on the day of the funeral I had to be awoken at seven a.m in order to arrive punctually at the church . several streets in the vicinity had been closed by police . they feared a repetition of the extravagant scenes that had occurred when Valentino &apos;s embalmed body was laid out in full evening dress for the public to visit . thousands had thronged Broadway . children had been separated from their parents , scores of people bruised and trampled . several police charges were made . plate-glass windows were shattered by the pressure of the crowd . finally the mortuary doors had to be closed . fortunately on the morning of the funeral everything was quiet . I arrived safely at the little church around the corner . Ben Lyon was in charge of the ushers . we had little to do as the church filled so quickly . at the last minute Pola Negri arrived dressed from head to toe in black . she was followed by two florists carrying an enormous blanket of white violets . in purple violets was inscribed the message : with love from Pola . this tribute was placed upon the coffin , almost hiding it from view . the coffin in question was a prodigious , ornate affair of bronze . outweighing its occupant by some 500 lb , it had cost $10,000 . the spectators were upset by the outsize wreath . on all sides audible whispers of protest broke out : we can n&apos;t see the casket . the service was beautiful . augmented by the chorus of the metropolitan opera company , the choir was led by the singing of Benjamino Gigli , then at the height of his power . sobs could be heard over the entire church as the eight bearers carried the casket from the altar . as they made their way down the aisle , a young girl sprang from her seat , throwing herself in front of them . when they were almost at the door , the interruption was repeated - this time by a little man , prostrating himself with a cry of I loved him more than anybody . a pathetic , jarring tribute to Valentino &apos;s extraordinary universal popularity . as an usher I was unable to sit with my wife . as I was slowly making my way out of the church Mr Frank Campbell , owner of the famous Campbell &apos;s funeral parlour which had handled all the arrangements , sent a message asking me to meet him . your wife has expressed a desire to see the gold room where Valentino lay in state . would you care to accompany us ? by that time having had my fill of flowers , crowds , mourning , and music , I replied rather tersely that that was the last thing I wanted to do . if Madam wants me for anything important , I shall be lying in state myself - at the racquet club . I had just finished my third martini when I was summoned to the telephone by Mr Campbell . there has been a most unfortunate accident &amp;hellip; regrettable piece of carelessness on the part of my staff - what happened ? I interrupted , anxiously . on throwing open the doors of the gold room for your wife , which automatically turned on the lights , we came upon the naked embalmed body of a man lying on the floor . he was awaiting the assistant &apos;s return from lunch . not altogether surprisingly , my wife had fainted . Mr Campbell wanted to know what I was going to do about the matter ? I explained that I was hardly in a position to do anything at all . my wife , you say , is in the gold room . I am here at the racquet club . several miles separated us . are you still there , Campbell ? tell her that when she is well enough to join me , she &apos;ll find me patiently waiting for her at the bar . though this was not exactly the last we saw of each other , it was a definite prelude to our parting , when Constance decided to go alone to the coast while I returned to Scotland . 12 . the Embassy club venture . our divorce . Embassy club syndicate . Luigi , Ralph , Peto . back to America . the Tucker car . Queen Mary &apos;s dolls &apos; house . my father &apos;s retirement . the episode of our marriage was ending , as it were , by mutual agreement , but the statutory requirements of British divorce in that period demanded adultery . the evidence I set about supplying . this proved more difficult than anticipated . however , my friend Wilfred Egerton assured me it was really no problem at all , despite the lack of a prospective co-respondent . I &apos;ve just the girl for the job , he said , charming and attractive . the following Saturday afternoon I hired a Daimler with chauffeur , despatching them to the lady &apos;s address . from there they were to call for me at the club and we would set off for our transitory liaison . the car was on time . nimbly I nipped down the steps of White &apos;s , only to stop dead in my tracks at a glimpse of the lady . no ! with her it would be quite impossible ! taking a deep breath and summoning my politest manner , I opened the car door , explaining that I was unavoidably detained . would she mind returning in about a quarter of an hour ? dashing back into the club , I searched out Rod Wanamaker , who fortunately was there at the time . explaining that Wilfred had landed me with a woman of whom I could not stand even the sight , I begged Rod to come as well . I can n&apos;t bear it alone ! he responded to my cry for help . the pair of us spent the