#
Yeah , it's gone round a bit now . #
Oh ! #
We haven't , we haven't got assembly at the moment cos like you know that erm musical ? #
It's all , all that but ooh , that's a groovy stage ! #
Oh What ! #
left over left over at and stuff which #
Oh we've made these telephones ! #
And well look #
Yeah but it's just #
I didn't , I didn't know Joe was out actually . #
Isn't Scott down there ? #

Maybe he's not in ! #
Can you tell I've come on so I'm not pregnant ! #
Yeah . #

Tell him he's not a daddy ! #

 #
Tell him he doesn't have to go to confession with Helena ! #
He doesn't have to book me an appointment at the clinic ! #
Ooh I wonder what that could be about ? #

It's ! #
Ah , look at the , look , just look at this letter he wrote me ! #
I i #
My mum goes what letter's that ? #
I goes oh it , you read it . #
Like like all the way to it I was thinking #
That's a long letter then ! #

Excuse me ! #
Excuse me ! #
Excuse me ! #
Wuargh ! #
I had to in that ! #
Just in case you're catching this bit ! #

Yeah . #
I know he , he can't write ! #
You're illiterate ! #
Didn't look very well , we were walking down by the side of the road ! #
Oh I'm sorry ! #
Well whe , when I got to that #
bit I went I mean I was feeling a lit , wasn't , I'm gonna barf ! #
I just thought get a life ! #
Give me that ! #
Mm . #
Join in ! #
Yeah ! #
Wow ! #

 #
Ah , it ju , although , I mean , just when you said that just reminded me that time Hannah ! #
I'll never #
You joked me about what she should of in the day ? #
When . #
What , what what exactly #

Mm . #
Hannah #
Oh ! #

Like I ju , honestly I #
Scott , Scott , Scott told me what it was all about and I was going ,not to me ! #
It's me here ! #
It might be and oh ah I was just sat there going mm , yes I believe Hannah ! #
You #
you don't actually know anything that we're talking about ! #
Because we hate you ! #
But there you go ! #
That's all ! #
My brain's just died ! #
I would of turned round and ge get out #
get out the fucking car ! #
Mm . #
Sort of with a sort of I'm dying to stick this knife in your back ! #
Oh ! #
No I saw the very end bit . #
She was in erm #
You know where there was that there was the young girl and there was the old wo , oldish woman who was supposed to be a film star or something ? #
Yeah . #
Mm . #
It was crap wasn't it ! #
Everyone thought the #
Yeah . #
Did you watch the one where you wanted to go mm I'd like to casserole that dog ! #
Ahhh ! #
What a mouth ! #
I wonder if they let you #
keep the tapes ? #
I've only used one ! #
Keep all the rest , I've had nineteen ! #
You know ? #
Say nothing ! #

I , I bet , I bet i I bet it's the first time in your life you felt shi , yes come on ! #

Ah dear ! #

And we nearly made Andy sick yesterday , it was so funny ! #
We was going like because like , we was talking about it and er he goes #
Periods . #
Yes And er , like I said er I was , like I was talking to like he was #
I goes yeah it was you know i the worst time is in assembly and you think oh Jesus ! #
And you stand up and you like you like mm , accidentally rub your hand on your arse #
just to make sure ! #
And you look at the chair just to make sure there isn't a pool on there ! #
And you walk away going like this you know ooh let's squeeze my legs in as much as possible ! #
We thought we'd start with an interesting topic ! #
Yeah ! #
I tell you when we'll have to put this on on Saturday night ! #
But , when everyone's gone when it's just us three ! #

My dog's a virgin ! #
My dog's a big dobbo ! #

Not that she's sleeping at Clare's are we ? #
It's a bit . #
He will be back about ooh eleven o'clock in the morning ! #
Look at me weep ! #
I think you're just gonna rush home and tell her and everything else ! #
Oh no #
I'll put the dog in the shed ! #
I'm gonna come home #
They're all gonna be being arsed out their faces ! #
Everyone's just gonna be laying on the floor going God I'm arsed ! #
I'm blood thirsty ! #
Everybody's just gonna have a real riot ! #
And then Helena , Joanne and me would be sleeping over but because they've got a dog I'm not going to sleep ! #
Yeah ! #
Again ! #
Honestly , yeah ! #
My brother , my brother really wants to did , did you know Pete like , phoned me up yesterday #
and like I thought , I had to make up an excuse why I went out ! #
Cos ever , like my mum and my brother were in when I got home . #
So I came home and I goes #
and he go and mum goes where have you been ? #
I goes , oh there's been arguments again ! #
Oh there's you spend all your time sorting out other people's arguments and I'm not as thick as that ! #
Stick the V's up at you mum ! #
Behind the wall of course ! #
I don't think I'll go I don't want to have a broken nose ! #
And er and er #
Yeah er there ! #
And er #
Yeah . #
Looks like a dog's brush #
do you think ? #
Just see if you #
can say it before anybody #
else ! #
What ? #
Oh ! #
Yeah , but it's not as big as it's not the same size as that is it ? #
Oh sorry ! #
You calling me a cat ? #

foxy chick ! #
Ah ! #
And what did she say ? #
Er sorry #
What did she say ? #

And then , where was I ? #
Oh yeah ! #
So I came home , my mum goes what you be ,wha what's happening anyway ? #
I goes ah Shrimpy's been having a massive go at Pete he's threatened to punch his face in and all this business ! #
I know ! #
But he was , he was threatening him anyway and he said Pete was #
No , no he's been befo , been after that ! #
Yeah . #
She's been in a shop with him I think . #
Yeah , they'll ! #
Erm why , why was he doing that on Friday ? #
Well she's got a theory but go on #
Were you ? #

Oddly enough ! #
I went cos it was then I goes to Pete , oh no I ought to go out really , and he goes no you're not ! #
Sort of looked at me and went okay #
I'm not arguing ! #
I wonder if they listen to these ? #
If you are listening #
er I know I look like a real goody goody and everything I'm not really ! #
Go on . #

Mr , . #
I bet they know you #
cos they won't be able to understand a thing we are saying ! #
Going ooh ! #
I I ! #
Oh let's not all talk at the same time ! #
Let's be Magic Roundabout people ! #

No let's let's loo #
Well , no not a little #
six foot three pixie ! #
Mm . #
Get a life ! #
So what did he do ? #
What did Shrimpy do on Friday night ? #

 #
Richard not known as Mersey Tunnel Gob or anything ! #
Oh dear ! #
Ahhh no ! #
I can't believe it ! #
But Pete reckoned it was because like cos like Pete's seeing Susan #
and like #
and he was with me #
and he reckoned Pete was a total bastard and everything ! #
Even though he doesn't know Susan he a #
he reckons Pete's cheating on Susan , he's been really bad to Helena as well he's just using them and all #
this business . #
I mean , who's taking advantage of him #
I mean , on both times it's been me taking advantage of him , it really #
because #
he's been both times and I haven't . #
Mm mm #

He's so funny though ! #
He cracked me up , he goes like , like with that I mean #
Well like I said , I said that , I said that to Pete and Pete goes , God I wish he'd make up his mind ! #
So he'd obviously sa not said it , I mean Pete was really shocked ! #
He'd #
obviously not said anything to Pete about me #
so I dunno ! #
Mm . #
Yeah . #
It's his house everyone goes to isn't it ? #
Mm . #
Mm . #
Yeah , I know #
Yeah . #
He's a really nice person ! #
I mean the I mean , like , I mean , people say it that a personality makes up for like , looks or whatever , and with hi , he's the only person I've ever met where it really really does ! #
His personality is just so nice ! #
And he's #
such a lovely person he really is ! #
You know and I #
just think ahhh , you know ? #
No . #
Like I get , I mess about with him and like #
cos like , he told everyone about me and Pete and everything , you know ? #
Like what him and Joe had an argument about . #
But er you know ? #
No , I'm not gonna , I'm not gonna say it on the tape , ! #
But I mean he did , well he , he knew , I told him #
but I mean , him and Joe were in the room at the same time . #
You know , and I you know , I sort of told him . #
Well I did #
tell him ! #
And he , but he didn't actually tell anybody . #
I mean , he made a few comments a but nothing that anybody could tell . #
I mean , everybody knows now anyway . #
What ? #
What ? #
No , I di , I had one on my neck #
I had one #
I had one there #
you might just #
be able to see the last little of it . #
And I've got a ye nice yellow bruise there . #
And I've got one on my back . #
Thought it was just there somewhere . #
It's probably gone now actually . #
Just there . #
It was just there . #
But there wa , I've got #
a nice yellow bruise still there . #
Mhm . #
Joanne told me about that you #
can see it straight through it ! #
Mm . #
Mm . #
I didn't even know they were there to be quite honest . #
I got #
up the next morning and , cos I had that you know , that stripy top on ? #
And my mum , my mum was sat in The Weathers with me and I'd talked to her and everything and I didn't even know that that #
one was there ! #
And like ,but like , I got #
up the next morning and I just went oh Jesus ! #
They were like #
still #
up there and the one on my back as well ! #
Mm . #
I mean , I only had that one on my neck and I thought and like I was I was ! #
collars ! #
Like , my dad le , like I was doing the crossword or something my dad leant over me and I went , yeah , oh really ! #
I haven't actually got a neck ! #
Mm . #
Collarbone yeah . #
Yeah . #
Mm . #

 #
I mean , I mean it wo that was pro , the lightest one on my #
neck ! #
Oh ! #
And I was thinking , oh I wa honestly I didn't know they were there . #

Yeah . #

Mm . #
Oh got a nasty #
bruise there ! #

my cups down my cups down to my waist ! #
Mm . #
Mm . #
Comfortable then ? #

 #
But I mean #
But , I couldn't believe it cos I he goes to me , what do you think of love bites ? #
And I goes , I think they're horrible to be quite honest , I don't #
like them ! #
Ooh that's #
Oh , how sick ! #
Ah what a gay ! #

I'd never tell my mum that ! #
Like , luckily they're #
no , not very big but I've still got the one , I've still got , and it's right next to it as well ! #
Now it's yellow now it's going ! #
But , ah #
ah Jesus ! #
At least #

Girls don't do it to boys as much as boys do it to girls though do they ? #
I certainly don't think so anyway . #
I think it looks awful on boys ! #
I mean , it looks bad enough on girls but I mean #
Yeah . #
But I didn't that's why it's #
that's why I #
I didn't tell anybody . #
At school . #
Really funny ! #
But I ca , honestly when Pete phoned me up and like , I was getting so worried ! #
And he's going #
I know . #
He did , he #
he did actually bite me ! #
He did . #
Well #
it killed ! #
It really #
hurt ! #
I screamed ! #
I went I went #
I actually went arghhh You've gotta to ! #
And and like then , like them two they're being , and they goes what's up ? #
I goes , nothing ! #
Nothing ! #
You know , and it really hurt ! #
But I mean but Joe said they were actual bite marks and it wasn't #
there wasn't actually bite marks , but he did bite me , but #
they was like love bite marks . #
And I think , so Pete wasn't right and she wasn't right either . #
But #

