# Has Jacqueline gone ? # She were alright when she were with me today . # It's she never attempted to go she just wandered all round till she met me # Then I says to her eh up duck ! # I says , eh up ! # I said , what you doing right up here ? # She says , I'm looking for you . # I says , well I picked them forms for you and everything . # I said , but I'm gonna fetch them back . # I says # drop them off at our house , I said , and fetch them back like . # So , she says , oh it don't matter . # She says er will you help me fill them in now ? # I says , can I ask you a question ? # She says what ? # I says , these forms things , I says d'ya know how to fill them in ? # She says # no . # She said , somebody's always done it for me . # Well , apparently , they must of done it . # Cos I said # to Steve on t' phone , I says , I helped her fill all the forms in , you don't mind do you ? # I says , because # she didn't know . # I says # has she never filled them in before ? # So he says no , when I've been there I've always done it . # So , I , cos I had to do talking for her and all ! # I says , they asked her age of kids and , that . # I says ,and she forgot ! # I says , I had to tell them they were three and one year old . # Anyway , er they were talking to her , they explained about that money # and is your Steve , he must have thought she'd come back here with me . # And he's been in contact , he's after them # or summat # and he's been and gorrit , he's took his half and it's going ,i cos I thought I'll come to your house and tell you in front # of Bill . # That it were coming down and then # if she says it's not , then # Bill will say , well hang on a minute ! # I know it come down because Kath come over , you know . # I thought well , I'll take pot luck and hope she's # at your house . # That's # why I come straight across . # But he hadn't put # Well , he'd seen her with me hadn't he ? # So he automatically thought she'll have gone home . # She never left me at all ! # Never left me ! # Cos I thought well if you were me # They're only ninety nine pence ! # They're only ninety nine pence ! # Oh ! # I made her . # First of all , I says to her I'm gonna have a sandwich . # Yeah , I know . # Oh ! # I forgot about that . # I meant to pick it up . # You've had who ? # Jackie ? # Why ? # Has she burnt sprout again ! # Yeah . # Did he ? # Yeah . # You burnt them again ? # Did she ? # Did she have her tea before she went out like ? # Did she have summat to eat ? # She must have been full . # Oh ! # Yeah . # We only had it at half past twelve . # Cos I hung on , and hung on # Has she ? # Yeah . # She has to if the money ain't arrived . # Yeah . # If she comes back up # Is she # er , you see , he never said owt he just says , I'm gonna put it in an envelope and get it down to her but he never said how . # Who ? # Which him ? # Him that lived on caravan site ? # I don't know his name . # Why ? # Oh ! # And you're not gonna get no housekeeping ? # Mm . # Well you got that thing on your chest haven't # you ? # Course you will ! # I'll buy you a sack # of taters ! # You can have that . # No , I meant # The one I've got's alright . # I always get reds . # I always get reds . # Always get reds . # I'm watching # I ain't seen it . # So # Just hang on a sec . # I can still hear you . # I'm gonna put kettle on . # Oh ! # . I'm always standing on them ! # Always do # Yeah ! # Great ! # I seen him in town and er # hey up Kath ! # Are you alright ? # I wanna be . # Went over the doctors for them and said , can I help ? # And then er Jacqueline put her head down . # And then J J and shouts , I told her ! # I've never met J J . # And just , she just put her head down and walked by . # So I don't know . # but , but he said he paid the way she must have worked it so that he # he , cos I never saw her he just said to say are you alright ? # er they walked past . # Hey up Kath ! # Are you alright ? # So she said she never cottoned on . # Yeah ,sh she could have gone with him . # She said er , didn't notice what she looked like ? # I said , well I couldn't see her very well . # And left it at that ! # I thought that's one way to do . # Yeah . # You know unfortunately # Are you ? # Don't you go to sleep at all ? # What well are you thinking about ? # It ain't no money and that ? # Yeah . # You think all sorts , yeah . # But # she apologized ! # She says , I'm ever so sorry for coming up at that time she says , but I did notice Maggie's light weren't on that's # why I answered you # you know . # And , she says , because if your light ha hadn't of been on she were going straight home . # If it hadn't of been for Steve's car breaking down and him having # to jump the battery and everything # would have been alright . # So , but they're alright . # She had summat to eat . # And she had a drink and that . # She had a laugh with our Arthur . # He thumped her ! # When he thumped her I'd thought he'd seen her before . # Erm # And then he accused her , he says , keep your hand a keep your knee off my fist ! # He did . # Keep your knee off my fist ! # I says , you cheeky git ! # And then they were grilling Jean . # And then he insulted Jean . # I thought , oh great ! # No . # Ain't got none ! # Did I tell ya , I told you what he did last night ? # I mean stupid ! # I was not out . # I told you when # Mm . # I told you , that's it ! # He were in this morning he's er had summat to eat , well he's made it obvious . # Erm I come in , and I went upstairs to see if he were in bed or not ? # Cos he's getting a bo he's Cadets tonight # like # it don't matter how bad he is , off # he goes to this stupid Cadets ! # Anyway , I come in ah , I went int kitchen , and I thought oh , there's a loaf out of freezer , and I looked at the loaf but there's only about four sandwiches in it . # Mm . # Yeah . # What's he say ?say ? # Oh ! # Well she said she were gonna call and let you know how she got on . # So it's about her lass as well . # Cos I said seeing as you've got to go into town tomorrow # I says , don't take your money out the house ,a # because you'll need that to get back in . # And so that's what I were doing you see . # I've run out of such a good dog food again ! # I forgot to order it . # My dog's having bacon and egg and that . # Liver . # And # them taters ? # taters and gravy ? # Will he ? # Oh ! # Chuffing hell ! # Oh ! # Yeah . # There you are ! # You said it all . # Just a bit of this and bit of that . # It's better innit ? # He's changed his mind again ? # You've got enough problems of your own life # no bugger else's ! # No . # What I was on about me ringing is , she were talking in town , I says , oh , you know we're Bi I says if ever , I were talking about you first off # and did she tell you what I said ? # Cos Bill's on shifts . # And you'll know , if he's in bed or owt ? # I told her that . # She says , well I'm gonna ring Maggie anyway , she says , to make sure he's not there , she says , cos at the moment # if he's there , she says , it's not fair on Maggie so I'll ring her first . # I'm not going if he's there . # So # it must be when she's coming . # Anyway , er she come about aye , that's what I were on about , I says , d'ya know I feel right sorry for Maggie out the lot of you ! # So , he says she says , why what d'ya mean you feel sorry for Maggie ? # I said I feel sorry for Maggie , I says , cos she always ends up in the bloody middle , I says , and she whittles to death , I says , till the minute you get some money to feed them bairns , I says she'll be awake nearly all night ! # I says , and it's not fair on Maggie . # I says , one time she thought she'd lost you and kids . # I says , then she gets you back , I says , and now she'll be thinking you're never gonna come down and see her , and this , that , other ! # I says , she were just making arrangements to come to your house depending # what shift you were on . # And , she say , oh no ! # She says , I won't fall out with Maggie or owt like that . # I says # well she'll be thinking that , I says , that's why I feel # What's that for ? # Oh ! # Will # she see them like ? # But she's coming Monday ? # No . # Yeah . # Well , I heard you say it were either Monday or Tuesday . # Leave , what what ? # Yeah . # Yeah . # He said I thought if Bill could # No ! # Yeah . # Yeah . # Er # chuffing hell ! # Well they're alright . # I'm not bothered now . # She's getting some money , and I know for a fact she getting it . # She found her family allowance book . # That were first thing I said to her this morning , I says d'ya ask # Maggie ? # I says , did you look for it ? # She says , yeah , she says , she , I had a look I found it our . # That fiver ? # Now , she were a bit upset cos I bought her dinner and that , and she were weren't too happy cos I paid her bus fare . # But I were trying to get through to her . # She looked it didn't she ? # Oh ! # When did she go ? # Didn't she ? # D'ya know , that phone has non-stop rung ! # It gets worse ! # Hello . # Hello . # Hello ! # Well D'ya know you get daft ! # I'll ring you back then . # So ring me back . # Okay ? # Okey-cokey . # Bye . # Er , she rings me up to tell me to ring her back up # to ring her back # and then , she tells me to put the phone down , and she rings me back . # So tha that is , mam picks phone up at other end . # So # Yeah I know . # What bottle ? # It's only one I've got left . # Hello ! # Is Sarah there ? # Yes please . # It's Kath . # Yeah . # I saw you at party . # That Kath . # Hello ! # Ta duck . # D'ya know , he sounds right like his dad ! # That was Dave's dad . # I thought it were Dave ! # I wonder if she's got her inheritance she's Hello ! just talking about you to you Maggie actually Dave . # I were just talking about you to Maggie then . # Have you got your inheritance ? # Go on . # Tell me ! # Tell me ! # Tell me ! # You we okay then . # Right . # I told you , this phone drives me nuts ! # Because often # Eh ? # Well , she lives with her boyfriend's parents # and it's their phone # but they've had ten pound a week telephone stamps # but she doesn't like ringing . # She likes to ring you to tell you , to do it # Well go on then . # Hello !you're not gonna do nowt ! # You , getting yoursen a pair of boots , and you're put it int bank you said . # Maggie wants a Ferrari . # Yeah . # You want them high interest ones . # Yeah . # I thought you were gonna spend it then ! # What were that ? # Yep . # Oh yeah ! # Yeah . # And then you're gonna by yoursen a car ? # Oh smashing ! # A what a ? # Oh . # Maggie says you've gotta buy an a car . # An a car . # What's an a car ? # Ne'er mind ! # How much d'ya get ? # Smashing ! # I'm pleased for you . # Ya . # Ya . # Ya . # Did you ? # Yeah . # To make sure you were you . # Ya . # Oh ! # Ya . # Yeah . # Well I don't blame you ! # I would . # Why ? # Well what's wrong with that ? # Ah ! # That's not fair . # Yeah . # I'll ask them . # Yeah . # I am , pleased for you . # Course , you've got your thousand of your own . # So you're rich ! # You can actually do what you want . # You can sit there and say , I could go so and so if I want , but not bother . # Well what happened with your dad ? # Did you ask him ? # What er , what happened ? # Ya . # Ooh ! # Sounds like they had barney . # Dunnit ? # Well # she might . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Oh ! # Well , so long as you're happy . # I'm not on about money , so long as you're happy , yourself . # Yes . # That is a good idea ! # There's one thing , if you sleep in , you can jump int car and drive in . # Yeah . # Aha . # Oh smashing ! # I like that ! # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Well , she's got plenty of time . # Yeah . # I should hope you are ! # Yes . # Oh ! # Yeah . # I've been to our Arthur's today . # He says , have you seen Sarah ? # I says , yeah , I told her yo told her that you wanted to see her . # He says , I've got a letter here for her you know . # I said , well , you could have told me that to tell her ! # She wants her cake . # Hang on ! # Hang on ! # Cos he showed me , and then says , I'm sure that's from a bank . # But that's what that's one of reasons he wanted you to go up cos he's got this letter . # So now you know . # That's why I said , it looks like it's from bank . # It's in a white envelope wi you know where you've got that clear plastic thingy and it's got your name and address ? # Well , it's one of them . # Not a thing . # I said it's from bank . # But that's why he wants you to go up , to get your letter . # Well he goes to work at half seven so if you go before that you'll be alright . # Have you ? # Yeah . # Yeah . # Oh you're alright . # I'm waiting for Home and Away and that so I can start the tape . # And having a and having a gossip with Maggie . # Oh yeah ! # Tha I got a message . # She says , she's starved to death because she hadn't had no cake ! # And she says , tell her , tough ! # And she says , tell you , she's counting the calories for that bit of cake ! # Will be a bit an'all . # Eh ? # Did your mam no she didn't , the cake weren't even cut . # Yeah , she did . # Well , you got some . # I would take well you could still take her some . # Have you ? # What you got ? # Yeah . # That's a good one ! # I like that one . # Well , take her with you today . # What time's the thingy ? # Good ! # It's about time you treated yoursen . # Yeah . # Oh ! # Good . # Maggie's got hers bad . # Maggie's right bad ! # She's got a funny thing on her chest and she can't breathe properly . # Don't you shove them germs in this house , she's got to come here ! # You can go to her funeral next week # cos she's got to do my lollipop tomorrow night ! # I'm going to collect my winnings tomorrow ! # Yeah . # So Maggie's doing lollipop . # You see i my appointment's at half past two and lollipop's at half past three , well I won't be back will I ? # It's a two hour presentation . # Well yeah , half past two us appointment's for but Steve's got to put his car int garage to have it wheel bala ba ba balanced # tomorrow morning . # And , then he's coming home , getting a bath , and we're getting ready and going . # Yes . # He no he can't , he's got to go to garage at half past nine . # Northbridge . # Well , it's better than five o'clock in the morning int it ? # Yeah . # Yeah . # Ye ah ! # Yeah . # She's saying my coffee's gone cold . # I'll left it open . # Yeah . # Yeah . # You're gonna get married . # Oh ! # Smashing ! # I should hope so ! # That's it . # Well you do , that's true . # No . # Not a thing ! # Er , he were in all day yesterday and , then he disappeared this morning . # I went to town , come back and he'd gone . # So I don't know . # So well , there'll be somebody before weekend ! # Yeah . # Oh I hadn't told you he'd met anybody yesterday . # Didn't I ? # Anyway , I'll let you finish your dusting and that and er # get watching your Home and Away . # Yeah . # Yes . # Well I'll be in ! # No , I've been today . # Okey-cokey . # Let me know what your letter is , it might be a big massive cheque again ! # Bye ! # Four thousand , one hundred and seventy something . # That's what she got . # So , she didn't do bad did she ? # No , I thought I won't cos she # I'll got # I'm gonna get get on that settee and I ain't moving when I've seen to her . # Have you watched your Home and Away yet ? # I ain't see any because I were with Jacqueline weren't I ? # Trouble is , I don't know . # I did er # I want to see what happened , er , it finished just where he says that he'd been accused of something . # Mm . # Thanks ! # I know I want to know , but I'm gonna watch it in a bit ! # I've seen , that's where it finished ! # Where he were being accused . # What time's Gary going ? # Mm . # Well she's waiting for Home and Away to come on as well . # Cos she's been out in town all morning . # And I thought , ooh ! # Jolly good ! # What were you sa d'ya know , I pulled yo er wrong ones out . # I pulled them out of Tuesday paper . # Yeah . # I # know , I've seen them . # I don't even know if I'd like to jump them . # I can't be bothered . # Oh ! # I know . # They get on your nerves . # Don't half get on your nerves ! # It gets on my nerves anyway ! # I chucked them all off last week . # I ain't made my bed . # Well I er come in , picked all stuff up off the floor lit the fire and I think that were it . # That's all I've done . # And I washed the pots . # Cos he hadn't washed the pots . # So I washed them er went out lollipop come in , been answering phone on and off . # Cos them from Thirsk they've rung twice . # Er , first of all to confirm that we're still going tomorrow . # And I says , yeah , we'll still be there tomorrow er , same time and everything . # Then she phoned back about ten minutes later and she said wondered if we could come at eleven o'clock in the morning . # And , I says no , definitely not . # That's out . # And I explained that Steve were taking to # car into garage . # I says to her , I don't know how long it's gonna be int garage , I says , so she says , well can you change it to a different day then ? # I says , no , I says cos my husband gets three days off once a month , I says , and tomorrow Saturday , and Sunday , are the only three days . # I said , and it'll be a month before like # and he'll have changed his mind , and he'll say # oh no , if we can't go in January # I'm not going in February ! # You know how he goes on . # So I told her that , and she says , oh fair enough then . # So left it # at half past two tomorrow . # But , Jacqueline were worried to death about lollipop ! # You're supposed to be on lollipop , she says , what you gonna do ? # We're still sat in thingy at # we walked out of there at twenty five past twelve and all she kept saying is , what about your lollipop ? # What about your lollipop ? # What # about your lollipop ? # I says , what about it ? # She says , ain't you got no kids ? # I says , no , I says # there int none , I says , we're alright . # I says , I'm only doing morning tomorrow . # And I says , I'm not doing dinner tomorrow neither ! # So we'll see how that goes off . # She'll give you a description , when you get there , walk towards where the building , down the steps , and main reception area's in front of you . # Oh and got to park in main parking lot . # I must remember to tell Steve that . # But , I don't know . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah , he only shoved ten pence in to tell me about that giro . # And I explained that er I'd met her in town , which I did , didn't I ? # I says , and er we got it all sorted out , I says , but she doesn't get nothing till next Wednesday . # And that , straight away he come back and said that he'd got it . # Well , we knew he'd got it because # they told her # Well I don't know about that . # But they told her # that he'd got a form and he was fetching it back in this afternoon and they was handing it over this afternoon . # Now , they told her that you see . # And cos I says , well what does she do int meantime ? # I says , she ain't got anything ! # Cos he might have said sod it ! # I'm not gonna give her it . # Or it could be three or four days before it arrives . # Well what does he do ? # Just shove it # Ah , well she's alright then . # Well when he said how much he'd got , I thought seventy six and seventy three is hundred and forty six . # Right . # So he's took seventy three and he's giving her seventy three she would have earned sixty three pound on her own ! # That's a tenner a week they're giving for him ! # That book she sent back , it # were sixty three quid . # She got seventy three cos of Jonathan . # Only ten pound different ! # Someone's at the door ! # I don't know . # It's Florence Nightingale ! # Florence Nightingale ! # Well # Er , you have to give it a kick ! # It don't shut . # Er , say that again . # Yeah . # Yeah . # I've seen you on t' bus and I've er , seen you sculting , and I thought # Well # Mm . # And it's tea # with # no sugar in it this time ! # I were miles away ! # I were making a cup of tea , I'm chucking in a cup . # She went , brurgh ! # Mm . # Have you ? # Oh ! # Yeah . # Do you like it where you are then ? # Good . # Yeah . # Mm . # Mm . # Natural like . # Ooh no ! # It looks nice . # Cow bag ! # That's before you start ! # I know . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah , # Yeah . # Yeah . # Mm . # Yeah . # Well that's a bit bloody late weren't it ? # Marie . # I were down at their house and she'd got these and she'd # she took them down . # They were for our house but not hers . # She took them down and that , and washed them and d'ya know , she's daft as a brush ! # Honest ! # She's daft as a brush . # She come round , she says , do you like my curtains ? # I'm just about to put them back up . # She got a blue three piece suite , a blue carpet , there's blue int curtains , and I says them curtains don't match your three piece suite , they look stupid ! # So she says , what d'ya mean they look stupid ? # I says , pure white backgrounds ! # I says , with them co # I know , it's green . # And she believed me that it didn't match three piece suite or carpet and it was stupid , and that sh and she says what shall I do about them ? # I said # Yeah . # I know . # Yes . # Me and Gary # altered them . # We did well ! # Trying to decide whether to take them down off my windows and put some poles up . # Don't know . # Cos I were gonna have these off you weren't I ? # Cos I were gonna have your wooden ones weren't I ? # Oh ! # I've shoved them in . # Yeah but my other don't come out like , long enough . # Oh eh ! # Yeah . # Them drop things . # Yeah . # What ? # Okey-cokey . # Oh yes ! # Tell you all about it . # I told her ! # A secret . # No . # I'm gonna have one of those . # I won # another competition . # A thousand pounds worth of holiday accommodation in the U K . # England . # In England . # And , I really had to answer these questions . # Cos I'm clever ! # I don't know . # Not seen it yet . # That record player don't bloody play ! # My records nee go it it plays for a bit , then it goes brurgh ! # Er ! # Ee ! # Ee ! # Ee ! # Ee ! # Brurgh ! # And then it goes alright . # No . # There's something to do with the slow , fast thing . # I'm sick of it ! # Can't listen to my records . # What time do you start in that place ? # Oh ! # Yeah , I've seen you going in about half fiveish . # I won another competition as well ! # I won some money . # I won some money . # I don't know till February . # I got we # I do them int papers and all sorts . # But I were right disappointed at that thousand pounds worth of holiday accommodation ! # I won second prize . # I got that and a midi hi-fi system . # But presentation's tomorrow . # People going and collecting and I'm hoping first prize winner's there . # I'll swap er , midi hi-fi system and that for her first prize . # Now , you know Irene ? # And she's sixty five . # Well you know Chris is in Africa ? # Well her granddaughter gets married in July . # She got invitation and everything , there's no way on God's earth she can get six hundred pound . # No way ! # If her and Fred go it's twelve hundred quid . # So I , every time it says win some Air Miles and things like that , and that # competition I entered was win a thousand pounds worth of Air Miles . # And I thought , oh great ! # I'll enter that competition , you never know I might win it . # I'll give it to Irene so she can go to Africa . # And , cos it's twenty seventh of July you know , wedding . # And I thought , if I can win owt like that it'll be nice for her . # Cos she's got a great grandson she's never laid eyes on . # So , I thought , I'll do that . # And I won second prize which is England ! # Tt ! # So , that one must have been for abroad # and this , second prize , is for England . # And I got England . # You see , first prize hasn't got , you see , because , they put your number in a draw , for the person to win the midi hi-fi system # and I got the midi hi-fi system . # So I've got the # thousand pound , and that . # But I've got to use mine int U K . # What ? # Satellite ? # Yeah . # You what ? # Mhm . # Oh ! # She is # I know , you need another one . # Yeah . # You need that system for it like our Arthur's got . # Like we've got . # That one and that one . # You'd have kept it if you'd have had that . # Oh ! # Yeah . # Yeah . # D'ya know he never does this ! # It's a good job I always remember to pick it up innit ? # I bet you were . # Yeah . # So