#
On ? #
Yeah I don't know what's on . #
And er warm this food up again . #
What you doing Vick ? #
Eh ? #
What you doing ? #
Are you ? #
Playing with your teddy ? #
You go building together . #
Put it back together then . #
You show Mummmy how it goes . #
Alright ? #
There ! #
You show me what a clever girl you are ? #
Ooh ! #
Ooh ooh ooh ! #
He's fallen to pieces ain't he ? #
Can't do it like that can you ? #
No , oh oh oh ! #
Mummy go and put the kettle on . #
You what ? #
Lee ? #
Yeah , Daddy's picking Lee up . #
Yes , he's doing the leaves . #
Ha ! #
Behind you ! #
Hello sausage ! #
Have you put his er bib on him ? #
If he's gonna have his #
gonna have his er #
dinner come tea s #
so he didn't eat it all at dinner time . #
What are you gonna have for tea Vicki ? #
Please #
What do you want ? #
Well he's still got his bib on . #
Oh ! #
No , cos you're no good at doing up ! #
There are look , like that ! #
There are . #
Yeah . #
Er ah ! #
Looks as though he's got his nappy on his head ! #
Vicki look , what you gonna have for tea ? #
What you want for tea ? #
You what ? #
Yeah , Lee's gonna have his . #
And he's gonna have this now . #
Yeah Lee . #
Yeah , Lee's gonna have his tea , what do you want for yours ? #
Well don't you want any then ? #
No ? #
Fine ! #
Please yourself ! #
Yeah , I'm gonna do Lee's now for him . #
Oh yeah ! #
Look at him laughing look ! #
Hello cheeky ! #
Yeah , here's your cup . #
Can you stir his food round please ? #
In this dish ? #
No ? #
No ! #
No ! #
Ooh ! #
I'm not moving ! #
In't she naughty eh ? #
Your sister naughty ? #
Did she ? #
What ? #
You what ? #
No . #
as you're told . #
Are you naughty ? #
Are you naughty ? #
No , you're not naughty ? #
I'm not moving ! #
I'll smack your bum ! #
Will we eh ? #
Shall we smack her bum ! #
Shall we smack her bum ? #
Hey ? #
There ! #
Like that ! #
You gonna have your tea ? #
Are you ? #
Well not very ! #
Gotta be a bit thick ! #
Ain't they , eh ? #
Can't have it all runny #
can you ? #
That'll do ! #
that'll do ! #
It's alright ! #
Put it in . #
You've seen it #
Shut up ! ! #
Oh yeah ! #
No it's #
not Vicki's ! #
It's Lee's ! #
I know , I just had some of it ! #
Yeah . #
It's not yours ! #
Now go away ! #
It's your brother's innit ? #
This is his only , this is first week on so #
Yes you can . #
This is only his first week on food like this . #
Dinner then . #
So bog off ! #
Mummy will do your tea afterwards . #
Well she obviously knows . #
Gary ! #
I can't feed her without #
blooming ! #
How can I feed him on this ! #
No ! #
No ! #
They're all #
No , don't want that . #
Yeah . #
Lemon ? #
Go on then , Daddy'll get you some . #
And ask Daddy #
to do Lee a bottle . #
Will you do him his bottle as well Ga ? #
Then you have your tea , eh ? #
Come on then , let's stiffen it up . #
Come on ! #
That's better . #
Come on then ! #
Alright now Vick ? #
Vicki ? #
Are you alright ? #
Hey ? #
Mm ! #
What does that mean ? #
Yeah ? #
Yeah . #
Yes please . #
Who's coming tomorrow Vicki ? #
Is she ? #
Is Di coming ? #
No I don't think so . #
No , nanny's not . #
No , who do you go shopping with ? #
Granddad , yeah . #
Is Granddad coming tomorrow ? #
Is he ? #
Pick it up ! #
You go in his car do you ? #
What do you do when you see Granddad coming down in his lorry ? #
You don't need it on ! #
Yeah , you can have a bath later . #
You have a bath after you've had your tea and then you go to bed . #
What do you do when you see Granddad coming down there in his lorry ? #
What do you say ? #
No . #
What do you say ? #
What do you do ? #
What do you say ? #
I know #
Granddad ! #
What else do you do ? #
Go and get me your book then ? #
Where's your book ? #
, you won't like it ! #
A card ? #
No ! #
Oh yes , from Nicky ! #
She says she's going to come round and see me some time . #
Er the bottom bottom one nearest the stereo . #
In the unit . #
I can't see it . #
That's the one . #
Next to your Mum's . #
Well , we don't know yet do we ? #
Well it's supposed to be the second week in March that Lyn and Gary come down . #
Who did ? #
Did he ? #
No ! #
I ain't asked him yet ! #
Aye , he said to your Mum cos I thought she said might she'd have them again . #
What ? #
Won't hurt her Gary ! #
Yeah , but they're decorating aren't they ? #
How do you know that ? #
They've already started ! #
No , it's , they just started the kitchen ! #
Yeah , and he's started the kitchen . #
I don't think you want that do you mate ? #
Is his bottle ready ? #
Yeah , can I have it , he don't want this food . #
No it's , when I phoned her , went and saw the other night . #
What night was it ? #
Tuesday night weren't it , when Dad was here ? #
I phoned her up and er #
Yeah . #
I phoned her up and she said they'd started decorating lifting the tiles off on the kitchen wall . #
Yeah . #
That's why he don't know when he's gonna get round to see Kevin . #
He said it might be tomorrow night , it might not be . #
Well they might do but I'm , dunno wouldn't like to say . #
Cos Mum didn't seem to think when she'd be down with him doing that and then they've Di's bedroom to do . #
Yeah . #
Well seems to be . #
You put the top on right haven't you ? #
Ta ! #
Oh ! #
I'll have to put it here . #

touch it . #
No , cos I want can you pass me the ashtray and the fags . #
Thank you . #
Mummy can have a fag now you're not eating it . #
In fact , can you stop doing it on the . #
Oh yeah , not up there #
cos of Vicki . #
Prefer it to be down there then I can you stay there ! #
You've got your own drink haven't you ? #
Alright mate ! #
Hold on ! #
it . #
Go on then , drink up ! #
Good boy ! #
And where are you going ? #
Get me your book then Vicki ? #
No , not that one ! #
Go and get me your little one . #
Where's the red one with the toothbrush and that in it ? #
Is it out in the kitchen ? #
Well go and get it then . #
Ask Daddy to get it . #
She wants her book off the top . #
Yeah . #
Mm . #
Come and sit down there and do it with Mummy . #
No ! #
She goes through the book don't she ? #
Tells me who's got shoes and hat and coat and everything . #
Right ! #
What , no , you can't do that ! #
Now you can . #
Here are then . #
Move your bag over there . #
Right , come on then look ! #
Right , Mummy turn the pages over and you tell me what they all are . #
What's that ? #
Cat . #
And who's got a cat ? #
Granny . #
I know you don't like that , it's a panda . #
Panda . #
What's that ? #
It's what ? #
A train . #
Good girl ! #
And who's got a train ? #
Yeah , Vicki has ! #
Yeah , it's over there innit ? #
And what's that ? #
Yeah , but what is it ? #
Baby boy . #
That's right ! #
And what's that ? #
Brush . #
Comb . #
What's that ? #
Yeah , it's a toothbrush innit ? #
You clean your teeth with that don't you ? #
What's that ? #
Shoes . #
And who's got shoes ? #
Dianne has she ? #
Well I think most people have got shoes Vicki ! #
What's that ? #
Socks . #
And what's that ? #
Boots . #
Who's got #
boots ? #
Fly has has he ? #
And I ! #
Yeah that's right . #
And what's that ? #
Coat . #
And what's that ? #
Hat . #
Who's got a hat ? #
Carl . #
And what's that ? #
You have your dish don't you and your #
spoon for your tea , yeah . #
And what's that ? #
Cup . #
What's that ? #
Teddy . #
And what's that ? #
Dolly . #
What's that ? #
Ball , yes ! #
And what's that ? #
Yeah , you kick the ball don't you ? #
What's that ? #
What's this ? #
Well what's that ? #
A cow . #
And who's got a cow ? #
Nanny has . #
And where's #
nanny's ? #
Nanny's got a cow on her fridge ain't she ? #
I know what's in there ! #
I spot check ! #
Cheeky little sod ! #
What's that ? #
No ! #
Sheep . #
What's that ? #
Horse , that's right ! #
And what's that ? #
Hen . #
Yeah . #
And what's that ? #
A cat . #
And what's that ? #
It's a dog innit ? #
Uncle Kev and ? #
No . #
And Aunty #
No ! #
Uncle Kev and Aunty ? #
Ang . #
And who else has got a dog ? #
Where did we go for dinner on Sunday ? #
We go to Aunty #
Shelly . #
Right ! #
And who's car did you go in ? #
Phil's , that's right ! #
And what's that ? #
Lee goes in that does he ? #
He goes in a pushchair don't he ? #
Yeah ! #
What's that ? #
Chair . #
And who's got a chair ? #
And what's that for ? #
What do you use your chair for ? #
Tea , yeah . #
And what's that ? #
Baby what ? #
Boy , yeah . #
And what's that ? #
No , baby ? #
No , that's a baby boy and that's a baby ? #
No , what are you ? #
What are you ? #
Girl . #
And what's that ? #
Tree yeah ! #
And where are the trees ? #
That's right ! #
Outside aren't they ? #
And what's that ? #
Flower . #
Where's Mummy's flowers ? #
Where are Mummy's flowers ? #
Up there look ! #
Aren't they ? #
And who bought them for Mummy ? #
Oh yeah ! #
Yeah , Aunty Pam can't say carnations can she Vicki ? #
What's that ? #
What is it ? #
Boy . #
And er ? #
Girl ! #
She's got shoes on has she ? #
What have you got on ? #
Shoes ? #
No , what have you got on ? #
Pop-ons . #
And what's that ? #
Truck . #
And what's that ? #
Bricks . #
And who's got the truck and bricks ? #
Yeah , Vicki has ! #
What's that ? #
Yeah , it's over there innit ? #
That's right ! #
What's that ? #
What's this ? #
Book . #
And what's that ? #
. And what's that ? #
Say it again . #
A bag , yes . #
And what's that ? #
Keys . #
And who's got who's got keys ? #
That's right ! #
And what's that ? #
Watch . #
What's that ? #
No , it's not a lorry . #
What is it ? #
It's a bus innit ? #
And what's that ? #
A car , that's right ! #
Alright , so what's this ? #
Orange . #
And what's that ? #
Apple . #
And what's that ? #
No ! #
Nana . #
Yes ! #
And wait for it ! #
What's that ? #
Bath . #
And what's that ? #
Duck . #
Soap . #
So soap ! #
Bloody hell mate ! #
Who's got wind ? #
And what's that ? #
Boats . #
And that's it ! #
All done ! #
Good girl ! #
Your brother got wind ! #
Yeah ! #
What's that ? #
That's a rabbit #
innit ? #
And what did Mummy have to do #
with your rabbit ? #
Mm . #
Yeah , your cuddly rabbit that er Aunty Nicky bought you for Christmas weren't it ? #
It's in your bedroom innit ? #
Yeah , what darling ? #
Yeah , Mummy put it away #
didn't she ? #
Yeah . #
You're not to be frightened of it you know . #
That's cos it's #
like Thumper innit ? #
Like she's #
got ? #
Innit ? #
Look ! #
Another rabbit look on the telly ! #
That's like that one innit ? #
Well if Daddy turns the telly over can watch Edd can't you ? #
You don't have to turn the sound up . #
Here are , look who's that ? #
No it's not Neighbours ! #
Not yet ! #
No it's not Neighbours ! #
Who's that look ? #
Who is it ? #
Edd . #
And who's got Edd ? #
Who's got Edd ? #
Does it ? #
Edd the Duck innit ? #
Who gave you your Edd ? #
Jason did did he ? #
Who bought your other one ? #
No ! #
Mum #
didn't ! #
Mummy and Daddy . #
No , it's not Neighbours ! #
Not yet ! #
Yeah , you'll see Edd again in a minute . #
Right in the old left #
Oh ! #
That hurt me ! #
Does your Dad know you've come home ? #
Oh was he ? #
So you didn't say anything this morning ? #
What did your Mum say then ? #
Is that all ? #
I thought they were for sore throats and things Gary ? #
Well you haven't got a sore throat have you ? #
Oh you have ! #
Hello mate ! #
Are you cheeky ! #
Hiya cheeky ! #
Oh Mummy #
I forgot to ask your Mum yesterday , Dad wants two films getting before next Saturday . #
For Di's do . #
But he says he's gonna pay me on he's gonna give me the money on Tuesday #
Eh ? #
No ! #
No , cos sh I always give her the money beforehand . #
So on Saturday I'll ask her if she can get them Wednesday for me definitely cos then you can I can get the money off Dad Tuesday you can give it her Wednesday morning , and then I can pick them up Wednesday afternoon when I go over . #
But as long as she don't forget Ga cos I won't see her , well we'll see her on the Saturday but it well I suppose that'll that won't make much difference will it ? #
I suppose we could have them then . #
Provi he wants to put them in his camera and that see , so #
Yeah , what is it ? #
Are you going in the bath later then ? #
No , not yet . #
All have some #
We'll do tea early seeing as her Daddy's home from work . #
Oh no you'll have to . #

