# Come on ! # So er what's for tea mum ? # Can I have a bit more ? # Cheers . # Oh that's ver very nice . # No . # I hate thick stuff mum . # Where's yours ? # Don't like it . # Slaved over a hot stove for you . # So you got enough dad ? # Thank you mumsy . # Say that again dad ? # Oh it was gorgeous ! # It was erm a bit cold . # Mum , the spaghetti's horrible . # It's all short and # and yucky . # And why's he got that ? # No wonder . # And , that's a nice cardy mum . # Yes mother . # Who me ? # Yeah . # Shut up ! # You haven't got an excuse . # Forty five minutes . # Well , ninety . # Most of , you know . # What ? # Nothing . # Yeah . # They don't mind . # I don't care , as long as I get my money . # What ? # Who you gonna vote for then dad ? # Tell me dad . # No you're not . # You're not . # No it's to Labour you plonker ! # Liberals aren't gonna join up with erm Conservative . # The Liberals'll join up with # Labour if anyone . # Then Labour will get erm , will get a majority by joining with Liberal . # You're not really gonna vote Paddy are you ? # Cor ! # Cor ! # Dad what will you vote for ? # You're just common . # Should make people compete for th whatever they want . # Shouldn't just let flipping just work nothing , do nothing . # It doesn't give them any incentive to work if you just have everything nationalized and well cos they know they're not gonna get sacked . # It was crap ! # It wasn't as good a service all the services that are got better . # Well look at British Telecom . # Did you see what British Telecom's shares was yesterday dad ? # Very upsetting wasn't it ? # From ninety four and a half or something . # You're not serious that they're going to go to nothing could always go down a hundred . # That's good to know . # Bought any more shares ? # Ninety four and a half , eh ? # Mummy , you've hardly , hardly got any . # Oh well , I've got three hundred and eighty . # But they won't go back up to that now . # I'll be able to have dad . # Just in case # you forgot . # Yeah . # So ? # What d'ya say before mum ? # She said something completely weird . # Crikey ! # It's only seven point nine . # No . # Yep . # The interest rate's come down . # It means Gary doesn't have to pay as much on the mortgage . # When we getting a new car ? # What ? # What we getting ? # A Rolls Royce . # Yeah , I thought , I thought we both agreed on Lotus . # You want a Fiat Uno ? # Are you serious ? # The most unreliable # cars in the whole world ! # Good . # How the hell did Margaret get one of those ? # Yeah , she's got an Uno ! # It is ! # No ! # It's not # a Tipo , it's an Uno ! # Crap ! # Yeah , and doesn't go . # Well it goes very noisily and horribly . # It depends what you call by using it much ? # Oh I think she does more than that . # Mum , why don't you ever enrol me in those ? # Oh . # What is it ? # Urgh ! # Urgh ! # Well I , I just hope you're gonna eat all that . # Scampi . # Shut up ! # What ? # I won't bother doing the washing up bowl in the sink . # Well # A what ? # Oh well that's not very nice is it ? # Mm mm . # How you doing ? # Oh ! # So ? # Well there's Neighbours in . # Ah ! # Ah ! # It's Neighbours in three minutes . # Come on , talk to me ! # Quick ! # Quick ! # Quick ! # And # and erm erm erm I like your hair . # Have you ever thought of getting ? # What ? # Yeah . # Which one ? # What is it ? # Well I dunno , I just saw the filling . # But # So it's done ? # Okay . # Yes please . # I am quite fit . # Not too much . # Oh ! # Oh ! # Tt ! # Shut up ! # Are you going tonight ? # Er erm I want two # two two erm thingies two Jaffa Cakes two ba box of Jaffa Cakes and Mini Cheddars then I'll have to wait a minute please have to wait again , and then a Coke er erm er er er erm doo doo . # Is there a packet about ? # No . # Any more clothes ? # Why not ? # It's not . # Lasts me ages . # I'm poor ! # I'm a pauper ! # Ah ! # What doesn't taste # nice ? # Yeah I know . # So ? # Why ? # Why ? # Go on . # You did that # Explain it . # Who ? # You have to say something now Rhiannon . # You can't # laughing # laughing can't go into it . # Shut up ! # What have you , what have you done today ? # You must have done something interesting ? # When you was out ? # I'll put the tape back on . # Are you on about there ? # Oh right . # Oi ! # I'm changing the subject ! # Oh . # Oh I've missed Harry Enfield . # Oh I'm gonna miss Harry Enfield cos of you . # I can't , our video's packed up . # No it's alright . # No it's alright . # What ? # What ? # Oh yeah . # That's not nasty , that's true . # Tt . # Pity all your bastards are blacks . # What ? # They're not . # What are you up to ? # Oh fucking hell ! # What was I saying ? # It can't have been about school . # Well I thought so . # I can't think . # I love Benny Hill ! # Eh ? # Right . # Ah ! # I know what I was gonna do . # I know what it was . # It's to do with Anthony . # I'll tell you # later . # Tell you about it # It's just funny . # Well it wasn't that funny . # It's # He , he's really cut up about poor old Alex . # Alex . # Dunno . # I haven't seen her . # I apparently walked straight past her , but I don't think she saw that . # Like , he didn't point her out to me till I'd gone past her . # See ? # But I . # Ooh ! # Oh that was yesterday , when I was , when I was here . # When you were laughing at me . # But it was worse before , after I had a shower it went down a bit , but it was really red and . # Yeah but you , you didn't know I was in amazing pain though , I don't think . # You know the # howls didn't give it away . # She has not ! # She has not got very bad # They are not noticeable . # Oh well # wanted to make a they have on the # Have you got any on that ? # Honestly ? # But # Oh that was ages ago ! # Rubbish ! # She has not got bad skin . # What was I was saying before . # No , no . # It is not ! # She has not . # Still nice # though . # She looks good . # Do not ! # I do not . # I like a bit of dominant , you know standing up for people in my woman . # No . # No I'm not ! # No ! # You're not . # But something else as well . # I can't think of one . # Will I go and get one ? # Suppose so . # I'll go to my nice doctor who won't he'll be nice and gentle . # I'm supposed to go for one tomorrow actually but can't be bothered . # Just . # How long's it take ? # No , how long's it take to know ? # Well my bones stick out