what you got to do ? # Yeah . # Yeah . # Mm . # And didn't she come ? # Yeah . # Yes . # What's that ? # To help you get in ? # Have you had to pay full fare then ? # Oh ! # Urgh ! # D'ya have to go and pay again ? # Tt ! # Oh ! # Yeah . # It's gonna cost you a fortune cos you need photographs and everything for it int it ? # Oh ! # Bloody hell ! # Yeah . # Yeah . # Oh well ! # Yeah . # Well you might know you would ! # Mm mm . # Yeah . # Oh ! # You should get it off him . # That's fifty four quid bus fare . # Linda ? # Yeah . # Oh I know who you're on about . # Yeah . # I never ever call her that . # Mm . # Well # Excuse me . # You're not allowed in this entrance at all . # There's another one just round the corner . # See , this one's for kids only . # For cars , if you just go to end # it's Discount , there's a few houses then there's a gateway , back entrance into school . # Okay ? # Timed that just right then . # Come on Krista ! # Has she ? # How did you manage in this fog this morning ? # Better than before ? # Said it's right bad up other # end . # Er , it weren't locked up again though were it ? # Cos you had trouble didn't you ? # Yeah . # Morning ! # Oh ! # Oh aye ! # Yeah , they are , yeah . # No . # You having a coffee this morning ? # If I'm not here , I'm int house . # Okay then . # Wait ! # You'll get a smack you will ! # You , pardon ? # Alright . # Well , you frightened him to death then ! # I don't , you must have been miles away this morning . # Oh ho ! # I # Oh I'm always saying that . # A lot of people do that a # It's like er who were it ? # Er , Charlie . # He goes none of those northeners ! # You ju well # Well yous do . # Yeah , but I mean they're not just you know , just well off , he are well well off ! # Yeah . # Yeah well # Yorkshire . # Cos when I went # You should have heard what they were doing to him . # They were right rotten to him ! # You know , when Donny lost against Lincoln ? # Well they were up the road from Donny and they . # He says , I'm not bothered . # I don't even like football ! # Cos what they # He had summat to pick up , so they picked up # That's what # Twenty five pound voucher . # He's not , he's after microphone . # I'll tell you what he's after . # You've got all of it ! # It's same as your one . # Yours don't have Sellotape all over it . # That has . # It's got patches on it . # I had taxi driver on it this # morning . # Yeah . # Again ! # And I says to him , you're not supposed to use this entrance . # Er I told him about the other one . # It's a different one . # They're sending a different one every bloody week ! # I thought , marvellous ! # I'm spending week after week after week . # Why don't the one driving the week before tell the one the week after that they've got to go in drivers' entrance and not in bloody one ! # Thingamabob nearly got run over this morning ! # You know ,wi green coat ? # Dark hair . # Sometimes she talks to you , sometimes she don't . # He says she's awful sometimes . # Her . # She come miles away ! # Yeah . # That young lad coming on a bike . # It's Chris . # I shouts , eh ! # What you doing ? # And she went , get back ! # Quick ! # Quick ! # She saying , come on . # Come on . # Car coming . # And I'm going to car I thought you idiot ! # Mm . # I never knew that . # I knew it . # And she pushes a pushchair and she's got a little lad about ? # If it's the one that I mean # Aha . # Cos it's his not Marie's . # It was a , he bought it he's not selling that one . # He's selling the Widgie He's got a Widgie a posh # Yeah , he's got a posh one which the rest of the alarm he's putting with that . # He bought it for that erm er her # what , the caravan ? # He bought it for the Astra . # Well he says he bought it . # So I don't know who bought it . # Somebody must have bought it ! # He never mentioned it . # He just mentioned caravan . # Well Marie just said that he'd got it . # Cos I says , you have seen it in passing . # Ah ! # Maggie's still having trouble with that . # Apparently , they keep getting er this erm what was it ? # Bill phones up says , can I speak to somebody ? # Right ? # And I says , er I'm sorry they're not available at the moment . # You see , they've got a card of the fella that did the thingy so , when they put him onto this other fella he says , er , yeah , his name were Mr so and so . # So , they says , well I'll tell you what we'll try and find this Mr so and so , and , we'll get in contact with you . # So , he waited in for two days nothing ! # So , he's rang every day since and he keeps getting this person , that says er er , we'll pass your message , we'll pass your message , we'll get back to you , I'll get back to you . # I says , you know what you want to do now ? # I says , you want to phone up and say look , I want to speak to someone in authority and I want to speak to him today ! # Because , if not , I'm going to see my solicitor in the morning , cos if you won't speak to me , you can speak to him instead ! # I says , and I bet they call you back . # They won't ring back . # But I said , just threaten with solicitors then . # He can't bloody see ! # He's blind as a bat ! # Maggie wears glasses , but she won't outside . # Nearly two hundred quid he paid for a pair of glasses and she sat on them didn't she ? # No . # T-shirt . # Right . # Here are . # That's so as you can watch it looking at telly ! # More than likely ! # More than likely ! # Well he's got someone to talk to his while # he's in there ! # I expect you'd be alright if he talked back to you . # You'd know about it then ! # Yeah , you blank er bits off . # I've got headphones and everything so you can come back to a certain and take it # She said # to leave swearing and all that on . # And she says to leave swearing on . # She says , but if you listen to it , and then if you don't think that should be there you can go over it . # You could # No , Flo come I stopped her conversation half way through . # It's a bit like # with John and Janice . # You don't hear nowt . # He's like that aren't you ? # He's # he sat up last night , he sat up last night we was gonna watch the ten o'clock movie on telly with me . # Cos it finishes at half eleven , so I says to him , oh great ! # You're not working tomorrow you can watch movie wi me . # He says , yeah , alright . # So I got my cushions and I laid here and he got his cushions and he were laid there and he says to me , are you taping this ? # I says , no I'm gonna watch it . # I thought he's going to sleep again . # Quarter past ten , turned round , snoring away ! # Then , he were being a pig last night . # I says to him , with him breaking down other night his dinner went to dog . # The night before I kept it hot , and hot , and hot , and hot , and by time we did get it at quarter to eight I says to him , oh this is horrible , this ! # So last night , I thought , I won't do anything till he comes in but we'd got company and er , they went outside , they were having a look at car engine and that , telling us what were wrong , you know . # And , so I says to him d'ya fancy going to fish shop ? # So he decided he wanted chips , pie , curry , loads of scraps and bread and everything and he eat every bit of it up ! # Didn't you ? # He's not bothered ! # I can tell . # You used to have two buck teeth but you haven't now . # Yeah . # You know , before you couldn't see your thingy that # You're going to National Tyres on North Bridge . # And they're going to balance your wheels . # I don't know about checking and balancing , I just says balancing . # I'll let you # It's four pound something a wheel there . # So # well they says to go there , get an invoice take it into the insurance and they will send us a cheque back out . # They're gonna deduct it . # I phoned up put Maggie on t' phone , told her sa tell her what this bloke had said and , they said , just a minute , that they'll get in touch wi insurance and phone us back . # Well they phoned back and they said , can you tell your husband to take his car to National Tyres er , that insurance has sent him , and could they give him an invoice for the insurance company . # Like , we pay , give # them an invoice , he's got to take the invoice into insurance # they will deduct that off the value # I think # send us it , and they can have the rest . # And they says , check it . # Well they won't give him it straight away , they'll see to you first . # They always do . # But I says , that they were , I , that he weren't satisfied when it were vibrating and that . # And he says , gerrit checked or summat . # So he's gonna ask them what he does about the vibrating . # No ! # I dunno . # But , you're going in insurance . # You're telling them yoursen . # I'm sick of telling them ! # I'm sick of car ! # They're no good ! # D'ya know , everybody we've # spoke to since then , they says , why the heck didn't you say summat ? # You shouldn't have took it there ! # One fella were told they did his erm summat to his engine and it blew up didn't it ? # His engine blew up ! # Er , Dennis , who we were talking to last night , he says , you must be absolutely mental ! # He says that his mate bought a car from there and , he were a undecided about this clocking this time , what's , what call it ? # But you know on his log book , last person that had the car he went down to see them , and they told him that it were thirty thousand over from when they sold it . # He went to see person who selt it . # And , they were on , more on about that . # I says , ah marvellous ! # I says , you don't hear a word about anybody till you go . # And then afterwards # True . # Mine has , mine's # Guess what ? # Mine # wants two more miles on my clock and I've done a thousand mile on my . # I know , but well mine's a W registered , yours is a D ! # It shows tha # I only go a fair way . # I only do Irene's on it , and that's my lot . # And it's # Well mine's according to my log book there's three on it . # I've heard of # and I've had it three year . # And I ain't done , I ain't got it to a thousand yet . # But , it's all ready for M O T now . # Supposed to take it in for M O T . # It's your electrics innit ? # I've had it three years . # Well , if you're in knock before you go and start it . # That's right . # Have you ? # Where you going ? # I shouldn't have asked should I really ! # It's a lovely place Skeggy ! # Did I just give him some money , I didn't did I ? # Oh ! # Better give him some money . # I was gonna give him cheque book and then I thought , no . # No . # Cos you've already told her . # Er , cos she come today and she says forgot book . # That's true . # I know quite a few . # Sarah does it . # My mate she does it . # She did up to moving but she lived at Anthorpe and she's not mentioned it since , so I'll have to ask her if she does Avon . # Cos I used to get it off of her . # You what ? # She says she's only five bags didn't she ? # No ! # She's not allowed five bags , she's got to have an order of five bags . # One for hersen , and four other people . # Five bags and over . # No , if she ain't got five bags then , the what you call it ? # She can't have any . # No , she can't have anything . # I got a sarong . # Er an Avon bag actually I got er three bags with Avon . # Handbag er # Yeah , a shopping bag that's alright # well mine's whi it's a yellow bag . # I got , a shopping bag , that were a creamy colour with wi A's all over it . # Let's have a look , I don't think I've got that one . # Yeah . # I've got umbrella , a blue one . # I got oh I got a what they call an'all ! # Erm erm I did ! # It's Oh ! # You know when er , you're going on away or on t' beach or summat and you put your toiletries in and you can put a towel and that ? # Like that . # Yeah . # Sort of , with that figure # Yeah . # I got her one of them . # What I do is , I roll a towel up and that , and put , take them down on t' beach , you know , cos I could put my purse in and that . # A bit of money . # That's what I do . # Yeah . # Yeah . # Mm . # Cos she had them in a plastic bag . # It's erm Yeah ! # I'm looking at you ! # A # toiletry bag , yes . # Are they for men ? # Oh ! # Cos Steve got one and I got one . # I got a blue one and he got a black one . # You know , it sounds I spent . # Well it past half past ten , you think he'd be up and getting ready for work . # He might be up . # He don't know his dad's in this morning . # He's always hiding . # Yeah . # He'll go out and get that five to ten bus or five past ten bus . # Stops upstairs all the time . # Cos I've upset his girlfriend ! # I don't know . # I told him he'd better tell his friends , or his girlfriends , that when they call at our house if they don't give names , they're not talking to him ! # I says , cos I haven't the faintest idea who they are . # I've says your Mark , I says , he always says , is that Mrs ? # It's Mark . # Will you ask Steven if I can talk to him please ? # And , there's one called Gavin , he rings up , and the girlfriend , he did have , whether it's still same one , I don't know called Sarah . # Well , I says to him , I'm getting sick of these calls cos you don't know if it's for him or him . # We have the same name . # And er I picked it up other night , says , can I ta speak to Steven ? # I said , no ! # So she di still didn't say her name ! # So , she says , will you give Steven a message ? # I says , no ! # Talk to him when you see him . # Well will you ask Steven to call me back ? # I says , no ! # She give me no telephone number , no name nothing ! # So , she said , oh ! # Alright , and put phone down . # And I still didn't know who it were . # I thought , if I keep saying no she'll say , well it's Sarah or whoever but , no chance ! # No name ! # No phone number ! # No nothing ! # He's got six lights up front . # He's just had to alter them hisen ! # Yeah . # Yeah . # Dipped lights though , it's just like a guess . # Yeah . # Yeah I know . # That's what's missing ont front of ours . # When he crashed we've not had anything replaced . # Cos , before you crash we had six lights on t' back and we had eight on t' front . # Cos he's got them four headlights with # the either side , then below the bumper thing , we had the fog lights and above the bumper we had two spotlights . # Now , on the back I bought him some extra fog lights for back and I bought him them fog lights that goes int window . # D'ya know ? # So if # the light int window , and on bumper and fog light . # He come back , we've got headlights on t' front two fog lights and we got brake lights on t' back . # No fog lights , no nothing . # That's all we've got ! # I says , to him , there's six lights missing off here . # I says , they cost me over two hundred quid , I says , for the six lights ! # But , them at Car Care turned round and says , it's not on t' invoice . # All we keep getting off them is I says , you mean to say , we're paying two and half thousand pounds worth of repairs , I says , and they're not done ? # And then when we went for wheel balancing told us to take it back for balancing and tracking , they turned round and says we're not doing it . # Take it to another garage . # We told Maggie that . # So I says to Maggie , we'll phone insurance , I put her on t' phone , and she said he were , he were right clever with her ! # And er that's why they haven't got in contact and that . # So he , took it back before and put brand new bonnet that they've put on . # Didn't fit ! # And he says , when he gets it up to sixty mile an hour on t' motorway it's still vibrating . # So , he's gonna go int insurance this morning , tell them that er bonnet's still vibrating and they've supposed to have done it twice and that , because of er ask them where he can take to have all these repair jobs done . # You know , checked over . # Cos , he went in there summat to do wi headlights or summat , one were like up and down or summat . # And he went in and he said they haven't even bloody welded this ! # They've done a tack . # I says , you're alright , I said , front radiator's gonna bleeding drop off ! # So he's gonna see about that this morning . # I says to him , take a day off work for , I says , for God's sake ! # So he took today off . # Yeah . # I've got another one upstairs . # Do you know , fellas , who'd have them ? # One minute , she starts collecting one thing then you start collecting another thing Christmas , he come home with one of them . # That lad at work , that John what they call him ? # He give him one . # And er he's got hundreds of them apparently . # So he's decided he wants to collect them now . # I've got so # I've got Kelloggs . # Is it Kelloggs ? # No don't touch them . # That was the er , last one that she'd seen they said that . # Them Kelloggs . # They're Walkers crisps . # They're Walker crisps . # And er # I said to Maggie I says , Steve's collecting cars I says , it don't matter if it's int box or not , I says , if they're int box they're staying in a box . # I says , and I'm buying him a rack for the ones not in a box . # Oh . # We don't get Tetleys teas though . # We don't get that at all . # I always used to # He couldn't stop buying . # He says , there's not much point in getting P G or Tetleys from one tea bag and making four # cups . # Cos what he does , he puts a tea bag in a cup pours about that much water on takes the tea bag out and tops it right up with water so he can see bottom of cup . # And then he uses same tea bag again . # That's why # That's just not strong . # I doubt it like . # Cos you never do do you ? # Yeah . # What ? # It's been there a fortnight and I keep asking everybody if they want to try it . # And I told Steve to drink it , and he says no , and wi you mentioning Tetleys and I don't # You have been in my bag again ! # I can tell you haven't ! # So , in that case , you've dropped it . # Tt ! # Because he don't go till half past ten this morning . # Changed my mind . # You'll have to save it till Paul comes back for the car . # Ah ! # Will you save some more and then you can send for # a gonna save me some Tetley tea tokens for a car . # Cos she has Tetleys , and we don't . # Just give her that tea , it's Tetley tea . # Save . # D'ya know # Yes ! # That's what it says # on't telly . # It's not . # Cos Jack does and all cos he's got one . # In fact , I'm gonna get his present . # That's what it says , if you don't like the tea , you get a free jar ! # Did I give you a diary ? # I can't remember if I did cos I've been picking them up . # Every time I go int bank they , just leave them on t' counter , they've been there weeks and weeks . # And normally , they're all gone so , and I thought , oh ! # I got one though . # I give Maggie one for , today . # It's there . # Put it back in there . # Under there look . # Under there . # Ah ! # Like that . # So now it hasn't got nowt with it ? # D'ya know , I ke I've had them in my bag I keep forgetting to give them to anyone . # Got your ? # No , it's that one , big'un's in my drawer . # Ooh ! # It might be in there . # If I did that with my rings , just threw them like that , he'd go absolutely apeshit ! # Wouldn't you ? # Well you're not working for three days , you've got three days off ! # No . # You've got a day off of work , a day , and a day off . # Yeah . # I do . # Oh ! # Well that makes your total to four bags of coal . # Oh aye . # It's a meter . # Token meter . # it can't be done . # A quarter meter for the . # No alright then . # As usual . # D'ya know # you get worse you do ! # Would you like a cig ? # Yeah . # Aren't I kind to you ? # I spend all your money on you and you say no ! # No it int , because I never ever light it in the morning do I ? # I light # it later on so it's ready for you coming in . # I would if my kitchen . # Got the fridge in kitchen . # Our fridge is in there . # If I run fridge from there back into conservatory , I could put this there and sit in kitchen and shut the door . # It was . # But somebody put shelves in and everything else and what have you , so it don't fit . # It's all full . # And then , they've just had the gas tank down the full'un . # I know . # Yeah . # I want another one . # I've got three gas tanks and they were all empty over Christmas so last time he got paid , I filled two up . # You know er # , nineteen pound . # Yeah ! # Yeah . # . I gi him a twenty pound note and he give me some change . # For two . # Yeah . # You know , Tescos ? # Straight across road there's a garage there . # They sell them . # And it's nine pound , did I say nine pound fifty a tank ? # Either nine or nine pound fifty a tank . # That's where I get it from . # About thirty nine quid they charged me for three . # You wanna go here . # Bloody hell ! # That's three quid cheaper . # I'd go there if I were you . # Yeah . # Get it filled . # So this has been # running a month hasn't it ? # You got paid a month ago . # Every # I start off with three . # Oh I reverse . # I start with three and then , I think , phworgh ! # It's getting hot in here . # And turn it down to two . # And then , I either leave it like that or turn it to one . # Don't spill it . # Yeah . # On a dinner time when I go out on a dinner time I leave it on . # And I don't know why . # I just leave the one bar on # and then it's right warm when I come in . # I use it all morning . # I've usually got it on when you're here all morning haven't I ? # Sa it saves coal . # But so far , that's why I chitted at him this morning about that coal because I've been using this all morning , I've not been lighting fire till between one and three o'clock . # And I have four so far it's four weeks , haven't I ? # That's a four , a four , a three , and a three . # And I use the fire too . # That what ? # Somebody's nicking them ! # So # You see , they know him don't they ? # You see , if Bill comes over he has a go at Bill , even though he knows Bill , but because he don't see him that much he has a go at him . # But at least # they're , and they're not . # And what we noticed , is , we've got a spring there but what and there's been a trail of coal right up our # He's lost as much # I bought # I had the two of them for Christmas and it didn't # didn't even last us into New # Year . # And I says , I'm not having this ! # So I thought , well he knows I know . # Oh they do ! # You just tell Maggie . # Cos I heard Maggie so someone the someone's thieving Kath's coal . # And she's going mad about it ! # Well we've locked the bottom half , cos Steve got a lock and we locked the bottom half . # And , but the it broke . # So , gonna have to buy one . # Well Johnny's supposed to have had one that were a fortnight ago . # And I says to Steve , I says , I can't keep affording this ! # I says , between the electric and that , I says , thirty nine pound a week , I says , every week , I says , is getting a bit ridiculous ! # Cos in that electric meter , I don't know what they've done to it ! # I phoned it up and says the fella had been out , you know , they change , update it # every so often , they've got these little card things well they shove them in and it clicks all these numbers up so I used to buy one token # so every fortnight I bought twenty pounds worth . # Well , I've got to buy twenty pounds worth one week # and ten pound week after , and ten pound week after # to last me for one month , because we've got to put it on . # I keep . # And my bill , like , come in and seventy odd ! # I paid hundred and twenty quid on top of this for electric , and they billed me seventy odd ! # And er # They says , that fella's coming to me , he's supposed to be coming out . # And reset it to . # And I says , I'll tell you what , I said , wait till this quarter's over # I says , you make the bill up . # I says , if there's owt owing to you # or owt owing to me , I says , we'll do it that way and then you come # That's what she wanted . # What's that , after six o'clock ? # After seven ? # Half past seven ? # I usually only put it , put it on a bit before . # After I heard that , I said # I've normally got telly on in the evenings . # Yeah . # True . # Once we got to sorted , I'm gonna take her . # Well , before they put that token in it , then my bills used to come in about fifty , sixty pound . # But since they put the token meter in , I've just found they're charging me nine pound for token meter as well as the meter ! # You know , you get charged for your meter ? # Cos I ca I were querying on t' bill , I says , why is it two meters ? # Er , because he's