Mm . #
Oh yeah it's hot innit ? #
It's not cold ! #
Warm is it ? #
You been in the bedroom haven't you mate ? #
And you the heater's not on . #
I ain't put the heater on . #
No ! #
It's warm is it ? #
Where is it warm ? #
You what ? #
Warm ? #
I see ! #
Warm your hands up don't you , when you're cold ? #
Ooh ooh , ooh ooh ooh ! #
Can you do it Mummy . #
Do it to Mummy . #
That's it ! #
Rub my hands together . #
Am I cold am I ? #
Pardon ! #
Vicki ! #
What was that ? #
It wasn't Mummy ! #
Yeah , it was you weren't it ? #
Is it ? #
Really ? #
Is it ? #
Alright then . #
Really ! #
I dunno what you're saying ! #
What are you trying to tell me ? #
Cough it up ! #
Not like yesterday . #
You're not gonna be sick are you ? #
You dirty little devil ! #
It wasn't Mummy ! #
It was you ! #
Really ? #
What do you think you're doing miss ! #
Now what you got ? #
You ain't got a dirty bum have you ? #
Oh ! #
Did it ? #
Have you ? #
Hello mate ! #
You need a bath ! #
You need your face washing #
Oh God ! #
You don't wanna clean your teeth do you Vicki ? #
It takes you about three hours ! #
Are you going in the bath ? #
Well I know you are ! #
Daddy's going to take you is he ? #
No , I'm not ! #
Mm . #
Lee's gonna have a bath is he later ? #
Go on then . #
Haven't drunk my coffee yet . #
Oh you bloody creep ! #
What are you doing ? #
You're doing . #
Only four . #
Oh , and you better make it five cos #
Vicki can have one . #
Well don't yo you don't want anything cooked do you ? #
Do , yeah . #
Oh no ! #
It's not worth getting that out is it ? #
No , I wouldn't #
No #
Yeah . #
Mhm . #
Well what are you trying to say ? #
No . #
Yeah . #
Pardon ? #
Do you wanna sausage sandwich for tea ? #
Then we have roast tomorrow night can't we ? #
Mm ? #
No , you won't go in your chair yet ! #
Mm . #
Bloody hell ! #
I thought you were gonna have the bacon ? #
I'll haven't I ? #
Well I didn't get any last week cos there was still a lot , lot in there Ga . #
Has he ? #
Are you talking as well ? #
Eh ? #
You what ? #
That's Mummy's coffee ! #
Leave it #
alone ! #
Keep your eyes off ! #
Yeah . #
Ya . #
Ya . #
No , don't do that ! #
Sh #
No , not till after . #
No , leave him Vicki ! #
He don't wanna be lifted up ! #
Pick his bottle up Vicki please ? #
No , go and take it out in the kitchen for Mummy . #
No I don't think he wants it ! #
Yeah . #
He don't want it ! #
No it can't go up there . #
Ha ! #
Ooh God ! #
You sat on him ! #
Ha , ha ha ah ah ! #
You give him a kiss now cos you sat on him . #
Look ! #
Mm ? #
Not yet ! #
She's trying to put that up there Gary . #
No . #
Good girl ! #
Sorry ! #
Yeah , she's saying to him . #

You just laugh don't you mate , eh ? #
Sorry , yeah alright , you said sorry ! #
Oh ! #
It's alright innit mate ? #
Don't kick Vicki ! #
Oh look Vick ! #
Look what's on the telly ! #
On our telly look ! #
It needs cleaning though doesn't it ? #
You tired mate ? #
Ooh mind your feet Vick ! #
Don't want any kicking ! #
No , it's not Daddy's , it's that lady's innit ? #
That lady brought it #
didn't she ? #
Yeah , well you don't touch ! #
Yeah , that lady brought them didn't she ? #
That's right ! #
Was she outside was she , in a car ? #
Ga this blooming cup's all sticky ! #
With his food ! #
Who can you see out there then Vick ? #
No , that lady's gone ain't she ? #
She'll be back next week . #
Ooh ! #
Oops ! #
Ooh bloody #
hell ! #
She nearly #
went ! #

You're silly aren't you ? #
Are you silly ? #
Yeah ? #
No , the lady's gone ! #
Is it snowing out there ? #
Leave that on tape . #
I quite like that . #
No , don't turn it up ! #
They'll make up some #
you can still er #
follow it cos , they probably don't #
You have to make up words from the letters that they've er but in that order . #
Like that erm erm I can't think of any ! #
Er #
Well no ! #
But they've gotta be in that order . #
Like it's gotta start with a P , then it's gotta have a P before the , before the H . #
If you see what I mean ? #
Me and your Mum sitting doing one on Wednesday . #
We're a bit we're a bit thick ! #
Then again they don't give us enough time . #
You could do with like , longer . #
And then it's er this is Catchword , then at half past #
four it's Countdown . #
Mm . #

I don't think Mummy's gotta get up now cos I'm stuck on the floor ! #
It's all gone . #
Mind your brother please . #
Nice ? #
Can you hold that a minute for me while I get up ? #
Ta ! #
Oh these are quite good ! #
Anagrams or something . #
All of Red Ben is er there are ! #
Alfred Noble . #
It's alright when they bring it up on the screen and then tell you . #
Ooh ! #
No ! #
No , Vick you don't pick his up ! #
I'll come back for you Vicki cos er . #
Beep beep a minute ! #
To er Gary #
turn the tape over in a minute , alright ? #
I'll chuck this food in the bin Gary #
cos it's not worth , he can't eat that again . #
Shouldn't have really warmed it up the first time . #
It's there somewhere isn't it ? #
It should be there . #
Is he sat on it ? #
Oh , I'll go and get it , it might still be in in the in the car . #
No , I haven't seen you , I ain't seen him with it ! #
Not while , not since you brought him in . #
I'm just gonna go to the #
Are you ready ? #
No Vicki ! #
Is it still going Gary ? #
Yeah , it's nearly finished . #
I se see Helen , Mum might be going tonight with my er prezzie . #
They might come and pick up the . #
Well they might do mightn't they ? #
Cos I didn't see her yesterday . #
Look at those the marks all over the the window ! #
After that man cleaned them didn't he Vicki ? #
Pity they can't do inside as well ! #
What's she sat on ? #
Oh well she must be sat on her potty ! #
Oh just #
Yeah I know . #
I'll do her in a minute . #
Mm . #
Mm . #
It in't very warm in the bedroom I'll have to go and put the heater on in #
there after tea cos #
of Lee going to bed . #
Alright then . #
Those jeans are on there but they won't hurt . #
Oi no ! #
If you do Vicki and Lee if we do Vicki and Lee then we can put the water on when they a when they're having theirs . #
Can't we ? #
It's a bit early yet Ga #
That's that erm Dartmoor Wildlife Park , that's Dartmoor or wherever it is ! #
When he was little he was sat in his buggy #
his lunch . #
And she gotta showed down #
from on top of a #
building . #
Right on top of him and it turned round and smacked #
him in the face and he's never liked them since . #
Not really . #
Not seeing the size she was . #
I thought she was really lucky though ! #
So he's gonna do it cash ? #
Supposed to be going down there this afternoon but #