I've only got three ! #
I mean they weren't very bad or anything but #
I mean Jesus Christ ! #
hasn't he ? #
Oh I asked him #
I asked him whether he was and #
he said that he wa he didn't know , he was either coming now or was going to Tramps . #
But #
I think he'll probably go to Tramps to be quite honest . #
I think #
prob , I think Susan might be going actually . #
And if it's a toss up between me and Susan it's ,yeah Susan ! #
You know ? #
But I I #
No . #
Mm . #
But like , he even said it , he said to me when I was drunk and I , and it pissed me off a little bit actually cos like , he goes to me you know like I I was saying about it and he goes erm well she was the one who wanted it all casual and everything , and I said oh yeah . #
And he goes he goes yeah well , I do it because she does it ! #
And I'll , I thought , I goes #
I'll I'll #
No , I go , I I went , oh thanks very much ! #
I don't think he heard me ! #
Yeah and I went oh thanks ! #
Well I didn't actually but he was arsed I just said oh thanks very much ! #
Like #
and went and sat in the corner of the bathroom and went , scowled at him for a bit ! #
But you know . #
I dunno !hey ? #
Mm . #
But erm like , I'm putting out of bounds signs on my mum's and brother's . #
Well I said to #
You can you come in here . #
As long as I'm not in here . #
Three people ! #
Or you can go in the bathrooms . #
But #
like everyone's jealo ,a , like everyone's jealous of me at school and I wouldn't say I'm over tall ! #
But #
like you know , loads of people are smaller than me ! #
I'm , I , you know I'm going off #
with one of the tallest ! #
Mm . #
Stop eating ! #
Mm . #
I like my legs . #
Yeah , I'm not , I'm not fat that way , I'm like that way . #
Mhm . #
But like , like , I mean Andy , Andy goes yeah , like , cos we were talking about that , and he goes , yeah you've got childbearing hips ! #
He goes , unlike my sister who's got house-bearing hips ! #
Yeah , I went Shhh ! #
Yeah , I felt , I feel a bit sorry for Hannah actually cos #
she's alright , but #
Mm . #
Yeah . #
She eats #
Mm . #
She is a bit ! #
I feel really sorry for her actually #
cos I'm I know if I had it I'd just feel really awful if I had BO #
I can't ! #
If it was someone really close to me #
I would . #
I've told #
my brother he had it before . #
I go God , oh your breath stinks can't you ? #
But it don't matter if you offend him does it ? #
Really ? #
God you stink ! #
Yeah #
I know it's like #
it's like Fiona at school right he ,o , Vicky and Iona were having this ma , major crisis about whether to tell her she's got B O ? #
Cos I don't know whether it's BO , but she just smells to quite honest ! #
And she's a really nice person , right , she's a bit portly #
like , she's coloured right , but she's a bit portly and she just smells to be quite honest ! #
And she's got this smell ,yo , it's her smell do you know #
what I mean ? #
And like you da , can't tell it , like just walking around or whatever , if you're sitting right next to her and she leans over you #
or when she's on the trampoline and you're #
standing by the trampoline . #
Oh it's just horrific ! #
And everyone just goes #
You know , and it's #
really awful ! #
Yeah . #
Yeah . #
Oh have they ? #
Finally ! #
And wha #
Oh you smell ! #
Mm . #

Yeah she's like , really clean cut isn't she ? #
Even , even , even no , but even more #
than that , I mean I mean , I'm not being nasty but I mean look at our hairdo's ! #
I mean we're not exactly , well I'm so worried about you know #
how I look just at this second or anything ! #
I know , but like she says , she's hair and everything isn't she ? #
And all her make up and she got and she's really pretty really #
isn't she ? #
Have yo , have yo #
have you heard about the wallet fiasco ? #
Yes . #
And I just went mm ! #
Ha ! #
And I knew exactly what it was you they were talking about ! #
But do you know I went why ? #
Why did I do that ? #
Why am I #
Ah ! #
But I #
knew exactly that he was talking about me and I thought what ? #
And I goes but I had to , I had to , I goes why ? #
And he goes well I've got some money in it ! #
I've got my Visa card in it ! #
I goes why Pete , really evilly ! #
And he went and he went well what do you think ? #
And I just went Jesus ! ! #
I was just so ooh ! #
I just think , oh no what am I gonna do now ? #
Couldn't really #
leave it . #
No . #
No . #
Not really . #
But Clare is going like I told Clare about it . #
I don't know . #
No , her boyfriend is up #
but I think he's going home tomorrow . #
Is that Joe ? #
Having a butchers ay #
Shall I turn the light off so you can see ? #
Oh ! #
Oh ! #
Why is he hanging round Steven again ? #
He must be sad character , and that's the only reason why ! #
Yeah . #
That's why I've got my hair like this ! #
While I was taking the dog out . #
Do you wanna poster ? #
U 2 . #
It's that one that used be up there . #
Yeah . #
Yeah , have it ! #
Oh you're taking that #
down ? #
Oh yeah , yeah , yeah ! #
I thought you meant you were moving it from there . #

! #
But erm oh what was I gonna say ? #
I couldn't believe Clare though ! #
Cos she goes erm she goes I told her right and she goes well you're going to aren't you ? #
I goes what ? #
She goes , she goes well you might say that now but when you actually get there you'll really want to . #
And er I goes you know , I was a bit , I was a bit shocked really , cos like #
Clare's never told me that she'd done anything with Stuart . #
You er but when we were talking about this she told me that #
he'd asked her to go on the pill . #
No . #
She didn't want to ! #
So she's not going to . #
But erm I'd , I don't but like chat to her cos she's , honestly she's such a nice person and like #
she's one of them people who she might be a little bit like hard to talk to at first #
but if you like , just go absolutely crazy like I do ! #
Cos she's used to me being crazy ! #
Like going ooh , ooh ! , you know ! #
You know the way I do . #
And er ah , she'll be alright . #

Ooh er look ! #
But er #
What do #
Oh dear , so like I say I'd you know chat , you know chat away to her because I #
think , cos she really wants to come but like #
She's she's such a swot it's unbelievable ! #
I mean , she reckons I'm a swot , and I reckon she's a swot , you know ! #
It's really funny ! #

That's what er #
But er #
I hope she does come actually cos like she's a real good laugh . #
You know , she's really nice ! #
And an anyway I wanna get her drunk and chop all her hair off so she's looks hideously ugly ! #

Mm . #
She's so pretty as well ! #
No . #
I don't know her but #
I've probably , I've probably seen her but #
Mm . #
I've heard the name . #
Oh my God ! #
Yeah . #
I think if you've got a really nice colour ging , you can have , either have a hideous colour ginger #
or a really , really nice ! #
Mm . #
Rusty . #
Mm . #
Well you see that you see , she probably looks at it every day and thinks , oh hideous ! #
But , you see , you see it every day and think , ah that's so lovely ! #
But it's everybody , everyone thinks they're ugly don't they ? #
I mean like #
No . #
I wake up every morning and think , oh my God it's that acne ! #
got up . #
Oh look at my split ends ! #
You know , my hair's so #
boring ! #
That one . #
Yeah , but you see , I'd look at you and I wouldn't even notice ! #
It's like , I look at you #
and I would not even notice one spot ! #
No ! #
I tell you what I noticed when you first walked in you got you got thick eyeliner on , that's what I noticed . #
Before anything else . #
You're talking to a tape recorder now Em ! #
Mm . #
Difficult situation or whatever ! and saying oh yes , hello Mark ! #
Are you going to read me a story and show me your bedroom ? #
Oh goodo Right , well , better be off then ,bye ! #
But like #
She must be really picky if she's doing that ! #
Mm . #
And thinking oh my God this kid's gonna be better than me ! #
Oh yeah . #
Mm . #
I wouldn't do it in the week . #
I mean , I'd mean I'd do it , in a week #

It's too much , yeah ! #
You get , are you alright ? #
Comfortable ? #
Mm . #
Poor kid ! #
Yeah . #
I remember , I remember once #
Yeah ! #
I mean ooh ! #
Just say you'll do it Wednesday night . #
No . #
Mm . #
Well , oh my mum's having such a fit about like on our er , exam leads like er she goes to me this morning , like my da , her and my dad were talking about it she is saying , and she'll do it ! #
Cos me #
and my , my , me and my brother are gonna be off at the same time #
like be doing his A levels and that she's saying that she's gonna take both of our stereos , lock them in the , lock them in the shed all day , take #
the keys with her and take the er , plug off the telly so we've got nothing to occupy us ! #
And she's serious as well ! #
Because we're both such weak willed people , honestly ! #
Mm . #
Mm . #
By the way I'm not pregnant ! #
Oh ! #
Don't you reckon that'd be dead boring though , I mean I mean #
, #
I bet they're looking forward to this tape ! #
Yeah but I mean #
Oh God ! #
Emma , you sound so crude ! #
The twelfth #
of the third ninety two . #
What time did you start recording this side of the tape ? #
Twenty five past #
nine . #
Nine twenty five P M ready . #
I know , it's gonna be totally boring isn't it ? #
Er chatting #
with friend . #
there . #
Hopefully ! #
By the way , I think you're sexy ! #
I hope you're not female ? #
I'm not , I'm not , I'm not , I'm not quite like that ! #
Er who spoke first ? #
I think it was me . #
Oh , Emma . #
Er student . #
Anyway , what was I gonna say ? #
Oh yeah , I reckon all grannies are gonna be taping this they're the only with loads of spare time , we're just doing this for a laugh ! #
But I mean #
Yeah so I reckon whoever's doing this I , I bet whoever gets this tape , I bet there's fighting over this tape ! #
I bet there is cos no one else will talk #
BJ's or anything ! #
Are you listening to that , then ? #
I think that's . #
James ? #
Yeah . #
Oh ! #
No . #
He's not Welsh #
or anything ! #
I wouldn't put on an accent because they're cha , they're they're trying to well never mind ! #
Who cares ! #

Ah no ! #
It is , yeah ! #
Ah #
did I tell you whe , when I went to the opticians ? #
Ah ! #
He was the most unbelievable person I've ever met in my life ! #
Oh ! #
My brother went my brother went yesterday as well . #
Well he could have some done . #
Cos he , he couldn't read the bottom two lines . #
Oh yeah , that's good though , and I can't read the top two lines ! #
You know well what can you see with your left eye ? #
Erm #
H #
Ha ha ha ! #
Oh ! #
Ian's so funny ! #
But erm yeah . #
I dunno where to take this next , shall I take it downstairs and yeah well , my half on this is stinted . quite interesting . #
Cos we all just sit there and watch telly and we don't talk ! #
We had a , we had a really goo , it's a pity you weren't here earlier actually cos we had a stu , a nice conversation about politics . #
Oh , my dad kept going shhh I'm trying to watch the football all the time ! #
And I was cos I had , I had a massive argument with Vicky about party politics ! #
Right , cos she's such a selfish conservative bitch ! #
Going well , I don't care why should we have to pay for all those poor people ! #
That can't keep jobs ! #
Yeah ! #
It like sh , I couldn't believe it she was she's so conservative ! #
She sat there going well why should we have to pay for poor people who can't be bothered to get jobs , they're so lazy ! #
And I like , I #
Honestly , #
I was going absolutely eppy This is in the middle of class , I was going eppy And she goes and I goes , oh yes just cos daddy's got a very nice car and you live in Inkborough like this ! #
And I was hon , I just went so mad ! #
And everyone in the whole class Julian Julian #
was going to me , hey Helena calm down ! #
And I was going No I won't calm down ! #
And I was screaming by this time and Miss goes oh be quiet everybody ! #
Mm , yes you're hard , I'm really scared ! #
Ma , it's like , it's like #
my dad this morning he woke me up by pulling me up by the hair , bashing my face into the pillow a couple of times , I just looked at , then go , and I looked at him #
Comb ? #
Oh yes I'm always brushing my pubes ! #
How did you know ? #
That's my pu , pube comb ! #
Yeah ! #
Erm , anyway , what was I saying ? #
Oh yeah , and I just looked up from the pillow and went oh , watch me shiver ! #
In a very sarcastic voice ! #
Oh did you see erm Mary #
Whitehouse the other day ? #
Ooh wasn't that weird it sprays at once ! #
I think it smells awful actually ! #
Well at least I ain't got B O ! #
You're getting a bit prudish aren't you ? #
You know ,touch my pen ! #