got to come out and read it . # I says , he don't have to come out and read that at all ! # I says , there's nowt on it ! # I says , I shove cards in , I says , apart from it telling how much you've put in , I says , there's nowt to read on it ! # They swear black and blue , they charge you for that meter as well ! # I'm being charged for two meters . # So it pushed bill up . # At the price the coal is , I am , because if I'm buying four bags at nineteen pound for four bags # and it's eight pound fifty a bag for smokeless , I can't afford # four of them . # I says to Steve , I may as well buy a ten pounds worth of anything else # Ain't got radiators have you ? # Ain't got radiators are you ? # Yeah . # True . # But he says we're moving . # He's been saying that over a year . # And he's still insisting that he wants to move . # He don't like it # down this area . # Have you noticed # I ain't put in token . # Well , take back that twenty pence token . # I were gonna say I thought it had . # I weren't sure . # You can have two cups can't you ? # Have to tell Maggie that she can't do the lollipop . # I had a phone call , and you know that place I were going this afternoon ? # Midi hi-fi and all that . # I told you I'd won one didn't I ? # Er # I've won a midi hi-fi system and a thousand pounds worth of holiday accommodation . # Well what I did , there were a competition , win a thousand pounds worth of Air Miles and I , I entered every single one of them because of Irene . # You know , she's been invited to that wedding in Africa ? # And I thought well she's got two chances that way , either I could win , or she could win , or neither of us'll win . # And I thought , if I got that I could give it to Irene and could go wedding . # And er I forgot all about it , entered it last year . # And I got it , of course , # that says you've won second prize ! # Now , I've won a thousand pounds in the United Kingdom . # Not abroad . # And we can't go . # It is Friday . # And I'd won # Ah ! # Okay . # He's not with it ! # He's not used to having Friday off . # Does she ? # Is she ? # Yeah . # He's supposed to have been there at half past nine ! # I told him that he's # You watch , he'll get there and say I can't find it ! # He's never been to National Tyres . # He'll come back and say it cost more than that , give me some money . # It costs # That's for all wheel balancing . # But , when you have it # What did she do ? # She's alright on t' chair . # No , but he said four pound odd's dear innit ? # Well it's only front that's got to be tracked . # And balanced , innit ? # That's not bad . # Well , I'm assuming it's not bad . # I don't know . # Yeah , he has . # Erm , Charlie puts them on , they took his others out and put these on to balance it . # Oh ! # Cos he said , look at these out the thing ! # Cos he give him them to fetch a a thing or summat and she went . # Whatever . # Int it quiet after ? # All that traffic on , right early , and then it just disappeared ! # Watch you don't burn yourself on that lady ! # Cos it's hot . # What are you then ? # You're Krista ? # Oh ! # I thought you was a little lady ? # Aren't you a little lady ? # Are you a little boy then ? # You must be a little lady ! # Daddy's a little boy . # Mammy's a little lady . # Oh ! # She's a bloody maggot ! # Is that what you are ? # What are you then ? # Are you a little girl ? # No , she's not telling us . # And you said that # You ! # Can you hear him creeping now ? # Can't you hear him ? # Just heard go cos the seat's dead quiet . # He's avoiding his dad like the plague ! # Yes ! # And why he's doing that , we don't know . # Cos he says , Steve says to me , is he in ? # I says , no . # He says , he's not in ? # I says , no . # And a bit later on I says to him I think he's at Cadets . # He says , he's not , he's in . # I says , eh ? # He says , he's in . # And he's just walked past me . # I says , well you could of told me he were in . # He says , he's gone and done summat . # I'll tell you , he's gone and done summat . # He says , he never said hello , tarrah , nothing ! # He says , just walked by and ran up the stairs ! # I says , he's either hiding summat or he's done summat . # But , he won't say nowt . # Not a word . # Oh I've heard of it when er Alice has mentioned it . # Er I don't think I've ever been . # Mm . # Our 's having coffee . # Oh I thought that were light when I picked it up then that was quick . # Yes , I've got one of them . # Mm . # Mm . # Mm . # Mm ? # Mm . # # Yeah . # Yeah . # I've been coughing on and off . # Yeah . # Look at who ? # Let's have a look . # Oh int she pretty ? # I bet she's no knickers on . # Pretty . # Look you've pulled all this thing out again look . # I finished them books # No , gonna get some shopping . # Have you been swearing ! # Oh dear me ! # That's naughty . # Yeah I went and got it yesterday but they'd had a break in and you should've seen it they'd smashed the front door , it were all smashed in . # Well what they had to do , they give us a receipt and they're gonna send it through parcel post . # That's the only thing they can do . # So they had all these letters printed up , that they owe us one # and they're gonna send it through like that . # I'll get it , I'll read it to you . # And they give us a , like a cheque type thing what you've got to fill your name and address in back # and you send it off and they send you a booklet where you pick a holiday and this go-kart worth a thousand pound on the so they're having to do that you see . # I meant to ask if they'd had the go-karts nicked and I forgot . # Ooh I don't know yet . # It said U K on mine . # That's England int it ? # They don't tell # It says dear Mr and Mrs due to turnover of stocks we regret that we are that there are no mini hi-fis . # We're waiting for new stocks to arrive and will forward the mini hi-fi to you as soon as stocks are delivered . # Yours sincerely and they've signed it . # They've had to give us one of them . # And if it hasn't arrived within week , telephone number's on bottom and we've got to ring to say we haven't got it yet . # God you'd've laughed they were on about that as well at same time and he says to Steve what do you reckon to idea , he says it doesn't sound bad , he says what do you reckon to idea as I says no . # He says oh well you're honest I says well you've got it straight away No . # left it at that . # Yeah . # I don't know . # Yeah , cos cough can't sleep . # Yeah ? # She's had it all . # been to doctors and all sorts . # Actifed and all sorts . # You see what it is , it's stuck here . # If she can get that out of here they could find out what's wrong with her , but it won't come . # It's been there five , six days now . # Five or six days . # And in instead of it coming off it's adding on and adding on and by night time she can hardly breathe so she's cough cough cough cough cough cough cough all night . # And on # on Friday night she were pathetic . # O only word for it weren't it ? # She frightened him half to death . # I say and we cleaned all fire and everything out this morning didn't we do well ? # How long's that take , about an hour ? # Well you said you were gonna use it up didn't you ? # We called in Little Chef and we had a meal in there , urgh yuk It were , tasted like shit . # She fetched it and # she fetched it and put it on table # Two pound eighty five , it says , for bacon , sausage , egg , fried bread and tomatoes which , anywhere , that's reasonable , right ? # So no you got a full slice she fetched it , put it on table and I looked at it and I says she says what's the matter , int everything alright ? # I says what's that ? # She says pardon ? # I says what's that ? # I says if I'd've wanted a slice of fat and I'd've want burnt tomatoes I says I would've ordered them . # The tomatoes were black as though they'd forgot they were frying them , they looked like they'd stuck them on a grill and just left them there # and there was about that much bacon on the bacon slice , the rest were fat , I says I'm not paying for that . # Oh yeah . # And she fetched tomatoes back and I says here Steve you can have these tomatoes , I says they're bloody disgusting . # And every so often they kept coming up , everything alright ? # I says it is now . # Ooh you've never seen nowt like it , you know when your tomatoes are stuck on and then you shovel them off and I thought they were like that ! # I says even I don't cook tomatoes like that , they were disgusting . # Yeah once you find this Nettos you wanna go because it is cheap . # Where from ? # Ah we don't know where it is . # Going towards the bridge ? # Yeah . # that no bloody good is it ? # I borrowed it off Maggie this morning cos she said you were coming up . # Yes please . # Oh Jake sod off . # Yeah , chocolate . # Who fetched your money ? # Oh he posted it ? # And you get another one on Wednesday ? # Get another one on Wednesday . # Thank you very much . # I know I were showing her alarms and that she wanted to see how they work . # Just been to stupid Nettos , do you know you can't cash a cheque ? # Just got to counter , she started putting it through and I looked up and there were these signposts , and it says cash only . # So I asked her and she'd already started # ringing it through hadn't she ? # Cash only . # So I had to borrow it off Maggie . # I says oh you're alright , Jacqueline's coming up , I'll give it back after that didn't I ? # I've never heard of it . # Well I've got a Switch which , I've got a Switch card . # She could've used Switch card but they hadn't got one of them neither . # Stupid . # Well fair's fair I were having a coffee with you , I'm not just gonna walk out . # Bugger that . # Mm . # Well you were you saying you weren't coming till half past ten , well we'd've gone , come back and been in by then . # Cos straight away we says what time , it were ten o'clock weren't it when # Who ? # Then get your washing done . # Good . # Oh he halfed it . # Yeah he give him half . # Oh the Kit-Kats . # She were trying to attract your attention # and I'm saying you're alright , she'd have left buggy at your house anyway cos you were walking , you wouldn't have had buggy with you then so you'd gotta come back this way hadn't you ? # So you got your coal and your tokens and everything ? # Are you back to normal now ? # Good # Yeah . # They should have it for cash for Monday shouldn't they ? # Yeah . # Yes she were having a look at a lamb , seeing if it were alright for the thing and er we decided that they wouldn't be alright because where her shed thing is , it's too far away from house . # He said I've had me sweets , I'm off . # So what you been doing with yourself , owt or nowt ? # Is that all you've been doing ? # Oh God . # Is he fetching it round to your house or # For two week ? # Does he only wash once a fortnight ? # Right . # Oh well that's once a month . # Yes , the one they call smelly . # Did he ? # Oh . # Yeah ? # Oh well that's not bad then . # Jolly good . # You would # Poo ! # Get out . # Straight on tissue . # Ah well . # Oh yeah weren't it windy ? # Oh God . # That's one way to do it . # It does , yeah . # Yes , Smarties and he's got a piece of chocolate in his hand . # Well it don't take him long does it ? # Ooh er . # You said it were him . # If he hadn't a done that you'd have had your washer and everything still . # What'd he do that for ? # You are ? # Oh y it's nearer up here . # It's erm , erm is it five streets up this way ? # Er # No it's not second , it's erm er Norwood Road it's summat beginning with a C , is Apton following that or the one after ? # Third or fourth one in . # Third or fourth one i you know from this end , top ? # It's third or fourth one coming this way right from top . # It's in between top and Regal . # Two rooms aren't there ? # No , downstairs . # Two rooms . # I think it's two rooms . # If it's like the one we lived in , cos when I , I lived at home with mum and dad we lived in Craigan Road and they're two rooms . # But then again in Poplar Road , they're one room . # Big kitchen . # You're definitely swapping with that girl ? # Her that come round to see you and Steve ? # Yeah . # I don't know her name but I can remember him saying it . # Do you know , it's a wonder he ain't fat as a pig , him . # Mum mad . # One way to do it . # I always took that off . # Has he got ? # Hey that's not bad . # Smashing . # Getting clever him int he ? # You chuck it at me and I'll do you over ! # Yeah . # You've got your pop here . # When did you get Smarties ? # Oh you got them ? # I were gonna say I seen you get chocolate but I didn't see you get Smarties . # Oh . # Mm . # No she says that she wanted to go to Nettos this morning so I says are you coming ? # I didn't ask her if she could , I just says are you coming . # So you had to pay . # Kids are like that though aren't they ? # It's o that's the only trouble with shops , all sweets are always low so kids can get them . # And they know for a fact the minute your kids grab them that you've got to pay . # Well I didn't know we were going today . # I'd give her directions and everything . # She says it's for ducks . # Cos she says is it soft and fresh ? # And I says soft and fresh , for ducks ? # I said it's soft and # soft and fresh for you not for ducks . # You give ducks hard bread don't you ? # That's one way to do it say it's for ducks . # He's lost them under his leg . # Are you ? # Is he still at coal hou # she threw the thing in coal house , her . # When we went to Donny on Thursday I met her and er I says how's # I says how's things ? # She says I put dog in coal house , I couldn't believe it could I ? # Well # Are you going with her ? # Smashing . # That's what I like to hear . # I know where it is . # What number ? # Fifteen , that's left hand side half way down . # She's going to Nettos on Friday , Al is . # Yeah . # Oh . # Oh I went down there other day , I paid twenty quid . # I've got a bloody crave for that broccoli . # Oh I love them . # Packet of Smarties . # Pop . # It's not dinnertime . # Make him wait till dinnertime else you'll cock her system up . # It's alright him having breakfast and an hour later saying mum I want me dinner . # He hasn't has he ? # Oh God . # He's busy he is . # He moved cos he was sat on them . # So you should be rich then ? # Plenty of money all to yousen . # Well she's got her seventy odd , it should be sixty what should it be ? # Your money . # Sixty summat . # She should she should get sixty three so she'll get a seventy three today , were it today you got it or Saturday ? # So she got it Saturday Wednesday and Monday ,I bet you hadn't had that before eh ? # All three in a week . # Aye that's not bad , nearly two hundred pound . # Well I couldn't see you with no money . # No we've got it we've got it from everywhere we could think of didn't we ? # Yep . # Oh that's easy that one . # I know how to do that one , that's a doddle . # Dead easy . # Yeah as soon as they start school write in and you apply for him , when does he go to school ? # Next September int it ? # Next September , gotta be four . # Four . # Four . # You've got another year to suffer , you're not getting off that light , we had to . # So you're gonna suffer an'all . # No they , they go four and stop till they're sixteen now . # They altered it , you used to leave at fifteen didn't you ? # Now they lea you've got to l stay till you're sixteen . # I heard they were on about moving it to eighteen . # I were fifteen . # Yeah . # That's true . # It's third of February today . # It's her anniversary on Thursday . # Twenty six , seven ? # Seven , twenty seven years . # Ah ! # Well that's one way to do it int it ? # Is it a girl ? # Fell in it ? # I should think she was . # Yeah ? # Now if you'd've told us that last Thursday we'd've thought # she'd thrown it . # She's gotta keep it in kitchen . # Oh . # Yeah so at least in kitchen you can clean it up easy . # House she's on about . # They've been before haven't they ? # You're definitely moving ? # Good . # Oh well that's even better for you . # Ah well . # Well within next six week we should hear you're moving ? # Cos it only takes about six week dunnit ? # Yeah it's only about six week . # Dirty ! # Wednesday . # Is she ? # She having a new one ? # Well carpets never fit one house to another anyway . # Cos I know mine , my living room carpet , I had it cut up for me stairs didn't I ? # And er the big bedroom carpet ended up in small bedroom down here . # No I'm just , finish me coffee # I'm off . # I'm gonna light a fire . # I'm gonna go mad and tidy up I think . # It's about time I hoovered that dump . # You just talk as you normally talk , you know ? # He could tell by your accent couldn't he ? # Yeah . # Yeah it's er watch it , empty one in cupboard , it usually is , yeah . # Oh . # there it is , he's stuck it at back . # My beloved son hides everything . # What day was that ? # Well he hasn't said you'd been . # He were in bed on Wednesday . # Yeah supposed to have been bad , it were just er a con so he didn't have to go to college . # As usual . # Yeah . # I'll tell you that later . # Yeah erm yeah he come in Thursday , he'd got an headache and er Tuesday but he'd got an headache , a sore throat and I don't feel well and I don't want to go to college , you know , and all this rubbish . # So I told him to take these tablets and says if he felt no better he'd better get to doctors , well he didn't even move out of bed , apart from summat to eat # and I got up on Thursday morning and the little get had pissed off , went to Cadets and everything . # So on Friday he tried to pull same stunt again so I says oh no you're not , I says we're not playing at that , I says chuff that for a lark , I says what do you think you're playing at ? # So he didn't like it cos I made him go . # It sounds a bit weird this , you know , when you carry it about ? # I've got fire on , I left it on all dinner while I were outside . # Yeah , I'll show you it in a bit . # What ? # Oh yeah . # Yeah , yeah I'm just finishing that tape up . # She give me twenty ! # God knows . # I'm only second one now , it took me about three or four days to do that . # Ooh yeah . # I ain't taking it down your street , you're mental . # You're cracked . # I thought you'd of heard something by now . # ? # What did he think you were still going out with him like or what ? # Well that's it . # You're not usually in , you're down at your mum's . # Or out shopping . # I've just been shopping with Maggie this morning . # Went to Nettos . # Did you know # you can't pay by credit card or cheque . # No . # I only had about seven pound on and me bill come to about fourteen quid . # Alice were having I said just lend me that twenty pound note cos you , and God knows what she thought the bill was I says I've got seven pound , I says just lend me your twenty pound note , I says you'll still have enough to pay I says and I'll give you it back when I get home , you know ? # Oh I'll pay for mine first and sh she'd already rung mine through till like , little dickhead . # Anyway Maggie says oh bugger it she says here you are I'll pay for it so I give it her back as soon as I come home . # And Alice was saying well I'd never been before , I didn't know it were that cheap . # Hers only come to six pound summat . # Yeah . # Did you get that ? # Is it Je # Yeah I got one today cos Maggie says it's alright # Well that I've got is Daz , that Daz Ultra # and I've just , all I've had in washer is one nightie , a T-shirt , a jumper , three pair of trousers and a coat # that's all I put in . # White patches all over the bloody coat with that soap powder . # And that did it as well ? # Ooh heck . # Mm . # Didn't mark come off ? # Oh I haven't done nowt like that for ages . # I've only done it once with crisps I had some were soggy and sour and horrible # and they sent me a box back . # Mm I enjoyed that . # Do you ? # Chuffing hell . # Our Arthur's been clear clear clear . # Yeah he's fine now . # Just precautions or something ? # Yeah well # Is she a doctor or just a student ? # Do you know there's more g gaps on this tapes than on off , on off , on off . # I should say can't be bothered . # Don't you like me smellies ? # Yeah . # Yeah true , true . # Forty five P for a full bag . # Nettos # Yeah I know but I can't find it . # Well they shrink surely , shrink a bit don't they ? # Yeah . # Is that what it is ? # I've seen the little bottles . # Cos they sell it at Cleethorpes market with little pot pou pure , yeah them . # That's them . # They sell all sorts . # But that basket were only half full and it cost me a quid for what were in the basket . # Yeah not too bad , are you ? # Have you got any stamps ? # Are you out ? # I'm just going there and getting a pound book . # Yeah # Oh you are kind John . # No well I'll go there , I'll get a pound book and then it'll give me a spare stamp and I'll not run out no more . # Do you only get four in it ? # Mm but it don't matter anyway , I'll get them then . # Okay ta- ta John . # Usually they ring before ten past # but they've had quite a good dinnertime today so I think they're letting her stop a bit longer . # What time do you usually go in ? # Yeah . # Have you been helping out like ? # Yeah cos # It is , yeah , cos they do painting and all sorts don't they ? # Yeah . # Have you done it with your little'un yet or is it bigger ones you do it with ? # Are you ? # Oh I bet she looks forward to that doesn't she ? # Yeah , pleased as punch . # Yeah . # Oh you can go on from year to year ? # Even when # your kids leave school you can go . # Yeah course you can . # Used to be one about # fifteen years , Veronica she took bad and weather held her back # It does . # They enjoy it , everybody # that has volunteered , they enjoy it . # You get used to it . # Yeah . # You get used to it though don't you ? # I think you do . # Well what you doing helping them paint , drawing and all that ? # Yeah . # Have you learnt them to bake yet ? # Yeah when Joyce went she were learning them to bake she says # I think she got that used to baking on her own and then they all tried to dive in it you see and she were saying don't do that . # Supposed to be showing them what to do and # you know , making it get a cake each . # Ah . # Well I know er it were Wednesdays Joyce used to come in . # Mm . # Oh ! # It's a shame you weren't helping out at Christmas , you'd've been able # with costumes and everything , you'd've loved that . # I think that's best bit of helping them . # Their faces when they see them with costumes on # it's great , yeah . # Well it's quarter past any road # Yeah . # Just have a steady walk . # Ta-ta # I know you do ! # I know . # Maggie does that . # No I had kids on it other day , you'd've laughed but that tells all about it , all God knows what # what have you all different things . # Yeah . # And then when you've finished doing it you just fill a book in . # Just for a week . # Only one week . # Well it seems easier that way when you think about it dunnit ? # Mm it's a lot better . # What , your dictionary or your microphone ? # Scanner ? # Oh yeah , she's got a thingy erm what is it ? # Well over a year haven't you ? # Is it three year now ? # Yeah she's , she's got it plugged into phone socket on wall and when she buys these things it's got a and it goes # dib dib # Mm . # Yeah and she gets points for doing it don't you , you've been saving them up haven't you ? # That's what she gets . # So she's saving them up for a # Workmates . # Yeah that's it . # Yeah , shows you how to fill it in and everything . # Anyway # Well I can try hard can't I ? # Maggie comes from London , that's her real accent . # Cos if you see on top it says regional accent . # That means where you got it from . # No you don't fill that in ,I fill that in . # She says I could put hers down , you says I could put yours so stop telling big whoppers again . # It gives you an example how to fill it in and everything . # No it goes further on than that , I'm on tape three . # She's on tape two aren't you ? # Cos I changed it over # It's er Alice's granddaughter . # She can't half talk , she's only two and a half but aye and when she sets off that's it . # Yeah . # Well I got er Craigy on it today er but he don't talk . # It's er er # Stephen's mate . # He come to call for Stephen this morning so I collared him while I'd got him . # He's got er a video box of mine so I were him asking about it . # I