Okay . #
I gotta cook chicken for them . #

Sit down ! #
Well you're pulling , you little bugger ! #
You saw that card #
I brought for Andy didn't you ? #
Oh I didn't show you it . #
Just come this way . #
Have a swinging birthday #
no , it's your birthday have a swinging time on #
and then inside it said gotta make sure you give in any no , let's hope you you get #
what you've got ! #
Get Julie a card as well . #
Oh I think I've got one . #
Yeah , it's a lovely from erm Avon for Anne . #
But er be fine for the baby and everything . #
That's right , yeah . #
so I ordered a so many #
Cos I said . #
Yeah , Vicki bought a birthday card for nanny when it comes round . #
uncle . #
There are ! #
New baby . #
Yeah . #
I knew I'd got one somewhere . #
I got a wedding wedding day card there #
you don't know anybody that's getting married do you ? #
Got one haven't I ? #
No we , well you know I bought #
who's some of that for ? #
Well my mum got it for #
Well mum , mum got me this when #
cos a friend of mine had a baby and we thought it was gonna be a boy and she had another bloody girl ! #
She'd already bought the bloody card ! #
No it isn't granddad . #
Yes . #
Yes . #
It's my granddad's innit ? #
Hang on a minute ! #
Out the way a minute ! #
Popoloff ! #
That's a new one . #
Well it's a #
Oh well #
Kirsty and Sam the other night , they were punching shit out of each other weren't they ! #
Carl will speak to Michael now . #
No ! #
He wanted another girl didn't he ? #
No , cos Julie wanted a boy and Andy wanted another girl ! #
Well why did he say to me he wanted a girl ? #
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ! #
Gently ! #
You little sod ! #
Go and do it with your dolly , go on ! #
Where is she ? #
Go on I'll go and get her . #
Mind your foot Vicki ! #
She didn't hear us ! #
Gently ! #
Oh ! #
Give her that back ! #
Go and play ! #
Go on then ! #
No ! #
Who come see #
you last night ? #
No she didn't ! #
No ! #
Who come to see you ? #
No , who's got a blue van ? #
Well #
No Pete ! #
Uncle #
Gerald ! #
No you're not having any sweets cos #
Joe give , oh yeah Joe will give you sweets won't he ? #
Oh yeah . #
Has he got that thing going ? #
Why have you got the sound up on the telly then ? #
Just rub it in . #
You got a nappy on ! #
oi ! #

Oh it's cold innit ? #
And really windy do you think ? #
Well #
Mm . #
Yeah he's gone . #
Don't you think it's horrible round here ? #
Yeah ? #
Yeah ? #
So where's England ? #
England's been knocked right down now haven't they ? #
Vicki ! #
Vicki ! #
Yeah but one's not gonna fit ! #
I'm waiting for you . #
Even wait outside . #
Vicki ! #
You're not to come down until baby ! #
Mm ! #
Eight pound ! #
She . #
That's right . #
Oh you want in that do you ? #
There are Phil #
if I give you that four . #
Mm mm ! #
That's for your sister . #
No ! #
No cos he don't let me watch it ! #
You don't ! #
Only Mondays . #
I'm not allowed to Wednesdays cos your mum don't watch it on a Wednesday ! #
Yeah , a big cake . #
Well na #
we , they the cake and er she wouldn't wouldn't sit down so Terry kept saying to her right now what you doing ? #
She said , hang on #
a minute ! #
Called us all in the lounge and gave us a #
bottle of Taboo #
and about that much left in the bottle so er #
went and got the lemonade so I was tipping it in , so Terry goes , he goes I'll have it all ! #
Throw us a drink ! #

Gerald come in and he said you been on the piss already ? #
I said am I hell ! #
I said I gotta be bloody sober ! #
Yeah ! #
Bought me a chocolate sponge thing . #
Oh Gary and me and #
her and Vicki had a piece . #
And I said , well I'll put it back in the fridge and she said no , she said take it home she said #
I bought it for you . #
So then she come round and she said I don't even do this for Karen ! #
She said Karen wouldn't be very happy if she found out ! #
I said , but who's gonna tell her ? #
Who me ? #
So I thought well I'm not ! #
Yeah ! #
And then she said er when she #
come home from work she said I've been looking round in Boots and that for you , she said er I've decided , she said I was gonna get you a gift voucher . #
for for Marks and Spencers or #
somewhere like that she said , but I've er decided not to , she said I'll give you the money on Saturday if that's alright ? #
So I said er but I know you're off to Torquay on Friday with Di , cos that's him hinting , thank God it's out ! #
So she said er #
so she I , I'll sort you out #
on Saturday ! #
So #
Ooh ! #
So she said er it won't only be fiver cos she said #
you can't get a lot with a fiver . #
So I thought well ! #
Yeah ! #
Yeah ! #
I thought about that ! #
But er no , we were talking and she said if I give you the money you won't go and spend it on the #
kids will you ? #
I said , you gotta be joking ! #
I said , I normally do #
but I said no , this time I said #
not likely ! #
Well that's it and . #
No , I'll go and spend it in one myself . #
And Di will be really pissed off #
by the time we've walked round #
all them shops ! #
Well how come #
Wee wee ! #
Yeah ! #
Aye ! #
No ! #
No , you don't want a wee wee cos I have to go . #
Bet your popular with Nanny ! #
What is it ? #
Oh , what ? #
Yeah . #
It's alright Phil , I'll have him . #
Yes , his next month out of his wages ! #
Can't get no birthday money out of him ! #
Any of yours ? #
You shouldn't put there . #
Tomorrow morning , go down to Marks and come back for my wages . #
I've already had mine . #
Wow ! #
for twenty five pounds , aye ? #
I've only gotta change #
him . #
Just have to . #
What time ? #
There's no black . #
There's no black . #
Here are . #
No . #
Alright ? #
That's alright . #
So I Gary , gotta swap tapes alright ? #
So , you found a new one is it ? #
I know but that's #
that's only side B innit ? #
Erm #
I'll be #
the re , I'll be the #
if you like ? #
Mm mm mm . #
Saying nothing ! #
Four #
Yeah . #
No , Phil has ! #
No you don't go #
Seven . #
Mm mm . #
Phil was right ! #
Four . #
Right . #
Gary ! #
You . #
No ! #
Erm #
No ! #
Clockwise ! #
Well you normally go #
normally go clockwise don't you ? #

that way don't you ? #
Oh you big head ! #
Unless you land #
on that . #

No , cos you only have to go round five times don't you ? #
It can't be ten , I mean you collect ten thousand as you #

Yeah . #
That's ten times round innit ? #
Hundred thousand ? #
Alright . #
No . #
Mm . #
Yeah . #
Mm , I suppose . #
Yeah , you say it after one go and you go up to the next go don't you ? #
We've all got the same money . #
Started off with a thousand pound , two thousand pound . #
It's a beauty shop . #
Now then , I can't remember what do you do ! #
Erm #
Oh ! #
Normally seven or an eight innit ? #
No , that was what we used to do weren't it ? #
Well , cos I'm a bit I ain't got much at the moment , I'll have hundred pound on #
seven . #
Yeah . #
Yep ! #
Two to one , and then one to one . #
Shit ! #
Nine ! #
Three . #
Five . #
In the bank . #
Yep ! #
Yeah . #
No ! #
It don't matter ! #
Should have it when you land on it . #
Or if you go past it . #
mine . #
from mine . #
Yep ! #
But then you're absolutely skint when you get up there if you go straight #
away ! #
Eight . #
Six , seven , eight . #
Good night at bingo collect hundred pound ! #
Did she ? #

Steal most of the food ! #
Mm mm . #
And Gary's dad wouldn't know ! #
No ! #
To pass it . #
Mhm . #
And you can buy now . #
No ! #
I can't . #
Oh my go is it ? #
Eight . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight . #
You haven't got the cards though have you Shel ? #
Yeah go on then ! #
Yeah , but what happens if there were som , if somebody landed on it ? #
Oh nothing ? #
It's not that ? #
Hundred . #
Hundred ! #
What's that ? #
Seven . #
One , two , three #
four , five , six , seven . #
Ooh twenty times #
twenty times roll of both dice ! #
Want a big one here ! #
Twenty , twenty #
Three . #
That's only sixty innit ? #
Yeah , twenty times roll of both dice . #
Thank you very much ! #
What's that ? #
Yeah . #
Used to have that wi #
No , he don't choose #
a number you just throw it . #
He's put in a hundred so whatever you throw #
Mhm . #
No he don't have to go for that #
does he ? #
He don't have to pick #
he doesn't have to go for that . #
He's got three goes . #
And it's up to him #
Go again . #
Six . #
Nine ! #

Mike used to do that #
didn't he , to me ? #
I used to lose #
all mine ! #
No , how many have you gone ? #

No cos he hasn't #
got erm #
he ain't got two #
two cards or a diploma or a #
membership . #
Ha ! #
I've got #
I've only got four . #

Cor ! #
I'll have a go on that ! #
Go for eleven . #
Oh ! #
Yeah . #
Eleven . #
Oh Gary , shut up ! #
Well ain't bloody on is it ! #
They are ! #
Hm mm . #
I like this game ! #
Three . #
Ooh ! #
One , two , three . #
I'll have one of them ! #
You did . #
You miss a go . #
There's some crisps down there ! #
Buy it then ! #
Mm . #
Alright if I smoke ? #
Yeah , and I thought you said that you'd scrapped all that ? #
Yeah , I thought something was going on cos you left the sound #
down . #
Hundred pound . #
Eight . #
No ! #
Two of anything innit ? #
It's not er two of just one #
two of anything Phil . #
But you've gotta have either a night school or a you gotta have a diploma or a membership , plus all the money . #
Oh she's got #
No . #
Only one . #
Over there . #
I was gonna say and change you #
No . #
You can sell to somebody that wants them . #
No , I've got mine . #
So you #
could get that #
as well ! #
Yeah , but you gotta remember #
you gotta remember you can buy them for fifty if you land on it . #
Cos if you remember Mike used to go to bloody stupid #
five hundred didn't he ? #
Aye ! #
Excuse me I'm ! #
I'm you ! #
Seven . #
One , two , three , four , five six , seven . #
Shel #
what have I got ? #
I'll have one of those Shel . #
Well if you give me #
If you give me a hundred and then I , that's my hundred from #
there innit ? #
No . #
So I've bought that and I've my #
So I can #
If I had five #
thousand pound I could #
go up now . #
Yeah . #
That's my #
membership #
and that #
that is #
classed as #
a #
No , you #
No , just two of anything . #
Yeah . #
For fifty quid ! #
I ain't got five thousand pound . #
Yeah . #
I shall #
Have you #
got five thousand pound ? #

Posing as a bun #
bunny girl for #
a porn magazine ! #
Dream on ! #
No . #
You just gotta keep going round #
collecting money . #
Did he wake up then ? #
Seven . #

Complete the course then . #
A thousand pound . #
Oh ! #
Er , ten . #
One , two , three , four , five #
six #
seven , eight #
nine , ten . #
Don't need five . #
I've just gotta get one now . #
Mr thought they were nice though ! #
Ten , ten times the roll of both dice . #
Two hundred quid Shel . #
Ooh ! #
Hoo ! #
Yeah , that's erm #
Mm . #
Yeah . #
Oh I could do with one of them ! #
Is my dad gonna give me a hundred pound ? #
Mm mm ! #
Mm ! #
Six . #
Hundred and fifty . #
Nine . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine . #
Oh right ! #