What time you gotta be in ? #
Oh ! #
You look really worried though Emma ! #
You look like you're about to rush home ! #
Ah ! #
Oh oh oh Go ho od ! #
Missed Red Dwarf ! #
They're coming in Ah ! #
I'm suffering a lot though ! #
Cos we just enjoy talking to you so much ! #
So you're dad won't call you a tart ! #
Listen , listen to your #
lucky you're lucky , I'm not pregnant penny . #
Lucky I'm not pregnant powder case ! #
No I'm turn it back . #
Cheerio then man ! #
Bye ! #
Sam shut up ! #
So this means I gotta walk home all on my little own-some ? #
This means I gotta walk home all on my own-some ? #
What ? #
Light ? #
Suppose . #
Yeah mum , I do know what light means ! #
Actually ! #
What lessons ? #
Graphics er maths , science english and R E . #
. #
Oh , a few other things . #
I've caught , I've caught up on most of it I've got to copy up some maths but I'll , I'll borrow someone's book this weekend . #
Cos I won't have any homework cos I did that homework last night . #
What ? #
No , but she won't give you two sets of homework other . #
Yeah . #
So I'll be able to borrow somebody's book and copy that . #
It's only algebra anyway ! #
The stuff I was doing last night . #
Shouldn't be too bad . #
Yeah . #
Down there in the front room . #
Well , we might as well I mean it's just easiest place really . #
And that yo can keep the dog and cat upstairs a bit can't we ? #
If he'll go . #
It's . #
I know , but he always sits on Emma and #
used to it . #
I mean , I don't mind it if he comes and sits by me well they're not used to him you see . #
They're not used to little Sammy ! #
Shush up ! #
What ? #
No wimps ? #
Oh dear ! #
I nearly forgot how old you are when I was putting you in the book . #
I put forty two . #
Pardon me boy da doo dee doo doo doo . #
To #
Tomorrow ? #
Dunno . #
Haven't made up my mind yet ! #
I never make up my mind until about #
Half twelve tonight . #
Oh I think so . #
He , he's just he picks someone to have a go at ! #
Yeah . #
He's been having a go at Pete . #
And it's a bit , it's a bit nasty of him really cos when , like , all this thing was with Emma and everything Pete was the one that was really nice to him ! #
Yeah . #
What we having for tea ? #
I can see it's chicken ! #
Chicken what ? #
Yeah . #
Chicken chasseur . #
Emma was the happiest I've seen her in about two weeks ! #
Yeah . #
When she came to the door and I I didn't know whether to invite her in or not like I went come in and ,an she like , looked at me and I goes ,don't ask ! #
What ? #
Well erm I think it's dead interesting actually ! #
something in a bit of sex . #
Different things , and I remember the woman came round the other day about drinking whisky . #
On a Sunday she came ! #
Mind you , I mean , we got no whisky anyway so I said she's looking for somebody who erm drinks at erm a spot of whisky . #
I says , oh sorry you've come we don't drink whisky . #
She says , not even at Christmas ? #
I says no . #
Shouldn't . #
Which we don't do we ? #
We don't go in for spirits though do we ? #
She'll go and drink shri er , not drink Shrimpy ! #
Er go and see Shrimpy . #
He's always drinking whisky ! #
Aha . #
Oh Dave let me ! #
Can I open this one ? #
Cheltenham . #
Rejected . #
Never mind ! #
Make it weird is that what #
you said ? #
B A ! #
You get a B A from that mum ! #
Flipping hell ! #
Mm ! #
Bit of yes ? #
My brother a B A , yes ! #
And I spent ages ! #
Probably got too many people . #
Yeah . #
Probably thought hoh oh , we're not having him ! #
Oh no ! #
Hoh oh no ! #
A from Lincoln No ! #
Can't have that ! #
Don't that dog ever shut up ! #
Oh shut up ! #
I do to . #
You're bound to get in one of them somewhere . #
Who ? #
James goes there . #
But , the accommodation will be cheaper . #
I mean , he's not exactly travelling everyday is he ? #
I told you it'd be chicken chasseur ! #
You're dead disappointed aren't you mum ? #
Portsmouth #
I really wish that they wouldn't do that though ! #
You , you're worried about it than David is ! #
Are you making as much noise as possible ? #
That's really clear ! #
! #
God this dog is ! #
Why who have you got ? #
You got #
Sam ! #
But mum , he don't do much messing about does he ? #
What ? #
Give him a loaning #
Gizzmo keeps trying to persuade me to go with her but I don't really want to . #
Cos er , she's gotta go cos her brother's in it . #
Her brother's Knuckles oh ,he's huge ! #
He's only about five foot ! #

Mm . #
But I suppose espec , like if you got really really good grades you'd be different to the group . #
You know , say if they wanted to get you three C's and you got three A's shut up Sam ! #
You could be lot a lot different to the group . #
Yeah . #
Which might make it more difficult to teach . #
Mm . #
I suppose I , I better go and get hair done . #
How are you then chicken ? #
Seen Emma ? #
Oh ! #
Yes . #
Was it ? #
Mu mine ! #
! #
What ? #
I'll show you #
I'm only saying thank you . #
This is really good ! #
Doo doo and I took the best . #
Are we going up to York tonight ? #
We've got , we're going , ooh together now . #
But as long as we've got can't enjoy myself , can't even have a fag , might as well have , not be going ! #
Shhh ! #
shh , oh don't else a man might come in . #
And dad goes , I'm I think I might only just have orange juice ! #
Besides , I mean I can't have a fag ! #
I goes , can't I just have two on a Friday ? #
No you can't ! , might as well not bother going then mighten I ! #
Cos anyway ! #
Especially if you can't have a fag ! #
No , she just like , cos he's going down the club . #
Mm . #
She's doing well then ? #
Yeah , but dad'll . #
ah that's it , run back and tell everybody , run run ! #

She must be ! #
Oh dear ! #
Cos cos my mum and dad won't be able to get that cos my dad's working . #
Ha !stay , stay , stay with ah haaa ! #
Oh , had an exciting date at school today then ? #
Ha ! #
Tomorrow ? #
Thought he was coming Sunday ? #
Still having over to me #
tomorrow night though aren't you ? #
So you won't see him anyway . #
Mm . #
about half seven . #
We've gotta be going fairly early anyway . #
Yeah . #
Speak up a bit ! #
Gotta get near the microphone ! #
Why not ? #
Joe , don't switch it off ! #
No , it isn't ! #
Should of heard what me and Emma were talking about last night ! #
. #
And everything else ! #
Yeah . #
And all the tapes , and all the batteries and everything . #
Just don't think about it , I've got used to it now you know , so I'm not shy . #
One thirteen . #
Where from ? #
Oh yeah . #
Mm ! #
I don't know whether Clare's coming or not . #
Because well she's got a load of work to do , she's such a swot it's unbelievable ! #
And her boyfriend's down and he's staying till Sunday . #
I dunno but , she's gonna phone me up anyway . #
If she's coming , she's coming , if she's not , she's not ! #
But I'm not , I'm not bothered either way really ! #
What for ? #
Oh ! #
Duke of Luxembourg . #
About . #
Some crappy music thing ! #
I think our #
drama teacher might be in that ! #
Oh ! #
You got #
Yes , , yes , that's right . #
Don't tear my shirt , oh sorry ! #
I get a real erm I've gotta take the dog out . #
Ta They're not , they're not too bad actually . #
It's a survey . #
Why not ? #
Why ? #
Why not ? #
Why ? #
Well we're not gonna be doing anything ! #
Well I'm not gonna take it round , why ? #
It's only gonna downstairs in the living room ! #
Right I'll , I'll ju ju I'll just pretend I'm listening to it . #
I'll take the things with me . #
I'll just pretend I'm listening to it and I'll just put it on the side and just the switch the thing on they'll never know the difference . #
About twenty five pound . #
No . #
Oh ! #
Yeah ! #
A week . #
Barry's so mad ! #
Twenty . #
You don't have to fill all the tapes either ! #
He just , he just wants to go into my house . #
Aha ! #
It's only a voucher from Marks and Sparks . #
Twenty five pounds worth . #
Dunno ,something for my mum . #
Yeah . #
Mm . #
You ought to get like erm Soft and Gentle it doesn't sting . #
Oh , no , but I mean , it don't make any difference ! #
You #
but if you use that Soft and Gentle it doesn't hurt anyway . #
No . #
Oh ! #
Ahhh ! #
You've gotta have name , goes on the tape , you big girl ! #
It's anonymous . #
Yeah , but thi this , right just gets shoved with the tapes . #
Like , they don't know who it is i it's not , after they've taken it away it's no connection to me whatsoever , they don't where I'm #
from at all . #
What , what shall I put your accent , as Redditch ? #
Yeah . #
Friend no . #
Hello darling , #
No . #
No , you're on , you're on that's only tape one side B . #
That's all I've got onto so far ! #
You're , you're the #
sixth person on the side . #
Yeah , well you weren't here were you ! #
Me and Emma used up a whole side yesterday just us two talking ! #
I wasn't ! #
She came round here ! #
Da doo doo doo . #
Yeah . #
Go on ! #
Right . #
Is it dark out ! #
Good ! #
It's not my turn , it's David's #
turn ! #
Yeah . #
Because , because , I'm going out ! #
Oh please Helena will you take him for me ? #
Oh , he's such a waster , he's unbelievable ! #
Come on then , I'll take it outside with me . #
Yeah you should have told me I would have bought them out with me if you'd said . #
Sam , come on boy ! #
Ah dear ! #
Be , he's being all really nice to me at moment , he's really creeping to me ! #
Hasn't he ? #
Wait for the dog . #
oh , the dog's having a shit ! #
Ah It was really funny though ! #
Like , me and Emma last night , honestly the first , about five minutes , like we were all , both going mm , yeah , er , ah , and then we just thought oh fuck this for an idea ! #
And we just said absolutely anything ! #
We was talking about the love bite Pete gave me and everything ! #
Said , like she thought she was pregnant ! #
Must have done ! #
Oh didn't you know ? #
What ? #
Yeah . #
Yeah . #
Didn't you know ? #
Didn't you know she thought she was pregnant ? #
Oh piss ! #
Ah , don't say anything ! #
I thought , cos you said down there you said in my house you said something about being pregnant . #
Yes you did ! #
Oh I thought you knew ? #
I've really put my foot in it now haven't I ? #
I don't know but they must of done it sometime . #
No , but I mean #
Yeah ! #
But she well she didn't , I mean she didn't tell me the intimate details or anything I don't even know whether she has , she wo , she might have ju ge , been getting over dramatic or something ! #
But she but her period was a week and half late and she started well panicking ! #
And you know , you know when we thought , yeah well she'd , she'd just come on when she came down to my house and she was really , really , really in a happy mood ! #
And er you know , you know when we saw them two walking #
the other day ? #
That was what she was upset about she thought , oh dear ,Scotty's a going to be a daddy ! #
She might not have done it , done it but like she might have #
like yeah . #
Yeah , I I should think she like she's done some done naughty things #
and , yeah #
But I mean , she's probably done something like that and she's just got over dramatic about it ! #
Did she ? #
Well not to me ! #
If you was there you could take them , too pissed I should think ! #
Like a hangover the next day ! #
But don't say anything cos I don't know ! #
Cos she , she said it to me cos she was on such a high you see cos she'd just come on , didn't you see her last night ? #
Oh ! #
But er yeah . #
But , you see , she was on a real pardon me ! #
A real big high about it , she'll probably tell you . #
But she #
probably didn't wanna tell you in front of Hannah and everything ! #
Yeah , well that's it's so happy about . #
Oh my God ! #
Oh no ! #
Where's the dog gone ? #
Wait #
Wait here , I'll catch up with him . #
Ah there he is ! #
But er but er yeah , so but like , she's been saying to me cos she's been thinking about whether she is or not she er she's been like like everywhere there's babys and prams and everywhe , on the telly and everything ,do you know what I mean ? #
It's been really bad actually and er #
No . #
I bet she has . #
Yeah . #
Ah dear ! #
So that was a bit of a giggle ! #
What ? #
I don't , I doubt it , I don't think so . #