got John in shop . # That's it . # If she's on , her name , that's on that , that means I've just started tape . # One before page . # If I'd've put your real age you'd've said # Yeah . # What twenty plus sixty five ? # Oh I'll put twenty one plus for you . # I'm not , that's cheating ! # Alright then I'll put sixty four plus . # So are you gonna do it ? # Are you gonna have a go ? # Oh she's at it again . # Do you know she says she'll do it and then she says she won't . # She does that just to upset me don't you ? # Oh ! # I know who you're on about # I was just thinking who you were on about then . # Mrs . # What this week ? # All day ? # Well # Cuckoo Lane ? # Oh right up there . # I'm just thinking # Yeah I know where you mean . # No kids ? # That's it . # If there's no kids what's the point of # Five to three ? # Oh you've got babbies . # Mm . # Eh it is you know . # They charge you know that er bus stop at bottom of bridge ? # I got on bus here and he charged me thirty five P ! # Don't forget , bus fares change . # Yeah . # Hey that's only one # bus stop in between me and you . # There's only that bus stop and then it turns down you yet they charged me thirty five pence and that weren't even half past three . # That were in afternoon that . # So I bet that's thirty five to forty five , is it forty five after thirty five before , forty five after ? # Cos they charged me twenty five on Little Nipper and it's cheaper on Little Nipper than bus . # But they didn't half charge . # Cos I nearly died I got on bus other day and they charged me eighty five pence I looked at me clock and it were twenty past nine . # Well that's beside the point . # That's beside the point . # Well that's it , I don't blame you . # I don't blame you at all . # I've been to Nettos this morning . # Alice took us . # So now Steve's got to take me to bank , mini bank , to get some money cos I've got none . # Er I got some tinned stuff sugar , sugar's fifty one . # Fifty one . # Bread's twenty five # For twelve cakes it's thirty two , for twelve cakes . # Beans are seventeen , tomatoes are sixteen # erm I'm on about big tins . # you get little'uns . # Have they ? # How much is that , twenty # Yeah . # Trouble is they're that expensive . # People just keep buying the buggers . # Bill only likes H P beans and I give Maggie a tin of them seventeen P beans and I says throw the tin away before he sees it and he couldn't tell the difference . # Oh . # Yeah I got me coffee # I got some of that washing powder these were all on about and a few of them had got it , automatic washing powder , it's only one ninety nine for a three point five box . # And your washing comes out alright doesn't it ? # Maggie's has come out alright , she got it . # Aye I were reading that they did a survey on it didn't they ? # Yeah this one's called # Mm . # I don't know . # Yeah . # They don't say . # I noticed , I were looking at prices , they're all different prices . # You're paying for name aren't you ? # That's the only trouble . # Did they ? # Tt crafty bleeders aren't they ? # Yeah cos when we went to Cleethorpes you were on about they were Fred's taties . # Cos I , I were asking if they wanted a baked tatie and that and we stood waiting for them and you noticed on sack # Yeah you didn't want one . # And we were stood waiting , she noticed sacks and she says these are from Fred's where he used to work . # He used to work at Higgins . # Yeah I remember you saying that now . # I wondered what that was then . # Where ? # Mm have to get some . # I prefer the four hours . # Aye he mentioned that . # I got accused for you ! # He give me a bollocking over you . # Well he didn't know it were you . # He , who did he accuse ? # Me in first place and then somebody else . # Oh I went down and he says to me have you got my Blind Fury ? # I says no , I says you give it to erm and I'm trying to # think of your lad's name and I'm saying you give it to erm tt erm oh yeah I remember , but he'd already told me off . # He he says I give it to Maggie , I says you didn't give it to Maggie I says you give it to Linda's lad . # Oh aye little'un , he come down he says , she's gonna give me a tape in return . # I says yeah , he says I remember now , it doesn't matter . # I thought thanks # I'll have to remember that , cos they're better than the three hours aren't they ? # You're aren't you ? # What's yours ? # Just same as mine int it ? # Ordinary ? # Yeah I know . # I got instructions off you to be able do you know I couldn't do that timer for love nor money . # Oh Bill's got it . # Yeah , yeah it's not compatible or summat er it's compatible with his telly when he hasn't got the Sky on and if he's got the Sky on he's got to mess about I sat watching him for days messing with it and then I says to him have you got it on your V U channel ? # He says what V U channel ? # I says your V U channel I says your video channel . # I didn't know there were a video , I says get your he just tuned it on any channel , I says get your remote control for your telly I says and click # I said downwards , I says normally it's the last channel backwards . # So he clicked it all way and it come up I says now get your green line I says straight down middle and tune it in . # Anyway day after I says have you done it ? # Well they take it in to set it up # the other one , so we left it on that channel , channel nine I think it were . # You've got what ? # My Tyne Tees has gone funny # Mine's gone whacky it's gone stupid and spotty and # When ? # Again ? # Do you know they're supposed to only go up in budget these bloody things # and I , John's put his up three times since . # One fifty six , they'll be one fifty seven then . # Yeah . # Down in this shop they're one eighty nine for a packet of cigs . # They started at one seventy seven after budget , cos what were they ? # One seventy four weren't they ? # No # One seventy nine he put them up to . # Yeah one seventy nine he put them to , and then he put them up to one eighty two or summat and then they've gone up to one eighty nine I think they are . # They're trying to get them up to three pound a packet , that's what they're trying to do . # Yeah . # Innit ? # I'm not paying three pound a packet # They can't afford # It's not fair . # Make you sick . # I've still got that irritation # No she did it at doctors . # I got an eyelash stuck right inside fold , and I couldn't er shift it for love nor money , it were there about two or three days before I went to doctors . # So he saw it , told nurse it were right in folds down there # and to get it out . # And she got this ginormous magnifying glass and she nipped me face , just there . # You know that skin just underneath ? # Well she had some they were like right slim at end and then went like that , and she got the fat bit and went crrrk and it hurts like mad . # Well she said she'd got it out but # Tea bag . # Dead tea bag . # Cold tea # I thought it were a tea bag . # Mm . # Mm . # Never tried it . # It just irritates , it's not sore now , it irritates . # So I keep trying to get me eyelashes and push up . # Ooh . # Yeah . # Oh . # Mm . # Well I put me clothes out at twelve o'clock , I says to Linda if it holds out for a couple # if it holds for a , well it's jeans , I thought well # it'll get mainly dry and I can finish them off in here can't I ? # Which is a lot better . # Have you been to that Nettos ? # Have you been to that Nettos then ? # Freezer's still empty . # They had some of them chickens in for one pound thirty odd , you know when it's got sign up on video ? # Two pound eight ounces , that's all they were . # I thought no wonder they're one pound thirty odd ! # See size only of them , little scrawny spoggies # You may as well as go in garden and pick all these spoggies up , you'd get more meat on it . # And they'd got some funny things but they'd got foreign names and I thought well # Well I know that but there is English names on a lot of stuff except certain stuff and then it's in foreign and it's # Yeah . # It's not so bad if it's got picture , you know what's inside it then . # Oh aye yeah they'd make me buy it . # Eh you can't use a cheque , Access Card , nothing . # No , I had to borrow some money off Maggie this morning to pay me bill . # Cos I didn't quite have enough . # So I straight # So you've gotta pay cash . # Well that's stupid having a ginormous supermarket # Well they're all half price virtually aren't they ? # Cos what's a loaf of bread , fifty eight innit ? # Yeah . # Yeah true . # So no matter what they do they're lumbered all way round aren't they ? # Yeah . # It would annoy me that . # Ooh ! # Cos me bill were fourteen quid . # And she's just complaining she's put some on , I've got a fat belly # It's all walking she does . # Up and down , up and down . # Yeah . # I'm taping you even though you said I couldn't . # Yeah . # So I did it anyway cos later on you would have said well you could've taped me if you want like you always do so I did it anyway . # No , no I've gotta talk later , well I'll talk to you when I've switched that off , talk for about five minutes and I'll stick your voice on . # Cos where's your accent from ? # I thought so . # I know but you could've been fetched from Grand Canaries . # Well I haven't got Fred's voice so I can't put # I know he weren't , Durham weren't he ? # Mm yeah . # Is that the one , have I filled it in ? # See I've got to remember , you see a few of them I had a load of them all talking , you know when I were at school ? # So I just put mixed , school , male and female , mixed strangers # so that'll cover for people that I don't know . # I've lost me pen now . # Do you know I put that pen down and everything else and it disappears . # It's not yourn it mine . # I've showed you it ! # The people to be interviewed # You're telling fibs . # Oh right . # Oh put your order in . # Well you're sixty four , can I put sixty four ? # Oh . # Can I just put four , plus four ? # Twenty one plus sixty four ? # So I'm allowed to put it now cos I've said it ? # Well I told you didn't I ? # Yeah . # I'm saying yeah I never looked at it , I automatically put it down # Linda will you stop siding with her . # I know her thinking . # She says no you can't , I might do and then when she's ready to go out she'll say you could've taped it . # I done it . # Ooh . # You're not doing very well then are you ? # What cabling ? # It's easy . # You've put me off now , do you know what I'm putting in your age ? # Thirty plus . # It is ? # Thirty plus thirty four . # Get lost you # if , if they add them if they add them together she's gonna stab me with screwdriver now cos I put that # She's crossing it out , she don't want her age , she's crossing thirty four out . # I bet she changes it to twenty one or summat . # Have you crossed thirty four out ? # Right . # We'll say you're thirty plus then . # Okey-cokey , I'll see you later . # Yes . # So take care . # See you later duck , bye . # It sticks . # I'll turn it off for you now then . # Shall I turn it off ? # Right . # that baby , she's only got seven weeks left . # Cos I says what you doing still working here , you know , that's what we'd just been on about # cos she told us er Tommy said she had to pack jobs in # and er apparently she's packed that cleaning job at # cleaning job at oogie erm er ooh Samantha's been at me coat again . # she packed that cleaning job in at er , what do they call it ? # Doctors # she used to do at doctors or summat # she packed that one in and she's packed the one in at , you know disabled school ? # She packed that one in and she says she's still doing this for another two two week I think she says and that's erm what you call it ? # That'll , she's got seven weeks to go so that'll leave her five # But it's er leaving it a bit short notice innit ? # Just for five weeks . # Cos I thought , I thought I'll take it out , I finished that tape , this is a new one . # So I put them two and a half up to press with this one and then I can turn it over and I'll be on to third side . # So ready and just # I've just gotta # Three ! # When I put # When I put three or four in my pan I can't get nowt in . # Aren't you doing none ? # Will he ? # What , take them out ? # Weird ! # Oh I'd've thought he would've done . # But then again they like all different things . # Er who's fetching thing home ? # Oh she's coming by # Did you notice she says she didn't have owt and she'd left it at home ? # Anyway she went to shop she bought sweets and nappies . # Yeah I know I saw her . # Cos I shall go for it # I shall go for it mesen tomorrow , you see I've got five pound in house which # I'm giving you # and that is the other two pound I owe you , leaving me three . # Cos I knew I'd got enough to give you back , that's why I wanted to borrow it # and I thought bugger that I shall go over and get it mesen tomorrow . # No I mean if she don't . # I shall be up for it tomorrow . # So I thought no , you're not getting away with that one . # No , definitely not . # She stated today . # And I thought # She got her Family Allowance this morning as well . # So she's spent all that seventy odd quid ? # It's a hell of a lot to spend in two days and the shops are shut on Sundays . # Oh good God ! # No it's nearly finished . # That side of tape's nearly gone , a few more minutes and then it's finished I think . # Oh aye yeah , I can't sing . # Eh you should hear it with Irene I thought she were gonna stab me with screwdriver . # Taping her earlier and she ke it's cos I kept going to put sixty four on to tt you know that thing I fill in to say who's on it ? # That I know # who's on it ? # And er she picked screwdriver up , well she thought it were a pen and I thought God she's got a screwdriver and she's gonna stab me and I put thirty plus thirty four # and did it like that , so she scribbled thirty four out and left thirty plus . # I thought ooh dear me . # It were funny . # I thought it were funny anyway . # Have you been talking to him today ? # Did he tell you if he's seen Stephen ? # Oh . # I thought doesn't this take a long time just for a little tiny bit ? # Do you know it is , it's a little tiny but it's going on for ages and ages . # It's to stop me turning tape over I'm sure # I think it said five six seven eight nine ten or summat on one side and then it said six seven eight nine on other side . # It sort of doubled up , or summat like that , so she crossed them all out and changed them . # Why ? # There were two sixes and two nines # and two eights and what have you . # Well she didn't do them . # Somebody else did . # She just picked boxes up and delivered them . # So it was like # I don't know . # Yeah . # I got Michael to finish filling other one up today . # Just talking about owt and nowt and # No er when Maggie's talking , if she knows it's on she always tells me when to stop it . # Depends what she wants to say . # Same as you , only time when you didn't know what you thought and you've got to call everybody names and everything cos you don't know what to say , you can't think of forgetting it's here . # No it isn't . # I know but we've got telly on and everything haven't we ? # Oh I always turn telly off . # I don't know . # I don't know if it can pick voices up with telly on . # Well # What them little hand held ones ? # In office ? # What , for abroad ? # I thought you could only er do two hours ? # I thought . # Yeah I know you do . # You've got a long way to travel . # Ooh . # Oh is he this new one you've ? # Oh . # Why , has he already been told ? # I know you've been told different people different things . # Mm yeah well I posted that one today for you . # Oh you got ashtray quick , I haven't even got ! # I've got three . # Bought one what ? # Oh no ! # She falls for it l hook line and sinker . # Then I forget that I've been joking with her then she tells me off so I don't bother any more . # She gets too serious . # She were on about Graham , she's seen him loads of times this week . # Last week . # Oh . # Waste of breath . # They're getting old . # But then again Irene and Fred's old and they're not like that . # They argue like hell them two now , Irene and Fred . # No . # He's done er erm tt what did she call it ? # Summat like a takeover bid . # Now she's been having an argument with the council and while she's been arguing , you know she's got a grievance , while she's been arguing she takes her anger out on them and tells them what she thinks of them . # So since Fred's been retired , he says leave it to me and , because he's that soft , nothing's done about it . # And then she starts demanding to know what they're going to do and he keeps saying they're gonna write , they're gonna write , they're gonna write . # She says no they're not gonna write , I'm gonna phone them . # No don't you phone them , I'll phone them , she says well phone them now . # So he'll phone her and she'll say and I'm still sat behind him rabbit , rabbit , rabbit , moan , moan , moan you see . # So er they says to him who's that ? # He says it's me wife and she's as mad as hell , and they says yeah we can hear her from here and s must've said summat about writing and she starts bawling and shouting , oh summat about you've got to write I want a letter by Friday , you're not messing me about no more , you're not talking to him you're talking to me . # And then she ran upstairs and grabbed the other phone and Fred had to put phone down cos she wouldn't shut up . # So you see they were having a difference of opinion over that and he's saying you shouldn't , you should've left it all to me and she says I've done it for last fifty year and , you know , all this . # And she says you're stupid , you don't know how to talk to them and then they start , you see Fred won't row . # And same as she says , she needs a row to clear the air , so picks on him and he just ducks . # Well I went in and I says where's me cup ? # And Fred said see , I told you you'd got to tell her . # I took off . # I says where's me cup ? # She says I threw it at him . # That's what I says , that went an'all apparently . # That went an'all . # Cos I'd been there that morning # and er my cup were out , her cup , Ev's cup and Fred's cup # Aye , she were washing them or summat and he were annoying her so she threw them all . # And she phoned me up and says what are you doing ? # I says nowt , she says good I'm coming . # Every time she gets arsey now she comes down here . # I thought she were gonna stab me with screwdriver today . # Yours on table . # Thought bloody hell . # Tormenting you know how she torments , says yeah you can do it then you can't , then you can , then you can't ? # Well when she come in I asked her if we could tape so she says yeah course you can . # Then she decided to be awkward , like she always is , and said I says oh it's still taping you know and I s she said summat , I can't remember what it were now but I was saying , I knew that'd happen , one minute yes then no , then I'll think about it , I says and if I didn't start it when you went out you'd be saying you could've done this and that and er so she were chittering , pretending she said I couldn't do it . # She said I could and then she were messing about you see . # And then I went and showed her all forms , all these form things that they've got I were letting her read it . # And # These that are in this bag . # And # Haven't you seen them ? # That's what I've got # Oh well , you know . # It's not under your nose ! # don't tell lies . # Anyway er it were what you write down , you're supposed to write who you've been talking to , tt what the occupation is er you , how old they are , female , male regional accent and that's , if you were born in London that's your accent you're using int it ? # Oh well I don't know . # Aye all that jazz , and er # Well if I know who they are and I don't know where they come from I'll just put who they are day I were talking to them and dash it . # I can't fill all answers in I only # I only fill them in that I know for a fact . # Cos sometimes they won't tell you . # Yeah she filled # about ten in . # Yeah . # I were telling you about Irene , I were filling this thing in and I put right , sixty four I were gonna put sixty four , that were it . # So she didn't want sixty four putting down , she wanted twenty one plus putting down . # So what I did is I writ thirty plus thirty four , adding up to sixty four and she jumped up and she's grabbing thing off table and she had hold of the screwdriver and I says to Linda thought she was gonna stab me with screwdriver and she weren't , she were looking for a pencil so she could rub it out , well she couldn't and she found this pencil and she scribbled thirty four out . # So it says thirty plus now even though she's sixty four . # Yeah that's exactly what she did . # I couldn't stop laughing . # Linda were going in hysterics . # Nowt much , just fetched her club money up , had a pratt about all about family and that , different things . # Cos I thought oh dear # Have you left it ,wh what did you actually do ? # Yeah . # Made it slippery . # Mm yeah well you would . # Straight on your leg again . # Your knee ? # Oh . # Mm . # How come they can take time off yet you can't ? # Oh . # Well I don't get that , me . # All these two days' holiday and this , you've had Christmas . # Oh so you should've got them for January ? # Yeah . # For Christmas . # Oh ! # Yeah I get it now . # I thought you got Christmas off like we got Christmas off . # I'm on holiday in three weeks , this , fortnight this Friday . # That's a fella's knock . # You can tell . # Oh thank you very much . # Goodbye . # It is a bit . # Ta-ta . # Don't look like we're watching we're watching this . # I says if they lent me it erm well they might want us to watch it now and lend it to someone else . # Naked Gun Two And A Half # so she says they were getting it but weren't watching it till eight . # And I says oh Steve can't watch it at eight . # Er can't watch it after you've watched it at eight ,I'm getting right odd here # but she must've told him # Nowt . # heck . # They are , they put a pound each . # She's can't be , she had two ten pound notes in her purse this morning . # See I can tell knocks . # Knocks . # Whether it's a fella or a woman . # Fellas always do a fancy knock . # We just bang on door . # Oh er telly's got a buzz on it and I couldn't get it off , I think I made it worse . # Cos I pressed colour by accident and # Well it's stupid that telly . # It is , it's got that many buttons on it I can't find which is which . # Well they've only got little tiny bits of writing on . # No I've done it now . # Well you can't use that for a buzz , you use that for a buzz don't you ?for a buzz ? # Rubbish . # All of them . # If you turn sound off you can hear buzz . # But then again it could be that . # I know it just dawned on me . # I just looked down , I seen it then and ah nelly . # I'm going senile before me time , it's Irene # Do you know one minute they're alright daft as a brush , and next minute they can't get on with er other people . # You never do . # Cos they're women . # Linda's your age group , Maggie's your # age group , Linda . # She's younger than me . # Thirty four , thirty five . # Well she is , she's thirty four or thirty five . # Maggie's only forty two , she's only three years old no hang on six years older than me you're two # she's three and a half years older than you . # Her birthday's in September you'll be nearer before # She's still your age . # They want fellas that's different ages . # I noticed . # Irene's alright . # She's a good lass , I like her . # And you like her . # Yeah I know . # You want that on don't you ? # I don't know . # Michael Douglas . # Shooting people . # Looked like a # It's supposed to be good er tomorrow # Yes I know . # They're always doing that # Mm . # Then pick on for it . # She says he was still up at quarter past and didn't get up for work until seven this morning , that's what he said in note anyway , summat about he didn't fetch her a cup of tea up this morning cos he didn't get up till seven . # I know . # I know . # I know you don't . # I were on about that today , I can't remember who I talked to . # Were it Irene or Maggie ? # We were on about Saturdays , having Saturdays to oursen finally you know , instead of having to go here there and everywhere not bothered about afternoon , I meant night times and that # and er she says