 #

Oh ! #
Middle . #
I'm gonna get bloody twelve #
or something like that ! #
Oh shit ! #
There are see , six ! #
So what's that ? #
Six twenties are #
hundred and twenty . #
Oh better than nothing I suppose ! #
Here are . #
Can I change that ? #
with his mouth shut ! #
Here are . #
Have one of them . #
Four . #
Four . #
Here are ! #
It's bugger all ! #
No ! #
Two . #
That didn't get me very far did it ? #
Seven . #
Now where are you ? #
Oh yeah , real snobby oh , aye ! #
Nine . #
Er #
Who would listen to that #
through a at the beginning of every single tape ! #
Yes you did ! #
Had that bloody ages ago ! #
He paid out two quid for that as well ! #

I can't remember the last time I can I ? #
Yeah . #
Yeah . #
Phil have , have you been Phil ? #
I can't buy nothing cos I can't afford it yet . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine #
ten . #
I got one of them . #
Don't want one . #

Sex . #
Ha ! #
Cor ! #
It's obviously not real is it ? #
More like a loan aye , Phil ? #
permission #
Aren't you ? #
Well , he's gotta buy another #
thing . #
Well buy and olive one . #

One , two , three #
four , five , six , one , two , three , four , five . #
Well it's #
my banking system is . #
Only ! #
I got that again . #
Oh ! #
Seven . #
So seven twenties , hundred and forty . #
Keep landing #
on that don't I ? #
I'm doing #
quite well ! #
Your go . #
Well if I give you them #
back #
Two , three , four if I give you five alright ? #

 #
Yeah ! #
Three hundred pound ! #
Shit ! #
Hey ! #
Nine hundred . #
Yes . #
So if you give us two of #
them back . #
No , one of them . #
Oh yeah ! #
Mm ! #

I'm watching you ! #
You were getting a bit close to my bloody money then ! #
No ! #

Oh very stroppy ! #
I held #
I thought I was tricked ! #
Mm ! #
Three hundred and we're only the lower card ! #
Number eleven this time . #
Mm that's #
Ooh ! #
Eight . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight . #
Ooh ! #
Stock exchange , two hundred pound . #
Now then , what happens here , can't remember ? #
Oh my God ! #
Yeah . #
Go on then Phil . #
Yep . #
That'll do ! #
Eleven . #
Yeah , we'll stick with that . #
So #
Aren't you ready to go up yet ? #
Join me and . #

Roll one dice and it's ten pounds #
Here are , do you wanna change that first . #
Right . #
I've got twenty to , about twenty three thousand . #
You stay . #
Gary's go . #
But you can sell your things off . #
Who wants , who wants another coffee ? #
You only get twenty back #
if you sell it to . #
No I've got that one . #
No . #
So you can get twenty back for your other one . #
No ! #
For your other one ! #
No , so stop it ! #
You got your money for passing ! #
You got it from there ! #
Cos your own insurance ! #

I've just been , I got to there . #
You were on #
Seven . #
One , two , three , four , five , six oh shitting hell ! #
I keep landing #
on that ! #
Yeah . #
No you're not ! #
You're on insurance , one , two , three , four , five . #
No , you were both on that . #
Yeah Gary had , yeah Gary had #
four , one , two , three , four you've got five . #
No ! #
You were on that one . #
I was on the stock exchange . #
Get divorced . #
Can't buy till you've been round once ! #
Seven . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , ooh ! #
but I'm gonna miss a go . #
I have , down there . #
Yeah . #
Yeah . #
You haven't been #
round yet . #
Oh no , you ca you gotta go round first Ga . #
Have I gotta miss a go ? #
Oh I'm my own bloody square again #
so I can't buy it ! #
Rich uncle leaves you #
five hundred . #
You want . #
Oh God ! #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight . #
So you can guarantee if I get divorced from there down to there I'll land on fucking and end up back here ! #
Then I got pots and pots of money ! #
Loads of money ! #
No . #
Yep ! #
I don't wanna go up ! #
You're in the middle aren't you ? #
So there are ! #
A designer jogging suit ! #
Oh no , the top ! #
Oh sorry ! #
Mink coat #
Mink coat for Pamela . #
Your mum was saying don't #
she ? #
You know those flowers that you bought Pam ? #
And they were carnations weren't they ? #
She went into work and told everybody they were coronation ! #
She said it wrong ! #
Ten . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten . #
I'll go up next go . #
Well no , I've gotta have your next got haven't I ? #
And then go up . #
Yeah alright . #
My God ! #
Ooh ! ! #
Mm ! #
Oh I've done it haven't I ? #
Number two here we go ! #
Oh that's lovely ! #
That means you can go up . #
No . #
You can go up then after you've been #
Got a five #
Yeah . #
I'll buy one of tho , oh no I won't ! #
Oh go on ! #
Oh ! #
Oh , oh no I haven't got much change at the moment Ga . #
I've only got ten thousand ! #
Erm #
You have to have two of your properties #
two of your #
properties plus your membership . #
Yeah , cos I've got that I think . #
What ? #
No , you landed on it but you haven't been round once . #
Oh that's right , yeah you have #
just now ! #
Oh ! #
One , two , three , four , five , six . #
I'll be #
Mhm . #
What do I do when I get #
A jogging outfit there ! #
Five . #
No chance ! #
I doubt it ! #
No , that's right ! #
She's had a go . #
Yeah . #
Five . #
one , two , three , four , five , oh shit ! #
Yeah ! #
Bloody hell ! #
See , I knew she was gonna say that ! #
Oh bugger ! #
I'll take a hundred and fifty now ! #
Cor ! #
I always land on that bloody thing ! #
Pay ten percent interest . #
No you haven't got any credit have you ? #
Yeah , cos it's two hundred #
Now , two three , one , two , shit ! #
Well I'll cut my ten #
thousand , I've got a roll #
Who's go is it ? #
Have you done , have you yours Shel ? #
Go next . #
She was trying to get out of that ! #
Pay a thousand pound . #
Both dice . #
Five thousand ! #
This is the money . #
Oh ! #
Ooh I've only gotta get my #
diploma now haven't I ? #
Oh shit ! #
I need fifty don't I ? #
He has done . #
Well you put yourself there now don't you ? #
Yeah , and then his next go starts on that . #
No ! #
You'll be , you'd be going #
all bloody night wouldn't you ! #
Yes ! #
Yeah , cos he had eleven . #
Oh no , no , no ! #
Yeah . #
Yeah . #
As soon as you #

Yeah . #
No ! #
You only need five thousand . #
No , cos there isn't one ! #
Mm mm . #
One , two , three , four #
Mm . #
Right ! #
Again ! #
Eight . #
Oh it's me innit ? #
That's why I said your going for a thousand ! #
Eight . #
Your best move plus one half #
No , go on ! #
No ! #
Ooh no ! #
Go again ! #

 #
Three . #
One , two , three . #
Right , I'm up ! #
Oh ! #
I'm getting #
then . #
Yep . #
Mhm . #
You don't get anything for eleven . #
Okay . #

Oh ! #
Oh ! #
Yep ! #
Yep ! #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight . #
Er er er ! #
Another ten thousand , what , what , what ! #
Nearly there ! #
Nearly there , nearly there chaps ! #
Four . #
One , two , three , four . #
This is the first time I've stayed up this long ! #
And it's a good job it's a woman saying that cos they'll wonder what the hell we're on about ! #
That's Phil's . #
Yeah . #
Any chance of being recording , come #
for you ! #
Ooh bloody hell ! #

Yeah , you got eleven didn't you ? #
So investment plus #
is plus five times . #
He put in eight thousand so five #
eight thousands five eights are forty , forty thousand . #
Yeah , cos you've only got , that's #
five thousand #
Mm mm ! #
Well with th yeah , cos put in it #
My God ! #
I've only got three ! #
Well you've still gotta get your #
your things . #
No , you haven't got them for your #
Yeah because you could end up #
being divorced . #
Hundred thousand #
cos that's only ten times #
Have you been Shel ? #
You've been up again ? #
Five . #
nine . #
Ten thousand actually . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine . #
I'll have a thousand , er Shel ? #
So's Phil innit ? #
We can't buy at the moment . #
Oh yes . #
Mhm . #
Six . #
It's a good job it's not five thousand innit ? #
Er , I mean fifty . #
Let's hope you get er , one , two #
three , four . #
Let's hope you get #
to five . #
Yeah you can buy off Ga . #

I'll take that off you because #
he's decided to sell it to Phil now ! #
When it's , you paid five hundred each . #
Hundred and fifty for one . #
Mm . #

No . #
Hundred each . #
Oh hold on ! #

No you can't ! #
You've gotta give him hundred for yours and you've gotta give him hundred for yours ! #
You've gotta give him hundred quid . #
And I've gotta give #
Gary hundred . #
your thing . #
Yeah , you've been ! #
Blimey we ain't even gone round once yet Phil ! #
I can't buy anything #
yet ! #
Until we get to bloody there ! #
Oh God ! #
A ten . #
Oh look at that ! #
Just missed the flipping #
taxes ! #
About time ! #
Anybody got any more nuts ? #
That was nice ! #
No I'll go . #

Oh yeah ! #
I don't want a fur coat ! #
I've had that coat #
Well , I bet I have #
No it'll probably #
in the shed wouldn't it dear ? #
No Shel ! #
You been round once ? #
You haven't been round once yet . #
My go ! #
Eight thousand ! #
Shame innit ? #
Mhm . #
Mhm . #
Yeah , you gotta sell them all off now ! #
Whatever #
Or five hundred each of . #
She can get five hundred each off me and Phil . #
Yeah , because they're our cards . #
Mm ! #
No he hasn't ! #
Well why not ? #
It's still saving you two thousand ! #
Right so Shel's down . #
So #
No ! #
No she's done that ! #
Eight thousand . #
Just changed the ten thousand . #
Yeah ! #
Twelve ! #
Gosh I'll be able to #
buy something . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten #
eleven . #
Fucking hell ! #
I'll have one of them Shel ? #
There you go ! #
I only need one more ! #
And then I've got to have my lunch . #
Ten thousand . #
I've only got to bloody si , I've only got about the same . #
Fifty times roll of one dice . #
No ! #
Oh yeah ! #
Erm #
Fifty times . #
It is when you if , you're money's running down Phil ! #
Oh ! #
What , just there ? #
There we go ! #
Is that it ? #
One #
two , three , four , five , six , seven , here we come ! #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine . #
Once #
thank you very much ! #
Solarium . #
Just fancied a solarium . #
Never be able to afford one ! #
Gary , go on Gary #
throw in ! #
That's three . #
one #
two #
three thousand ! #
Go on Ga ! #
Yeah . #
Oh no ! #
About that . #
Three . #
Get a two and he's on a winner with ! #
You're gaining another one . #
Ten . #
Plus two times . #
Six thousand back . #
Yeah , go on then . #
Well there you go ! #
And you've gotta get , you got that membership as well . #
Eleven , one , two three , four , five #
six , seven , eight , nine , ten , eleven . #