anyway . # Well do they like or do they stick , stick the thing round , round their arm # for the blood supply . # ? # It was about , I thought it was about how erm how erm # Who brought it up ? # About half of one side . # I've got twenty tapes . # But I don't have to fill them all . # As many as I can . # Summat like that . # None . # Er er well you can when I've finished this side . # But it's dead boring . # I dunno # I haven't actually listened to it . # Well go and turn the headphones off . # Oh dear . # Okay I'll buy it . # Was it crap when you ? # You got a C D player ? # Okay I'll I'll sell it for sixty . # I hated it the first time . # I thought , oh , it's too much special effects and # afterwards you think , oh it's brilliant ! # I do that . # I don't do that # I do that with U Two . # Okay . # I'll get it . # I'll go into town on Saturday and I'll get the big four C D box set for fifty five quid . # It's got tons on it ! # Mm . # Good Times , Bad Times . # Der now , cha cha , der now , in the day # Yeah I'll definitely buy it . # I'm gonna spend a hundred quid on music on Saturday . # I've got a hundred and eighty # I've , I've got hundred and eighty quid now to go spend on clothes . # For my birthday and er er # me clothes money as well , I'm supposed to buy clothes but I never do , I always buy C Ds . # I get thirty quid a month . # Yeah . # Plus , plus I get extra as well whenever I ask for it she just gives it me I just say I've spent it all . # But I never have . # Mu mu my mum says that I've got to show all receipts at the end of the year and if I haven't got any then she wants it all back , but she's she can piss off as far that's concerned ! # That's rather impressive . # I haven't bought any clothes for so long . # I hate buying clothes , it's horrible ! # I hate buying clothes ! # I , oh no ! # The o the only shopping I like is shopping for music , but even then I can't decide and , it's horrible . # And most of the clothes I hate ! # I'm so picky about the clothes I get , and even then I # don't like them much . # Blue on black ? # No . # Where do you get them from ? # Where is that ? # No . # Yeah . # Yeah . # What happens right if the tickets for the U Two concert come out while Si's in Mexico ? # Are we definitely going ? # Cos he said something about we might not have the flat . # I know , but if it works out that we haven't got the flat then what the fuck are we gonna do ? # I mean what the fuck are you gonna do with the tickets ? # Yeah , but if you buy tickets for London they don't accept them in Birmingham . # Well that's good . # Your brother hates me ! # Won't he ? # Why ? # If it's a house for university then they only rent it out . # He's bought a house ? # So your brother's just fairly well off ? # So your # parents paid for it ? # Ooh my God ! # Are you gonna have the house or not in London ? # Er , the flat ? # What do you mean , might ? # We need to know . # Oh ! # Well when will you know ? # Oh right . # Why , when , when will you have it ? # Well I thought you said there's people in it . # There's people in it you said . # Just for you ? # Your mum'd do that ? # Oh . # You serious ? # Just for one night ? # Your mum would chuck them out ? # Serious ? # Oh my God ! # Piss off ! # That's the guy coming in . # On Thursday ? # Isn't it tomorrow ? # What ? # And I came back to him , twenty one sixteen . # It was a good game . # Who won ? # Yeah well it was the , it was a week ago so it's not what I did to it , it wouldn't stay soggy after what I did to it . # I made it . # I mean , she put it in the freezer so it's gonna er all # go like that see what I mean ? # It was quite nice after that when we tried it out . # It was absolutely . # Well I did the chocolate anyway . # We made the chocolate as well . # Well I did . # Took about bloody half an hour to get it out the pan ! # Ah ah ah ah ah ! # What are in them anyway ? # And he could have salt but he doesn't . # So have I . # I got injured in this game as well . # Two all I got injured . # At two all I got injured . # And then # then I fell and bloody stretched my groin ! # And you know the # For the ones who played table tennis innit ? # Oh I go ah is that you ? # What happened ? # Oh ! # Oh ! # Ho ! # Ho ! # Oh yeah ! # I got your I T book Si . # Yeah . # You le you left it in the room today , I picked it up and I forgot to give it you . # So I've left it at home . # What are they ? # What ? # It's at home . # Well I forgot ! # There's # nothing in it anyway . # I read it , it's a load of crap ! # No . # How much you done ? # How ? # How many pages is that ? # It's not actually . # No . # You hand it in before Easter if you want it marked and checked . # But after Easter you just wanna hand it in and just sod it . # I don't care . # What the first ? # Bollocks ! # Six hundred words is nowhere near enough . # Six thousand'll be about close enough . # You should see what he says . # You a # yo # You have wi write about five hundred words just to cover each point . # You have to give loads and loads like . # You do ! # Have you do # No if you don't # Have you done it ? # You still doing your three hours a night revision ? # What have you done ? # Have you done a lot ? # Well that's a bastard innit ? # You go you got any headphones ? # I haven't done any yet . # Not bad . # You don't know what it's like # Anyway Si , probably do better than me . # And I have done some . # It all melts onto your food . # Gorgeous ! # You can taste the plasticy sort of chemical taste . # It's not all airy . # I like airy but if , when you push them down they come back up . # No . # Piss off ! # No . # Piss off ! # So ! # You don't get it with half a Jaffa Cake . # Piss off ! # You're ungrateful . # Oh and like you not talking to Olivia . # I've heard about you not talking to Olivia for about two weeks . # Dunno . # Why ? # Are you ? # Bollocks you will ! # Bollocks ! # Bollocks ! # And what do you think she'll say ? # Ha aargh ! # Wait a minute . # Of the regional erm team and erm , and erm , he was asked to go , to go on to play international # but he couldn't , he couldn't # He was still young # I dunno seventeen something like that so , he had to go and get a job # Well if you don't make it you're skint are you ? # Aren't you ? # He wasn't actually , his parents were quite well off # Depends what you call well off