 #
Well it's gonna be really bad because I'm gonna be doing this and taking pictures ! #
Yeah ! #
Well so ! #
I'll do it , I'll do it #
No , I won't do it then I'll do it I'll do it in the early evening when no one 's too drunk . #

I know . #
Like , you know what , my dog's still a virgin ! #
I always say , you're drunk that night . #
Are they ? #
Oh Jesus ! #
Oh yeah , of course ! #
No , cos a I won't be drinking it anyway it's only gonna you and Emma that's drinking it ! #
You're not gonna have a bottle each ! #
I had a bottle and I was absolutely blabbing ! #
And I threw up , that's how strong it is Joe ! #
No ,ha , I mean , Joe like , you won't be able to handle a bottle each on top of all that other stuff ! #
Ya ha , Joanne you're going to die of alcohol poisoning ! #
Oh John , he's not that close for God's sake ! #
Ooh it's not Come here Sam ! #
But #
You're so nasty for getting his bit ! #
What ? #
Well he couldn't help being a miserable sod ,he looks a right miserable sod ! #
He probably just forgot . #
I'll bring my matches when I like take the dog in I'll nip upstairs and say I've gotta get something and I'll just grab my matches out of there in case he's lost them or something ! #
In my book I'm gonna have to write down Mark , and put in brackets all the way through he's called Shrimpy . #
m #
What ? #
It's like M I five or something in here . #

What ? #
I can fill it in for . #
I know . #
Er fill that in . #
Oh sugar , I've gotta start filling all these in now . #
Thirteenth of the third ninety two . #
What time ? #
Seven . #
Redditch eh eh eh eh #
Who spoke first ? #
Me wasn't it ? #
I don't have to fill it in again . #
Once I've filled it in once in the book #
right they know who it is . #
Yeah you only need to write their details on the first page in which they appear . #
Do you think I ought to fill Andy in quickly ? #
Yeah he will won't he ? #
Andy insurance clerk age ? #
Nineteen now Redditch #
what ?friend #
Oh thanks . #
According to you I've got no friends . #
Oh thanks Jo . #
can't find my pocket . #
What ? #
I can't get it in my pocket . #
You can't Alright And ! #
What you done ? #
Oh that's nice . #
No it isn't . #
You do it all the time . #
Do you want a Band-Aid ? #
What d what did you land on ?bed ? #
Mm . #
Mm . #
Nice . #
It says on it somewhere doesn't it ? #
how embarrassing , is that . #
Oh . #
Nice . #
Is that all you're having for tomorrow ? #

Oh . #
Oh , right . #
There , you've recovered now . #
Ugh I don't know how you can drink the stuff , it's ugh . #
Mm . #
It's ugh . #
Oh you man . #
Don't #
don't you go to band rehearsal any more ? #
I thought you'd be at band last night . #
Yes we did . #
You two were , I wasn't . #
A little bit . #
You couldn't see . #
I don't ! #
Not after that I didn't . #
Shut up Andy else you'll get a punch in the face . #
I'm just going to #
Oh yeah . #
Why aren't you wearing it ? #
Oh thanks And #
For my ace party . #
We #
No you're not ! #
Can , can I can I feel your leg ? #
Go on please ? #
I'll have them all . #
Bit tired then ? #
Oh . #
I remembered everything else I wanted . #

Well , so ? #
Maybe he doesn't want any children yet . #
redder than that ? #
Well done . #
Oh what cos that'll be alright won't it ? #
It'll be alright . #
Yeah . #
Well when er when them two , when them lot go and get the stuff #
No . #
What , in the rain ? #
So was I . #
Cos I had to walk home from school today . #
Ah ! #
Mm . #
Insurance clerk . #
Oh . #
Well if someone asks you what we , what you do #
Oh . #
You only #
So you can give away more than they , they gi than they pay you ? #
You can't tell anything when you've #
got a car . #
Mm . #
Become a spring inspector . #
oh , oh dear oh dear . #
Oh dear oh dear #
What ? #
He'll probably try and wrestle it away from me but #
I'll ask , I'll I'll ask h I'll tell him afterwards #
but it'll sound really awful if I I tell him now . #
Mm . #
If he don't like it I can record over it but #
No if he , if he really doesn't like it then I'll oh dear #

Oh that's nice . #
Oh Jo ! #
They probably are . #
So ? #
Don't , don't put that on very loud , I've got a bit of a headache . #
What ? #
You can say it as loud as you like Jo . #

No I know but #
What are you looking at him like that for ? #
What ? #
What ? #

Andy Andy Andy Andy How could you ? #
What ? #
Well one , how could you have bought that and two , how could you let her drone through it like that ? #
Oh . #
Well you did . #
I could imagine #
No I wouldn't . #
Well Dynamike #
Mm mm mm #
If it wasn't f #
if it wasn't for your Dynamike I don't know what I'd do with myself of an evening . #
Ah #
Oh really ? #
Alright Clare Rayner . #
Oh by the way , if Clare comes tomorrow she's bringing her boyfriend . #
Mm . #
I wanna meet him actually , #
Alright we'll we'll arm wrestle we'll arm wrestle #
That's mine . #
Mrs wasn't there . #
What ? #
Don't ! #
Give it here . #
What ? #
I know it's on . #
I'm recording you . #
Yeah . #
Er maybe , hold that a minute Jo . #
Maybe I'd better tell you what this is all about . #

You looked shocked there And , when you spotted that I thought oh my god . #
Oh that's my things , it's alright . #
But don't you say anything to anybody else cos #
What ? #
Yeah I've got , I've got all your right ups and everything . #
E even before you came home I switched it on . #
What ? #
I know . #
No . #
No but you see I couldn't tell you at the start because you'd sound , you wouldn't have said half the things you did say . #
And you've gotta , you've gotta like talk totally normally you see . #
No but you normal for you #
Yeah but #
You've go you've gone in the little book #
Except you've gone in as ins insurance clerk cos we couldn't , we couldn't decide what you were . #
Yeah you've got all the you know a condom dropped out of his pocket and everything #
Yeah . #
No do no it's it's it's totally #
it's erm it's totally anonymous anyway . #
But like they're just doing a survey #
A bloke came round and gave it all me . #
And I've got #
I've gotta tape all my conversations for a week . #
And like #
What ? #
No I #
I , I had to sign a bit of paper . #
I know . #
It's gonna be so funny . #

Hello Em . #
Alright Emma ? #
Nothing #
Oh well how are you doing then Scott my friend ? #
What ? #
No . #
Me and Emma were talking #
upstairs for ages and we #
No . #

Oh by the way Scott #
Alright . #
Nothing . #
Oh dumb ! #
No if you know you don't talk normally . #
He's just been telling us about how this bloke's condoms dropped out of his pocket . #
What ? #
Yeah . #
No a #
no it's #
Andrew . #
Cos it's ano i cos it's anonymous #
Cos on once it leaves me they don't know who it is . #
They just get the book and they get all the tapes . #
But you're not , you're not allowed to talk to it see , you've got to talk to each other . #
You're not suppose except we did . #
We Yeah #

 #
I was listening to it t oh I've got a letter for you . #
Because I was writing it in R E #
Well why do you think we kept turning the music down ? ? #
That's why we kept turning it down . #

 #
Yeah please please don't #
You'll have to speak up now everybody . #
Our house #

The card . #
Don't talk to it because it ma it sounds stu I was listening to us this morning . #
Piss on my grave ! #
I was just going I was listen I was listening #
I was listening to the end bit , I was saying what were we about at the end . #
I can hear your penny shaking in there ha ha ha and I was listening oh Jesus . #
What's the matter ? #
I'll finish the horror tape one night . #
Yeah we're on to tape two cos this A side of tape two . #
Have you ? #
You paid , you paid me with it . #
I'm alright thank you . #
It's all my fault . #
Are we ? #
Yeah , then I turned it off . #
To record . #
Cos everybody was talking . #
What you writing ? #

Well it's got my name in it ! #
So ? #
Oh thanks . #
Well just tell him I'm not getting involved with it , alright ? #
And tell him no arguing tonight . #
Alright . #
Alright I will . #
I wonder if Pete will come tonight ? #
Sh when er when Emma told me that erm Richard said that they probably weren't going to Tramps I was , I was walking around going oh boo hoo boo hoo I'm so sad all the time going oh boo hoo boo hoo #
And and er Scott kept going what you doing ? #
I was going nothing , I'm just being sad . #
Boooo hoooo . #
It was really funny . #
Oh I was laughing all still dream of love oh dear . #
I'm so tired . #
That was I'm so tired . #
And who can say begin . #
responsibilities #
What ? #
Have you only just noticed ? #
All the times I've played it , have you only just noticed ? #
My mum hasn't even noticed yet . #
I were playing it really really loud this morning . #
My mum nearly said shit yesterday ,a nervous breakdown . #
She goes er she goes ssshhhh no I'd better not say that since , seeing as you're in . #
I goes mum I've heard it all before ! #
For goodness sake . #
I don't know what she thinks I am . #
You know , someone , you know ? #
I'm not a flipping nun am I ? #
I've just finished . #
Lovely I'm so pleased . #
About five days . #
I was blinded What time are we gonna chuck them out tonight ? #
Half one ? #
I know it's ace . #
First time I've ever had a party . #
D , D I S #
A G R double E D . #
Oh dear I'm really really really really really looking forward to it . #
Not that you can tell or anything . #
First guardian citizen don't know . #
Don't know . #
What ? #
Sa S A W . #
Oh I didn't know W H Smith's had been around for two hundred years . #
It must be . #
No . #
But it must be mustn't it ? #
Suppose so . #
Oh yeah Jo . #
Oh Two hours left , ha ha ha . #
Bye bye mummy and daddy . #
Watch me weep . #
It's just spelt the same . #
C H . . double E K . #
You can't spell anything you . #
I know . #
Have you seen my nail file ? #
Can't find anything in this room , it's so messy . #
Yeah . #
Wish me good luck it should be . #
Er no , just cross it out . #
Oh never mind it doesn't really matter . #
Is it ? #
Oh , where's my nail file gone ? #
Yeah . #
Give it here . #
Is it ? #
Oh never mind . #
Oh dear #
Er think I'll put a bit of Beatles on . #
I'm in a Beatles mood . #
What ? #
Oh . #
nail file #
You'll start writing that if you're not careful . #
Cos if I sing , when I'm doing my homework if I sing along to a tape or something I start writing the words down . #
Oh . #
Oh that's the letter Shrimpy se sent me . #
He had such a go at me for showing it my mum . #
Whoops . #
Somebody new oh . #
Right , that's all my clothes put away . #
love me do #
please me do #
You love Scott really . #
I'm going #
G O N E G O N E S #
No cos you spell gonad G O N A D . #
Just put gonads . #
A D S #
Yeah . #
Big head ? #
Oh you're not gonna start a massive argument tonight are you Jo ? #
You're such a good singer . #
Slanging . #
Oh I'm looking forward to tonight so much now . #
Joanne please don't start a massive argument . #