Both . #
Ah ,as well please ! #
Ha ! #
Seven back . #
Ooh yeah ! #
How much do you say ? #
I had to pay eight didn't I ? #
Such a shame !gotta pay them #
twenty for ten thousand haven't I ? #
. #
Is that yours Phil . #
Er excuse me ! #
Some of us might want to bid on it ! #
Oh well I needed #
a couple of them . #
No , we're in the higher ! #
Shit ! #
I can't buy there ! #
Is it five hundred ? #
Yeah , I don't like to say nothing . #
Three thousand . #
That's right . #
Five hundred and the #
three twenty innit ? #
Yeah . #
You get five plus , you have to pay five hundred and just #
twenty . #
So , it's my go isn't it ? #
One , two , three , four , five , one , two and oh ! #
What's that ? #
Erm eight . #
Okay . #
One , two , three , four , five #
six , seven . #
Oh shit ! #
Ooh ! #
Wish I'd just said seven now ! #
Bloody hell ! #
! #
Flipping hell ! #
Twelve hundred quid . #
It is twelve hundred this time ! #
Oh sod ! #
Oh bloody hell ! #
Right ! #
Don't get anything for one . #
Oh I've got it ! #

Bid two hundred and fifty . #
Aye ? #
Three hundred , how much ? #
Any higher ? #
No more Phil ? #
Go on then ! #
Here are ! #
Here are ! #
Here are , here's your money ! #
And that's his own anyway ! #
You wanna #
bid for it ! #
No we were #
we were bidding for this ! #
So you me and Phil can bid against that one . #
Ooh right ! #
Well you needed , yeah you needed that . #
A hundred . #
Four . #
Five fifty . #
Alright . #

Yeah . #
And I get #
we get for that one ? #
Erm #
Oh yeah that's , yeah . #
That's another one #
you can have . #
Yeah you can bid three . #
Still got the money ! #
Well you can all #
You can all bid for that one cos that's the black art's gallery and you all need it , so #
Well you put , should only get another one . #
Go on ! #
No he ain't got one . #
Yeah . #
Well you can buy one , yeah . #
Four hundred and fifty . #
Oh yeah , four . #

What have you got ? #
That's for that one ! #
No , that's what Shel paid me #
for that ! #
I'm just miles , bloody hell ! #
Miles away now ! #
You owe me four , four hundred . #
Well change it in the bank #
cos I haven't got it I'm afraid . #
I've gone bloody back down to the bottom ! #
I know but you only need six next time ! #
What number . #
Ten . #
Seven . #
Eight . #
Six . #
Look at his fa ! #
Not yet , no not yet . #
No , like me I've gotta get round there . #
Yep ! #
Nine . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight lottery . #
Well I'm a bit er #
Yeah , you gotta go the same #
as what I go . #
I'm chucking off my #
No make it a thousand . #
Cos I'm a bit skint on the thousands . #
But I'm hoping that I get the highest #
Right , so you go first Phil ! #

I'll make him feel #
Look Gary's not gone out . #
Seven . #
Enough ! #
Four . #
Oh well you #
It's between these two whoever's gonna get this ! #
Oh #
shit ! #
You need twelve ! #
Go on , get in there ! #

No , Phil's go . #
He'll land on the divorce now ! #

 #
Four #
Four hundred . #
Hang on ! #
Hang on ! #
Let him pay his alimony . #
I don't need it cos I'm on the wrong one ! #
Oh that's your change . #
Gary's go . #
No , I can . #
You're there ! #
No ! #
Eight . #

Mm . #
Eight . #
Five . #
Right ! #
I'm off back round again ! #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven . #
I can't buy anything yet . #
All this bloody money ! #
Well more than what #
Oh well ! #
Here we go ! #
Oh shit ! #

I'll clear that . #
He's got five thousand ! #
How'd he get that ? #
Yeah , but I'll tell you what I'll laugh like hell if I get the iron ! #
Two , three #
four #
five . #
No , I don't give a toss me ! #
Eighty five ! #
That's only a thousand ! #
Two thousand , two thousand five , two thousand six #
two thousand seven #
three thousand eight . #
Here are ! #
Two no , two thousand eight #
Eight . #
Right ! #
Here we go ! #
Eleven . #
Fifty thousand she's got ! #
I'm ready to go up now look ! #
Ah , ha ha ! #
Budgy boy ! #
There are Ga ! #
Cos you gotta throw . #
He was ! #
Oh yeah ! #
No ! #
I've got that ! #
Four thousand ? #
Go on then Ga ! #
Seven #
Four . #
Only three quarters . #
So they leave leave #
Yep ! #
Ha ha ha ! #
What what what ! #
No here ! #
Lose three quarters of investment . #
So you're only left with a thousand so #

Five hundred pound ! #
Eleven . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten #
eleven . #
Well I can buy but that's mine anyway ! #
Ten . #
Oh . #
Yo you've got one already Ga . #
Er oh I've forgotten now ! #
Yeah , he's got his money ain't he ? #
Oh you've gotta pass there . #
Yeah . #
Yeah . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven . #
I'll have one of them ! #

Yeah . #
Well I cos it's only hundred pound innit ? #
I can afford one of them Ga . #
Right , that's one of mine on the way ! #
Mm . #
You can have a go on the racetrack . #
Yeah , his his number's on the dice happen to leave him so he was on the race track , so it's up to him now . #
So he can have a go on the race track or he don't have to bother if he don't want to . #
He can just go straight up . #
Yeah . #
Mm . #
Ooh ! #
Bloody hell ! #
No , two for the money as well ! #
Nine . #
Mm mm . #
Ten to one . #
Another two of that one . #
No , you get your back . #
Yes . #
No . #
No ! #
Hundred ! #
And a hundred for the other one you get back . #
No , you don't get , you don't get anything for the membership ! #
Oh you rotten thing ! #
Oh ! #
She's got fifty pound ! #
Two . #
I'll have one of those . #
I'll have one of the Black Art's Gallery . #
Apart from one of the Black Art's #
Then I only need #
then . #
Yep ! #
Lovely ! #
I love it ! #
Serves you right ! #
Aye ? #

Eight . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight . #
Well I want the bloody #
membership or something . #
You tight sod ! #

You didn't help me ! #
You didn't help me when you were #
Four hundred . #
, one , two , three , four , five . #
Shit ! #
Seven . #
Five hundred times #
Ten . #
One , two #
three , four , five , six , seven eight , nine #
ten . #
Oh I don't need one of them cos I've got my #
I've got my two er #
things , I just need er #
membership and all . #
Phil , #

You want one or two to one . #
Five thousand ! #
Yeah eight times . #
Oh fucking nine hundred quid ! #
Four . #
Go four . #
Don't need that cos I got my two #
things on #
Yeah . #
So you owe me a hundred pound . #
No ! #
He's up to the middle class ! #
Four ! #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten . #
Yeah . #
He's up then . #
So you're selling yours Phil ? #
No because I've got . #
Lower class . #
I don't need another race . #
I want a #
Mm . #
Racetrack . #
Ooh ! #
He's putting ten thousand on the racetrack ! #
Seventy thousand . #
He's , he's got the same amount as me now . #
Oh bloody hell ! #
One , two , three #
, five , six , seven . #
Ten thousand commission . #
Is that thunder ? #
It might be them downstairs . #
Oh God ! #
Where am I ? #
Ten . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten . #
Eight . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight . #
Ah ! #
I want one of them Shel ! #
That's all I want . #
Yep . #
And how much d'you need ? #
Five thousand ? #
I'm going up next time . #
Yeah . #
Oh yes , I know . #
I ain't got there yet Gary ! #
I've just gone #
past the bloody thing ! #
One of mine ! #
No you can't buy it ! #
You haven't been round yet . #
Oh yeah ! #
I think we've got some ! #
Oh I can't , I've only got four ! #
He's got , they've got loads ! #
No wonder I've only got a four ! #
And you've got them all Gary ! #
Mm ? #
Shel , . #
Five . #
Two ! #
Now I'm on the Stock E #
Eight . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight . #
Ooh , here we go again ! #
Twenty thousand roll of both dice for the football winnings ! #
Ooh ! #
Ooh ! #
What's that ? #
One twenty #
Twenty times #
eleven . #
Oh yes , so it is ! #
There are Ga . #
Mm ! #
That's not bad . #
I don't mind . #
If I hadn't have got that twenty thousand #
I would have been right down ! #
Well fifteen thousand . #
finger ! #
Shit ! #
Nine . #
One , two , three , four , five #
six , seven , eight , #
nine . #
Oh shit ! #
I need buy a new , new horse . #
And it's ten times roll of one dice . #
I've gotta pay that have I ? #
Me ! #
It don't matter about the #
telly . #
Mm . #
You can't turn it up Gary ! #
It's our Barbara ! #
I'm telling you to fu you can switch that lamp up if you want . #
That's just a blank one . #
Don't need that on . #
That's better innit ? #
Oh ! #
Go on . #
Oh ! #
Five . #
One , two , three , four , five . #
Ooh ! #
Oh I don't need anything ! #
I'm going to get round to there ! #
Both dice . #
You son of a #
Yep ! #
Oh yeah it is innit ? #
Ten . #
Plus two times . #
Six . #
One , two , three , four , five , six . #
to the bloody end ! #
One , two , three , four #
five , six , seven #
seven , eight , nine , ten . #
Ten thousand ? #
I'm already past that . #
a hundred and fifteen . #
No five hundred . #
Yeah , then you won again didn't you ? #
Seven . #
One , two , three , four , five , six . #
seven . #
Ooh ! #
Stock Exchange ! #
But I'm going up anyway next time . #
No . #
No . #
Yeah ! #
Yeah ! #
Five , yep ! #
So if I put , oh no it's only throwing it innit ? #
No #
five thousand Phil . #
No , go on . #
Go on . #
Oh free ! #
Yeah . #
Yeah , I still got er #
We got some stuff to . #
Yes I got some #
Right , so yo you can can't you ? #
Yeah , go on then ! #
Right ! #
Right ! #
What do you , you can have either of these two . #
Shel only needs the diploma . #
How much do you #
So how much for the diploma ? #
That's right . #
Now , . #
Only twenty . #
You did to me ! #
Mm . #
What d'you want ? #
Ooh a five hundred one ! #
There you go ! #
There are see , you've landed on it now ! #
We started off with them ! #
Oh well ! #
Oh my God ! #