really . # No . # What do you vote ? # My dad voted Labour , my brother and my sis my brother and my dad ,mu my brother and my mum voted Liberal Democrat my dad pissed off said it was a wasted vote , but # He must , he must get so pissed off with that mustn't he ? # He must just feel like saying to everybody # only when they're close to it as well # He's crap . # Who would you vote for then this year ? # I'd have voted in Labour # Why ? # Conservative are for the rich . # They are . # exactly , that's for rich people , it only really helps the rich that's been # they pay no tax anyway # Look look that helps out the rich # that's the object of this # you , the likes of you # what do you mean who the fuck are these poor people ? # Yeah but , what you , what d'ya say # What , what's on the tape ? # Yeah . # You like that did ya ? # Did you record it ? # See , he's got all this bloody one thousand quid bloody hi-fi , hasn't got a double deck # Yeah , but you can't record then # Did you follow this saying ? # Why's it , why # Yeah . # It's not # don't bloody notice the difference # Shit # aren't you suppose to # into a # aren't you supposed to put it into a conversation though ? # Shut up # You don't # What's # Yeah , well let's see yours a minute . # Without ripping it do # What ? # What you going for ? # Why don't you just do it here ? # You can do it here . # You can do , when you're that pissed it doesn't make any difference just anyway # Eh ? # stuff like school and hobbies # No it's # no it's just , it's just the same as these , it's easy # It's just the same as what we've done in the first one , and we're # gonna be well up on this # No # no , it's to # cos I learnt this for my , for the , for the mock and that just # who's fault was that ? # That's ra that's rather humorous # and I , I'm sure did as well , a very nice one # is a bottle of ? # Oh don't start , I hate people who do that # You'd bloody like to go on holiday to America and they come back with an American accent I could shoot people who do that . # The , I'm naturally Scottish so that's erm # No # Hannah does that a lot , right , she goes to America and she comes back with an American accent , she goes to Scotland , she comes back with a Scottish accent , oh # But hers is really false hers is like no , like this # oh well that's bloody normal innit ? # No # No # I did my Irish one in front of him it was really good # Wanna hear yours first . # I can't do it like that I can't just turn it on # who you trying to turn it on , with everybody # speaking Scottish , you speak Scottish # Ooh aye Jimmy # Have you got my haggis ? # Not very stereotype then , go on , I did mine # go on # Oh come on do it # you big Jessie # I just come straight out with it # I didn't with my Irish thing , just spit out with it # Can't ya ? # Can't you come out with anything ? # I , I put on # I haven't , I , I , I've never been to Ireland # I have never been to Ireland # Yes that's a a perfect Irish accent # Slightly , just a bit , not much though , just pick it up from , you know people talking on T V and stuff # come on # Oh just try it then we don't care , we won't laugh , much # is your hair thickener working ? # Oh that was tight that moment # That was , that was , that was uncalled for # ah , he's upset now , I'm sorry about it # you should laugh look , less fortunate # No I won't # Je ne faim pas innit ? # Is your brother still going out with that bird ? # how long , how long's he been out with her ? # So he's shagged her now ? # Has he gone completely bald yet ? # Is he yet ? # no , no , don't , don't you tend to er stand in front of the mirror and admiring your # What she called ? # Ooh I hate that name # I hate that name # Rhiannon # Has he shagged her yet though ? # He doesn't intend to # Yeah . # What , what ever ? # Yeah # she does , yeah # She is actually # What's wrong with that about , oh what's wrong with that ? # I don't know # it is , yeah # It is # It starts at eleven # that's , that's the modern church cos he knows everyone's getting pissed on a Saturday night , so they've gotta let it # Sing songs and # Yeah # It doesn't , no # I dunno # I'm not , I'm not sure about it all , it's interesting that's why I go # That's crap that place , that is so boring # Baptist # It's just you believe in baptizing # Baptize you why not ? # Boys and lads and girls # It's a bit vague innit ? # Why ? # I can tell I'm not gonna like this # Shit # Well what's # Eh I'm not going into a library , fuck that # Oh yeah , sure # You can stuff your lecture # Oh okay # Oh oh # That's likely # Is he finished this ? # Finished this ? # Yeah , all of it ? # You got rules here # A big problem man # Okay , let's go # eh ? # What ? # was a bit out of order we have nothing to do with it hmm # hair , leave the hair # Cor I bet # Ye e e ah # You socialist , get out the house , socialist dog , er , er , er # Socialist out crummy , poor , common # common she boasts if people like me weren't on this world then your share will go up to you should be grateful , but you're not , this is , this er country will be in ruin . # No , no , it's not that bad though , not as bad as other countries , this is a world recession , not just Britain # I'm gonna be P M I am , the Conservative party # I'm gonna be , er # Good at lying # Erm , is my nice white shirt clean ? # My one , that one # Going on a pub crawl tonight # I haven't got it # Cos , cos hasn't got it # I feel fine # There's bloody loads # The milkman will come tomorrow morning # Why , where you going ? # In the most , most , most disagreeing voice I can put on funny # I think it's disgusting don't you ? # Like Gerrard like Gerrard was # Why , why do we # going to er a friend's party or something # Don't be daft , I hate 'em I wouldn't go if he invited me that's right # No I know I'm not # Just me trousers and a white shirt that # Mm # there you go I've made half the effort you make the other half # Oh yeah , I've done this I've done that , I've done this oh yeah , yeah , yeah , some of us have to go to school to work # Yes , yes , yes # Oh I'm bored , bored oh fuck it , I'm bored , bored , bored # I am doing them in a minute . # Oh talk to me # Oh yeah , should of # I have started # I have started # Next conversation tape # I have started # What ? # I haven't done much , but I # It's so boring , you just don't take any