yeah it's about time and I think it were Irene , about time . # And we were on about it and working it out . # That's what I says to her , like on Friday when you come in by the time we've got yo got you summat to eat and a bath and your petrol and everything ready for the next week filled your car up , that we could call in then but like if we have Saturday night you can either go to bed ,sleep on floor or do virtually what you want cos you don't have to go on Sunday if you don't want . # Why ? # It were you day off ! # Oh dear . # Granddad ? # Do you know , it dawned on me , I went in shop this morning for some stamps and he didn't have any and I were gonna go to garage you only get er four stamps in them books now . # Yeah and two one P stamps or summat or two P stamps or summat # And er I says ooh never mind . # And he conned me into posting his mail ! # It's only just dawned on me , he conned me into posting his mail . # No . # No I'm charging for spice when I go in # for going shopping for you . # Yeah he'd got some letters , apparently he were going to Post Office later for stamps and everything and er got this letter and seeings I'd only got three he give me his , give me twenty four pence for a stamp so I walked to Post Office , I thought well I don't want no penny or tuppeny stamps . # They're no good cos you leave them laying about and they get lost . # What your penny and tuppeny stamp ? # Or your full stamps ? # I used your stamps on card . # Stephen left some laying about and I used his an'all . # And then when you wanted them I give you mine . # Didn't I ? # Mm . # Yeah I know they smell . # Do you know why they smell ? # It's , you know with heat from fire ? # Well when you first come in they didn't smell , it's only last five minutes . # I'm not starting I'm just saying that's when they smell most when you get near fire . # She hasn't got a towel has she ? # It's a flannel . # Mm . # I know . # Yes and I wonder what that sounds like . # Now I don't know where microphone is . # Rubbish . # Rubbish . # I know you want one . # Irene she were after it today # It's not # it's that it's that lady's , she gets it back on Friday . # Mm . # No I'm buggered . # I haven't got any money yet love . # Yeah about # Thursday don't forget . # Thursday . # Has your Da has your Dawn seen that video ? # What video's that ? # Yeah , but one of my videos is out oh what video's that that you've got ? # Oh ! # Ha have you seen ? # No . # It is hilarious , I seen it , Mary's got a pirate and it's er anyhow I re it weren't a brilliant recording like but it's , you know , it's watchable and it's fantastic . # Oh . # Oh . # Do what ? # Do you know that bit in that er Top Gun where he , where they hit them air brakes sort of thing and the plane was going like that ? # Yeah . # Well it , it shows come on I'm gonna hit the brake , he's got a chuffing accelerator pedal , a clutch and a bloody brake pedal there and he's banging like this and it's brake's not working prop it's , it's funny , but there was a bloody tent there as well er where the Charlie Sheen is like an indian , and he's in this tent and this bloke calls to thingybob and he presses this bloody doorbell on it on this tent , it's funny , I tell you it is funny when you wa er when you actually watch it . # Yeah she's been on about it . # Yeah she just went out yesterday into pharmacy he says right er she told him what she'd got he says right , he give her some Benolin stuff # No for , it was for Sharon so # Oh yeah she's getting it , it's all round # I know I went down to see him , he's got a really everybody's dying aren't they ? # I'm not . # I've still got it only , I've got the immunity system inside me now . # I've had it . # I must be good I've been round your mum every day but I haven't got it . # Oh . # You know when I'm gonna get it ? # Two weeks on Friday . # I'm on holiday . # Hmm . # Yeah two weeks on Friday . # Never fail I always get a day or two before holiday starts . # What's that Mutant like , any good ? # It's alright . # Ah well I ain't , I ain't bothered getting any videos recently , I just haven't . # I thought # Is it a Paki who's got it now ? # that time he took this fridge and you kept asking him if he were selling it cos w it were empty weren't it , and he says no it's a load of rubbish . # Well he did , he sold it . # Oh . # Paki shop , the Pakis are everywhere now aren't they ? # You can get summat can't you ? # Yeah . # It's not # they're loaded . # Urgh oh that's bad ! # No February tenth , poll tax . # Oh . # I'm not , mine's paid . # Yeah . # Oh we , I'm gonna go erm I'm going to # It said something in paper today # on Friday . # they've sent said fifty odd thousand out but if people go in and make arrangements # Yeah . # it can stop them going to court or if they go in and pay it off they don't go to court . # Yeah . # Well I'm making arrangements to pay mine er but when I get paid on Friday it were going through , gotta pay him twenty five pounds and then fifteen pounds every fortnight thereafter and it'll take seven months to pay but that's all he can get off us . # Mm well that's not bad . # And me rent's all off now . # All because I got a , I got a job , you know , I got that security job and everything # Yeah . # the rent went up , right ? # And by the time I finished that job , I worked for about two month and I were four hundred pound in rent arrears . # Yeah but you've got all that sorted now . # Oh yeah . # I only owe about six quid . # You haven't done bad . # No . # Haven't done bad at all . # Mm have you not been working then ? # Yeah I'm working in # Oh . # Went back yesterday , tomorrow I'll carry on , Thursday I might have a lay in # Yeah I heard it were a right frigging had an argument with Chinese bloke # I don't know what w er what had gone off , Mark put , Mark had parked his ca right , he went in his shop he , Chinese is part of a shop of three # right ? # And there's a Paki shop and another shop and round there there's a wall # and cars park in there , you know ? # Yeah but it's a public # for the public . # Right , Mark come in , pulled his car up nea er right near the Chinese but more chinky er more # thingy like . # We were parked Chinese like , you know , waiting cos they normally wave to us if there's any things comes # and Mark , Mark pulled in , went to Ch went to the Paki shop , come out and started talking to us . # Anyway tapped on window for told me to come in and says will you tell your mate to move his car . # He says pardon ? # Says what , it's a public place this is isn't , this , this , this area is ours you know # that's right he says this is Mark , he says come in here a minute , says will you move your car and he says no I won't move my car , he says this is a public area and my car is parked there I've been , been into the shop and I'm talking to my mates . # Says you will move your car now this is our property you know , the Chinese . # And he says , he says er he says I will not move my car and I don't get told anything , you know , I'm not doing nothing for you , you don't belong in this country and all this stuff # He says you don't belong in this country , he says you're a bloody Chinese , get back to bloody your own country , you don't tell me what to do in my own bloody country and all this lot . # Anyway he , he says , he says right he says Tony , he says to Tony , Chinese boy says do you wanna keep your job he says no , keep your fucking job . # Towed his car off and they , you know , they , they've got a car like and # Yeah . # er it were this mechanic who lives in who's , who knows a good mate of Tony's and he's told Tony Tony told him like and he says right , he said leave the car to me . # He hasn't , they haven't paid him for this car yet # to be done , they owe the er owe the bill # Mm . # they're trying to haggle with him now # Mm . # but he doesn't take , he don't mess about and they'll lob the car back . # Mm . # Yeah . # Fine . # Going up to chinky er chinky , going to ch chippy in a bit . # Well , one o'clock . # Why's that ? # Oh . # I've got some sausage rolls here . # I needed some change so I got two sausage rolls , I'm gonna wire them up on microwave in a bit right ? # Er mixed with some beans and # Oh aye . # Oh what's , what's the difference between a penis and a works bonus ? # I don't know . # The wife don't mind blowing the works bonus . # I were told that other day . # I like that one . # Do you wanna hear another one ? # Steve'll like that one . # Yeah . # Er why d why do women parachutists wear jockstraps ? # To stop them whistling on the way down . # Tt # told that one as well and why , why do oh what's other one ? # Why why don't blind people parachute ? # Don't know . # Scares the shit out of guide dogs . # Cos I read these in a paper and I thought hey these are very good ones here , I thought I'll get them , I'll remember them . # You get worse . # It's like our Albert , he tells that many jokes I can never remember half of what he tells me . # He told me one twice # I still can't remember the bleeder . # Snapped it ? # Well if he's snapped it the aerial # though innit ? # probably snapped it and # If Steve's going to have electric aerial he'll be doing the same thing . # He never ever puts them down . # Or is it his C B aerial ? # He's forgot it's there . # You've got a spare bedroom you know . # What's up with you why ? # Well # Yeah . # Now we got our drier other day , it come through . # Yeah . # We can dry dry now , I just leave it , I leave both doors shut and it keeps kitchen warm . # Yeah they do . # Yes . # Yeah they don't half make kitchen warm though . # Mm . # I used to have one but he got fed up of me using it so he cut plug off # and we ended up selling it . # Working so so . # It's the moment . # Mind you er # it's working # Yeah well next thing is a new hoover . # No can't be bothered to do owt to be honest . # That's just how I feel . # Can't wait for me holidays . # You going to stay for Tom's thing ? # No I'm going to # Where ? # Or I'm going to Rome # innit , Rome ? # Yeah . # cos it's somewhere # I'll wait for me gold card to come through and then I can go somewhere hot . # Yeah . # Got a holiday . # Yeah , parcel post coming in . # midi hi-fi system . # You won it ? # Yeah . # I won a gold card worth a thousand pound # Mm . # and er # Ah well you're alright . # Has he been out all day then ? # Oh ! # Yes please . # Oh I haven't had none of them for ages packets of them . # Yeah erm Alice at school , she give me one but hers weren't called them and I said they were called Imps # and these were called summat else but they was exactly the same . # Oh I want a bottle of pop have you any in fridge , no ? # Oh I'll have a bottle of milk then . # Yeah . # Orange Bet you're ready for shutting aren't you ? # Thought you said about you're ready for shutting . # You're cracking up . # Oh look at that , I'm gonna be a pig . # He's mending car , he's been working all day and now he's mending car # it conked out other day # conked out other day and he thought it were points , he changed points and I says to him have you changed plugs ? # He went I knew there were summat # now he's changing plugs . # He's got one of them clip-on # oogifibs Oh a couple of them . # to do with it . # Nibbling ? # I know . # Yeah I did # too but this one , he hasn't been on nights . # I've got three I haven't got the twenty but I've got the three # Ta . # I've just informed him that he can work longer if he wants , I thought smart move . # Have you got a bag I can put these into oh there's one over here . # I thought I don't see enough of him now ,till half past seven and then he says home all day # like he was before . # I think I prefer that actually . # I do , yeah . # Tarrah . # Yeah that's true . # You can't win no matter what you do . # Ta-ta . # I know , it's just that I remembered picking milk up this morning to make Maggie a drink , and there didn't seem a lot so I thought I must remember # No . # There never is is there ? # So when I see it cos I thought I have Alice and them , so I and in the room and I fridge . # Oh dear . # I wonder where my torch has gone , as if I didn't know like . # It were on windowsill in corner . # Yeah . # Shan't worry about it # I know , I wondered why you'd left it on table . # Where ? # Oh and it fell out of your pocket ? # Ah I just wondered , shall I turn this light off ? # Why did you fill this up and leave it on table ? # It were sat # Oh . # Oh I wondered , # It is a bit dark innit ? # Ooh ! # Me memory don't work any more , it's shut down for Christmas . # Where is me pen ? # There's always a pen in me bag . # Do you know , you could've filled that in , I could've shoved it in post box . # You'll end up with about a dozen letters on mantel again cos I always forget to post things . # Well I'll post that tomorrow . # Well usually if there's not a stamp wanted , is there a stamp wanted ? # Yeah usually if there's no stamp wanted I get one of lasses while I'm at work , they'll drop it off for me . # I always say will you do me a favour and they shove it in box . # ? # shower ? # No . # I'm gonna have a proper bath later . # See you later . # Well I says to her , I says what ,do won't they have a big gap ? # But some of these tapes are funny . # Well you know where they're working outside all time ? # Traffic and all sorts , see I were talking to Joyce this morning # and , I meant to listen to it but I forgot # and there were buses and lorries and , quite a lot of the tapes , they've got buses and lorries and all sorts , with working outside . # Mm . # Haven't you thought of going back to doctors ? # How did # Me mum ? # Durham . # No . # Scotland . # So I'm er I've got Durham , Scottish er me grandparents come from Lee Lancs # Yeah , me mum always said Lee Lancs # Or was she born in Lee Lancs ? # Anyway they were born one place and moved one place and then they come to after I were born . # I # Yeah I just write where you were born , where your cos it says regional accent , I'm assuming that means # I just put London . # It's easier . # It's like your Billy he # No . # It says regional accent , well he's Yorkshire int he ? # He's a Chinese what ? # Ah it's , I've got one to fill in , I must remember , Nadine's . # She's Turkish yeah , they come to London . # Cos the accent she's got is London . # Yeah . # Yeah but there's different parts of London , you all sound different don't you ? # Cos don't forget there's people who's moved from Donny and had their kids in London # and they sound different . # Well he were born in Hong Kong weren't he ? # He were talking . # Ah there she is . # Nadine . # There's a bit on bottom please write their first name are there any people mentioned above who's first language is not English and that's Nadine # cos she talks both . # Yeah . # I've heard her talking to her dad . # And I s that's when I says to her where do you come from ? # She says me dad's Turkish . # How do you spell Turkish ? # You missed summat . # T U R K # I missed I again , I tell you I'm rubbish at spelling , me . # Mm they originate from Turkey and then they moved to London . # What is it ? # I've heard about that before . # I like making me own coffee , at least I know I can drink it . # Yeah . # I'm hoping that washing dries . # It's going in again , it saw me put socks out . # Do you know it's never failed me yet , I put socks out # and it always ends up going right , so they don't dry , right funny so it don't d or it rains . # That's why I thought I'll get the stupid things out this morning and then them , they'll all be dried by tomorrow . # I can't remember if I've been in bathroom and picked them up , Steve's getting a sod with him getting bath every night # he's er just dropping them . # Oh yeah . # Well how long how long's he going , for a week or a fortnight ? # Fortnight ? # When's he go , May ? # Comes back in June ? # No ? # End of May , beginning of June . # I've got summat for your Gary . # No , oh no . # Erm he bought that car off Steven didn't he ? # I found instructions . # And I think , I know where they are , I think they're on bed . # Cos I got them out and I thought I must take them downstairs and give them to Maggie for her to give them to Gary . # twisted round then gonna say something # Thought while I'm thinking about it I'll do it . # Just saying I'm a stupid bugger . # I checked Steven's bedroom for washing # round , I've , I have checked bathroom , I took it out of bathroom and guess what , I didn't check ? # Our bedroom . # That's on pile in bedroom . # I thought ooh ! # Aren't I . # Yeah that belongs to that car . # He's saving it for his kids , that's what he says . # Or he'll end up giving it away as a present , there's nowt wrong with box , car , nothing . # Well that's it . # Your Gary's happy as he is , he's enjoying life . # That's the mistake Steven's made girlfriends . # Knowing he can't afford them with him being in college # and then he's just gone mad , I think they've gone to his head . # Did I tell you they call him Juan now ? # Yeah . # Yeah . # Yeah that's true . # I'm wondering what that thing is on Maureen's wall , have you seen it ? # It looks it flaps about , if you look at Maureen's wall near drainpipe you can see this thing # flapping all over . # I keep meaning to # You know drainpipe # you've got that little window , then drainpipe ? # At side of drainpipe . # You can see it flapping about , you watch in a sec it starts flapping . # Can you see it ? # I don't know . # I keep meaning to # see if it's a vent or summat or a piece of plastic . # They've put it in the sun whatever it is . # Unless it's that cooker thing , I think her cooker's there . # She's got one of them oogies them erm tt fan things . # That's it . # She's got one of them . # Mm and that's about right place where it is , I wonder if it's that . # Yeah they're nice aren't they ? # I didn't like them when she first put them up # but they're alright now . # Flo's trying to con me . # She wants me rails , these metal rails that I've got . # Yeah . # She wanted them so I says to her if she wanted them # I was after wooden ones # now I says , now I've seen some wooden ones in her house , I said # if she wants to swap I'll swap her . # The crafty bugger says to me , what did she say , they're fourteen pound summat I think she says , these wooden ones # and er I says well I thought you'd got some . # Now # I'm sure I've seen one in her house # and she says no , she says one I've got's only a thin one , you want that thicker one , you know with these being thick # she says so I thought if I buy you one she says you give me them two , I says whoa hang on a minute , I says I've got two windows # not one window , I says I'm not giving you two for one . # I says and at that price why don't you buy them yourself # you know ? # And she says well I thought if I buy you one you can buy other one , I says go and naff off . # I says I don't , I says when am I gonna be able to go to town I says and afford fifteen quid for another bloody rail ? # I says you # Yeah ! # She wants me to take them down and swap them for one . # Steve'll go mad . # I thought you crafty sod . # She wants them to extend to eight feet , well these don't extend to eight feet , they extend to seven . # And I thought no I'm not , Steve's just cleaned them up . # He spent about two hours in with them . # Have you seen what he's done to ends of them , they've gone silvery , he's rubbed and rubbed and rubbed # and he's rubbed all colour off it . # They've got silver ends on them ones . # I said # I says can't you rub harder on other piece . # He's done these ones . # Well he washed this one first and then he went over there and er then it dawned on him that the ends pull off # on ends , so he took the two ends off , cleaned the rails and he was sat on settee watching telly rubbing away and rubbing away and I says hey you gonna put them ends back on ? # And he'd been rubbing for that long they'd gone that colour . # I remember . # He scrubbed and scrubbed till it all come off didn't he ? # How old were he then , about thirteen ? # I can remember that , he come over and told me . # Not now . # I want a new frying pan . # I keep using me best pan . # Have you ? # You know when we saved them Berkeley packets ? # Can you remember what we saved them for ? # Marion asked me other day what we were saving them for , I said well we saved them oh I remember ! # We saved them , they were on about cameras and that and then we found out inserts inside it that you got it with that didn't you ? # Yeah . # I've still got stacks of them in kitchen . # She got one . # You know like we got ? # Regal . # You know them that we got to send off for that , I got head bag and you got that ? # Well I s I were saying to Irene , I says did you ever get one ? # She says yeah I'm sure we did # I says well if you don't smoke them I says me and Maggie'll get them for you # I says she'll get Gary to collect them at work and that I says # and I'll ask you know # Dave and them to save for me again # I says and get yoursen summat . # Anyway er she rooted about in drawers yesterday and er # she found this booklet and it were like a cheque book # it's got the picture on but it's a cheque # please send me one blah blah whatever it is . # Anyway I were looking and I looked and I looked and I looked and I says well what cigarettes do you use for it ? # Cos it didn't but same # all prizes were the same but it didn't # Bloody cigar packets . # I said ooh we can't help you with them , I says I haven't the faintest idea of anybody that smokes them . # Cos she says don't you ? # I says no I says I don't know anybody at all . # So I couldn't help her there at all . # Do you just keep collecting it ? # Wouldn't bother . # I banged my finger on # Didn't half hurt . # Thought bloody hell . # It's a bus . # A bus . # Oh , she # Did he ? # Chuffing hell . # His speech is getting a lot better . # I thought that were that Brian now . # I don't know . # Can't see where they've gone . # Oh it looks like him . # He's looking at your house . # He's looking at your house . # Or is he looking at the bus ? # He's looking at the bus . # He walked up here , walked to your house , looked at the bus I don't know where'd he come from # And do you know that's only trouble with these nets # He has he's just parked car , walked up here , looked at bus and walked back again . # No , this one's driving a car . # He were looking at that bus . # Yeah , well it's , they've done nowt but look at it for last three month . # I like his registration . # Well he parked car there # walked up there right to your house , eyed bus up and then walked back again . # Your Bill nearly hit it other week he were telling me . # I should imagine they are from the council . # That was only a oner . # It sounded better . # And it won't ? # Mm . # I like leg . # I like leg . # Yeah . # I'm just debating whether to run in that kitchen and put that kettle on again , what do you reckon ? # That's alright then . # I'm not going in cupboard # everything's on top . # I'm gonna have to go and get some more milk . # Yeah , I'll nip this afternoon and get some . # Normally I er put a banana and a strawberry together to give it a different taste . # Oh yeah , pocket money . # Yeah # I know you do , that's next week's . # Yeah that's next week . # Yeah I put it in me pocket last night and I thought right I'll give her her two P and I bet your life she says what about other one . # So she's got loads . # She left twelve pence on floor and what ? # Well there are . # Twelve P . # What's sh what's Billy do , take her to shop ? # Yeah . # That's what I says to # does he do that on the way out ? # Ooh . # Not far to go . # Have to change tape . # It'll have more coughs and splutters and er traffic and everything on this side . # Well it's bound to be hot I've just made it . # I'm alright doing it in pencil . # Oh I don't know . # I've gotta ring anyway , nine sixteen # twenties thirties , forties . # No Irene's the eldest the crafty bleeder . # That's what I'm looking for , I'm hoping she's rubbed it out in pencil . # She scribbled it out . # She doesn't , she didn't mind taping or owt , she were pretending that # she said cos she were talking , she knew tape were still running and she were pretending to say that she didn't say I could do it but she did # erm what she were arguing with me about is her age . # Now