That , that's #
he's done a sentence wrong there . #
Yeah . #
Oh I know , he just waffles . #
I read it and I just went what ! for a start and then #
I went , and then I went well he can't have looked around for us too well because we were walking by the side of the road . #
But we , I mean we were walking by the side of the road all the way up Greenlands Drive . #
Scott's not your best friend at the moment then ? #
The little shit . #
S T I double R E R . #
Drink ? #
Will you go with him and get it ? #
Half one . #
? #
Oh I'm surprised . #
Ooh . #

Why ? #
Jo no-one listens to my tapes anyway . #
Emma and Scott ? #
Course I won't ! #
Mm . #
Yeah yeah yeah #
No I'll chu I tell you , I'll chuck him and Scott out if they both start . #
Ah . #
Half one #
-ish -ish #
depending on what we're doing . #
No I'm only #
Sperm way ? #
Oh it was hilarious . #
It's such a feeling that my love I can't hide , I can't hide , I can't hide #
Yeah you got that something . #
Is , yeah you're a good old Beatles fan you are Jo . #
Oh Jo #
I feel happy inside #
No . #
What ? #
That's know , now is N O W . #
and I'll kiss you tomorrow I'll miss you #
Always be true #
and then while I'm away #
I'll write home every day #
and I'll send all my loving to you #
I'll pretend that I'm kissing #
the lips I am missing and your dreams will come true #
If Pete isn't here ? #
There's still gonna be music on even if Pete can't . #
What do you mean , if Pete isn't here ? #
All my loving #
B double O #
bogying #
Erm #
it's erm oh damn ! #
All my loving . #
So tough shit . #
Ooh an hour and a half #
boo hoo bye mummy and daddy . #
I am . #
Until mummy and daddy ha ha are going . #
Mummy and daddy , ha ha ha , childish . #
If you could have just seen yourself then , you leapt up #
buy you diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright I'd get you everything my friend if it makes you feel alright I don't care too much for money , money can't buy me love #
say you love me too #
I may not have a lot to give but what I've got I'll give to you #
everybody tells me so oh I'm such a good singer , ha ha ha #
no no no no #
I wouldn't let anyone else find that letter if I were you . #
O P I N I O N S #
Basically . #
that money just can't buy #
Oh dear oh dear oh me . #
It's only half well twenty to two and I'm blooming tired . #
I want to go to bed . #
No . #
and I've been working #
work all day to get your oh talk of the devil , Richard 's out there . #
Oh I , I was so frightened yesterday when he came round . #
Ooh he's dead creepy though isn't he ? #
I know he's alright but #
he kep I was laying there and I was just dropping off to sleep , I was oh it was , and he , in h in he waltzes oh I , he , I , he goes what you doing in here ? #
I goes what the hell's it look like , I'm going to sleep ! #
He goes he goes you can't go to sleep , and he sat on the edge of my bed for about quarter of an hour . #
Well I was only going to sleep Jo , I wasn't doing anything , I'm just tired . #
things that you do #
And like he just , he just sat there and it was , ooh it was so creepy . #
And like I thought I'm not gonna look up in case he goes for me or something , so I just kept my head in the pillow and pretended the light was blinding me oh ha ha cos when I get you alone what ? #
What ? #
What's the matter ? #

Ah you are going to be so arsed , it's going to be so funny . #
It's no wonder ! #
Ooh #
Yeah , have a bit of a kip for a bit can't I ? #
When ? #
Yeah she is , she's dropping in #
for after , after mum and dad go have the hand slapping and the yeah they've gone ! #
Anyway I wanna have a bit of a talk to her . #
Well about all this business with Shrimpy . #
I , I , I mean I don't know , I wasn't there for half the things she was talking about last night , I mean I was upstairs for three quarters of an hour trying to go to sleep #
Interferior ? #
Well I'm just gonna , I'm just gonna say that Joanne's a bit worried about Shrimpy which is true #
you know ? #
And I'm just gonna say you know , I think it would be better if Scott didn't rush in like that , you know ? #
I can understand why he did it , to be quite honest . #
Emma and Shrimpy . #
Mm . #
He shouldn't have done that really , he was a bit naughty . #
Oh #
oh I need your love babe #
yes I know it's true erm #
hold me love me hold me love me you #
hold me love me Eight Days #
a Week this is love me ain't got nothing but love babe #
eight days a week #
Can we sing the song we're on ! #
you all the time whoa whoa hold me #
love me #
Michelle #
You like all of them don't you Jo #
really ? #
You make me laugh . #
When you're in a mood like this you're so excellent . #
No when you're in a strop you're not excellent . #
No yeah , just follow my example . #
When ? #
When ? #
When ? #
When I went a bit mad . #
Well , stupid fool . #
eight days a week #
Yeah I mean he's mm he's #
I've got a dead itchy back , oh ! #
Hurt your boob ? #
I thought you would g , oh I thought you were about to say I've decided I'm not coming . #
Yeah . #
Don't know whether Clare's coming or not yet . #
I said phone me if you're coming but don't bother if you're not so it looks like she's not . #
Well yeah , she can find it . #
No . #
Why ? #
she said so #
No cos it'll drown the microphone . #
Unless we can turn it off for a bit . #
No . #
I'm so glad that she's my little girl she's so glad she's telling all the world that her baby buys her things you know #
he buys her diamond rings you know , she said so #
I feel fine #
I know , I am #
Thank you ! #
I don't think I look like Penelope Keith . #

 #
so glad that she's my little girl she's so glad she's telling all the world Turn it up a bit then . #
Oh piss ! #
What ? #
I just made the whole bed and then realized I'd put it on the wrong way . #
Meaty stuff ? #
Yeah . #
Shut up #
Alright . #

He got over excited . #
Yeah no it pops itself up . #
Ooh #
my head hurts #
Oh yeah . #
Erm I think #
I think I ought to go and put them in the dryer a bit longer . #
Ooh feel your bum . #
No . #
No it hasn't . #
What ? #
Oh oh yeah yeah yeah . #
Oh yeah . #
They had all their lights on and everything ? #

Oh it was so funny that was . #
You were #
It was when you and David were shoved against the wall and you kept complaining . #
A pole . #

No I was not pushing the time have you got this , put the other side on #
Er dunno . #
Who was the first person to speak ? #
Was it you Emm ? #
Oh I've entered you now , ha ha you're on . #
Oh I love Morrissey . #
I really really do . #
Hairdresser on Fire , Emma ! #
My favourite . #
Eh ? #
Is it ? #
No it isn't , it always smells like that . #
I've got #
I'm really hot . #
Oh leave him alone . #
What ? #
Yeah , might be . #
Oh he doesn't stink . #
keeps doing that today . #
Well he , he's ten and , and collies don't usually live to be much older . #
What ? #
Oh . #
Well I'll be gone soon from this smelly household , so #
No thanks . #
Well I'll have to stay for the next two years unless we go back to Lincoln . #
Cos if I go to the college I might be able to get a flat . #
Probably not , but depending on mummy and daddy live . #
Mm . #
But you see if if we move back we'll be able to get a bigger house . #
And er I'll be able to have more room to myself then cos David won't be there anyway so I might be able to have one of the bedrooms as like a sitting room to myself or study or something . #
Shag palace ! #
Well it was really good in our old house cos we had , we had a front room and a back room and a kitchen all downstairs . #
And so the back room like , you could just go and sit in there on your own or whatever . #
But I was , I was a bit too young to turn it into a shag palace . #
A shag palace I'm gonna sneeze #
Hairdresser on fire I love this , sing it #
Neither can I . #
Oh #
Your mum likes it though doesn't she ? #
Oh #
Ooh #
Lunch time . #
Clare's . #
No , her mum and dad are there . #
I think . #
just got to close down armageddon , come armageddon , come armageddon come #
every day is like Sunday every day is silent and grey #
Yeah good old cat's having a Mum'll be dead chuffed , I've cleaned the toilet . #
I'll tell her as well . #
I think I might I think I might just tell her actually . #
I won't tell her that he , he puked on your head else she'll wonder what you were doing . #
I mean #
No it won't . #
Yeah well I'm not gonna tell them any gory details am I ? #
Yes , crossword time . #
What , in here ? #
Yes , there are stars in here somewhere . #
I don't know where they are . #
Sam be quiet . #
Ha #
Alright I won't say anything then . #
But if my mum asks like what the is I'm gonna tell her . #
No . #
Ooh I feel much better now . #
Er oh go on then , force me . #
What's mine ? #
Scorpio . #
I know . #
There usually is one . #
There usually is one . #
Of people down here . #
There's only one gone . #
Rather funny #
I can always tell #
I can hold it down till I get to the toilet I can . #
Mythology . #
Beautiful youth chosen as cup bearer to Zeus is it ? #
It's eight letters . #
Well that's handy . #
Is he really ? #

Zeus is Roman ? #
It's erm #
I like to stretch my mind . #
Is it nasty #
What are you barking at dog ? #
the Decameron #
Ooh dear #
Miss . #
Gilbert and Sullivan #
No I like these ones I can guess . #

No #
Oh erm god #
Why ? #
I'm not cheating . #
It's a general knowledge crossword . #
Yes it is . #
I find it i interesting . #
Jeremiah #
No you couldn't . #
What's the clue then if it's Jeremiah ? #
What #
What the child , your baby ? #
I like that #
What did you say ? #
It's crap innit ? #
No-one ever look look #
you've got to be practical right #
No , but when you go to children's parties #
no-one's going to be able to name ,na er be able to write it are they ? #
And when people send her christmas cards everyone's gonna spell it wrong and she's gonna be pissed off for the rest of her life . #
Samantha's disgusting anyway . #
No I know but everyone would think she was called Samantha and she'd be pissed off for the rest of her life . #
Well #
No I know but they'll probably christen her Victoria . #
Oh #
Oh my god haircut haircut #
haircut haircut haircut . #
We're all pointing at you Davy haircut #
I know well he was growing it weren't he ? #
He said he was growing it to me . #
Oh good oh #
There's a list of girls' names in here . #
Knob bait #
Knob bait #
Here we go . #
They're boys' names #
girls' names . #
It's like from two nine six to three o three . #
June #
Abbie ? #
You really started her going then #
Agnes #
I was having a rest , I didn't say I'd finished . #
Beryl ? #
You can't call it Beryl . #
No . #
Oh god What are you putting in ? #
You'd better not put any bum ones in . #
Butter #
What ? #
Beadle ? #
Oh . #
Flora . #
Flora how about Flora ? #
Flora , the margarine . #
How about Aline ? #
Helena's crap , I reckon #
nudge nudge . #
Just think , if it's a girl what a poor cow having a nose like that . #
What ? #
No I mean that's gonna that , that that gene's gonna is gonna #
So ? #
Oh #
oh the are my faith #
Acid tears . #
Only joking darling , love you really . #
Go on Jo go , go on Jo , go and get your word in that we've missed off a few times . #
Go on #
Anyway you smell his bum #