of it in cos it's so boring . # You don't honestly # honestly it's really , really I can't believe how boring it is yes come on mum talk to me # Don't you ? # So it # They're so low # this lower class man # lower # That's that # Eh ? # Do I care ? # I know # I know # How much do you people like , get anywhere # people like you get nowhere in life # Liked ? # Who by ? # Don't care # if I've trampled on them I wouldn't like them anyway I can be nice # No , just ask Rhiannon if I'm nice # Rubbish # What you on about ? # Nothing , it's up to you # You said you'd buy them off me straight away , you already owe me thirty quid , that's fifty five # So you owe me fifty five quid , what's that got to do with it ? # Why not ? # Why ? # So why didn't you go and get some out ? # I didn't , I never said I was putting it in , you said that for me # Why I'm gonna want some money to spend on ? # No idea # Well we're going on holiday for two weeks , well probably three actually cos we're going with you an'all aren't , do ya know where we'll be going on holiday ? # Do you think so ? # When , never is , is it ? # Has he bothered last year ? # Will , will , will , will we still go ? # Well do you want to ? # Not at all , in the middle of bloody June there'll be no one there # Yeah , end of June yeah , well , no one else is off then # I don't want to go to Ibiza again # it's such a touristy place , I don't wanna , I don't wanna go to a touristy # place . # Not having that , will we still go if dad don't wanna go ? # Please # just me and you # Great # Why ? # I don't understand why not that's not fair then , that's erm , that's taking four people and not giving back , that's ungrateful # Why not ? # I know , well she couldn't anyway , but I mean why not ? # No , go on , I want the reason , she might be able to if her mum and dad pay for her go on # Why ? # Share a one room with who ? # Oh # oh a stu a studio # Well you don't have to have a studio , you have a choice when you book it # No # not that bad for four # Stand the other side , move , would of moved those drawers and stuff on there I think # you know , you don't the apartments for three , you don't travel in threes # So she can't ? # That's not fair ,is it ? # No , but , but # but you didn't , you won't take # responsibility for her before she's sixteen , take responsibility for ourselves # Oh you , you wouldn't let me would you , you would # you wouldn't let me go on me own # You'd just give us dirty looks probably wouldn't go # So you wouldn't mind ? # You got # you've gotta be eighteen before you you stop me doing other things # Can , can I stay with # He's never here anyway , it don't matter # When's dad coming back ? # Why he ask you ? # She , got to wait till they order a carpet ? # Sodding hell # Why ? # They can if I can , hmm , er when's the bed going to get there ? # Well when , did they order it ? # From where ? # That's a rip off isn't it ? # Five # Oh thirty # How much was the bed ? # Where they get all their money from ? # Oh that's bad news innit ? # Well I know , it's still bad news cos they've got their mortgage and everything # How much ? # No in years # clear eleven what d'ya mean clear ? # What between them , that # that's only twelve thousand , thirteen thousand a year , that's crap , that's what Gerrard gets just on his own # it's double that innit ? # Lesley gets more than Gerrard doesn't she ? # Oh , it's about twice that # More than that , twelve innit ? # Twelve , thirteen , yeah cos he used to be on ten at the old place and he gets about two thousand more # Yeah , under the Conservatives that , if you'd been under Labour you would of lost about four hundred didn't think of that though did you , didn't think your own son # So ? # No # No they're , they'll still be # they'll still be a health service , but peo # but people who can afford to pay for it will be , will be made to at the time # which I think is right , if you can afford to pay for it then you should be made , made to # I don't know , that's up to them # Aargh # Never even paid national insurance in your life have you mum ? # Well that , oh , it's no point in arguing # Don't use that language # I shall bloody win # I shall bloody win # Why shouldn't , why shouldn't we be made to pay for a health service ? # The only good thing , the only good thing about La the only good thing about Labour is that they would have brought back student grants so if I ever , if I ever do go to university then I'll get lots of money . # Would he ? # Rubbish how much ? # Why he got a rise by the # do you care ? # Aha , do you want him to have more money ? # So # More for him to lose # this morning # When'd he tell you that ? # They went up ten overnight to about , to about # to about what I paid for them # Yeah it has , see # Three hundred and eighty # What ? # Make sense I suppose # No I've made eighty , nearly eighty # Three hundred and eighty I just said # We're on tape number eight # What ? # it's got # it's got a load of rubbish on five , six and seven , there's perhaps nothing on it , I've just left it running # Well she said she didn't expect you to use all of 'em didn't she ? # Yes # Don't # No . # No , you're so embarrassed about your socialist ideas , you , you don't , you don't them , feel people knowing that socialist # socialist person , what ? # Er , you should always put meat , meat and things , things that are gonna drip at the bottom , never ever put # never , never ever put meat at the top # Are you sure ? # Cos you get the sort of thing like things are dripping off and if you've got germs in them and you've had a bad # No , it's either empty or full of crap so in other words it's empty for me , all the time # Oh sugar you tell it mum , you tell it love # No sad innit ? # Yes # Why ? # What ? # Yeah , but apart from that I don't touch it # Why not ? # Shut up # Can I ? # Why ? # What ? # What ? # Well am I a good son ? # Why not ? # Why ? # I dunno what's a good one ? # I mean # am I perfect ? # No I think # think , think you are too mum , you , you could have a son who is taking drugs , who was doing all sorts of in crime and joyriding # but no # Yeah , miles better , for the good of the country they're not good for you , women shouldn't have the vote you know women shouldn't get the vote , I think they should bring back , bring back just men having vote , women