Yes #
you do . #
Oh don't you ? #
You just take one of them out . #
I've still got #
I've still got ten thousand . #
But I've only just gone up anyway . #
So who's in it ? #
All of us ? #
Eight . #
Sh ! #
Anyone wanna buy a crystal thing ? #
A crystal ! #
D'you know what's nice ? #
Toast dipped in tea ! #
Toast , yeah , in tea it's quite nice . #
That's a good start love ! #
Yep ! #

Well not really . #
No , one ! #
That's thirty thousand that's all ! #
Eight . #
You still got more than me ! #
Nine . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine . #
Right . #
Oh you want money do you ? #
I #
ain't been round yet . #
No . #
But #
Yeah . #
That's one of mine Ga ! #
You need that . #
D'you want it ? #
Oh you haven't been round ! #
Here we go ! #
Oh bloody hell ! #
Seven . #
Phooey ! #
No ! #
They stru , he does himself . #
What number ? #
Nine . #
Eight . #
Who's awake ? #
Where's the stuff then ? #
Yeah . #
It's okay . #
Well she'd got all her . #
If you and Philip were gonna cheat then you'd ! #
She's got one of her cuddly toys ! #
I don't know which one . #
Oh ! #
Did you ? #
Well that's what it is then . #
And it was on the floor but she was lying on the bottle . #
Lying on her bottle . #
So #
I did , I took her bottle back to her . #
Oh God ! #
There no toilet roll down here ! #
Can you now #
Can you pop down with one box tomorrow or Saturday ? #
Beryl's collecting up some toilet rolls from the up St Meringer for two P . #
I've got two . #
Yeah alright . #
Yeah . #
Well he said yesterday had we , we'd got enough and I thought we had . #
But there's only two under there . #
Well it's Vicki innit ! #
Every time I go for a wee I en she comes with me and pulls a load off to bloody blow her nose ! #
Mm mm . #
Oh shit ! #
I put her on her back and she's gone back to sleep . #
Nothing ! #
Oh I dunno what he's got in there ! #
No ! #
There's nine at bingo . #
Inherit two hundred pound . #

 #
No , I only go five thousand . #
Ooh God ! #
Six , no . #
Four . #
Four . #
No ! #
No ! #
Eight . #
That'll do ! #
No ! #
Don't wind him up #
! #
Four . #
That's mine anyway ! #
I give you a hundred back #
And the other one's #
yeah , hang on a minute ! #
Yeah . #
No ! #
Oh yeah , you were up here weren't you ? #
No , I am ! #
Er #
Erm #
You're not in the middle ! #
Yeah , so I can buy that off him . #
I can buy that #
off him if I #
want to . #
Er #
No . #
You have to sell them all off . #
Er #
how much are they , five hundred ? #
How much is the value of this ? #
Yeah , but you can sell it me , see . #
Cos I'm in the #
I've just had my own , own back . #
Erm I'll give you hundred and fifty , no higher ! #
paid any ! #
This one Phil ? #
Well you can't go anywhere can #
you ? #
A six . #
One , two , three , four , five , six . #
Ooh I'll have one of them ! #
Cos I can buy now . #
Yeah ! #
And a , I need one . #
I need all of , all of them at the moment . #
Mm . #
Now you can buy . #
Can't he ? #
Well come on make up your mind ! #
No yo #
Ooh ! #
Six . #
Lose that #
Eight . #
Investment plus a #
half . #
Yeah . #
Same again . #
Oh yeah , nine ! #
My God ! #
Need that just at the minute . #
Oh God only just ! #
One , two , three , four , five , ooh six ! #
Ooh , here we go ! #
Oh no ! #
I don't like him sat there ! #
Erm #
I know ! #
Three #
three thousand #
I'm not having that ! #
No , go on . #
That'll do , nine . #
No , not yet #
three thousand . #
Yeah I only put in for three thousand , he got me a nine . #
No . #

Ooh ! #
There are ! #
A latest style suit ! #
Yeah you got enough . #
You gotta get round to there Gary ! #
Yeah . #

Oh I know ! #
You aught to be here on bloody Monday with Vicki ! #
Oh it's my go innit ? #
Ah ah ah ! #
One , two , oh shit ! #
Hundred times roll #
of both dice . #
Four . #
Four #
hundred . #
Is it ? #
Oh he's up ! #
No ! #
He's ain't half in't he ? #
Plus equal amount . #
We're running out of these now ! #

Ooh ! #
Ooh racetrack ! #
Ten thousand . #
No ! #
So what we used to do , when we played with Michael #
and Ken we used to write it down on a bit of paper who had what and who owed what and #
Racetrack . #
Ten ! #
Oh shit ! #
I'm on the bloody black one ! #
Nine . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine . #
Oh I'll have one of them . #
Five hundred pound . #
Neither did I then ! #
You haven't passed it yet ! #
Yeah . #
I'll have one of the green ones Shel ? #
Mm . #
No , green one . #
Five hundred . #
There you go ! #
Oh lovely ! #
I'm gonna leave those on . #
Yeah . #
Well I got about ten thousand . #
I haven't ! #
Only got one . #
On that er #
bloody lottery . #
I've won twice ain't I ? #
Seven . #

Pay ten #
times roll of both dice . #
Don't wanna do you #
out of anything do you Ga ? #
No . #
Eight . #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight . #
Oh shit ! #
Two hundred an #
Two hundred and fifty ! #
Nice try Phil ! #
Ten #
three , four , Who bought #
mine ? #
There you go . #
He's going #
three hundred on the race track for an eight . #
No ,tha thrown that one . #
Seven . #
That's two sevens Phil . #
Six . #
One , two , three , four , five , six . #
You gotta get there yet Ga ! #
No . #
So #
can't we ? #
Five . #
Do I collect my thousand this time ? #
One , two , three #
four , yes ! #
And I'm on the racetrack ! #
Yep ! #
That'll do ! #
We'll we'll stick #
with that ! #
Seven . #
I know how many's there ! #
I'm ! #
Pi picking up a one . #
So #
six thousand . #
Three . #
He did . #
You jammy sod he's up in high class ! #
You bastard ! #
You sod off ! #
You've haven't got any , hardly got any money ! #
Yeah . #
I don't know how you're gonna #
How much ? #
Twenty . #
Alright . #
Thank you very much . #
Oh no ! #
I think Shel's got down to the beginning again ! #
I bloody will ! #
I'm still down #
here at the moment ! #
Oh bloody hell , eleven ! #
One , two , three , four , five #
six , seven , eight , nine , ten , eleven . #
Er , oh I'll have one of them ! #
There you go ! #
Mine . #

You know #
never used to go up . #
I'm going up next time . #
When I get past there . #
Right Phil ! #
Phil you'll be in the higher class . #
That one ? #
It was me that went down first weren't it ? #
Eight . #
Yeah , well that don't make , that don't make any difference cos I'm going up #
and I'm selling these off then ! #
Gary ! #
It's only Gary that wants these . #
I've got all #
these three . #
Right ! #
Now then , I'd get two hundred for them #
I wouldn't get anything for that . #
So you can have the whole lot for four hundred . #
You bloody creep ! #
Oh yeah ! #
So he can ! #
I ain't got hundred ! #
Mi , I've only got five hundreds . #
I owe you hundred then . #
He'll probably go straight back down ! #
He's still gotta go all the way round the next one . #
Six #
one , two , three , four , five , six #
Eight #
Buy that one #
no I won't #
I don't want I don't want to buy yet #
that's all I've got #
I can't #
you need it don't you , you got , you will , what you're thinking about based on that #
you cunt #
Can you get the pen , bastard #
got a pen ? #
Cos you had it #
Where'd I put the pen ? #
Yeah #
Not er , hundred , not five hundred #
I keep getting there #
Five , one , two , three , four #
it's #
from here #
Six #
Give me two thousand , three thousand , give me two #
five , six , seven , eight , one , two , three , four , five , one , two , oh shit can you ten thousand #
money comes to money I say #
It happened to her #
Yeah #
God she #
Gary , I'll kick your arse #
five there #
Seven #
You were saying you need another what in a minute ? #
ah , no , you're there , you're there , you are on stock exchange , is she ? #
Oh shucks #
I say you wouldn't buy mine #
Do I have to sell it ? #
Three thousand #
Yeah go round about #
You want to buy me out then ? #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , I'll buy that one then #
I have #
I have #
I've been round once , of course I've been round once you pratt #
The second one , yeah #
What ? #
I've been round twice ain't I ? #
On that pokey little , er I think I have you know I think you find that I have , I have #
I've been on stock exchange at least once #
I think you'll find that I have , tell you the truth I think you'll find that I have #
but no I don't , I don't give a fuck #
I've been round there twice because I've swiped this , one I've been round there #
cos I said to you last time , I said fucking , that was close weren't it ? #
Was it ? #
No I keep on landing on that one #
Borrow that #
Get the , that's it #
No #
you can't go up just like that #
Oh that's mine as well innit ? #
Can I have mine as well please ? #
But you must be nearly out , two hundred thousand #
She's been up there a long time hasn't she ? #
She's been up there quite a long time hasn't she ? #
No you've just had your go it's Julie's go #
Not a lot #
It's the diploma I want #
Yeah I've been round twice , but it doesn't matter #
My blue one's there #
Phil's got a long way to go actually #
So do you want the green man Phil ? #
Now it was three thousand weren't it ? #
How much did the bank give me ? #
Five hundred you can have it for fifteen hundred #
Yeah cos you've had a #
Yeah , cos you've still only got one then haven't you ? #
And you'll want that , right , thank you very much #
and I'm back in it ? #
Yeah I see if you had it Gary you would of won #
Race track #
Yeah , but you're not stupid enough to sell them to me would you ? #
Ten #
seven #
Oh so I'm bloody back down again #
Wait a minute that's mine #
I've got to go all the bloody way round before I can buy anything . #
Six , one , two , three , four , five , six , oh shit #

Mm , mm #
Why don't you use three of the other ones ? #
How many more do you need Phil ? #
Oh , one , two , three , four #
five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten #
No not this time though #
oh yeah , yeah #
Seven , one , two , three , four , five , six , seven Ascot fruit stake , ticket on a horse roll a double and you win a thousand pounds , roll an even and you win two hundred , roll an odd and you #
No #
even , oh yeah double that's the way to do it #
Thank you very much #