No you couldn't , not in my shower there's not enough room #
I know #
Oh leave him alone . #
after he puked on your head #
You shouldn't get off with him #
you shouldn't get off with him #
when he's that drunk then should you ? #
Yeah well didn't have to do it on my bed . #
Oh the dryer ! #
What ? #
What ? #
Jo do you ask these things ? #
You know you're not really supposed to ask private . #
It's probably why he's so thick . #
Oh I'm gonna fail my oral tomorrow . #
No , female . #
Mrs #
She's Welsh . #

Thank you I #
Doesn't it feel like it should be about four o'clock in the afternoon ? #
What footie's on the telly sarvo #
Translated as what football's on the te television this afternoon . #
Manchester City and Southampton . #
What , when the match is on ? #
I bet #
Kung fu #
All the shit films , that's all you need to know . #
Swivel on it , I felt like shouting but I didn't . #
That's what I just said a minute ago . #
Oh . #

Twenty one soon isn't he ? #
Oh god he's really skinny isn't he ? #
Julian . #

he , he goes , he reckoned that , he reckoned that , that my blanket made him feel worse . #
Hello . #
I stopped to try and look after him . #
Oh yeah you really were . #
Oh er I thought mm you're really far gone aren't you but #
I didn't say anything . #
I said that didn't I ? #
No #
Emma said that to me , Emma said that to me . #
I a I goes to Emma is he really far gone and she said yes he is . #
Well I thought I thought he was a bit but I don't know #
some people you can't tell , it's like Andy isn't it ? #
You can't tell if he's bad or not . #
Hug your comfort blanket . #
Nothing . #
Oh #
Oh yeah ? #
Ooh ! #
Totally the opposite to June really isn't it ? #
No . #
Ooh dear . #
Alright then chickens . #
Actually it takes a while to get used to . #
When we first started like we wouldn't speak or anything and it was really bad . #
But then me and Emma got going and we got a bit drunk and we just said anything and it was really embarrassing . #
For erm research I think . #
Like they're looking at people's accents and erm #
This man just knocked on the door and said will you do this for me ? #
And you get twenty five pound at the end . #
Crisp anybody ? #
I was waiting for Mr to say something to me then , I was sat there going #
No let him talk #
Nothing . #

What do you mean , you're a secret stripper ? #
's dad who's in the I R A . #
Just peak just speak to each other normally . #
I've gotta listen back to all this and write all your names down . #
my chips if you want to darling . #
No put it down . #
It's a survey . #
Well no-one's gonna know . #
What do you think they put it on radio or something ? #
what , what words people actually use in everyday life . #
It's a nice name that is actually , #
Is it Italian or something ? #
Just send it away . #
It goes to London . #
Nobody's gonna know Becki , don't worry . #
Yeah well there's qu there's quite a few million people actually who do . #
So I don't think that actually #
Steph any cards ? #
Have you got my card ? #
Can I #
have it a sec ? #
Excuse me , speak up a bit . #
Don't worry I'm only recording you . #
Whatever you do don't panic . #
She will think you're manic . #
Whatever you do don't pale because you're bound to fail . #
Just give us a big cheesy grin and you know you're in with a chance #
squeaky clean . #
Good luck sorry about the #
Clare had got flatulence sorry that was nasty . #
Sad . #
People s started sniffing #
And sex . #
No I don't . #
It actually picks up voices really well . #
Cos I had a load of music on and you could still hear voice . #
I dunno . #
I haven't listened to that much really #
Not with me , no . #
Oh yes I have in my bag . #
Alright then . #
It doesn't matter you can fart if you want . #
Me and Emma was talking about the flipping things she gets up to with Scott . #
What ? #
I forgot you knew her actually just then . #
Hang on , let me switch myself off . #
I'm not really , I only wind you up . #
Oh yeah it's not fair on Peter . #
Oh poor , poor angelic little Peter . #
Yeah he's not taking me for a ride or anything . #
No I'm not ! #
I wouldn't do anything . #
I #
I know but I mean I , I only , I only wind him up , I only wind you up , I don't really do anything . #
I mean I used to fancy him really badly . #
I won't . #
No I don't unless I was drunk I wouldn't , because because I know he do #
I know I , cos I know he doesn't want to really . #
And to be quite honest if Pete's there everyone else can just go and drop dead cos I , it's true #
it's true I know it is . #
I really fancy Peter like flipping god's sake I mean I really do . #
You know and I , I , I only wind you and Andy up , I wouldn't really do anything . #
Honestly I wouldn't . #
Oh dear . #
But #
I wouldn't really do anything Joanne . #
Don't you trust me ? #
Not really surprising . #
No I wouldn't really . #
Do you trust me ? #
Good . #
No . #
Probably take her out #
Don't you think ? #

 #
everywhere you go #
Hello Smokey ooh I've had such a bad morning . #
It's all taken such an effort . #
Felt like not going to school I can tell you . #
But I told Isabel and Clare and Stephanie oh and Lisa and Emma #
they all thought it was really funny . #
Oh and er #
oh and Sarah #
oh and Sarah and #
Oh and Nichola #
Lisa #
goes how did your party go ? #
I goes oh really well . #
Andy vomited into Joanne's hair ! #
Hello Sammy darling ! #
Oh this joke today ? #
Er right walking on the beach and he a genie came out when he rubbed it and he goes oh no way man . #
The genie comes out and goes you , I can only grant you one wish , think carefully . #
He goes right thought for ages and he thought right what do I really need ? #
Yeah , right I've decided what I really want is a dick that , that , that drags on the floor . #
So the genie cut both his legs off . #
I thought that was quite funny at the time . #
Er #
Oh what , what erm what's toilet rolls and er Starship Enterprise got in common ? #
They both go round and try and get rid of cling-ons . #
Only just switched it on . #
it's worse when you've got #
I'm not picking on Emm . #
I'm not picking on Emm . #
None of those people know her so it doesn't matter . #
Would you ? #
Please #
that was hideous #
Shit . #
Joanne Joanne Joanne #
I can't . #
exactly what I'd do . #
Shut up . #
Look they already think you're a yob . #

I've gotta give that to somebody tomorrow . #
There isn't , no . #
What ? #
The whole first of the s er #
I told , I told my dad that was #
I told my dad that was I chucked his in the bin and it had sort of stains on it and I told him that was #

I like this . #
gone home Joanne's outside . #
Smok oh smoking weed . #
You really hate that so much don't you ? #

That was a crap joke . #
Yeah #
No . #
Yeah cos I was burning #
No . #
Never done I've never made a bomb . #
He was a real so and so #
say bastard #
Oh . #
It's acid that's why . #
Ah ! #
Oh A why do men insist on doing disgusting things to their hair ? #
Oh #
It takes honestly it takes so much willpower to grow your hair it really does . #
It get , it gets , it gets to about that length #
Oh that wasn't shoulder length . #
If you , you get it to a certain length and it's a bit too short to have the layers cut out , cos you need it all the same length really and it pisses you off so much . #
Yeah . #
Cut #
It's too sh #
Yeah . #
If you can have it c if you can have it cut all one length it's alright then . #
If you leave it for so long though #
it starts cleaning itself and it's alright then . #
But you have to leave it for like months . #
Are you ? #
I thought about having mine permed actually . #
What ? #
I think you'd look good with like an asymmetrical bob . #
Yeah . #
Do you ? #
Like if you have it like there #
yeah . #
What ? #
So ? #
It doesn't matter , it doesn't matter what you say . #
Say . #

What ? #
They're doing a survey #
on like what words different #
and like what accent people are talking at #
Yeah . #
Well it's how we , it's how we usually talk isn't it ? #
What ? #
No but I mean conversation , it's conversation with my friends and conversation with my parents #
till tomorrow . #
I've only done three tapes , he gave me twenty . #
No . #
You only have to do as many as you can . #
What ? #
No . #
I'll give him whatever I do . #
What ? #
I don't know , probably not probably but at least #
Yeah I can smell it . #
Mm . #
I can smell #
Selling what ? #
Oh . #
It's only one can , they're not exactly gonna notice are they ? #
Your brother nicked three er bottles of lager and brought them round to my house on Saturday . #
I only drunk one of the , you #
I think there's one still in the fridge actually . #
Well drunk one #
My brother drunk it . #
Alright ? #
Leave alone . #
What ? #
They taste better . #
I don't believe it ! #
Mr 's wife is in this . #
My #
Alright then . #
No #
What ? #
Yeah . #
Yeah #
What ? #

Boo hoo . #
Mr 's wife that is . so bad . #
Oh at ? #
I saw that . #
It's a crap picture . #
Ow ! #
What ? #
No #
That's Emily . #
What a stupid cow she looks there . #
What ? #
Red Dwarf's on in one minute . #
Shut up #

It's alright , it knows anyway . #

What ? #
Look , you've got some as well except #
Oh you're socks are disgusting . #
Like your willy Don't think so . #
A dur brain #
I used to have a teacher called Mrs . #
I did . #
At nursery school I had a teacher called Mrs . #
But everyone laughed . #
I get up at eight every morning . #
Mm . #
No er in between school and not working ? #
Well how do you think you're gonna pay for all that ? #
Government , do you know how much grant you'll actually get ? #
Does it ? #
It won't pay all my brother's cos they're cheapskating bummers . #
Mm . #

