Leading scriptwriters were asked to create a daring new PC reality show - and have they come up with a hit!
The world of transgender celebrity was rocked to its core this week by news that high-profile reality TV star Group Captain Catelyn McJenner had stormed out of her latest hit show, Australian of the Year, after she didn't win it.
Wearing a stunning Versace azure polka dot frock and $10,000 handcrafted pearl necklace, the glitzy Group Captain angrily denounced the show's organisers for having awarded the prize to her former boss, Lieutenant-General David Kardashian, who attended the lavish, star-studded ceremony wearing a grey jacket, beige trousers, blue shirt from Lowes and $29.95 red checked tie. 
Despite vehement denials from both, er, camps that their relationship remains firmly intact, Fin Gossip understands the pair can barely stand the sight of each other and haven't spoken for years.
Group Captain McJenner, a stunning blonde from the beautiful Queensland town of Duntroon, was regarded as a Manolo Blahnik shoe-in for the starring role of Australian of the Year, thanks to her unflinching devotion to incessantly promoting herself.
Says one insider: "This is the final straw for Catelyn. After all, she was the one who wrote that bloody speech in the first place - you know, the one with that great line about 'the standard you ponce on by is the standard you accept'. Yet David was the one who became the social media star and got all the glory and all the great tweets out of it - which was bad enough - but now this! It's enough to make you want to scratch his eyes out!"
A spokesperson for Lieutenant-General Kardashian admitted that the celebrity general was currently undergoing extensive surgery to change his skin pigmentation and cultural orientation from repulsive anglo-saxon middle-aged white male to something far, far sexier. "David now identifies as a cool, hip, media-savvy, chardonnay-swilling member of the progressive elite."
Meanwhile, health authorities in Australia were put on high alert this week following fears of an epidemic of the deadly PCika virus. The airborne virus, which has swept out of Lake Burley Griffin and now threatens to infect the entire nation, limits brain development in normal healthy adults, crippling them with severe political correctness. Scientists admit they are clueless as to how to stop the spread of the virus, with a severe outbreak having been reported as recently as Australia Day.
"One moment, this ordinary bloke was just your average retired army chief," said one frustrated health worker, "but on Tuesday, midway through the Australian of the Year ceremony, he took a sudden turn for the worse and started frothing at the mouth and spewing all this PC bile about gender equality, racial heritage, sexual orientation and Islamophobia - and then, just when we thought he couldn't get any worse, he starts vomiting up the whole republican stuff. It was grotesque. Nobody knew where to look."
The man was rushed to intensive care, but was pronounced President of the Republic on arrival by a man who was forced to cover his forehead in a red bandana.
Authorities believe that the PCika virus shrinks those parts of the brain normally associated with sound decision-making and pragmatic problem-solving skills, while inflaming those parts of the frontal lobes associated with self-importance and sanctimoniousness. Sufferers of the disease begin to exhibit extreme signs of confusion, often unsure even of what sex they are.
The origins of this latest outbreak of the PCika virus are unknown, although one Canberra medical expert pinpoints mid-  September 2015 as to when he first noticed patients on the shores of Lake Burley Griffin stumbling around in a daze exhibiting extreme symptoms.
"The virus loves nothing more than the confined, cramped and fetid environment of a closed parliamentary party room spill to really take off. In one case, 98 normal people went into the room and 54 came out infected. Their brains had turned to mush. They'll never be sane again."
In other celebrity news this week, a Queensland megastar and former captain of the Labor Party behaved disgracefully at an Australia Day bash, where he got completely trashed and was filmed behaving in a lewd and obscene fashion. Said one horrified onlooker: "Kevin was completely out of it. First he tried to crack on to Ban-Ki Moon, then he got a bit too friendly with Hillary's leg, and finally he starts yelling at everyone that he wants to be the next secretary-general of the UN. It was revolting."
Others, however, have condoned his poor behaviour. Said one admirer, who would only give her name as "Julie": "If Kevin wants to be secretary-general of the UN, that's fine by me. In fact, I'll support him all the way. After all, it sets a healthy precedent for ex-foreign ministers who want a really cushy job in retirement."
Twitter @rowandean