Gal #
you can win #
Well we could we could start all over again then couldn't we ? #
he's gonna win anyway #
in two rounds #
right #
alright #
Alright #
it's up to you #
if you want to finish it , depends if you want to finish it #
Like that #
Yeah , but you see he's still gotta find two #
so that's gonna cost him six thousand of what he's got #
Erm , where am I , I'm on there , so what is it a thousand , do you want to pay my bill ? #
Yeah , then we start the game again don't we ? #
What about a game of that sex maniac #
I don't mind #
Right , then we'll wait a bit longer #
Right sorry #
One was a diploma I think #
no , was er black #
No you had two like that , er I hope we don't break down going home Phillip so I'll feel a twat walking around with your work socks #
work socks and slippers #
What's that ? #
Ooh #
decisions , decisions #
Ten #
I've got , let's see #
I haven't bought one up there yet I think #
His face then #
Olives that's Shell's #
Mm , mm #
Ooh diamonds for investment , ah give me the money for them #
No #
as soon as you've got the money you win #
Mm #
Seven , one , two , three , four , five , six #
seven #
I can't buy yet , I haven't passed the middle #
Five , yeah , five , one , two , three , four , five #
Three #
Yeah #
Oh , is that a one ? #
You'll have to throw that one again cos nobody can tell , one , one , one , ah got it #
Give me , me a a yellow one #
Need a yellow one on top how I love you chicken pots #
Five , one , two , three , forty , five ,put for winnings a hundred times roll of both dice #
Seven hundred #
Darts you were gonna say weren't you ? #
Thank you #
I never did much fucking look at that #
I was saying I hope I don't go on five , hope I don't go on five , what do I fucking end up , on five #
seven thousand #
He can have light yellow ones #
Ah yeah #
Oh no #
Ah , sod off #
What you doing ? #
You've already got one er one , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine #
seven , one , two , three , four , oh that's not #
I was on there weren't I one , two , three , four , five , six , seven , I still can't bloody buy , and I need er thousand pounds please Shell #
I can't I haven't been bloody , yeah you have now , I've still gotta get to there yet before I can bloody buy anything #
Two hundred #
Mm #
Shit #
That means he's gotta have #
a hundred thousand #
two , three , four , now five #
six , seven , eight #
nine , ten , why don't you just take the whole bank #
there you go #
two ten , one , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten #
The only trouble is I wanted a seven , one , two , three , four , five , six , seven I haven't got #
I want to buy in a minute #
a hundred times Phil #
Nine , nine hundred #
Mm , yeah #
No #
I've come second #
Well Shell's bank has come second #
I've probably got more than you here #
Yeah #
Oh no , he's just won #
I've only got two of them #
no eighty , eighty two fifty , erm , eighty two thousand and fif , no eighty thousand two hundred and fifty #
You had more or less double what I did didn't you ? #
Oh don't worry about putting them in piles , they only get chucked in the bottom of the box #
Yeah #
Pity it isn't real really innit ? #
Yes I've known #
Gonna have a game of that ? #
Show Gary how to #
I was just waiting #
Mm , mm #
now your , is your job alright now then Phil ? #
Are they ? #
What night ? #
His dad was saying that er Devon Desserts were looking for a fork lift driver #
Yeah they have #
Yeah #
Yes a long weekend #
Sunday night #
No we can't go the Friday morning #
because of the kids #
because everybody else will be working #
Take Sunday and Monday off ? #
Why don't we just go to Keith's and let him do something ? #
Cos they always cook for us anyway #
Please yourself , we'll go with Terry and Kath #
Yeah , that's what I mean #
Well we won't have to go to #
Yeah but look how far that #
Yeah it was #
Oh that's right #
She'll be alright if I come #
How far ? #
You don't wanna go , you don't wanna go October do you ? #
If your aunt asks you #
When do the kids , the kids go back to school the first week so if you go #
the second week in September #
cos that's when we went weren't it ? #
Second week #
Cards have got to go face down on the table #
You've gotta read one of the two questions on it and there's like #
Oh shit , they're , they're all together now #
Yeah , it just goes to the bottom of the pack , but erm there's numbers up there , you've gotta collect them to spell out sex maniac #
Whoever spells out sex maniac , but if you have more than nine , every card #
Yeah #
every time you get a question right you pick a card , but if you have more than , once you've got more than nine cards you've got to put one at the bottom of the pack again #
Yeah , I'm just trying to shuffle them to keep them together #
Yeah they're a bit thicker than these #
I was gonna say it's ten pound a night each at that place we saw that was lovely weren't it ? #
But you see we get #
they're all en suite rooms nice #
and some of them you've got your own toilet #
two the double rooms got it , he's just had it all done ain't he ? #
He's alright he is #
they're alright #
you know the second week in Sept #
Well we won't when we get there , they don't do evening meal #
It , it has to be the first weekend does it ? #
Yeah #
Oh yeah it was lovely , the only trouble was we had pigs outside the fucking window and we sat there with the bacon #
You had a choice of two cereals to start #
plus a fresh squeezed orange #
great big jug of orange juice weren't it between us there ? #
Yeah , because it should of been fifteen pounds a night and we got it for ten #
It was in Norton itself , yeah and what else did you get ? #
oh what about that place we stayed , we were gonna stay at ? #
And the stairs were like that weren't they and I said oh no way am I staying , get pissed out your head and come down them stairs and mm #
See open there were only , oh god remember that big posh place tripped over going in the door , we ran straight back out again #
Yeah , right down the bottom #
there was a street light coming up the bloody #
Julie you're first #

You haven't even read it out yet #
No , but the next one I'm gonna ask him #
I dunno , er B #
Never heard of it #
Yeah it's easier than picking the pack up innit ? #
Trust me to get #
That's right #
Hold on you've got a choice of two don't forget #
That's all we're gonna hear on this tape now #
What is a what ? #
A wanker or wrangle ? #
See him smiling what is a Wankel ? #
A , a rotary car engine with a triangular rotor , B a do it yourself circumcision kit or C a cuddly toy ? #
No A , a rotary car engine with a triangular rotor #
I thought you weren't gonna tell the answer #
You didn't #
did you ? #
Oh was there , I thought you was #
cos you remember it when your #
If you get it right , you'll put it to one side yeah ? #
Yes #
That's why you obviously don't like playing it then innit ? #
Well he hasn't laughed yet #
With a what man ? #
A Mormon #
C #
A #
all your cards with the player to your right , so you've got to give me all your cards , and I've got none , so #
You lose a fucking card Gal , that's not fair is it ? #
Yeah #
So what now I get another Phil ? #
Yeah , cos like if you've got three Ss or something then you put one at the bottom of the pack and keep the card if you've got an #
got to try and save up for them #
Swap , it was an instruction card #
No alright #
C #
I ask , one night I sat there #
Alright #
One night I had some #
Oh god #
What is a Don Juan ? #
A , an ol an old on going erotic role playing game , B an attractive reckless seducer and C a drink which is consumed in one go ? #
Shit #
Here we go my turn #
Gary #
Erm A #
What does the book , The Joy Of Sex , describe an orgasm as ? #
A , an enormous explosion #
B , the most religious moment in a person's life #
hang on Gal ,or C like jumping off a cliff into the sea #
What does the book , The Joy Of Sex , describe an orgasm as ? #
No B , the most religious moment in a person's life #
I've gotta go and blow my nose myself before a piece comes out of it #
Dunno , don't think so #
Oh #
You're not bloody #
That's what I made earlier #
Finger licking good and wipe #
under the table #
I ain't got one yet #
Nor have I #

Oh here we go #
In a nineteen sixty eight sex survey , which men preferred small breasts ? #
A , depressed men , B , men who played indoor games or C , men who take their coffee black ? #
B #
No A , depressed men #
Yeah #
Go on then your go #
I don't know #
Yeah this is to Shell , what do you mean I'll like it ? #
Say it afterwards #
Oh yeah #
Your dad was quite chatty , wasn't he at work #
At work #
Golden Wonder his name Crispen weren't it ? #
Cynthia Payne #
yeah it had to be #
She's the whore isn't she ? #
Yes she's the #
No , she had the luncheon vouchers #
Yeah but what she call it ? #
No what is she ? #
No not a whore she was named #
Oh god , yeah #
I can't remember #
Madame Cynthia #
I , I'm trying to think , oh that's mine innit ? #
I'm not telling you #
Which famous hotelier #
forbade unlawful sex in their hotel ? #
A , Meg Richardson , from Crossroads , B , Basil Fawlty #
or C , Charles Forte ? #
Yeah #
Yeah #
Mm #
Fawlty Towers #
Was it , was it then ? #
Gary it's not yours #
Oh oh he's looking at the card , Phil's go to Gary #
Need that #
Oh bloody hell #
Right this is Phil's question to you what is furthest titism ? #
furthest titism #
Comes out of a chicken's arse don't you mean ? #
Oh , who's going first ? #
Yeah #
Mm #
How much electric does that use ? #
Can you imagine playing this when you're just out your head ? #
B #
Oh how do you know they're saying the right #
I think I'll have one of your cards #
That's better . #
Yeah she hasn't had a question yet #
No #
Any one , we'll make a move soon #
Ozzie Osborne #
I was gonna go for that but I thought that was too bloody obvious #
Just what you've always wanted , oh #
Watch his feet Gal #

Well it would of been easier for a woman to answer wouldn't it ? #
Cos like you always #
thought that women only had two holes #
what are you doing Gary ? #
Oh a bloody fag #
What ? #
Oh , who's thought up this bloody game he must be sick in the head , Paul Hammond #
C #
Oh here we go #
Bloody hell dunno A #
B #
Right Phil your turn #
Oh god they're not very good who had an I Q four times their breast size ? #
A , Mary Pickford her bust was thirty two inches , B , Jane Mansfield , her bust was forty three inches #
or C , Albert Einstein his bust was forty six inches ? #
Yeah #
No B Jane Mansfield , her bust was forty three #
the other one was a bit ,what was the love that dare not speak it's name ? #
Homosexuality , love between nuns , or sex #
I dunno #
A #
was it A ? #
That was a guess #
Ooh he's trying to wank the table leg now #
We've all got two cards now haven't we ? #
Well do the other one then #

B #
What do the letters T W A T stand for ? #
self help group at the , for tiny penis men #
which is tiny willies are tremendous #
Is that what your joining Gary ? #
a safer sex education manual for street walkers , which is Tuscan , Whores And Trends or the Times World Air Tours ? #
B #
Save the sex education manual for Tuscan , Whores And Trends you were smiling then #
Oh god , who's to my , you're to my right aren't you Shell ? #
gotta change all of them ? #
Oh so what crap have I got now ? #
Oh I've got them two back again , ah so one of you , yeah #
Silly really , cos er , you have that one #
You didn't shuffle these very well did you ? #
Ah #
No #
What is not a sleazeball ? #
A , an annual gay party in Sidney , B , a oh I can't even say that word , hang on #
make laughing , a derogatory terming degenerate or C , a penis that's so shrunken it looks like a pair of testicles ? #
So what is not a sleazeball ? #
No C , a penis so shrunken it looks like a pair of testicles , they'll be killing themselves won't they ? #
I thought you , could of stayed the night , couldn't you ? #
I know but I've turned it off , so my electric bill will be sky high . #
no #
B #