don't get a say as far as I'm concerned that's a good idea don't you think ? # stage , that's my , that's my whole life it's my whole I've had that erm , have my views , so why do you think I should vote Labour ? # Come on why ? # Yeah and it'll take a # Yeah , but they haven't got enough money # they haven't got enough money to do that . # They have not , they have not got enough # they haven't , did you not read the article in the er Telegraph ? # They said , they said # the actual , actually nine point four billion pounds behind # short # yes because they , they fo forgot to take out the money which they could have , which erm , which would of come from privatization , which they had no intention of doing so they took that out . # Are you not for privatization ? # So you think it's better ? # Well why don't Labour then ? # Well the health service could be privatized # and why shouldn't the health service be privatized ? # I know but the actual , the actual peo the actual people that have to pay for us , such it could be more that erm , the government would actually pay for it and then hospitals would erm fight for the , for the actual er thing # What if they don't want ? # I don't know they'd never do that , they'd never do that # No # Do you not think British Rail would have , have # You do care # Don't know # Why not , why didn't you vote Liberal Democrat ? # What getting into our seat ? # What does it matter about the country , the seat is what's important # did you actually find out about the figures for the seat ? # If you found out # if you found out then you might have found out that they weren't very far behind , so they could of caught up and they could of gained a seat and they could of gained a say in the government # so it's not wasted at all # is it ? # Pathetic , pathetic # it's , you just , you just don't believe and they went back up # a Labour person # a Labour person will never actually buy shares truly wouldn't # You did # Why not ? # You make a lot more money though # Compared to other people maybe , yes mum you're not grateful for what you've got # Compared to a lot of other people you've got a lot more # Yeah , well you don't look at it like that # you , you # you , you want to be the best and no one # You've got a reasonable amount haven't ya ? # You , nah , you've always got enough for what you want ain't ya ? # Why d'ya want really good clothes ? # Eh ? # Make you look good , look good # really good clothes , what do you mean by really good clothes ? # Talking about clothes from Next for women # Why not ? # Oh my God # well you can have it # you want something every week from Marks and Spencers , that is so sad , I # wouldn't go in Marks and Spencers if you'd pay me # Well last time you got some vouchers right you # But you'll be able to buy yourself something still # Mm , I'm sure you'll find something in Marks and Spencers , I have heard about a new trick mum , how to con money out of Marks and Spencers # right , you go upstairs , pick up the most expensive article they've got and then you go downstairs to the customer relations department and say I bought this article yesterday and say , and , and I'm afraid # I'm afraid it doesn't fit unfortunately I've lost the receipt but will you still change it ? # And they say yes we will , our business teach teacher told us about that you see because it's been happening a lot , cos Marks and Spencers don't ask for a receipt you see , it actually happened , they used to take things from upstairs , bring them downstairs and said they bought it and got the money for it . # Clever still I can earn it # Yeah I know but Marks and Spencers are a crap shop I don't care if they go out of business they're a rip off anyway , they're so expensive , such crap clothes , they're so common , that's the word I've been looking for common , that's my word of the week I think er common common ,does it not get to ya looking like everyone else ? # If you , if you wear Marks and Spencers clothes you'd look like everyone else # you look like millions of other people # you got five hundred quid bonus , why don't you spend that ? # Er , ee # are we gonna go ? # Out , how much money have you got in the building society ? # Go on how much ? # Mm is that you've saved up this year ? # Saved it well haven't you ? # I've only got six hundred and fifty , will you give me some ? # Oh I'm skint # Don't you think I'm skint ? # Yeah , you'll feel better for it though # Tt you'll get # Eh ? # Why ? # Why ? # So , does that annoy you then ? # Can't you # You always bite me head off when I ask some sensitive questions # Why don't we go next week ? # No it's not # you've got a week # Well perhaps if we will , we weren't to , if we went next week , we'd have two weeks earlier than last year won't we ? # Or three # Three weeks , yeah we'll go somewhere like that Greece or you know if you ask me er I know loads of people in this # They went to Tenerife # Tenerife and Lanzarote are no good then ? # Where there is a pavement or foot path used , do not walk next to the curb with your back from the traffic , look both ways before you step into the road where there is no foot path , walk on the right hand side of the road , it is safer to walk on the side facing on coming traffic , keep as close as possible to the side of the road , take care at right hand bends , keep one behind if that is possible , particularly line heavy traffic on flurry , do not allow children under age five at least out alone on the road , go with them , walk between them and the traffic and always keep tight hold of their hands , if you can't do this then use reigns as security , secure them firmly into the pushchair , do not let them run into the road , always wear or carry something bright or light or reflected within the dark of light , this is especially important , that all uses it it's just the rules I suppose # crossing the road , I don't need , you won't get asked that one will ya ? # just # the road you , use it on wheels # don't say keep your vehicle in good condition , pay particular attention to lights , brakes , steering , tyres , including spare seat belts # demisters ,di demisters , windscreen wipers and washers , keep windscreens , windows , lights , direction heaters , reflectors and mirrors and number plates clean and clear , do not drive with the defect upon suitable