it home and carried it all the way back again # Er , # Take those a waste of time . # You must have put about six of those in the bin . # Yeah , you can saying oh , # Get in trouble # Oh , she's doing well in the # I think you have to er , er , you have to be a certain kind of person , you have to be prepared to anything don't you ? # I don't think , I don't think you're allowed to say ooh , I don't think I'd like to do that . # Only for a bloke actually it's pretty easy , but for some of the girls I mean they sometimes has to false herself . # There was a scene where she had to go upsta up the top of a windmill weren't there windmill wings oh what those things , I don't think she was too keen on height # Dunno . # Spooky , it's spiritual , it's like re-in I often believe in re-incarnation when you hear stories like that , how can someone just sit down , little child sit down and play the violin . # Like somebody dare . # See Palace have bought Franz Carr . # Like you say , I don't think he can be too good at , if he tried , he has had a lot of injuries apparently . # He was a brilliant player , bright some players do . # Oh they've dropped Goodman now , good I preferred Goodman with , to Gabbiadini . # Spurs go to the Soviet . # No # Do they ? # No go through them . # Yeah # Swindon away , yeah , you're right . # I thought I thought you meant weekly # Well after this if they got a big rest didn't it , because I looked at , when we played Norwich and it was March the nineteenth , well given that there was a game the week before , are you listening to me ? # What did I say ? # That doesn't make any sense ,before # yeah , you # no I'm just saying once I , this , this semi-final gets over it doesn't look like the southern final gets played till February March . # probably will # Southern semi-final . # No . # No , whoever wins this has got to play the southern final , that's what I'm just saying , the southern final was Norwich last year # and that wasn't till March this year # March nineteen ninety one they played that . # I don't know . # I noticed Dennis took precedence over the foot run by Pat , but he , he # Hinds' gone into the lead . # Laura's burnt out . # Laura's gone and burnt out , he's streaks ahead he is . # What . # What's spelt wrong now ? # Longliness # Did the teachers spell alliteration right ? # Oh , oh says Paulie . # Mm . # Well she's the woman ,I've just realized that , look , look . # Oh fair enough . # Emmerdale . # The barmaid . # Oh where have I seen her face ? # Cheeky blighter . # Perhaps that's where this . # That guy at Engin Ruth , he gave a reasonable talk didn't he they reckon he's got a mental age of ten years old . # No , Engin the , one of this Tottenham three # Do they ? # Oh , I don't know . # Did your little group get Winston Silcott , on my quiz ? # Who did ? # Ah , dad wasn't it ? # I suppose , take this problem . # Yeah , you said , # what's her name was # Silcott # Can't , can't please their youngsters out of thirty pound shirts # I've won the pools . # No you're not going . # Weren't Liv weren't the easy team they've had so far , they were ,was quite hard as well I think ,what you should of said , yes and I'm Peterborough UEFA cup . # I don't think you'll get through . # Ah , we don't need the UEFA cup miss , it's only a UEFA cup . # Well grovel answer we get the # That weren't wicked # Blimey , everybody helped themselves to my toffee without asking # What ? # Anything he found difficult , maths . # You , you've been hacking at this one bit , it's gone too soft , look that's why , yes , gone too soft # , just remember when you turn up # Reply , Arthur Badger . # Badger . # Who's he kidnapped ? oh , oh she wanted him . # What , that bogie bloke ? # What as a policeman , was he a policeman then ? # No , but what # why did his , her husband # Ah , we're getting there now Ruth , right that's enough you lot , crikey , you # Yeah , . # You're not going to be nine stone eight # I've got to do me egg . # I've got to do me egg , like . # It's quite likely to be quite bright though isn't he ? # Well his father's a surgeon , I mean # I'm gonna stop it soon , # If I find the time I # This is new how , how is this # is this psychology ? # Oh cos you've just started it as well haven't you ? # Does he , do you consider a very successful way of getting inside to what children think ? # They have the right I think # What ? # Maybe they said # But I suppose you get insight er twenty per cent was she can't outrun him I think this bit she gets killed and she turns up in Little England , this come on . # She's # Who's tying her up ? # What gate ? # Ooh lovely ah , ah , ah , ah , ah , # ah , ah , ah , ah , ah , ah # Oh there's a lovely soft patch that she can fall on , god . # Yes , she # Yes he's starring , yes he stars in Little England next year . # No , it's ex- in Maibai , you'll watch it Ruth as well # You'll drop Emmerdale . # Oh . # Oh no , they and he turns up in some hanging from a chain he's being cruel to her isn't he ? # There are , she's dead she's buried this is quite good isn't it ? # Do they do this purposely cos that man's just been sent to prison the same thing isn't it ? # John killed that bird when she said # she wants to be near and he said couldn't let her go # Oh yes she saw the blood starting to come out of her neck and he caught her # Sorry . # I've got the power . # I wanted to see my shares # My shares are plummeting # Some of these you can't do . # Yeah . # Everybody # You just said that though . # What would you rather like to be doing ? , would you , if you're bored here , what would you really liked to be ? # A perpetual # What , you put # on one . # it was greed , I couldn't help it # When they did that black # oh # BAA # Goodbye in it ? , ever , ever ever , ever how do you say that goodbye in Italian ? # Italian # Affidavits . # It's a sworn affidavits in legal thing . # Legal # I think it means like if you saw that boy do something , the police , you , you take out a sworn affidavit that you saw him do that and , I think it's a legal document , look it up , it's # a legal document # copy what ? # B , E , # Oh what means ? , argumentative like mummy . # Argumentative argumentative # It's your face isn't it mum ? , countenance I won't countenance any # Condone # Cordons # it's like a party game isn't it ? # That bit at the side , something abut something . # Siblings ? # Just one I think # I don't recognise it is that ford , that's ford Ruth isn't it ? , that's what it is , it's a back ford , Pearly Way , those factories I'm sure . # It's a building , it's a part of a building abutment # Well who gave them to us ? # If it's photocopied Paul , she didn't write it down for each one of you did she ? # There's a lovely in there , in there , in the er life line , Christian windows now double glazing group given terms of Christian windows . # Someone's up to naughties . # The crime was disastrously . # Yeah , the guy who tied , who , who , who tied the women up on the railway lines , dastardly , wicked . # Well you know the film , you know the film # , you can get a big bowl of Babycham now Ruth . # Yeah , that's good marketing # Ooh , it's a stinker . # Is it two m's , two t's ? yes . # You never # There's your here you've not drunk # That looks good Hot Shot . # Criminal ? , # C R I M I N A L , criminal you like her don't you Paul ? # Gone off her . # Ooh , wanna see that , next Monday , Wall Street # Yeah # That's good ,tha that's clever that , there's a # that's marvel no , no it's not , it's slandering , no it's not it's liable , it's liable cos you in trouble . # This is a good talk about good jobs , that's Schofield g , landed himself a nice little series there . # , no not , yeah I mean he's done well , like that # Schofield's Europe , that's his second tour , and he's been all round the blinking Europe # Talk about , yeah all at BBC's expense # Oh no , has it , what , exclamation mark ? # has it got no homework exclamation mark . # Are those mine mum hasn't rung and said Adrian's got that job yet has he , she ? # Might be . # Ah weekend . # that is pure as a mother . # Is it ? # No . # Oh , it's my sibo # That's pure unadulterated sibo that is # There well # I think that's , you're right # that's Robbie in the same class isn't it ? , # Robbie there . # mummy , mummy reputed . # You can't be right about everything # Robbie pre-crew cut , Robbie # Looks like Robbie to me . # That boy still in his class ? # David still in his class ? # Well all you've got to know that Robbie's gone # Look at the sell by , very funny Ruth . # what are you talking # Can't be # Yeah , who's Roy , oh the South African # It was eight four Ruth . # Oh Ruth # Yeah # Who sent it ? # Who sent it ? # Nine foot tall , that's not so bad if you # stand in that might just be one room # Might just be one room wonder if I got my on my er B T shares ?foods cold by the time you get # they're more entertaining than the programme some of these adverts , more coffee Jason even Mrs cries # She left What time was the party from then ? # , I didn't know you was doing a fashion parade , I thought you was going to get some toys . #