He does already . #
Sorry #
Oh #
What that bloke sitting behind ? #
Looks like Mr oh having a ride in #
Oh I wonder what , I wonder what er , what party he's for ? #
Oh no #
it's Neil #
Why don't they show us all Britain ? #
Oh no #
cor this is a bit ugh ah let's all clap for Neil , er , er what's he gonna do go off and have a boxing match ? #
Oh sorry #
just sounds a bit silly if you can only hear the telly #
Eh ? #
Yeah #
get the full grant #
Yeah #
Yeah #
Yeah #
Mm #
Yeah #
Yeah #
Well you knew , cos we told you #
what you get #
Yeah because they think they're going to get more , don't they ? #
Or they thought they were and the only people they're going to get any more from is the parents , nowhere else , nobody else is going to give them anything I've got no illusions about it , I don't expect you to get anything from anywhere else , and I know that you , you wouldn't get anything from anywhere else because they , they've cut it , they've cut it to the bone and the only people that can afford to go now and to live in anything like #
Yeah , is people who have got rich parents . #
Lives at Bromsground ? #
Yeah #
No it might , it might #
be the year after #
I think , I think actually , I think they will try to do something actually because if they , if they do away with the loans thing #
they'll have to try do something won't they ? #
To be honest #
oh no , no it's not no #
no , they can't do that because of the state of the economy #
Well hopefully they'll be able to do something #
Yeah #
No #
But I mean #
you know , I mean , on #
on April the tenth they're not going to be able to go #
oh , you know , that's , that's it because for thirteen years they have dismantled the social system , that's what they've done in thirteen years , so they can't say overnight , we'll put it all back because there isn't , there , there isn't the finance there because they've spent it all to have done what they've done #
because they've sold everything off like gas and electricity and everything and all the resources they've got for it they've spent , to supplement everything else , so the money won't be there , and , and the income from the electricity and that isn't going to the Government it's going to private enterprise #
so , so it's not gonna be there , and unfortunately it's going to take a while , because we're in such a deep recession and recession is bad , and it's not getting any better #
It , it'll take a long time before it starts to buck up . #
Yeah , to put it right , to start to put it right #
yeah well I mean they'll want to and they've got #
Yeah , but they've got #
they've got to try and show #
that they are doing something #
No because you should help , think of a society as whole #
No #
Yeah #
Well is he going to university ? #
What doing ? #
But the only , I think the only course he'll pass is mucking about course , let's see who can muck about for the next three years the most . #
Stupid innit ? #
If you haven't got , if you haven't got enough discipline to get a good grade in your O levels #
then you no way gonna have enough discipline to get any sort of grade at university #
And you got #
Do you know what I was talking to Nicola #
I , I #
I didn't get involve with it , I mean I got involved in it and I did it #
If there's one , if there's one next year I will , depending on what it is of course #
but I wouldn't , I wouldn't mind next year , but it's just too much hassle just at the moment , and if you look hardly anyone out of our year's in it are they ? #
But David's decided to get involved in this in his sixth year coming up to his A levels #
Yeah , he had to borrow the money off me to do that #
Who ? #

, er #
Mr or young #
is it , ah , they used to be su , according to everyone he was such a so and so , he er , he's , he used to be barmy , he was like the clo , close barmy man and he used to like chase people around with bricks and stuff and everyone used to hate him and like Julian and Andy used to beat him up all the time #
Dunno , seventeen , eighteen #
Is that , is that the larger one ? #
It was you #
Sorry #
dad , dad we're not giving up just at the moment #
We're not giving out mortgages at the moment #
In the next three years #
Is this , is this us ? #
I'll switch it off a second then #
and when you use #
yeah , when you speak it flickers #
Yeah #
well if everyone goes #
You go there God he only looks about five Mark , don't he look like Mark though ? #
He does #
I reckon it was Mark #
Yeah about the train spotting and all that they said didn't they ? #
We knew it was #
didn't we mum ? #
Cor look at all this lot they've got #
you nicked that how do you possibly get that out of somebody's house ? #
Why don't you phone in and pretend it's yours ? #
A nice little table , you'd think somebody would recognise that wouldn't you ? #
Or that chair at the back #
Jane , what , er at #
mm #
see , you'd think someone would recognise that wouldn't you ? #
Ah #
Oh #
yeah #
They're easy to steal though aren't they paintings ? #
What #
Yeah and walked out with it #
Please #
oh it's got hearts on #
Two Right , let's go round photographing all the chairs #
I'm gonna sell it all when you die , get loads of money and then buy some stools to sit on , what #
Ooh dear , oh blimey you don't , you don't realise all this , the time's going on #
of these organise crimes , you never hear about them #
What ? #
No you don't hear about any murders do you ? #
Someone's trying to get into the toilet with dad #
I bet that's , this is when they started to get , get in #
Oh ace mum #
your glasses #
oh dear oh dear , I'd hate to have a broken jaw Now what you gonna do ? #
I'll be running the other way you'd think there'd be loads of people going to pubs and stuff wouldn't you ? #
I don't know how all these people notice these things , I never notice anything like that #
Do you ? #
Do you notice things like that ? , oh #
What did you say ? #
Oh don't it's only been on for about er , the last half an hour it's not it's a cross a crucifix is got bigger on it . #
Well it's not my fault is it he's illiterate #
I'm not a know all #
Shut up #
Tim the airman , Tim the airman , er , er , er , er #
Yeah , oh funny with that #
Well he might not he might not #
work for them any more #
He might work for somebody else , or not working weekends #
Oh he's so childish #
Personally I think you're flipping barmy #
Oh does my voice sound funny on there though , oh #
What ? #
Serial killers in Lincoln #