exhaust system , if L plates have been fitted , remove or covering , when the vehicle is not being used with the driving instruction or practice . # You must ensure that any loads carried or towed or secured and do check and see , do not overload your vehicle or trailer , when on a motor cycle , scooter or moped you must wear a safety helmet or designed which maybe fastened securely , you also must wear sturdy boots and gloves , tell other seen , wear something bright coloured or bright , reflect the material , open the door , brighten materials help in daylight as do and sheen . # Over a hundred and fifty C C to two hundred and do not drive # if you feel tired or unwell , fatigue can cause serious accidents , never drive if you're under the influence of drugs or medicines , it can seriously affect your driving ability , always ask your doctor whether it is safe for you to drive when taking prescribed medicines . # If you need spectacles to meet the official eye sight standard , wear them , it is an offence to drive with uncorrected defective vision . # Do not use tinted or optical equipment of any kind , sun glasses # night driving spectacles # sky goggles or tinted helmet visors at night or in conditions of # car as well it'll be # Tinted glasses do not help your vision , do not use spray on or # or windscreens # alcohol and road user # well we just do this , people get asked this drive as responsible and driving that children under fourteen are sitting # when they are travelling , in the front a child , now one year , must use an approved child restrain design for age and weight , a child over one may wear any approved child restraint on adult seat belt , in the rear a child must be restrained and the appropriate restrain is fitted , the the term appropriate restrain includes the following ; infants under one year old , a carry or cot which is held by straps , children one , two or three years in appropriate child seat or harness or booster cushion with an adult belt , not a household cushion . # Children from four to fourteen year old an appropriate child seat or harness . # In the rear an adult may be restrained in preference to the child , however an adult must not deny a child the use . # Do not carry children in the middle of space by the rear seats of an estate car or a hatch back unless the manufacturer has provide the seat for this purpose . # Signs , know your traffic signs , right , signals , give signal , give signals if they would help or warn other road users watch out for the signals of other drivers and motor cyclists or pedal cyclists and take necessary action from them . # You must obey the signals given by a police officer # way no way , see them man . # Moving off , before moving off always use your mirrors , but look round as well for a final check , signal as necessary before moving out , move off only when you can do so safely without making the road user change speed or direction right # I'm gonna in a minute driving along what must you do when you're driving along ? # what else ? # well when you're driving along give us some of the things what you do , tell us something that you do when you're driving along # use your mirrors often , that you know what is behind you and that each sign is what you said # driving along , keep to the left except when road signals or markings indicate otherwise or when you intend to overtake , or turn right , or when you have to pass stationery vehicles or pedestrians in the road , allow others to overtake you if they want you , you must not drive on by the side of the road . # Use your mirrors , on narrow or winding roads or where there is a lot of oncoming traffic , drivers of large or slow moving vehicles should be prepared to pull in and slow down to stop as soon as there is suitable opportunity , well , before you take off or turn left or turn right , or slow down or stop , use your mirrors , you should always look behind even if they're none , a motor cycle should always look behind either , then give the appropriate signal if necessary , remember the routine # what ? # always keep a special look out for cyclists particularly when overtaking or turning , bearing in mind that two wheels are much less easy to see than large vehicles . # Driving for long distances may make you sleepy , to help prevent this make sure there is plenty of fresh air in your vehicle , if you become tired on the journey , stop and rest at a suitable parking place , right . # You must obey the speed limits for the road and for your vehicle , remember the , except the motorways there is a thirty mile per hour speed limit on all roads , where there are streets unless sign show otherwise . # Bear in mind that any speed limit is a maximum , it does not mean that it is safe to drive at that speed , always take into account all the conditions at the time , never drive so fast that you cannot stop well within the distance you can see to be clear . # Go much more slowly if the road is wet or icy or first drive more slowly at night , remember it can be especially difficult to see pedestrians or cyclists at night and in poor daylight conditions , do not break , sharply , except in an emergency . # Leave enough space between you and the vehicle in front so that you can pull up safely if it slows down or stops suddenly , the safe rule is never to get closer than the overall stopping distance shown below , but on the open road in good conditions leave a gap of one metre for each mile an hour of your speed or a two second time gap may be enough , they will also leave space for an overtaking vehicle pulling or wet or icy or the gap should be at least double that , drop back if you know that taking vehicle closing gap in front of you make way for ambulance , fire engines , police or van emergency vehicles when their blue lamps are flashing or their bells , two tone cones or sirens or . # In towns , give way to buses indicating , an intention to move out from the bus stops , if you can do so safely . # Use of microphones and car telephones # Do not use a hand held microphone # or telephone when vehicles moving except in emergencies , you should only stick your fix or clip on microphone where it will not distract your attention from road , do not stop on a hard shoul shoulder of a motorway to answer or make a call however urgent . # Driving in fog ; when driving in