IF BARNABY Joyce, a former country accountant turned Deputy Prime Minister, decides to try another new career, he could turn his hand to writing zingers - those pointed witty remarks which are the bread and butter of any good comedy show. 
Mr Joyce, also the Agriculture Minister, evoked the terrifying serial killer Hannibal Lecter yesterday after head Pirate of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp, described the Member for New England's ruddy complexion as appearing to be "inbred with a tomato" on a US talk show.
Without missing a beat, Mr Joyce contributed to the international banter, the latest instalment of last year's infamous Pistol and Boo deportation, calling himself Depp's Lector: "I'm inside his head. I'm pulling little strings and pulling little levers." To recap: the former Hollywood heart-throb's second wife, actor Amber Heard, failed to declare the couple's two dogs, contravening Australia's strict and necessary biosecurity laws. Part of the penalty imposed on Heard was a now notorious apology video.When Depp questioned what threat foreign teacup yorkshire terriers could do to a country full of "poisonous creatures", he showed how insulated some Hollywood stars are from the real world. The internet judged Mr Joyce to be the winner, both in law and in comebacks. Don't worry, Barnaby, Australia's got your back on this one.