Bloody hell , A #
Had to be didn't it ? #
Yeah #
Couldn't of been David Frost #
No #
Which Hollywood actress had alleged to have had sex with an entire football team which #
included John Wayne ? #
A , Joan Sutherland , B , Shirley Temple or C , Clara Bow #
Gotta be Shirley Temple then she loved her #
who is it ? #
No C , Clara Bow #
The other one was a bit silly really cos it says what is not a shag ? #
Yeah , but it , erm , er something dance in the sixties , a med medieval something or other and something else #
Just thought of something #
To what ? #
C #
Twenty four hours #
I should of gone for twelve hours #
Be a fucking pensioner #
before you #
He's just sat there and when he starts smiling #
Which commandment forbids adultery ? #
The fifth , the seventh or none of them actually forbids it #
Seventh #
You are not #
Here are Phil ready ?got to clear me throat for a minute #

Oh #
last time I pack my #
that's why your clothes are always fishy when you take them off at night then ? #
Mm #
Yeah , but you've got decent letters I know damn well I haven't #
Yeah , I didn't have until I had to swap them all round #
No this one will do me ,what is a man ? #
Right #

A , someone with X and Y chro , chromosomes #
chromosomes , B someone who pees standing up #
or C , something with , some , someone who has testicles #
What is a man ? #
The one with X , Y chromosome , someone who pees standing up , someone who has testicles ? #
What ? #
It's gotta be A #
No it's not #
there is no real definition , the closest is B #
Yeah , but that's the closest #
but there's no real definition #
Well that's the answer #
Come on Gal #
sex #
you wanna fuck your mother do you ? #
Right , go ahead #
I flashed last time #
Penthouse #
Mm I went for the wrong one oh your turn #
That's what I like about you darling you're so intelligent #
What , what is a cricket ? #
A , a male deer , B , a clitoris or C , a picket line in a sex toy factory #
Yeah that's the answer , that's the question #
Yes you're right Phil #
No , says a male deer's a cricket #
Mm #
No , not until Monday , mine's delivered #

 #
You never know #

I bet he's got four different ones #
Looks like he's choking on a crocodile's bollock there , #
easy , I know that #
B #
Oh is it ? #
Oh it's a different one #
Yeah you've gotta put one at the bottom of the pack #
Oh more than nine #
Don't know , get a dictionary #
dictionary #
A #
Oh #
I'm not saying that one cos that's what we were on about earlier #
Oh hang on #
Three hundred and fifty #
So he had a thousand women #
altogether #
right ready Phil I was gonna read that one out #
Jesus #
but you'll already get that #
Whose penis was said to be as damn near as big as his guitar ? #
A , er Eric Clapton , B , Keith Richard or C , Jimmy Hendricks #
No C #
the other one was where is the G spot located ? #
but I heard that er , you didn't know that #
Inside the virgin , on the in underside of each breast or behind the knee #
Oh no I've had this one #
I'm going for B but I #
think it's C #
Yeah , both had VD #
I knew it had #

Don't want to find #

Okay , yeah I could of done with that #
this afternoon when Eleanor were there . #
Yeah that was really good when stand up there #
B #
I said B #
Mm #

Their penis #
Or their wife's tits #
Right then Phil oh #
give the player to your right one #
One of your cards it says underneath #
That's Shell #
Mm , mm #
No , I've only got to give you one card #
What , oh #
oh god , swap one card with a player to your right #
Oh shit #
she keeps on getting them don't she ? #
What are Chinese balls ? #
Are they something that a woman inserts #
up them #
or dry testicles of balls which the Chinese consider a great aphrodisiac or a venereal disease which makes your balls turn yellow ? #
No it's A #
a device women insert up their fanny to arrange themselves #
Is it , I wonder , it was on telly once #
where they shove them up #
and then they walk along and when they walk they go ooh #
nearly killed herself , she stuffed a up her fanny and it stuffed all her #
intest , all her insides up #
well it would wouldn't it ? #
No it's Gary's go #
Oh it's my go , oh brilliant #
In two different films , Yul Bryner and Julie Christie both have sex with the same thing , what is it ? #
A , a rabbit , B , a bookcase or C , a robot #
No C , a robot #

You got to read one to Gary now #
Oh god and again , you didn't shuffle these very well Gal #
Mm #
It's retractable inside the body #
There are big head #
I've nearly won ain't I ? #
What did you say ? #
To you now mate #
B #
Probably reverse it again #
A group #

Can't I just have the other one , cos I got that one right ? #
Dunno C #
Wouldn't of got that would you ? #
You could of let me have the first one #
Blade Star is famous for her enormous breasts which she displayed while stripping , her affair with the Governor of Tennessee or her enormous feet ? #
Mm #
well that , that's wrong actually #
Well it's got here A , is her enormous breasts which she displayed while stripping right , well the answer is A and it's got her affair with , with the Governor of Louisiana where do they want , oh yeah #
Yes , sorry #
it's alright the other one was her affair with the Governor of Tennessee , I'll get it right in a minute #
I've only got two #
Mm #
Yeah , should do #
It's only a choice out of one , two or three Shell #
Oh yeah #
I've we've , just , when we get home you can count my lips for me #
Sorry Jul #
No C Australia , that a bit #
weren't it ? #
I've put down that rat races is Waddington's and #
toilet rolls #
What just to remind you ? #
Mm #
B #
Your go Phil #
You've got eight have you ? #
he had to do a swap didn't he with Shell ? #
Mm #
Do you have any of them Shell ? #
Three #
C #
Oh , wouldn't of got that either #

Whose words are these ? #
It is in sleep that the wild beast in our nature rears up and walks about , Mary Shelley , Alice Cooper or Plato ? #
No C , the other one was a bit daft as well , a bit like that #
Right ready Phil ? #
Oh god , give the player to your left one oh shit #
I'm not doing very well here #
Right , yeah , I'm still on , down to two now , no you don't have to swap with me #
Which duke was denied entrance to a club because he was wearing trousers ? #
Duke Ellington , The Duke of Wellington or The Duke of Edinburgh ? #
No B , you could of had the other one actually , Hoffmeister is , but I mean that's an easy one innit ? #
But I didn't give you it . #
Come on #
Good lord #
C #
Well I can have that #
Well then #
They tied their fucking penis #
I think I should have that don't you everybody ? #
I did say A , B #
I did say A , C didn't I ? #
Yeah #
here , you've gotta fucking read upside down really have #
I didn't think this game took so long #
Mm #
B #
What is a humby An erection on public transport , an irritating noise whilst driving a car or humming up the vagina ? #
Hum #
hum #
It's A , an erection on public transport #
Mm #
there's not a lot I can do about that #
Ah #
Do you ? #
Oh don't worry about it , nor have I #
I've got C #
Phil's to Gary #
Cor wouldn't of fucking got that one #
Go on then #
Yeah #
Well go on with it then #
C #
He's got nine #
change hands it says till the person #
Yeah , but he's #
he only needs a couple to get them #
C #
That was only a guess , oh shit I don't want that #
No , I've got three different letters and one that's the same as another #
Complete the film title , prick up er , oh start again ,prick up your ears , bottom or pantyhose ? #
I don't think you'd be very pleased at that #
One o'clock #
Mm #
Yeah , well the fucking snow , gonna marry fuck all after that #
C #
B #
What was the film one ? #
Oh yeah good one #
well which , what was the titles then Gary ? #
Which film does he have ? #
Yeah , which film does he have sex with mother and #
Yeah Tom Cruise #
in that bloody film #
yeah #
Chime , chime #
B #
Ah , I've seen that #
Yes C #
Oh #
have got that either #
Have you ever seen a film called Jungle Burger ? #
You Jane , me shave #
How long was Errol Flynn's nob reputed to be to the nearest inch ? #
Fifteen inches #
he sat there he's going , no it's not #
Twelve inches or eight inches ? #
No it's twelve #
That was the C did you want that ? #
Oh god here we go #
This time next week lad you'll be at nanny's , you've got to be a good boy #
Yeah #
Hope Terry and Kath will be here #
My cousin , I hope they come down #
He can't say it now #
The bee's equivalent of the cigarette #
I knew that but I didn't know if he did #
Sheverlay innit a plant ? #
sunny #
Butterfly and a plant #
Well they swap don't they #
so he knows #
mainly what he's got #
so that's gotta go on the bottom has it ? #
Oh #
yeah ? #
Mm #
Was it ? #
Yeah he should have cos he swapped one with you ain't he ? #
Oh yeah he did #
Oh bloody hell #
Phil's got hundreds , I've only got four #
and mine aren't even #
Four bloody hell , are you feeling alright ? #
Shell #
No I need two #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight #
One inch #
B #
Yeah #
No #
you're wrong #
I still need two letters #
I #
Yeah #
got the nine oh who said they were less worried about dying than about sex after death ? #
Dave Allen , Peter Sellers , Berk and Hair #
I don't know #
No A , Dave Allen , you didn't want that one anyway #
A or did you ? #
Oh did you ? #
Who's nicked my cards then ? #
You know what I've got anyway #
Is it for me Phil this one is it ? #
Being easy is no good to me though #
I've got three now ain't I ? #
Miriam Stoppard #
Madonna #
What about is it then ? #
Erm #
a Greek goddess of love #
Oh #
Oh thank you very much #
I don't have #
go to school , should of gone to King's Head #
Two still #
Three #
I've got to get rid of another card now haven't I ? #
I don't want that one either #
Oh shit I want this one this is to you , no #
mm ,what is wet wear ? #
Adult nappies , water resistant erotic computer games or novel about arti , oh god ,a novel about artificial intelligence #
C , have you got it ? #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine #
One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , how many have you got now ? #
No I ain't got sex , I ain't got S , change #
You'll go again Phil #
How many have I got ? #
He could of swapped with me #
Oh yeah , I still need bloody two #
He knows who Clive James is #
They've got some boots in #
black one erm #
Which actress has reputed to have eaten garlic before doing love scenes for , with her leading man ? #
A , Diana Rigg , James Bond movie , B , Kathleen Turner , Crimes of Passion , C , Kim Basinger , Basinger in Eight and a Half Weeks #
A , Diana Rigg , James Bond movie #
that you do up , nine ninety nine #
They had four and fives #
You'll have them back in a minute what you done with them ? #
All you need is #
Who described sex as five minutes of squelching ? #
Sid Vicious #
Why hello there #