she's sixty four # so she didn't want me to put sixty four down , but that's cheating # cos if you know the age you're supposed to put the age down # cos some people'll tell you and some people won't . # So I put sixty four down so well I didn't put sixty four , I put thirty plus thirty four # so that made sixty four . # So she jumped up , grabbed the pencil and everything , she got a screwdriver first ,I thought she were gonna stab me with screwdriver and she were looking for a pencil # erm but luckily she's rubbed it out with thingy so # I'm putting it back in . # . # So there . # Now it's back again , it says thirty plus thirty four . # She wanted me to put twenty one ! # I says get lost , I says that's cheating . # I put your age in . # Forty seven . # It's a good job I put forty two then innit ? # Have you already turned forty three ? # I thought you were forty well it were your birthday in September weren't it ? # You're forty four this year ? # Fifty , that's three year . # Sixty , seventy , eighty , ninety , that's forty three forty four this year . # If your birthday er I keep getting mixed up , it's your anniversary in February and it's your birthday in September . # So I'll have to change yours to forty three , I put forty two . # I forgot you've already had your birthday . # Oh I'll just put a plus sign at it . # I can try hard can't I ? # Plus one . # No I'll leave it at forty two . # I'm , got you only had your birthday three month ago . # Or somewhere around there . # I'm thinking it's your birthday tomorrow , and it's not it's your anniversary tomorrow . # September eighth . # And February the sixth . # Yeah . # So you'll have a right good anniversary tomorrow cos nobody'll be in . # Yeah more than likely . # I had a good anniversary . # Well I kept me own present , I stayed in bed half a day didn't I ? # You swore on my machine . # No . # It were goo that's good compared to some of them . # I says to her when she were leaving it , I says to her there's people that swear and that . # She says it don't matter . # And there's Fs and there's Bs . # It's Linda that Fs and Bs'd . # Steve swore . # Er and there's somebody else somebody else swearing . # Oh no it's not bad , I think it were er the first swear word I remember that went , went on it were wait a minute tape two , tape one ain't got none on that I know of . # Tape two has tape three has . # Tape two and tape three . # And this is tape four int it ? # There's a lot of people won't let you do it . # No . # I think they think you've got to have a conversation where you # talk about all what you talk about # but I don't , I stop it when you get there . # If they don't want # Yeah . # So I don't . # I'd've filled all twenty up now if they 'd 've all let me . # But you can't be doing that can you ? # If they got five tapes off everybody by the Christ they'll have some listening to do won't they ? # Cos what's four tapes ? # When I've finished this one I'll have one side left # ninety minutes a tape , that's an # hour and half , that's three , that's six hours . # Well I taped six hours . # Ninety minutes a tape , that makes six . # Do you know what I've just noticed ? # Cough . # Er watch that light , cough . # I were watching it , every time you cough it starts flashing . # Dinky ! # Steve keeps saying he were he says I'm having that tape recorder , I says you're not she's coming to take it back . # I'm gonna tell her I'm having that tape recorder , I says you're not , she's coming back for it on Friday . # I know , we've got that one . # We've got four Walkmans in here like it , there's one at top there , I think that's same as this one . # That one's a radio thingy , the one Steven's got's a , a radio thingy , this one isn't . # But what he likes about it is microphone . # That's what my brother's son did to his father . # I paid fi fifteen bleeding quid for that and I sai cos this year , I didn't know he'd done this cos he sits it like that # or clips it like that and you can't tell # anyway he give it to his father and , well I'd already bought the other one I'd # cos I says if he looks after it I'll buy him one with radio on as well # so I just paid that one with radio . # But I wish he'd stop nicking my bleeding torch , he's getting a swine for that . # I only got it back , you know when I got it back ? # No when batteries are dead . # I get all me torches back when battery's dead . # I got one with a big chunky battery , it should've lasted about six month to a year # a right good'un it were , our Arthur give me torch and I had to buy a battery , I paid about three pound odd for this battery # He did . # You've got it . # Exactly . # It'll be zip on his erm tracksuit . # I found jacket , did I tell you ? # I got jacket and bottom . # And some underwear . # I can't stick that . # I can't stick it . # Ooh no . # I got your Billy yesterday and I says oh do us a favour I says will you say owt , anything , just # tell us about breathing , no you're not getting my voice on that thing he says , I , I don't like hearing me voice and everything , and he threw it on the settee . # Oh we had a right laugh about it . # Couldn't stop laughing . # Me and your mam did one this morning , I had about twenty minutes left on it and she helped me finish it off # so I could swap tapes over . # Yeah . # I don't know . # Yeah , yeah and all that , bloody hell . # What have you been doing ? # Have you been to your mam's ? # The crafty get , she didn't give me one . # I've been over and she didn't give me one . # Yet she comes in here and eats me cakes and biscuits . # She had toast and tea this morning . # I stood in kitchen and I smothered this slice of toast and butter were just literally running off it and it were # all soggy and floppy # but we had to do that with her having a sore throat . # God . # I know , Steven's nicked all polish # and I had another one , you know one of them with sponges on ? # And he snapped sponge off end . # sat and got going like that # Couldn't stop laughing . # What's J J doing anyway ? # Gone to her mam's ? # Yeah . # Mm . # That that you got . # Yeah . # Your seventy odd ? # Mm . # Oh for baby ? # Yeah . # You what ! # Is that the one in # is that the one in pushchair where their feet are all covered up and # Oh yeah . # And you can put them in pushch er pram , sorry # Yeah . # Are you keeping that for all of them now ? # That's your special one ? # Good God . # Ah . # Bloody hell . # yeah . # Bloody hell ! # Did she get it ? # She'll have no money by then . # When's baby due ? # Ah . # Shame you couldn't have it for your birthday . # You're having your watch ? # Oh . # Sixty pound for a year ! # Bloody hell ! # Stephen's last him about six week . # If it starts going funny he takes the back off to have a look , no matter how much you pay for it . # He dismantles the lot , he's stupid . # I've got more straps and bloody cordless watches , everything , all over the place . # Cos Wayne give him one , he paid seventy quid for it and he dismantled that one in three week of having it . # Yeah it's in cupboard . # in cupboard . # My beloved's been in this cupboard and messed it all up . # I've got Sarah coming down this afternoon # Yeah she slept in for work again . # She's gonna get sack her by time she's finished . # She's more at home than she is at work . # Did I tell you she got her inheritance ? # Yeah she twenty one other week and # Four and a half thousand . # Yeah . # She's chuffed to death . # Only thing she weren't chuffed about is she couldn't cash cheque , it had to go all through bank and everything . # Oh you got her mine . # I were looking at that one # so I can take that middle'un off and get it to match . # That's what I were gonna do . # It's nice that . # Thirty # Twenty nine ninety nine . # Is it real gold ? # Nine carat gold . # Diamond set . # Good God . # Half eternity . # One two three three of one , four of other . # Oh it's nice that . # If it says diamonds they're real . # It's only cos they're chips # diamond chips , they'll be little tiny ones # smack in middle are they ? # Yeah I thought they are er smaller than that . # Ah there they are , there . # That's a diamond and sapphire just a bit bigger than yours # that one . # It's nice that , # There it is , I think that's it , twenty six , twenty six , twenty six , twenty si yeah that's it . # See that ? # That's erm erm er er Sarah's engagement ring . # Yeah she got engaged . # Couldn't remember if I told you . # Cos I says thirty odd quid , she says yeah they're on special # cos they're knock-down prices aren't they ? # And er she says that she didn't want summat expensive when she could be buying summat for kitchen , you know , like a microwave or summat like that . # So I don't blame her really . # I've buggered me alarm clock up . # I got mad because # it wouldn't set so I hit it and you know buttons ? # I went like that on top and I said bloody work ! # And all buttons went inside . # Steve looked at it , he said I think you'd better go to shop and buy yoursen a new one . # I don't know . # Sometimes they've got some in that book , they're in them leaflets . # Like Steve's . # Yeah . # It might be on one of them leaflet things , you know they make the leaflets ? # Might be on that . # But they've got some nice things in there . # I were looking for an alarm clock , I thought I better have a new one else I'm gonna start sleeping in for work . # But they're usually cheap in here but I want one that # plays music , I can't hear an alarm clock . # It's got to # Yeah . # Otherwise I can't get up . # Cos Steve always had to wake me up for work # and er then he decided to buy me a radio alarm for Christmas . # And it worked , I've heard it ever since till I hit it . # Haven't you done owt like this , things like this ? # Can't you have them sort of thing ? # ? # Did you ? # Oh cos ain't you got one summat like this ? # Didn't she have a two ring burner or summat like that ? # She got rid of it ? # Ah . # I thought you weren't supposed to have one of them ? # But you can have microwave ? # Can't you have a deep fat fryer and things like that ? # Oh . # Oh that's not a fire hazard , you can have it ? # They're cheaper in here I know . # Mm . # My # Ah . # so you can have microwaves , toaster , kettle # and things like that and that's about it . # Oh I were just wondering . # Can't find clocks . # Can't find bugger all . # Oh so they'll be round here somewhere then won't they ? # I just wondered how much they are cos that one that er just disintegrated on me , I got it from Britannia . # It's rubbish . # It's never worked proper # it sort of played about two or three minutes of music and then it went crrrkkkkkk for a few minutes , that's why I kept hitting it . # And then music , if you hit it , music come back on . # Stupid it were . # Have to have a proper look later , I can't find it . # Ah found one . # I says I can't find them , I found them . # Here we are # what's that one , number four , number four digital clock , mains operated , fast time , alarm set , snooze feature , battery back-up four ninety five . # That's not bad at all that . # Seven ninety nine . # Six ninety five . # Six ninety five and a six fifty . # Look . # I might have that little'un . # You can stick batteries in it , I prefer them with batteries . # At least if battery goes out # Yeah if electric goes off . # That was supposed to be battery back-up system , the one I threw on floor . # Cos I dismantled it and threw it on floor . # Tt I got right mad . # It's a good job I've got two . # So I shall have one of them I think . # Yeah . # There you are . # I'll turn this tape off now , let you listen to yoursen . # I'll have this one Ted . # Looks a good'un , futuristic one # Steve likes them . # Yeah please . # I've got , I , I had a rough idea of what he'd got and what he hadn't now . # I'm getting there . # I'm doing well so far , I haven't fetched one back have I ? # That must be good . # See a few of them , you know right at beginning where it shows you preface ? # That's where it's jumped , not on the film itself . # Ah we will do later cos # he uses cuts it all off and gets rid of it . # tight innit ? # Yeah . # Aye well that doesn't bother us . # Ta-ta . # shorts and so I thought right , clean or mucky , you're in the wash . # So , thought I'll get them all washed and put back in bedroom before he notices they're missing . # So that's what I did . # Now what we're on about yeah as I were on about , that er what I do is , with days like this , cos you can never guarantee if they're gonna be dry , wet or what , so I watch to see if it rains , if it don't they're virtually dry when I fetch them in . # So that's what I've been doing . # I don't know whose T-shirt's whose . # That one's mine . # So that's what I've been doing . # I fetch them all in , stick them on clothes horse , they're all round fire while I'm on lollipop and then nip to shop and when I come in within half an hour they were bone dry . # That's one way to do it innit ? # Fetch them in at half past three . # But if they're dry I just fold them up and put them away anyway . # I'm just transferring socks . # So , how come you managed to sleep in again ? # You were up ? # You didn't ? # Yeah . # So you thought nah I'm not going , I'm stopping at home . # Third time that's been in the washer since Christmas day . # And that's only cos last twice I've thinked of it . # I haven't the foggiest idea . # I don't keep track any more , I let him get on with it . # It's easier . # How come Dave's home ? # How come Dave's home ? # I thought you says he were working on them mate's car ? # Mate's car . # Oh . # Ah well that's not too bad . # It keeps him from getting bored . # Dunnit ? # Socks . # Oh I'm doing well , I've got one odd sock so far . # Brill . # Stephen # Oh he's gone back to J J . # I told you he went back to J J did I ? # Oh aye it don't bother me . # I give up on them . # I give up on them all . # I sent him to doctors . # He come in , his eye's right out here , and it's streaming with water and he says he's been to hospital , they dripped some water in it , washed it out must be mine that , what do you reckon ? # Oh . # I can never tell cos he pinches them all . # If it's a T- shirt it's his . # So he says . # Anyway it was streaming with water so er I told him to get down to doctors , he asked if , that's why I said oh Stephen's been back . # It must've been while I was stood up there . # And he's er what you called it ? # Er went to nurse so I lent him bike . # Well mine's got a visor and everything on it . # One of them comes right down there . # So Just airing these off . # That's what they're like when I fetch them in ,it's not bad is it ? # So I just air them off . # What you been doing all day ? # On knock ? # Not a thing ? # Not gobbing , nowt ? # You're having a right lazy day ? # Bet you get fed up with that job don't you ? # Oh # Yeah . # Yeah . # Oh yeah . # Is she a supervisor a chargehand or summat ? # At that age ? # No I bet you don't , I wouldn't neither . # Cor . # Are you in mucky end or other end ? # In between ? # Well that says a right lot that does . # All I know there's a mucky end and another end . # Oh well that's not bad . # They'll say every time she's on days she doesn't turn up . # Have you rung up already ? # Tt . # What you tell them ? # Slept in ? # Tt . # You'll have to remember what you've used . # Your grandma's dead four times . # Poor old grandma . # No . # Everybody does it . # You're not on your own . # I tell you summat I'm getting fed up because every time I don't feel absolutely great , and I go over there and say will you stand in for me , I don't feel well , I don't want to . # It was an arrangement we had I , I wouldn't phone in cos you have to wait three weeks for your wages if I phone in . # So I says I wouldn't phone in , I'd let you know and you could do it and I'll pay you myself , I don't mind , you know , losing a day's pay . # I said I'll pay you mysen . # So er she says yeah fair enough then she won't have to wait three week , cos it's only me that's losing , not her . # Anyway she's been going out on and off for quite a while now . # So I thought well I don't have to wait three weeks for mine so next time I don't feel great I'm gonna call in and take a couple of days off . # According to them I have had four weeks off in ten years . # That's it . # That's all I've had off . # No I'm lying , four weeks in nine years . # Er apparently they phone her up or summat and ask her if she'll go and stand in for other people and she turned round and says if I can't have this school I'm not doing any . # That's what she's been doing . # So # they've not , yeah , they've not phoned her up for God knows how long . # Irene's been doing it . # Cos Irene says give me a ring I says no , I says that's it , I said I've already made the arrangement once and it backfired I says so I'm not doing it no more . # I says when I'm not feeling well or slept in I says I'm gonna phone police station , I'm gonna go from there , see what they say . # Let them find somebody . # I says I'm not messing about no more . # Do you know everybody's had flu and God knows what and I can't catch it . # I had that at Christmas which made me bad all over Christmas right ? # And everybody , I says marvellous cos I can have some time off , , it's not fair . # I'm not having that , that's cheating . # If they can have some time off I can have some time off , fair's fair . # It dries right quick , it just takes that chill off # I ain't done nowt . # No she hasn't seen that one . # It must be on back . # It might be on that one you had upstairs . # Yeah . # We try hard . # I hear you're going on holiday with your mum and dad ? # He never talks when he reads . # Why are you going on holiday and leaving Sarah behind ? # How come it's her idea ? # So you've got to go ? # Tt . # Isn't it awful ? # If she gets up . # Oh aye you said you did didn't you ? # Do you want a cig ? # You smoke too much , do you want a cig ? # I'll be kind to you . # Oops . # You're a sado-masochist you . # Well if it don't stop you How old's your mum and dad ? # He don't know neither . # Well we come to that conclusion didn't we ? # Oh . # I thought your mum were older than your dad . # What time does she go to work ? # Bloody hell that's a long day . # Ooh how's she gonna get there ? # Can she drive ? # Oh I thought she went on bus . # Does your dad drive ? # Er yo your car she's using then ? # Oh you've got a car and a pick-up ? # And a bike ? # A little'un ? # No . # She don't want a big'un does she ? # Why's she want a Volvo , it's ginormous ! # Can you ? # Oh . # Tommy's next door a little red light keeps coming on . # A little red light . # A little red light as though he's got no oil but he has . # Mm . # They're prone for that ,little red lights . # Have you got a little red light ? # Yeah . # I thought you were a mechanic . # Well get rid of your little red light then ! # I've done it now . # What , to get rid of a little red light ? # Well I would do , I'd walk back for , me . # I'd say it's not on now . # His ears are getting old . # quiet . # You come to see me and sit there and say nowt . # What you been doing ? # Oh dear . # Where you been ? # Well you've got a right interesting life , you've got . # Cars , home and done owt . # Is that it ? # Full stop ? # Should go pub . # Should save up and take Sarah on holiday . # Thought you'd got one . # Sort of . # I was just telling Sarah Steve's written for another one # Sugar . # Sugar plants # Sugar # Yeah . # Doing owt else but that he wouldn't know what he's doing . # Stick owt electrical in his hand and he's cracked it . # Is that for you or for her ? # Well that's Optic Fibres . # Who's Bovril ? # Oh I thought you said Bovril . # Oh , where's Optic Fibres . # Is it ? # When it were foggy ? # Is it a longer or a shorter ? # Scarier ? # Scary . # I hate that road . # Just think there could be dead bodies in # What ? # Oh I couldn't walk through a wood on a night time . # No way . # Dead ? # Eh ? # Well no wonder you were chucking bricks at him , I would have done an'all . # Didn't you think he were dead ? # When you first found him ? # What did he do ? # You'd've been alright if it'd've been a mass murderer slept for years . # You never that one again . # If you'd've known then what you knew after you wouldn't've thought it were funny ,you'd've not been chucking nowt you'd've been off . # Bloody hell . # Did they get him ? # He should of bloody stayed # He tells fibs an'all . # Are you on a diet ? # Did I tell you Steve's car conked out last week , again ? # Yeah . # Points . # Yeah he had to put new points in . # Last night he had to put new plugs in , they were brand new before he crashed it weren't they ? # Could've been . # They refused point blank and he had to take it to another garage . # Yeah . # No i I phoned insurance up and told them what they'd said , cos I got Maggie to phone , it were Maggie that said , they told Maggie that they were gonna put a second hand wheel on and everything instead of a brand new one so she told insurance about it . # They went mad , they told us that we'd got to take it to National Tyres , took it there , twenty three pound fifty it cost us . # Tracking and balancing it , none of it were done . # They had to do the lot so they give us an invoice , we took it in to insurance and they're gonna write a cheque , deduct it off that thing # and send us the cheque back . # Cos they should've done it . # Yeah . # That twenty three pound odd what we had to pay , they said we should pay nothing . # Anything to do with the crash , we don't pay nothing for it . # So everything that we've got to pay out we invoice them # they deduct it and send us it . # And that's what we've been doing . # So it weren't bad , especially the money back . # You what ? # It's their own fault . # They should've made arrangements , we phoned up , asked them if we could take it in . # That were on Tuesday we phoned up . # What's the matter ? # Where you going ? # Go camping . # There's a trailer tent in garden . # There's a bed each . # You can either have a double bed or you can have a double bed each . # Yeah . # I said shall we tell you , I never said we were gonna tell you . # No . # Shall we ? # Do you wanna have a listen then ? # Go on then . # Here listen to this Dave # Apple pie ? # Yeah , it figures . # pie . # What , that new one ? # No ? # Well go like that then . # Ah I just wondered . # I can see that , they're dirty . # Oh , do you wear them or summat ? # we don't buy them for him . # If he can't afford to smoke he should not smoke . # If he can afford to smoke he should buy them himself . # Shouldn't he ? # See this time , weren't I clever ? # Ah . # Let me just go and get me erm # Well # Yeah . # Yeah . # I were supposed to tape twenty . # No you want it off me , that's the whole idea of it . # Yes ! # That's the whole idea # these for me . # These were one pound five # Five , six # Thirty I think . # Oh I don't know sixty , seventy , I don't know . # They're cheap # I know . # Oh it's boiled . # Sorry I'm miles away . # Got Dave . # Got Dave . # No he didn't know cos Sarah says not to tell him till we've done it . # He come to pick Sarah up . # She didn't go to work today . # Oh I'll tell you later why she's not been sort of I'll tell you in a bit . # Yeah er I told her all about it so she did some for me right ? # And she says to get Dave when he comes in , I says yeah but I'm supposed to tell people about it . # She says no don't tell him she says you told me , just do it she says and then when we stop it you can tell him . # Well he were killing his sides a laughing . # We were talking about cars and holidays and his mum and dad , ta , and I ke I says to Sarah shall I tell him ? # Give me that plate . # Yeah . # Well I thought you'd've ate them before now . # Won't fit ! # Oh I never think of putting them in that . # Anyway it takes more . # More stuff to put in . # What , what sorry ? # What about cheese and tomato ? # Oh that . # About conking out ? # Oh no . # Cos we were messing about . # He were killing his sides a laughing . # Cos I , I says to Sarah go on we'll have a listen to it and we stopped it anyway I says I'll t I'll take it off if you want , he says no leave it . # He says you crafty pair of sods he says , Sarah knew all about that didn't she ? # I says yeah I says she told me to do it , I