Ruby Wax pain in the backside #
I'm off to bed #
Jealous you greedy pig #
I've just become somebody dumb #
What are you holding it for ? #
Cos it won't make any noise then #
No #
Oh how special does that look ? #
No , I'm not sticking it on my tie #
and there's third years there , no , I'm not , no , I refuse #
I've got to go down to graphics #
you did promise #
Anyway I've got a question , I'm asking about the , the availability of a green spray can #
Hiya Ally #
ah you take the piss so bad #
What #
How's that for excitement , I can see , I can tell #
don't be silly #
Ah #
Course you're not , I'll just say #
Nobody #
so , I do , you're not going to get killed , I just say Mr you threatening Mike and he'll go no Helen because I'm incredible scared of you and I'll go I know you are #
No only me #
she's designing er swimming costumes #
er what , what , what #
Well I've done my introduction #
and analysis and that's it #
That one little , oh , how special #
They're not supposed to be #
they're suppose to be like that , that's my best bit that I'm doing well #
Yeah #
I suppose , I better do #
not at all #
Oh , oh #
He was #
I liked the bit when you were going I don't know what to do #
Go whoopsy-daisy , bye then #
right I'm going down to graphics #
well so I like school work course we're not gonna get done , got Mr under my thumb #
Pardon , graphics room , what other room ? #
OK #
Oh what a shame I won't be able to do my homework , watch me weep what it's #
glue and stuff , that's all #
Oh no what a shame I won't be able to do any work , oh boo hoo I am so upset about that #
I've got one more lesson this afternoon #
Yeah , I'll be able to finish my one design #
that , that one with the lines on , I've got to spray that green #
I am , that's the design to go on it I'm gonna have to go and put it back now #
Oh do they ? #
Well dear me what a shame #
teachers eh , who'd have them ? #
That's what I'm doing , except that it's not gonna look like that any more #
Well of course it's filling , just a quick sketch isn't it ? #
I mean you know I can't draw #
Wimbledon #
No it isn't it's rubbish #
It's pathetic and you know it #
Stick it in my , your losing my bits of paper , all my importantly file bits of #
Oh wow ! #
What a hairstyle #
I've got to go and do some work #
Have you , why ? #
Why ? #
only a folder #
A folder , oh #
Yeah #
no it isn't , he , he said that's rubbish oh did you hear about oh yes you were there when we put hair #
In her shoes #
and she put them on ? #
Yeah #
And she , she had a right go at me yesterday , right , er , this afternoon she goes , oh I took it out before I put me shoe , me foot in it , killjoy #
She probably didn't #
I know #
What ? #
I'm sorry , I'm sorry I'm not a bubbling Picasso #
give me just a little more time #
You haven't done nothing yet , so how can you analyze it ? #
Is it analy analyzing it ? #
Put it back in my folder . #
Excuse me , I am #
Testicle area #
Are we ? #
Ah , I don't think I could , you know #
where you going ? #
no , come on #
oh no , it's nice and quiet , oh hello sorry but we're not taping this conversation or anything . #
Who's is it ? #
Is it ? #
Oh it's mine , it's mine #
Ah #
Isn't it wonderful #
Well you can't really , but no one notices , but I'm not doing it on purpose , it's for a survey , I get twenty five pounds for , mm , watch me weep #
Just record my conversations to everyone #
Why ? #
I'm doing a survey #
Who ? #
This er dictionary company #
A dictionary company ? #
You don't buy a dictionary company #
Where do you think it's coming from #
They are #
I thought it was #
they are honestly aren't they ? #
I am doing this honestly #
No , my , they came round to my house #
honestly I swear it on my mother's grave #
it's not it's my Walkman , they gave me a Walkman , they gave me twenty tapes , I'm not joking #
I don't believe you had #
Smell of garlic ? #
Might be my #
on me sandwiches #
I've just had a Polo all they're looking at is like what kind of accents you talk in #
and what kind of #
and what kind of words like different people use #
No she said #
see you , bye #
Yeah smell of garlic it might be my cheese and onion sandwiches #
I've just had a Polo , do you want one ? #
no I'm not #
Iona's bag #
They're not knickers it's a flipping #
camisole , Iona's knickers , oh yeah she's gonna leave her knickers on the floor isn't she ? #
about #
about this bra top thing she's got and how it's got a hole in it and she was trying to think back how it got this hole in it and she remembered that Mark put his fingers through it #
No it was Mark , I can remember it happening when she #
what #
I went out with him #
he does , he looks just like him . #
Emma went out with him for about two months #
no #
Blonde one #
Was Mark there ? #
Was Mark there ? #
I think so , I think he was there yes he was , yeah he was #
he was the tall blonde one #
Oh I know it's huge #
Mm #
she wets herself #
She won't tell us the truth , but I know it , she wets herself , she doesn't want it to show on the chairs in school #
incontinent #
I think that's so #
Oh no , our dog needs one of them #
my dog's incontinent #
Oh yeah , huge #
you know , is it #
you walk in and there's a few #
you know the pub #
yeah , you , right by Next , the bottom entrance to Next , there's a sports shop there #
Oh I know it #
I searched for Christmas and I wanted it #
Anybody else ? #
hello #
Yeah #
Taping everybody's conversation #
eh , oh , they've just all fallen to pieces , here you can have the rest #
Compilation #
I'm taping it now #
I am #
A survey thing #
Yeah #
you can't show this because I didn't put a bra on #
she's got a microphone on her blazer #
I have , yes it is #
I ain't got the headphones #
It is #
OK this conversation was between Alison Nina , Helena , Caroline and somebody who is unknown , OK #
What you gonna do ? #
Ask her for it I am , she's alright , she's #
Yeah , she's always been alright with me , you know , so I can't say about anybody else , I mean she's already , she's always been really nice to me , but like them people she goes around , well she used to go around with Lisa and Vicky and all that lot and when she used to go around with them she used to be bitching them off behind their back and going oh you're my best friend , to their faces . #
It's like me and you really , huh , #
I know I bitch by you #
I'm saying how much I hate you , just all the time . #
I suppose it's a bit like me and Joanne really I mean I'm bit er nasty to her behind her back really , only to her #
not anybody else about her #
she's alright actually , sometimes she just aggravates me though #
No #
I mean she's a , she's a nice enough person but she just gets in a strop so easily , you , you know #
Yeah probably I think she'll always be like it though , cos her mum's just the same , she's just like her mum , you know her mum got in a strop every day because she couldn't go round , down the #
club and have a fag , her mum's given up smoking , so Joanne's really worried now oh #
silly old Jo #
mm #
I know someone who had that done and then later on they had their voice box taken out , cos he had cancer of the throat , ooh , #
oh they cut them out #
why ? #
Yeah , he couldn't speak after that #
no I #
if I were you , that is just #
oh no way , that is #
Oh god , having problems putting a pair of tights on #
Nearly black #
God knows , my mum #
Oh that's nice #
you wouldn't have to worry about , you wouldn't have to worry about trousers or skirts or legs #
heck , oh my knees face each other , it's sick #
no it isn't , we #
to it anyway #
You've been playing too much football #
you're born with rickets #
mine are too thin at the ankle , looks sick #
oh yeah , yes you have #
Yeah but they're fat , they're horrible , they are , they're all purple at the ankle , not like she's got thin mm #
did he , you don't pull them if you've got a , a hole in already because that's death #
cos you see like #
that #
not like , like with that one #
there you see I've just cured that one look , that one with #
Mm , can't , I dunno #
What ? #
we'd better go #
Don't be so nasty #
Er oh decisions , a fishburger please . #
Oh Jo #
can have a bit of a party , bit of a rave died and he got to heaven #
Yeah #
Erin , Erin and Brian stuck up again today #
it was really funny #
he called her childish #
so she had a bit of a benny it was #
dead funny #
Brian ? #
Dunno round here I think #
not Greenlands , maybe Woodrow South so he probably wouldn't get on too well with someone from #
Well she comes out with such a load of claptrap , she don't know what she's talking about most of the time ah , are you and dad gonna buy a box each ? #
Are you gonna buy a box and I'll get rid of the other two to Joanne and Emma ? #
Cos I might be able to cart them off to Joanne and Emma to give them to their mum's on Mother's Day #
We never buy you anything on Mother's Day , you get a card and be happy with it #
Oh , I want two presents a year for birthday , christmas and children's day #
I've just invented one #
Yes we do , we give you all the love and support you need . #
I was talking about you today in English #
Well they were talking about the eleven plus you see #
and they said whose parents took it ? #
So I went and he er , and she goes er , and did they both pass ? #
She was expecting me to say yes , I goes no my mum failed #
and er , and , yeah she said but your father liked it did he ? #
And I goes no he hated it , he used to get detention every day for not wearing his cap he hated it and he didn't do any work . #
Cos she was expecting me to trot out something like , yes both my parents went to grammar school like everybody else whose parents went , you know , they were all saying , yes my parents went to grammar school and they got these and these have got these qualifications and everything , I couldn't believe it though , there's a load of people in our class and like you know , all the parents are all these things and they're not exactly brilliant , the children #
you know , like Olivia , er , both her parents are teachers and all this business #
er , you know she's not #
she's not much to shout about , you know , intelligence-wise #
mum had failed , but she said why ? #
I goes well all the , all the questions were matters science and she weren't any good at that #
Would , would , would erm , grandma and granddad let you go anyway ? #
Would they of let you go if you'd passed ? #
Well some p , parents didn't like it did they ? #
Didn't want their children to go to it #
Yeah #
Well , there was two grammar schools in Lincoln though weren't there ? #
The Lincoln school #
weren't , weren't there a girls ? #
Weren't there , weren't there another boys and girls one or whatever , or were there just the boys #
and the girls ? #
Yeah #
Mm #
Where was #
Yeah , where was Christ Hospital then ? #
Where ? #
Where the old , where the college is now that art college ? #
Yeah #
Yeah #
Right #
Or was #
Was that co-ed ? #
Was it boys and girls ? #
That's a bit unfair #
Girls ? #
Oh #
Yeah #
Like erm , but , like Miss says some of the stuff on it was so rubbish , I mean like , there was somebody she knew , who their son failed the eleven plus twice and now they've got their P H D #
they failed , but they failed their eleven plus twice #
but now they've got their P H D #
you know , it's so stupid innit ? #
Assess like that #
Mm #
I mean it might be alright for the more intelligent people or whatever , cos they get the best teachers then don't they ? #
But I mean for the other people it's just , it's just rejection innit , you're not good enough #
No #
Yeah #
Yeah #
Not algebra oh we had this , we #
Yeah #
That's , that's just like me that is , if I get into a rhythm and someone gives er , I can do it then , but if I just sit on a page , I think oh how do you do that ? #
Mm , them nice #
Mm mm there was only one in Redditch #
Ulster grammar #
Ulster #
Ulster #
Ulster #
Ulster erm #
No , but it's where all the #
went but you ain't good enough #
If you weren't , you went to Dudley High #
You ought to try taking some of them , honestly they're so easy the exams are , like history , ah , talk about easy , spartan erm , you could G C S E , P E mum #
You remind me of bit , eh , you're like a bit what Joanne's like , except Joanne's better at maths but she's not very good at English , like when they were doing Animal Farm , I had to explain that it was a parody of the Russian revolution and everything and she just sat there with her mouth open . #
Duke of Duke of thingy , it was er on at the Palace it was erm Duke of , there was an advert for it in the paper the other day #
she didn't know it was an opera you see #
Yeah #
and I didn't like to say anything #
Yeah oh #
erm , but , you see , they would of been the most aggravating little gits there , because as soon as they found out , they all started messing about then , for three hours it was on , could you imagine sitting in there with them lot for three hours ? #
yes , but mum , you're not a teacher at the Leeds High #
If you were it probably be a bit different than it actually is dad said to me once that if he , that if he'd like been in charge of it we'd of gone to the Leeds and not St Augustine's #
Yeah well he's all in with that isn't he ? #
He's , he's the flipping governor isn't he ? #
He's one of the governors #
Up there #
Well he's at the Dingleside but he's involved with the P T A there #
and he's bound to bull up his own place isn't he ? #
I mean no one 's gonna say oh yes my school's the best #
What ? #
It's not , it's no bigger than our school #
No #
It's about the sa , well it's might , just a little bit bigger than our school , about another hundred or something , but that's , that's a drop in the ocean when you've got seven hundred there that's like one in each class or something you know , extra #
No discipline ah , no discipline #
and er , we were like , we was on about , you know like we were talking about the education system and everything in English and you know I told you they were on about people changing at eleven and everyone else in the class wanted the thirteen system except me , it's only cos what they're used to #
but I mean , but like I said , I said , I mean , I went , I went to the like I changed then , I mean to be quite honest I didn't like it , I didn't like it #
no I didn't , I never liked it , whether that was because I knew we weren't gonna be there , or , you know , I just , I was only there six months #
I , you know , I just I would of been alright if it was a bit more organised I don't #
know it never seemed quite very organised #
Mm #
But you see I was thrown from one teacher all the time Miss all the time #
to , to German , French , Latin #
er , you know proper algebra and all that kind of stuff and it , and it was , I think I would of been better if I had of gone to Our Ladies cos I don't #
One teacher #
was there ? #
I know , but #
I know , but that , at St . Hughes you're stuck in a little rut aren't you ? #
I mean #
You mean we were the eldest for five years there #
Yeah #
That particularly didn't bother me it was the regime , the sudden change in the regime #
you know I think I would of got used to it #
but you know . #
What ? #
No , well you're not thick are you ? #
what ? #
Supposedly , when I , when I told Nicola the other day that you reckon that I don't do enough work , she says cor blimey she was shocked she was , shocked oh do it , do it as near to the microphone as you can mum #
I #
It wouldn't of been easier #
Not to everybody it wouldn't #
I'd say they'd got harder , you should see some of the things we do in maths mum , it's not easy #
You know , I mean you , the problem with you and dad is , cos you never got particularly involved with it you don't , you don't know exactly what's happening at school , you don't know what we do . #
I know , but , mum that , that was , that was five years ago , I mean I've moved on a great deal since then #
I mean some , some of them are what , what I would deem as fairly easy , I mean I find history easy , but not everyone does #
You know , but I mean , there's no way easy , especially the science and maths equals I times R , voltage and resistance in electricity and magnesium #
what ? #
but er , that fibbing git Tim right he's got a locker next to me , and he's got velcro on his coat and if I'm standing at my locker and he takes his coat out of , out of his locker , it always flipping pull my tights with the velcro #
that's the third time he's done it , I had such a go at him #
I'll have to I had a bit of major benny actually ha it was rather shocking wasn't it ? #
Not that I ever have major bennies or anything #
I hadn't had a benny for a few days actually #
I'm doing well thought I died and gone to heaven I don't like plain chocolate it's horrible #
take a #
Nothing , sarky remark ,on my own just #
Ladylike #
I thought I could give dad some of these and then eat them all myself #
for his birthday #
Don't you ? #
Well I'm really shocked mum , I was really going to do it honest #
Eh what you do to me all my #
chuck me in there , chuck me in the closet hit me with your rhythm stick , hit me hard and hit me quick #
What ? #
What's six o'clock ? #
it's half six #
That's what it said on his little card #
Nicola didn't believe me when I told her she thought I was playing a joke #
When I told her about this #
I goes er , oh I'm recording it for this thing , she goes oh yeah my beard , ha , I was going I am , ha , but she didn't believe me , can I have some sauce please ? #
There was definitely no chance of a walk that day , bit of Jayne Eyre there for you #
Oops , that's what I call an honourary delight this is #
What ? #
Indeed what exciting lessons did you have to do ? #
Well I had er , oh , what did I have ? #
Something P E , maths , English and graphics , science , science , maths , English and graphic #
We're having a discussion about erm , whether it should be brought back #
I said definitely not , cos it makes rejects of people in society , therefore a what #
which they all do in my class , cos they're all thick I couldn't believe it right #
Oh not all of them , I was sat , I , I was sat there #
and I went who's applying to go on to university or education after eighteen , so I put up my hand , turned round and flipping Stuart and Danny had put their hands up and I just went oh god , they're gonna do really well and Terry , and Terry , we're talking Terry , Terry who hasn't got a brain cell to rub together #
so ah that boy , this is the one who said I think we should be allowed to hit girls #
he supposedly , he , two short planks does not describe this boy , even Miss hates him that was it , she , we were having this discussion right in education , she goes , are you cynical about education Terry , he goes , no , he goes , oh she goes why ? #
He goes I don't know what cynical means #
I said , ah no and everyone in the class just cracked up sometimes you wonder , you wonder whether he does it on purpose he must do it on purpose , no one can be that thick #
Ninety five per cent #
but erm like Vicky who's got , in her English folder , this is Vicky Vicky , she's got in her literature she's got nine A's and one B and in her other I don't know what she's got , ten A's probably , mm she's not going to , she wants to be a nurse #
and er , like she said aren't you Vicky and she goes no miss , mm , you can't be a nurse till your eighteen #
so like , you know , she's gonna stay on , do A levels and then go into it #
because she might as well have some A levels just in case or whatever , but erm you know I , you know she's , you know , I can understand that actually , she's being quiet sensible about it she said there's nothing else I want to do and I might as well do something that I enjoy , you know , you've only got one life haven't you when it comes down to it ? #
Mm , like , her dad says to her why don't you be a doctor and she , but she don't want to , you know , she wants to be in a hospital and that , she don't want to end up in general practice #
No , but #
I know , but it won't take as long for her to get there as it would if she becomes a doctor #
Mm #
but erm #
Clear up sick , that's a favourite job isn't it ? #
Yeah , I thought of being that once but I wouldn't mind it in the wards , but I wouldn't want to be in the operating theatre , I don't know why , the blood don't put me off or anything , but #
Mm #
Yeah #
But like , I mean I don't mind the blood or whatever , and if they were doing little things , I could handle it , but like , like on that op , operation that woman was having the other day and they cut her open and they just pulled #
and that , that , that's the thing that makes me retch , not the cutting , it's when they just pull it apart #
when it rips ooh , they could of cut it #
No they cut the skin and then they just pulled it apart #
Oh , er #
Ah #
Yeah but what they ripped was all fat , all her fat , ooh #
Oh mine oh , I wish it was David , probably never get #
but , I was listening to myself on that #
Oh is my laugh vile or what and my voice #
it sounds so idiotic #