fog check your # you see you to do if you're not listening # no , I didn't say that # what you do when driving in fog check your # and slow down , keep a safe distance , you should always be able to pull up within your range of vision , what else don't you do , what don't you do in fog ? # hang on to somebody elses tail lights , it gives us a false sense of security watch your speed , you may be going much faster than you think , do not speed up to get away from the vehicle which is too close behind you , remember that if you're driving with heavy people it may take longer to pull up and speed on ahead , warning signals or # check and clean your wind screens , lights , reflectors and windows remember that fog can give is often patchy # even though when it is clearing # a pelican crossing has the signals have the same meaning as traffic lights except that the flashing amber signal will follow the red stop signal , when amber light is flashing you must give # what you do when amber light flashing ? after the stop # you must give way to any pedestrians on the crossing , so , otherwise you may proceed a straight pelican is one crossing even when there is a central refuge and you must wait for people crossing from the further side of the refuge , don't harass the pedestrians for instance by revving your engine . # When turning into a road junction , give way to what's a road junction ? # oh , give way to # pedestrians who are crossing the road in which you are turning when entering or emerging from property bordering on a road , give way to pedestrians as well as the traffic on the road , remember pavements are for people , not for motor cycles motor vehicles # I don't take . # Lines and lanes along the road . # A single broken line with long markings and short gaps in the middle of the road is the # single broken lines with long markings and short gaps with the middle , in the middle of the road is the hazard warning lines , do not cross it unless you can see that the road well ahead is clear . # Where there are double white lines along the # road and the line nearer to you is solid , you must not cross or straddle it , except when you need to get in and out of the premises on side road . # Where there are double white lines along the road and the line nearer to you is broken , you may cross the lines to overtake if you . # Overtaking , give us some , do not overtake unless you can do so without # before you start overtaking make sure the road is clear , use your mirror , signal before you move out # be careful in the dusk , remember mirror , signal , manoeuvre once you start to overtake move quickly passed the vehicle you are overtaking , when overtake er , overtake only on the right except when the driver in the front has signalled that he intends to turn right , you can overtake him on the left , without getting in the way , when you want to turn left at a junction , when traffic is moving slowly in queues and be er , in a lane on the right and moving more slowly than you are , in one way streets , but not dual carriageways , maybe with a path on either side , when traffic is moving as described , do not increase your speed while being overtaken , slow down if necessary to let the overtaking vehicle pass . # On the tail , lane road , give way to vehicles coming towards you you must not overtake if you would have to cross or straddle double white lines with a solid line on the out of you , erm if you're within a zig zag area , the pelican crossing , after a normal overtaking sign until the end of the restriction , do not overtake when you cannot see far enough ahead , for example , when coming through # a corner or bend # hump back bridge or the brow of the hill , or where you might come into conflict with the car , with other road users for example at # the road junction # don't say that a level crossing or where the road narrows , on approached any type of pedestrian crossing or where it would involve driving over an area marked with diagonal stripes to or che chevrons , do not overtake when you do so would force another vehicle to swerve or slow down , if in doubt do not overtake so where'd you not overtake ? # or # mm # yeah , # at a level cross , at a level crossing or where the road bends , or approach to any pedestrian crossing . # Road junctions . # Approach road junctions with great care , consider your road position and your speed , drive on only when you are sure it is safe to do so and that you will not block the junction , watch out for long vehicles which maybe turning left or right , at the junction ahead , but which may have to use to make a turn , when waiting to emerge at a junction , do not assume that a vehicle approaching from the right which is signalling with it's left hand direction indicator would turn left , wait to make sure do you know what I mean ? # that , if you leave and that car comes and signals left , it means that you've got to wait for it to go in , in case it doesn't you know what I mean . # At a junction with double broken white lines across the road it # may also have the give way sign on invert inverted triangle on the carriageway , you must be ready to let traffic on the major road go first . # At junctions with a stop sign and a solid white line across your approach , you must stop at the line , wait for a safe gap in the traffic before you move . # When crossing the dual carriageway or turning right into the road , treat each half as a separate road , wait # in the cen central driving , dividing strip # until there is a safe gap # it means you come to turn right on road , and each # lanes a separate road doesn't it ? # aha # aha # aha # oh # why ? # what happens at our speed ? # Where a junction has a mini roundabout , it will have a sign placed before the give way . # Boxed junctions have criss cross yellow lines painted on the road . # You must not enter the box # if your exit road or lane from , from is not clear , but you may enter the box when you want to turn right and are prevented from doing so . # Junctions controlled by police or a traffic warden , when all traffic is held up by police officer or traffic warden you must not go left or right until you are signalled to do so . # Junctions controlled by traffic lights do not go forward when the traffic lights are green unless there is room for you to clear the junction safely , never go