says and then let you listen to it . # He says nah leave it , he says any case he says this thing you get he says now you've got my voice he says do I get some of it ? # I says no you don't . # You and that tape recorder ! # You can't have it . # Cos it don't belong to us . # It don't belong to her . # No does it heck . # It belongs to that company , that # All you want that tape for is cos it's got a microphone innit ? # Yours ain't got a microphone . # I thought yours were same make . # Ah that's got a radio on # Yeah . # I'll buy you one . # It depends where I can spend voucher , I'll buy you one with voucher , how's that ? # No it's not yours , it's got to go back on Friday . # This is five . # Twenty . # Well if they say no it's no that's it , there's not a lot you can do about it . # Once they say no that's it . # There's only you know people that come like and that that I have never said no to . # They were on once . # Apart from that Are you hungry ? # Bloody hell . # Well your tea's nearly ready , that's why I asked you . # Me ? # Alright . # Been shop and I treat you to summat . # What ? # What have I done now ? # That's short . # It was five hundred and odd last time . # It were . # It were . # Where's that envelope ? # It says five hundred and twenty summat on it . # It weren't thirty odd quid don't go in . # I've got your petrol money for tomorrow anyhow . # Cos you've got enough for today , tomorrow haven't you ? # Yeah # then straight to garage . # Oh . # Oh I'll have to give you a fiver . # Stick a fiver in . # I'll give you your pocket money and then you stick a fiver in and I'll give it you back . # I said then I'll give you it back . # Mm ? # And then we'll fiddle instead . # Where you going ? # What you doing ? # Why ? # that's mine . # I've been doing that . # Mm no I couldn't be bothered . # I usually empty them but I've been busy . # You're welcome . # I'll do it again tomorrow for you . # I've got a letter to do and I keep forgetting to do it . # It's just to that medical thing to say I don't want to . # It's not what I thought . # It's not what I thought at all . # No it's a # I thought it were one of them , you know when you go in hospital and you're off work and that ? # I thought it were one of them , watch what you're doing , I thought it were one of them but it's not . # It's not . # No . # No it's not # dropping it . # Ooh you've got one for yourself ? # Oh . # Do you want all this ? # I won't . # Ooh he's got all his fucking life that bugger , that's what this is . # Who's he supposed to know like . # He's erm Clapton . # So how come you were working with gaffer ? # Ain't you been outside like today then ? # All of you ? # Flipping hell . # There were an accident at top road today . # Yeah . # A young lass . # She were , she'd got a scooter bit similar to mine and she er were coming home and it were one of women from school actually one of women from school . # She picked four kids up and you know right at end here where it's that criss-cross ? # Well whether she never saw her indicating or owt but she pulled straight out at end straight into her crushed her legs . # Bike's perfect , nowt wrong with bike . # But lass is right bad . # They had a motorcycle cop er one of them Range Rover thingies erm an ambulance and somebody went and fetched a man . # She only lives in Hatfield . # And her that , I were watching , that hit her you'll never guess what she did ? # She must've left her statement , walked over to her car and she checked the car before she checked the four kids . # I were watching her do it . # I thought bloody hell you'd check your kids first . # Maggie only stopped about an hour this morning , she's not feeling well . # She hasn't got rid of it . # Bill told her to stop in bed this morning and he'd w he'd get her up when he come in at two o'clock this afternoon . # She wouldn't . # Only she's coughing that bad it's keeping him awake . # And that's why he says to sleep and then if she couldn't get to sleep she could like sit up tonight so he could get some sleep instead . # Fair enough not stop in bed but er stay in house , light fire and stay in # I know that by clock in kitchen . # It uses about twenty pence during night , not forty . # It's not Eric Clapton is it ? # Doesn't look like him . # I've seen him before . # I've heard name before but I don't know who he is cos I weren't watching it , I were upstairs , I've only just come Hey guess what ! # I got to bottom of washing basket . # And he can't spoil it . # Yeah . # I went in and got it all . # Got me torch and me pen . # Mhm . # Same place it usually is # Cadet uniform . # Anyway I were , I were talking to that lady and er she were on about you , and she says about putting your name # cos you're never here . # Anyway I get a twenty five pound voucher for doing it . # Mm . # But what I thought if you're going to leave and you're going in bed and breakfast , I've got that sandwich toaster , cos get your breakfast , bed and breakfast right ? # And then you get your dinner at college # and then I thought well er tt if you get this sandwich toaster I'll give you sandwich toaster , you can get egg , beans and all , bacon and all this crap and er we'll go from there . # Mm . # Mm . # Mm . # Mm . # oh shit . # Go in cupboard and get me another . # Yeah . # Oh look at that , I'm all wet . # Oh # I know but you've not been thinking of me . # You've not been thinking . # Ah . # Where is it ? # In your bag with your kit ! # I know I've seen it . # Where did you get it from ? # You're a thieving little get . # Do you know why ? # Hey whoa whoa ! # I paid you four ninety nine for Braddock # Yeah but I'm honest . # Because you went in our bedroom and nicked my torch , my torch which is on that table . # And do you know what you did ? # You nicked my bestest pen and nacked it . # I'll have you know I've got a full frigging set of it . # What Parker ? # What Parker ? # I remember you getting a pen and saying oh mam the ink's run out on it . # You can have it . # And nicked my pen . # Well that one # The blue one's your dad's , the black one's mine . # Fair enough . # Why do you nick mine . # Why do you nick my black one ? # And nack it . # They're in garage , I've seen them . # Aye and they keep going . # It's not victor book there , you can pick it up any time you want . # Are you gonna stop home or what ? # Ten o'clock , eleven o'clock , do what you want . # Can't you space it ? # Aren't your girlfriends good enough for that ? # College ten o'clock , eleven o'clock forget it . # Mm mm mm mm mm mm # You're at college right ? # At sixteen years old don't you think ten o'clock is good enough ? # Why ? # Don't when you think you're seventeen , eleven o'clock good enough ? # You're seventeen in nine weeks' time . # Your birthday's in May third week in May . # Oh that reminds me , remind , Aunty Margaret , it's her anniversary . # Eight and a half weeks . # And it's not good enough for # ten o'clock to eleven . # How old's your girlfriend ? # Don't you think she's supposed to be in cos if she were my daughter I'd slap her fucking daft . # In what ? # At what time ? # Yeah ! # Well you could be home for ten . # I don't give a monkey's shit , I work for the cops . # He's not much of a cop then is he ? # Did I tell you about accident at top tonight ? # Where do they live ? # No I'm not having that . # I'm not having that . # I'll smack her me bleeding sen . # I chuffing will . # No # Who ? # Sarah's gone hasn't she ? # What happened to all these girlfriends and this person that had phoned up on Stephen phoned up er it's Wednesday right , and Stephen phoned up Tuesday and twenty five to eleven and says can I talk to Stephen , says hang on a minute who is it ? # He says Steve I says oh eh up cock are you alright ? # Right ? # Aye anyway I says seeing's it's you I'll go and tell him and I come upstairs so I come downstairs and I says he's asleep , he says the idle get . # Yeah . # I'm still trying to find the conclusion , are you leaving or aren't you ? # I can get you to stay you know . # I can . # It's not funny . # Do you want to ? # You've got two weeks left haven't you ? # Do you want to stay or don't you ? # That's what I wanna know . # What you got in your hand , you ? # Batteries ! # You've nicked the fucking batteries you . # Do you know all these five tapes and everything , I never swore on these till I talk to you . # You nicked the friggers . # I'll tell that lady when she come . # She's two tapes short cos me son nicked them , he walked off with them . # You just may do before she comes for them . # Oh we're being kind , you're not , you nicked two and pissed off with them . # You see I can't understand you # cos you say you love me do you or don't you ? # Yeah . # Yeah . # Do you or don't you ? # No don't mess . # Are you stopping here or not ? # You see I say are you stopping here or are you not , does your dad ? # He will do . # If I know . # We could move . # We could move . # Oh don't be silly Steven . # I know . # What's Bessacarr got to do with it ? # Who's in Bessacarr ? # Mark who ? # Run upstairs on your windowsill , in the corner , cos I've seen it Stephen , go and get his number and while I'm thinking about it , go on . # Just go and get it . # Yeah she told Christie that I were going with her . # Oh I only just put number seven in there , surely . # I think I've mixed these buggers up . # I'm supposed to be on tape number six . # I'll have to t try that number seven . # Yeah so I got all me bits # Ah that's what I said , did you get ? # Oh he's never got any though has he ? # I took that one back . # It'd , I'd got this weird line on it one eighty nine I got this weird on it # and er I tried getting it off , anyway I thought I can't be bothered messing about with it # so I er what you call it , I took it back and I says er there's summat wrong with this one , I says it's got a line or whatever it is , I says I can't get it off . # So he says oh well fair enough then . # He says just put it over there he says and get yoursen another one so I picked that one up # we sat and watched it last night . # It's there # I got that one . # He says sometimes they do get rogue tapes or summat . # He's a good actor . # No Christie's got with me . # Apparently Alice had told her that I were going to town with them # but Sarah , as I says , I were sick last night # after me tea . # I were alright till I had me tea # and I'd got a bit of an headache , well I took two tablets and it had gone before Steve come in and er I had me tea and I w I went like that and I thought God almighty ! # And Steve says you got a pain ? # I says yeah , he says I've got one there an'all , he says I've had it on and off all day . # Anyway about we had tea about what , half seven ? # I think it were about half past seven , and then about an hour after it started . # He never said . # Yeah . # But that were nowt to do with it twenty four hours later . # It should've been first thing in morning if that would happen . # Yeah it were after I'd had summat to eat . # Anyway I says to Alice it's not fair getting in somebody's car feeling the way I feel I says and puking in car . # So she says no so I says so I'll # He went about twenty to nine . # I heard kettle and I thought he's still in house , him . # Which normally he's took off # Anyway he come up he says there's a cup of coffee there for you mum , and walked out . # I thought bloody hell . # So I thought # Oh you should've heard him other day , all Parker pens that are in this house are his he says # and that pen that he broke weren't mine it were his . # I says oh yeah , I says have you got the rest of them with it like ? # And he says oh no , I says no I says it's a full set so keep your bleeding hands off , he says well all rest in house are mine . # Got to add your name to that one . # No , I can leave your name off that . # I am on number six , I s I thought I were . # Reason they're mixed up he , he must've been in there messing about with them . # It's there , what it is it's on these pages # like this one that's playing now is side # A on number six tape # but I've just took number five out and put it back in box , cos it tells you number five , number three # and it tells you which one you're doing . # It's just that Stephen's been rooting about in boxes . # He's been nosy . # He were that nosey he's nicked all pens , everything . # I haven't got a pen ! # I've been filling it in # I've been filling it in in pencil . # So I don't usually fill it straight away anyway till I'm finished and but I always put the date like today's date . # No , can't even see a pencil . # He's got an answer from that sugar place . # Did I tell you Steve # wrote off for another job in ? # Oh well i somewhere ne I thought it were Scunthorpe but it's not Scunthorpe it's Newark it's up # And er it's summat sugar , I don't know what it is but it's electrician's job and he asked me to post that , when did I post that ? # Were it Monday ? # Did I post all them letters on Monday ? # Oh I know I've started accumulating again . # I always do , I always get about three or four letters and then end up posting them . # It's cos I can't be arsed to go for one stamp . # That's all it is . # I know there's two up there but one's free . # Do you ? # Oh it's summat about erm yeah it is you know erm where you vote for them union things I meant to ask you if they'd got a stamp # I got a letter from my er phantom writer # sent this home yesterday # and it goes apple pies or , great big line , wrapped round I think it's bread pudding . # Yeah apple pie or and a circle round bread pudding . # I says he gets bleeding worse him . # Please , it says please # Yeah . # lose eight pou eight pound in fourteen days # Oh it's give you breakfast for fourteen days . # It's yesterday's . # Yeah . # Yeah I know , I've got to get numbers as well , I ain't done them yet . # I'll do them when you're erm cos I meant to do them and I forgot all about it . # He's you know not talking to me now . # He no it's summat entirely different , cos I says he were being sarcastic and keep your mouth shut if you can't speak normal . # What was it ? # We watched that last night don't matter we watched that last night and he were chittering away about summat , I weren't taking a lot of notice # and then it finished and he always turns video off but he never turns telly off , so I turned the telly off # and he says you're not telling me you're coming to bed are you ?says well # that's what you normally do on a night time , he says oh so you're not sleeping on settee ? # I says if you can't think of nowt better to say just shut your mouth . # He says it every time I fall asleep on settee . # Every time . # Well I says to him , I says if you were that interested I says while I'm watching I says why don't you come and see , I says , give us a shake # but he never does . # And I thought no , I'm not playing . # So he wouldn't give me a kiss and he wouldn't say goodnight so I thought nah I'm not bothered . # He were tired anyway , minute his head hit pillow he started chuffing snoring . # Him and that snoring , it's driving me nuts . # I s # I snore when I get a cold . # And I'm getting it . # Can you tell ? # Slowly , but I'm getting it . # You've like half cleared ? # Mm . # I were telling you about that sugar place , we're doing it again . # Erm I only posted it , I'm sure I posted it Monday # cos he filled it in at weekend and I posted it Monday or Tuesday , one of them two # Anyway er he's got a reply this morning . # I don't know . # I've got to wait till half past seven tonight . # No I haven't I've got to wait till half past five , it's Friday int it ? # He got two six one this week . # One thousand one hundred . # Oh no , they've gone now . # This is start of a new one . # Get there at end of twenty eighth . # Tomorrow ? # Aye he mentioned it yesterday , working on # Saturdays and that . # Aye . # Well have you been reading in paper , what were I reading ? # Nicked nicked a full street . # No a street . # Erm Steve fetched Star as well yesterday # and I'm sure it said they'd nicked a full street in this one . # That Sun is getting ridiculous . # They get their teeth into summat and they do about ten pages on it . # So , and I'm sure it's this one , they nicked a street # You know you park ? # They nicked a full pavement . # I were reading # Yeah . # I don't know if it's erm tt a con cos it seems a bit unbelievable , nicking a street . # Yeah . # But they don't . # Cos it's all about Paddy Ashdown int it ? # I picked it up , I says to Steve who's Paddy Ashdown ? # He says you and your politics , I says that's right , me and my politics I says I don't think a lot of notice of them , me . # It don't matter what you read about , what you say , they're gonna do what they want anyway . # Yeah there's about just a minute # Too much ? # You're not kidding er page nine so far # Nine pages of same person . # Surely to God they can find summat better to write about ? # Like this woman who's won two million , eighty odd er how old is she ? # Sixty two . # She's comfy for life now , she can afford a operation on her hip . # Where is it ? # Do you know it annoys me , I know I've read it . # They nicked whole street , and I only read it last night . # It annoys me when I can't find it . # What , your cough or your run ? # Mm . # I can't find it . # and then you can have it . # I'll find it . # I'll do what I usually do . # Ah there's pencil ! # We have a pencil ! # Makes a bloody change . # No . # No cards neither by looks of it . # No . # I want Saturday paper , I get that on time anyway so it don't matter . # If I ever won # If . # I'd er oh I've got one out of pool numbers . # Wow # There's quite a few actually . # Two , four , six , eight , ten , eleven . # I've got two and it's Friday today . # It's summat to do . # Do you know I've had a blue pen , I've had a black pen and now I'm down to a bloody pencil . # Oh you'll not find a crayon in this house . # Everything , if it writes it's his for college . # Cos that's what he'll a done gone out and then come and pinched # It's not bad but he don't use them till they've run out he just uses them and leaves them laying about and come and takes some more . # I had a tin full of them . # Did he ? # Oh . # I couldn't get them any closer . # I've done it again . # Yeah you know what I've done , it's that er thing there well before I had it I used to put them on floor at side of ashtray , and now I leave it on settee and you know when I put me legs up , you know when you move over and watching telly ? # You end up sitting on it . # And I'm sure that's what's doing it . # It's about five I've done in in two days . # And I can't get these papers tight on these , they're stupid . # This one broke altogether this has . # Completely snapped it . # To give to Craig ? # Oh ! # Yeah . # I've got to collar him over weekend to see what he's doing . # I think he'll be a lot better anyway . # Well he likes it better there . # And he were always chirpy . # I don't think I heard him whinge once . # And he left your fridge alone . # And I bet he's been down to see ducks . # He would of done . # I couldn't get over it . # I still can't believe it actually . # Yeah he says that there were a right slanging match going off in town . # But I couldn't stop laughing , me . # Has he phoned up since he's gone ? # I were gonna say how was he doing . # He'll a took bairn out cos they'll of gone for extra funds , social and got , they'll be doing that at moment won't they ? # Avenue Road yeah . # Yeah , I know where you mean . # That should cheer them all up , down there . # Well he sleeps with them doesn't he ? # Mm . # Oh yeah . # Mm . # When does he get to know then ? # He's done it all right . # And that were the mistake he made last time . # Well actually she's wrote the letter she's signed everything and everything so # he can't say he's doing it wrong . # Wonder if her mother's been . # That's it . # Still nosey though aren't they ? # Mm . # Well I ain't seen her since erm # possibly Wednesday , well I told her I were going up Thursday or Friday so I might nip up this aft # I'll go get me cigs from # Kwik Save # so # I watched him fetch me coal this morning and made sure he filled the bleeding bag . # I still had to buy three . # I got about two left in bunker # and I bought three and I thought there should be five cos I didn't have a fire on Sunday at all and twice this week I haven't lit it till fi you know them four buckets # that I had in there ? # Well that were two days ago . # No it were day before , you said it Wednesday . # I said I had . # We didn't go in there yesterday did we ? # Cos I come back to your house . # You've just had them they're in your coat pocket . # No I've still got one of them left haven't touched the coal since . # So you can say from Wednesday till today there's all coal that was in the bunker plus what they put on top . # Sh I should have at least half a bunker left . # Mm . # Yeah if he gets an interview for this job he's taking day off to do it . # He says he is now because April's coming up . # Newark . # Other side of # Well it says Newark on front . # I says Scunnie but it's not Scunnie is it ? # I thought it were on past Worksop . # Flo didn't call last night . # She said she would . # I spoke to her on Wednesday , she seemed alright , never mentioned she were poorly . # I were talking to her for about half an hour . # And I says are you still working tomorrow ? # She says yeah she says I'll pop in for a quick cuppa . # Cos I boiled kettle at quarter to five cos normally she gets here about five # and I boiled it about quarter to five and I thought # She didn't come , no . # She's always doing that . # I thought ooh . # Well I think Sarah's gone to work , sounds like it cos she hasn't phoned and said owt . # I seen curtains open when I got up . # What time did you finally go to bed ? # Oh you only got up for a coffee ? # You look like I looked yesterday . # You look terrible . # I had that , like a tickle , it starts off # a tickle and you cough cough cough cough cough . # Oh mine's not it's a tickle . # Cos I can cough , you can't . # It's not doing anything ? # And then you choke ? # What time's Bill home today , half past twelve ? # He'll be home between twelve and half past then . # It only takes him twenty five minutes ? # Mm . # Oh tha so it's only half a day's ever ? # Is it only a thirty odd hour week ? # Steve's is . # Well if Steve goes for this interview he's working till , he'll not be in till half past eight because he says all that week he can gain four hours work because erm he's found out you don't have to finish after two hours , you can work as much you like , finish at ten o'clock at night if you want . # Well I says to him I says well make sure , well it's five past eight he'd get in instead of five past seven # cos all this week # I've done well with his tea . # I've been putting it out just as he's walked in , I said I'm getting good me at this tea . # He says aye you wait till I change shifts . # just talk about # Erm no little lad come for Avon money and everything from Alice but # he didn't , he give me it on Wednesday night and I should've give her it yesterday morning but she didn't get it till last night . # And she didn't fetch money till this morning , she didn't have her purse on her . # Darren and Sharon's . # Not far . # Not far , I've gotta get a birthday ca er tt that's you and birthday cards ! # Our Darren and Sharon's arguing again . # Sarah's seen Sharon in town she says how's things and she went and she says where's Darren , haven't seen him for three days . # I thought bloody hell they're at it again . # They were alright up to Christmas . # But then again I seen them # last week , they went past me in car , they were pipping and they were both together , she were driving . # He's been a good lad , he's not been driving . # Shane's bought himself another car . # A Metro . # And he's a bi big lad for a Metro int he ? # Paid six hundred . # On front ? # I think that's er # Colin's # Oh you mean out front here ? # I thought you meant on High Street , I've seen # no I've not seen that one then . # Well he's not bothered at moment , Gary , is he ? # Well that's it . # I've got some frozen chips . # I have . # Have you seen size of joints of meat down there ? # I got a chicken from there other day , I went for a joint of pork I thought oh I'll have a couple of them joints , fetch a couple back and er I says it's not Christmas now you know . # He says what you on about ? # I says look at size of these ! # You know that ginormous one I had ? # Well they're all still that size . # I don't know how much they are . # But you # Yeah well these are bigger . # It's like a top of # top of a leg ,i it's a lot bigger . # But # I thought well I'll pop down . # Oh aye that size . # I'm not buying Steven an Easter egg . # I don't know . # It's in April . # Well I'm giving him a tenner . # I thought why spend it all on chocolate because usually I buy about six or seven quid's worth of eggs , a mixture of eggs # and he ends up with Creme Eggs and then proper eggs and that and I thought that's just a waste of money at his age cos when Easter comes up , four weeks after he's seventeen . # Do you know I calculate , I went on to him other night and I says you've only nine week # then I turned round and says no you haven't you've got eight and a half weeks and he hasn't he's got twelve and a half . # Till he's seventeen . # You were married then weren't you ? # I thought you got married when you were sixteen ? # No . # Forty seven , forty eight , forty nine , fifty , fifty one , fifty two , fifty three , fifty four , fifty five , fifty six , fifty seven , fifty eight and when did you get married again ? # Sixty five . # Forty eight , forty nine , fifty , fifty one , fifty two , fifty three , fifty four , fifty five , fifty six , fifty seven , fifty eight , fifty nine , sixty , sixty one , sixty two sixty two you were fifteen # That's sixty four . # He were born in nineteen sixty four weren't he ? # Sixty six . # That makes you nineteen . # No that's right cos he were born in er # you had him when you were eighteen , he were born in June and you was nineteen in September weren't you ? # And it were sixty five you got married then ? # Sixteen month you'd been married . # That's a year and four month . # Sixteen month you'd been married . # Do you want another cuppa ? # Have you been picking ? # Have you just done that ? # I thought I were seeing things , blood . # Urgh first bit # first bit of blood I've seen all . # Cough it up . # It's all we've been doing innit ? # I'm surprised I haven't had any of it till now . # I've done ever so well . # But me luck don't hold out forever does it ? # Well that's what worri were upsetting you most weren't it ? # I know ! # Well you've got some colour at least this morning you did have . # That's one way to do it . # Have you seen Steve's fancy glasses ? # Come from work . # Weird aren't they . # They're them safety glasses . # It is it's there . # Yeah . # I says they're only sun glasses . # Yeah just Mirage or summat they're called . # Cos we were messing about with them other day when he fetched them in . # Cos I says put them on and let's have a look # he looked right stupid he did . # Hmm . # Thought bloody hell . # Look at this carpet , it's a bloody disgrace . # No I can't be bothered . # It's the thought of shampooing it that I can't be bothered about . # Ah . # I've got w I've got one . # I know why I've got one . # Other night we had bacon and egg and I didn't fancy it very much so I just had two slices of bacon and one egg and made a couple of sandwiches out of it . # But Steve always has two eggs . # Cos I thought bloody hell . # Toby enjoyed that ? # Did Bill go to sleep ? # How many cards did you get in end ? # Six or seven . # Did you get one off Steve ? # Oh you got one this time ? # Did he post it ? # Or bring it ? # He brought it . # Oh yeah I've seen that , it's nice that one . # I meant to ask him if he'd decided if he were getting married or not and I forgot all about it . # I was that busy trying to convince him that he had to er go to doctors cos I says what did they actually do ? # He says they lifted his eyelid up and just poured water in it and when they finished he says that he says # it was still there , it hadn't done # he says and then they didn't do nowt else . # I says you can't see like that you'll be walking in I says go on , get down to nurse . # And I convinced him to go to nurse , that's why he was so long . # I thought well he's better off going to nurse and then she'll get that magnifying glass and have a look . # It wouldn't've surprised me that that he could feel were an eyelash like mine was . # It is a mess . # All this side of his face were puffing up with it weren't it ? # I noticed the minute he come in . # He's got some stuff to put in it though hasn't he ? # Did they give him owt down at doctors ? # Oh . # See I were that busy # I never even noticed him come back cos I thought I'll leave back door unlocked and he come in and he put me hat and me keys down there , cos I noticed # cos I walked in somebody walked in with me don't know , and I says oh Stephen's been . # I know somebody walked in with me . # I can't remember who . # No I'd been to shop . # Oh it was Sarah . # Cos I went to shops for milk . # And she wanted to borrow a couple of videos . # So I lent her them . # Cos she says you wouldn't lend me none when I lived at Arthur's , I says no because every time I lent one at our Arthur's he swore black and blue it were his . # He was a swine for that . # complained how he says I've got one of his and I hadn't got it , it's Linda that had got it . # She went up with little lad and he were watching it and he says I wouldn't mind this , well Arthur says I'd al he'd already taped it off telly and so he says I'll tell you what you can have it if you give me a blank # tape back . # So he give it little lad . # Anyway because I were there with them you see he thought it were me that had got it and I says I haven't got it . # And then he said it were you that had got it , I says Maggie hasn't been . # Yeah . # Well somebody's been he says , I says it were Linda , I says with little'un , I says you give it young'un , he says I did didn't I ? # Well he remembers you and Irene # if I hadn't've said Linda # he would've said Irene next . # Cos you're only two that usually goes up with me . # Oh God two year ? # Is it two year ? # It's a couple a year ago . # Before you went on diet . # Yeah my earrings turned up I can't find cap . # There it is . # I'm going to go to our Albert's on Saturday . # Mm so I shall get up and go . # I'm going to get me pennies back . # Well they belong to Access card . # So I'll put it with it , that's hundred and forty . # My coalman turned up at twenty past eight this morning ! # Yeah at twenty past eight ! # Cos when he knocked on door and I thought oh I wonder if it's that parcel midi hi-fi system I'm # waiting for er that's what I thought it were . # And I opened door and he says coal love I says you're early aren't you ? # I says I'll have three . # We still haven't heard nowt about that bloody coal . # Not a thing and they said January , it's February now . # What date is it today , seventh ? # Yeah I were gonna write that in on this one I # Her what ? # They do that . # They're crackers . # Straight outside her house . # Be alright , start off with a pen and end up with a pencil . # I it writes . # Yeah . # But you got extra didn't you though ? # I know you said you were extra and then going to freezer shop or summat . # The more you get the more they eat ? # That's one way to do it . # Oh has he gone on to Matthew's now ? # Oh I didn't see them finished I only seen one . # Well it's bound to do int it ? # I wonder if she hasn't been down because she don't know if you know or not . # Gonna say she should do # Unless she's got a guilty conscience . # Thinks you might get on at her . # I know you won't . # She's daft as a brush when she starts thinking like that . # Cos Matthew ? # August , September December , January , February six er eighteen month old . # He did he said while I were there . # Yeah . # Mm . # I know but you know how she is . # Oh she'll tell me about it . # Well thingy has her baby in A er er April . # How long's she got ? # Eight weeks or six weeks ? # She have it middle ? # about six , seven week off don't you ? # I hope it's a girl . # I hope it's a girl . # What exactly the same ? # Yeah . # That's exactly what I were thinking . # I thought well he's got a couple of kids so he could do with a little girl . # It'd be spoilt rotten . # That'll keep him on his toes . # All his attitudes will change . # Course it'll be , it'll be alright . # Well she walked she walked by me in town and if I didn't know her better I wouldn't know she were pregnant . # I couldn't tell at all . # Whether it were coat she had on or not # I never noticed . # Oh bloody hell . # Is it that long ? # December # it were December , yeah . # Well you've heard her on phone , she's phoned you quite a few times . # You had a good day ? # Yeah . # Good . # You'd think you'd emigrated . # Yeah he's # I know I've heard him . # # And me bloody petrol gauge has been on half way along Scunnie Road . # little pump comes on , # pump . # anyway # probably get about three miles out er two or three miles of it before it runs out . # Yeah . # Steve's keeps doing that now . # Since he's worked down there , it never used to do it before . # First time I've had it , well second time innit # Yeah . # Oh . # Oh oh # Driving . # Digging out . # six o'clock to nine o'clock # else to dig out . # Could've left it until Saturday # No . # only one bloke there . # He got one other day . # We thought it were a new card or summat and it's not . # I had loads but since I ain't had none . # You got it same time as I got that one , that's last year's card that we've got . # It's a load of rubbish . # Yeah she's gonna forward that this aft she says . # I'll phone you from town , I says don't forget I'm on lollipop . # She's packing up I'm sure . # ? # Oh I gave Lloyd the coupons to give to Tommy , I hope he don't bloody forget . # If anybody does forg if anybody can forget it's Lloyd . # Me jeans dry ? # Steve comes home scruffy from this place . # Wait till the bloody summer comes and the dust starts blowing . # Are they sun glasses or your proper ones , your new ones ? # Proper ones . # They're new ones ? # No . # Gotta get them mended cos the erm whatsit's got in here screw hole # Oh # I've been meaning to ask and I keep forgetting . # I can't , need wear them all the time , gotta I never take them off now . # Do I ? # I never take them off , # Reading glasses . # Are you supposed to have two different pair like ? # One's long distance and reading . # said yeah he said we can do some long distance ones . # Go on I'll have them ones . # have the two like # oh they're weird them , Joan got some of them hasn't she ? # And she # Bifocals innit ? # They drove her nuts . # Took nearly a fortnight to realize that # like that , she were like Noddy . # next week now . # Nice . # Thank you . # No I ain't got you a pressie . # I got myself a pressie actually and I ain't bloody ate it yet . # I might eat the bugger now , look at that , I bet it's gone soft . # Been in pocket since nine o'clock . # No you can't have it . # Get off ! # Swine . # Billy , yeah ? # We're not on C B . # Oh . # Well he come up last Friday but you weren't in . # Weren't we ? # No . # I knew you'd gone # Oh . # I knew you'd gone to bank but Maggie never said you were going to Nettos # tell him where you were . # It were about twoish . # Think it were about two . # Oh well I'm gonna watch me Home and Away and nip downstair # Oh alright then . # I want hundred . # I've got er # I've gotta get another one but I can get that from anyway , that's # Yeah . # What's that then ? # They don't sell them . # They do . # What , Nettos ? # Who ain't ? # Why ? # We always go in Nettos . # So there . # I'll go down # It's cheaper for dog food . # It is , it's a lot cheaper . # Well she a lot cheaper and she fills the bloody basket up . # She never does up there . # You can't afford it up there . # It's gone . # What's gone ? # Where's me ashtray gone out the hole ? # What ? # You're the only one you don't use them . # You only use them when Kath's here . # that bloody last night # It was you , you were sitting there . # Did you wanna get up and get an ashtray ? # Fifty five . # No . # Yeah . # Yeah it's a lot cheaper there . # Forty four . # Oh our Mike prefers his dry stuff . # And his bones . # Bones and his # I thought he'd gone off it but I got wrong bag . # There's three different kinds , one with # a right lot of cereal # er there's one that the dog has # and there's this other one , well I went in shop , well I always get him to deliver it # and I went in shop I said a sack of dog food I said German Shepherd and got it home and I thought this looks different , it were ginormous chunk things in it and he were going ptew , ptew and they were all over garden # I don't know what it were , it were like great big bits of gristle or whatever it is but it were hard . # You know when you stew it # and it soft it wouldn't soften up , it stayed hard and they were all over garden . # He didn't want that . # So I went in and told them and they'd given me wrong sack . # I don't . # It's cheap there . # Well it's not my fault . # Only a little bloody thing as it was . # Well not , somebody else could've ate it , there was a piece in the fridge for three days . # I did cos I thought well if nobody else was eating it , I might as well eat it . # I like apple pies an'all . # I know you must . # You didn't listen to me when I keep telling you . # Is it ? # Aye I've seen it on shelf , yeah . # Yeah . # I've seen it . # That's Donny ? # Hatfield . # I bought two Radox and got a free one . # Never even had a bloody bath in it . # Oh not me . # I don't get to use it in our house neither . # Put it on windowsill and I think ooh on a Friday I like using it , I think I'll go and get a bath and you pick box up , it's empty . # Always . # Pine . # Pine , yeah . # That's nice that one . # It's with Steve getting a bath every day and Stephen , both of them's nicked it . # You still doing that ? # more money . # Oh . # It was nine point seven yesterday . # Well Saturday is your worst day cos we have telly on till twelve o'clock at night . # Yeah . # A day ? # Is that including your heater ? # Er n what heater ? # Yeah well # that bugger . # I've had # It's alright for ha put it on for half hour maybe , you know , but you forget it # you forget it and it stays on four bloody days . # Yeah . # And that's no good . # Costs too much that . # What I'll do is get a little light run down then you can see # Yeah . # if light's on then you can tell oh immersion's on . # Instead of going upstairs all the bloody time to look . # Yeah ours is in airing , you've got to bend down and look at it to see if light's on . # It's stupid . # Yeah that's okay like when summer time comes and you don't want a fire # cos you're saving on the coal then we're you know # Didn't you tell him ? # What ? # coalman in street . # That Ken fella the coalman . # He were parked up there well every coalman I've pulled him about this coke stuff and I'd seen him other day and I pulled him , explained that I were going over on April first # Mm . # how much it is and he starts at five pound a bag . # Oh we'll have his then . # Yeah Ken he's called . # Er today . # Friday weren't it ? # cos a man called and I caught him instead . # So it's in a minute I should see him # At a fiver ! # You pay five twenty five for that bloody # coke . # It's not April yet . # You can see what it looks like . # You've got to remember , you know when your fire's lit ? # I don't want to see what it looks like . # You know when your fire's lit ? # Yeah . # Once it's lit with that stuff you're supposed to shut your bottom all tight . # Waste of time with ours , it wants bloody cementing in . # Well it wants a new grate . # Well it's not the grate , it's the I think when we've cemented it together it wants a bigger fireplace for that # Yeah . # for that boiler # Eighteen inch . # Well that's a fourteen inch grate , fire a fourteen inch grate but you've got the gap all round it like so I thought eighteen inch . # I went to bloke there didn't I ? # At er Wingfield Road and I said to them , I mentioned to them # fourteen inch that way . # He says that's what you want but I said yeah but there ain't no bloody fit I reckon it ought to be them on legs maybe . # Yeah , could be . # You know # Have you tried a sixteen ? # Wonder if we've still got ours . # I'll have a root in garage cos ours , you know when we had ours ripped out , Steve stuffs everything in garage and shed , and it had legs on , I'll have a look , that's a sixteen inch . # See if I can find it . # Yeah we went from sixteen to eighteen . # What's that ? # What's that ? # Fourteen or sixteen ? # Mine's ginormous . # Costs a fortune . # I just got me coal and I was looking solvent and I've only got so many weeks and I've got to empty the stupid thing again . # I shouldn't bother I should just carry on chucking a bit on here and there same as everybody does , I can't see many buggers go for that bloody eight pound a bag . # Ooh I can't . # Briquettes . # They're called briquettes . # Yeah briquettes . # Yeah , five pound a bag . # It ranges from five to eight pound fifty . # Briquettes who's are they , briquettes ? # It looks like coal . # Er # How much how much did I tell you them briquettes were ? # Yeah . # Yeah # yeah I told you a couple of weeks ago . # Geoff were telling me # I can remember you telling her . # coalman ? # I don't know , all I know is # Geoff was on about getting briquettes he said which were ever so cheap . # I asked him er about them and he says his mate always uses them and he says they're right good . # Yeah , they burn like hell do they ? # Yeah . # Erm # If you've got any left in top you use it to light again . # Yeah Geoff was saying something , bloody hell make it last longer cos I was telling you I says ooh not Coalite it's briquettes he said # Yeah . # but I don't know if that was five pound a bag , I think that was cheaper than five pound a bag . # Ooh . # Cos every time I spot a coalman I pull them . # Stop smoking then . # Told you last night smoked like hell yesterday afternoon , she coughed her bloody heart up last night . # Yeah . # She's done the same again now . # You better sleep down here I tell you . # I will . # I think he's tired . # I've never noticed . # It weren't no cheaper if they did were it ? # Garage is as cheap as anybody here for fags . # I reckon they must be buying them knocked off . # Well everybody else is four forty six for half ounce of Old Virginia . # Her's is one forty two innit ? # Yeah has always been cheaper . # How come the garage sells it cheaper ? # Well they buy it in bulk don't they ? # Gateways must do , places like that but # Well theirs are cheap . # Only one # Yeah but # I paid for mine . # yeah , not as cheap as garage . # It were . # Course the garage has gone up then . # All cigs in garage has gone up . # Have they ? # They went up other week didn't they ? # I haven't been there for oh I'm always going down there for petrol now . # Well I've gotta fill tank up again now . # It don't last for long . # Oh dear . # I did well , I had hundred pound in me purse last night till Steve says can I have me pocket money and can I have me petrol and can I have this and I paid for coal and I've got forty . # I thought God I haven't even got shopping yet . # Then Access arrived , I thought bloody hell . # I didn't fetch money for it . # I only want cigs and # I got mine on Monday didn't I ? # She couldn't believe it . # She had a panic . # No . # Yeah . # So I got it off Maggie and I went and got yours back , fetched it back over didn't I ? # I've never heard of not being able to pay by , you can't , it was cheque , Access , nowt . # Well it says on there , big notices that shows you # Oh I've never noticed . # that's why they keep the price low . # I didn't notice that before . # Cos every cheque they get and gotta put in it costs them money . # Oh . # So just cash and it's like a cash and carry innit ? # It is yeah . # Cheap er cheaper stuff . # Well them dog biscuits , they're only a pound . # One forty six I paid # Where did I get them other ones from then ? # Gateways , one forty six . # Well I got me shopping and it cost me forty summat one . # No it's not Gateways , them two tins ,no . # One forty six them other things , and he don't like them . # Well he's not that struck on them . # Well he ate them mix the gravy in with the meat steak # You always say that and er and you don't . # Starve . # No . # He sleeps all day now though . # He sleeps all day now doesn't he ? # Sleeps all day sleeps all bloody night , worse than a cat . # Yeah ? # Oh . # It's alright , he'll sleep with you next week won't he ? # And then starts getting used to me coming back on days nex week after then . # He don't does he ? # bed you see , get used to it , and when I come in in the morning and try and chuck him off well he normally comes down like but when I bloody go to go to bed with you , that'll be it cos he'll be straight there again . # Does he ? # Yeah . # I never see him move so fast , the other night or the other week weren't it ? # I was at the wardrobe , I'd just took me trousers off and the bloody door flew open and I turned round , he was on the bed ! # That bloody quick he # Oh he pretends to . # You can tell when he's awake , his ears are straight up listening to everything you say . # I think I'll go fishing Sunday . # I'm not going if you come up . # ? # Fishing . # Where am I going ? # Where am I going ? # I'm going anyway . # I'll tell you . # I'm going . # Mm . # Eh ? # Of course it's still fishing season . # It's only February # licence yet , fishing . # No they ran out hadn't they ? # Not yet . # Ran out of what ? # in March and one for an hour . # Oh yeah . # Cos I were looking at Steve's . # Trent Yorkshire . # You know twin rivers ? # Yeah . # When bailiff comes round you've gotta pay for fishing . # Yes er a pound is it or what ? # Pound fifty I think it is . # Day ticket ? # Yeah . # Mm . # Because somebody else has took over . # Where do you go , twin rivers Crowle ? # Scunnie Road . # Yeah , Crowle roundabout ? # Yeah . # bloody cars parked there all the time , early in the morning they're parked there . # Yeah ? # Where it says cars on that bloody little green bit # Yeah . # there . # They've made a er # when you go down Gainsborough Road innit ? # Yeah . # Like a car parking space . # Yeah a few get there . # Ooh I don't know . # Gotta get there early to bloody get your , you couldn't bloody park your car there I shouldn't think . # Mm . # He's been up . # Yeah I've seen at six o'clock in the morning going there , fishing nights . # There's a lot , we went night fishing and it were packed there were loads . # Well it must be doing well then . # Eh ? # Ah if they've got any just fetch us a couple . # Oh # Oh I ain't going yet . # Your cupboard looks like my drawers . # Bill . # Yeah . # I found veg . # Found what ? # bloody sweet papers . # They're yours . # How come ? # Oh they just come out ? # No I'll get one when I go down the road . # Where's the light bill ? # the light things what you pay the light bills with . # ? # Oh I didn't know you could . # There's more bloody letters here for Steven than any bugger else's . # He should be hearing something soon shouldn't he ? # Last one , December the twenty seventh . # December the twenty seventh ? # That's a spare one . # put it down , can't find it . # I put that er I couldn't find that cheque book for love nor money . # No I wanted two didn't I ? # I could only find one , so # No I looked , that were empty . # So anyway I cancelled that one and I got another one this morning . # They sent me another out and I thought oh right , but if I find it I've to let them know , either give them it back or # tell them I've found it and they'll take the cancel thing off and # I can use it but I've gotta find it first # but they'll keep sending me one till I've found the other . # Talking to Joan this morning . # She just wondered if we were going down . # I says I've already told you about it , she says yeah I know she says but you're going for some petrol tonight , I just wondered if you were coming up for an hour tonight . # Says yeah alright I says we'll call in for an hour . # And she says oh well you're not coming tomorrow , she says how about us coming to your house tomorrow ? # I says well it's up to you . #