forward when the red , amber lights are shown together , when traffic lights have a green arrow filter signal , do not get into the lane when filtering is allowed unless you . # Well , before you turn right use your mirror to make sure you know the position on movement of the traffic behind you . # When it is safe , give a right turn signal and as soon as you can do so take safely , take up position just left of the middle of the road or in the space marked by right turned vehicles , if you can leave room for other vehicles to pass on the left , wait until there is a safe gap between you and any oncoming vehicle , looking , look out of sight for motor cyclists and pedestrians , then make a turn , but do not cut the corner as people like pedestrians crossing the road in which you are turning . # Remember mirror , signal , manoeuvre . # When approaching a roundabout I'm not testing you any more # I'm not testing you any more # What's the # mm # the left # mm ? # right # all three lanes is the taught now , middle # so what's the last # one for ? # turn , aye # right # on a single carriageway where a lane has got four lanes # why ?er , if plain English that right in it ? # so you've gotto take on fast moving traffic or turn right ?right are we asking some more questions ? , # I don't know that much really , I don't know # I # I don't know them # mm ? # thirty # fifty # mm ? # dunno # I don't know # with the black line it is # that's what # but you don't do it # what ? # no the # that's what mile do you do on it ? , like some people might think the national speed limit , but it's not that's fifty or sixty # it's got fifty # is it seventy ? # well it tells you and if it's any less than seventy # but it tells you on the thing , it , a white thing with a line through it # means seventy though Darren # doesn't it ? , eh ? , well that's got one of them on # it's got er , it's got one of them white things with a black line on it I'm sure # seventy # so white line with a black thing through could be just sixty # mot what's on a motorway ? # or a dual carriageway # it's seventy # unless stated otherwise # mm # aha # aha # oh # yeah # you asking me ? # see seventy on the crossroad # , no , mind , some of them do when when # stopping what ? # thirty , sixty # seventy # seventy # aha # aha # hi ya # hi ya # I know he's dressed an all # aha # forty mile an hour # oh aye # national speed limit # aha hexagon # stop , under # he's out # travel the night now # travel in night # he's gone # to far away pubs and that # you know him and Jimmy's new travelling night # i next door I think Jimmy's turn # they've got # it's for the first three # will Pam pay weekly do you think ? # got some belts in the back an all mam # well passed before # no # no I know mum , I don't think I'll be passed before August even if I don't # I don't feel as though I # and then what happened ? , you come back # and you and you went , what did you say ? # have we done enough with the signs ? # what's a red triangle ? # what's a small triangle # on coming traffic # to the right # with oncoming traffic on the major road # she seems to be struggling an all doesn't she ? # er # don't know # they've got right of way they waiting # no overtaking motor cycles # eh ? # no vehicles , cars # mm , mm # mm , mm # no entry # but # I've seen it and I cannot think # me dad was here # I've seen it before I cannae think # no , but it # right # right # I wannae know # what ? # aha # left and right turn , oh there's no turn # it's going into one lane # it's going into one lane # it's going in a single lane # er # carriageway ahead # well that's what I said , you can only go one way # I just said it , I'm saying it end of dual carriageway # two lane traffic # so that's fine like if you're coming off a dual carriageway , maybe you'll see that # left and right hand turn # huh # that way and that way well # what ? # and there's a one way road going like that # aye # ahead # there's two way traffic where you've gotta cr cross the one way road # so that's two arrows going that way # right # well ask us Darren , I mightn't # eh ? # bend # can I , slip road # yeah # you mean like a slip road ? # aye , well like , like traffic merging from it though don't sigh # three way traffic # three lanes # what , with three lines across it ? # you have to start # start with a hundred # mm , mm # cos does that you mean you've gotta stop # you've gotta start breaking when you see three # well Darren you're cramming too much in me head right now # it's cramming too much in , I'm getting confused , I get # you know them , so why you asking ? # what that mean twen , is it metres or what ? in metres # which ones that ? , the red or the black ? # mile an hour twenty , thinking distance twenty , what's it ? # I want the distance , black # the black is feet # right # sshh # you don't go on a motorway for driving lessons # you only drive # don't # shh , er I'm trying to learn mine # it's seventy five feet # how'd ya work it out , is there a way to work it out # how ? # aha , goes to forty # aha # aha # no it's not # no # well it doesn't say that # what's that mean , so you , what you doing twenty mile an hour you think that you can stop in twenty mile an hour , at twenty feet # and then what's that mean braking # it takes twenty feet # then overall stopping distance , what does that mean then ? # what does that mean ? # aha # when ? # aha ? # so how'd ya work it out ? # shouldn't have # how'd ya work it out Darren , you gonna tell us or not ? # right , well it is # I have er , I know , forty , a hundred and twenty two ,seventy five a hundred seventy five and three # aha # yeah # aha # aha # forty # what then ? # twenty # yeah # I can get that one alright # thirty , forty five and seventy five # twenty # twenty # twenty # oh you add one # there and it's erm # thirty , forty five and seventy five , thirty , forty , fifty , sixty , seventy five # aha # that would be # no let let me , let me # forty , er thirty # this is just for your test when they ask you # you're not saying well I'm a hundred and seventy five feet away # I a hundred and seventy five feet # as it is , I know what one metre and that's about it # I've got no idea dad , honest to god # thirty , forty metres # it's not that long dad # I knew those distances # no , I would say about fif , forty , fifty # well I # sshh #