night in our sitting-room playing backgammon while the lady languished alone next door . for the purpose of evidence I put in a pyjamaed appearance at breakfast , when the waiter took due notice . leaving an adequate sum on the sitting-room mantelpiece plus a railway ticket for her return to London , Rod and I caught the next train back to town . Wilfred told me of the lady &apos;s subsequent comments over the telephone . she asked why she had been sent on the trip at all . I do n&apos;t think your friend Mackintosh knows a woman when he sees one . him and his boy-friend , they ought to be locked up ! that being as it were that , it is not necessary here for me to say anything further , except that the divorce went through and my marriage to Constance ended without rancour upon either side . indeed , we have remained very good friends . she is still very much alive and married to Walter Giblin , living in New York . probably I was too much of an individualist to make a success as a star &apos;s husband . whatever the reasons , which after all concerned only ourselves , it was a romantic experience I shall never regret &amp;hellip; . being once more footloose and fancy free in London , I began to search round for a fresh interest . this was to be the Embassy club . there will never again be a club like it . it was a Bond Street annexe to Ascot &apos;s royal enclosure , as famous in its day as the 21 club in New York , le jardin de ma soeur in Paris , and the Everglade &apos;s in Palm Beach . in one way or another the Embassy featured in all my old friend Michael Arlen &apos;s earlier novels . when his famous the green hat appeared , at one single lunchtime at the Embassy there were no less than five ladies in chapeaux verts , doubtless anxious to be believed the inspiration of Iris Fenwick . quite as successful as the book was the play of the same title which opened on September 2nd , 1925 , starring Tallulah Bankhead . though the Embassy was open for lunch it was usually described as a night-club . unlike its forerunners it was eminently respectable . of course there were ladies whose reputations may have disturbed certain matrons , but the said ladies had an elegance which added lustre to the establishment . how did I come to be connected with the Embassy club ? one Bob Hornby suggested Wilfred Egerton , myself , and some others taking over the 400 club in Bond Street . it was being run by Arthur Kelly , Charles Chaplin &apos;s London agent , who was finding the two assignments over-much for one man . accordingly we formed a syndicate to buy the place , decorating it in conservative style . admission price was low ; so was the annual subscription . success became instantaneous . we renamed it the Embassy to suggest luxury . a great asset was that one went from the street straight into the restaurant with its dance floor , surrounded by comfortable banquette tables . the bar downstairs was always crowded . the real success of the place was due to the ma&amp;icirc;tre d&apos;hotel , Luigi Naintre . he had long been in charge of Romano &apos;s and the Criterion . he came as managing director , our largest shareholder . he was far more than just a restaurant manager ; he was an ambassador , a man of astonishing ability and tact . another notable feature was the music provided by Ambrose , who was at the height of his fame . from the prestige angle the club was helped by the frequent visits of the Prince of Wales and his brothers , the Dukes of York and Kent . it was , I think , the first night-club to be frequented by royalty . we had a subsidiary company called the Embassy wine and spirit company , supplying both the club and the public . Luigi &apos;s aptitude may best be illustrated by the following anecdote . I was dining in the club when Lord Sefton and his son , Hugh , came in and sat at the opposite end of the room . Luigi talked to them while taking their order for dinner . when he came back to my table he said : you will be glad to hear that I have just sold &amp;pound;10,000 worth of champagne to his lordship . how indefatigable Luigi was ! he would leave for home at two in the morning , rise again at five , in order to go to market and choose everything himself . twelve-thirty would find him back at the club , suave , debonair , ready for the busy lunchtime session . Embassy shareholders made a hundred per cent annual profit over a period of some five years . we only sold out when compelled to do so by Luigi &apos;s death . this was an occasion of great sorrow for us . his was an impressive funeral at St Anne &apos;s , Soho . thousands from every sphere of life attended , and five Daimlers were required to carry the flowers from the church to the cemetery . our club chef had a particular reputation for the way in which he cooked Gefu&quot;lter fish - a Jewish dish , mixture of chopped whiting , herring , halibut , cod , and mackerel , mixed with egg and breadcrumbs . so much did one American , Jefferson Cohn , appreciate this dish that when he was over in Paris he would have Gefu&quot;lter fish flown over to him every Saturday ! before finishing with the Embassy club let me say a few words about one of our most eccentric members , Ralph Peto . he came in one morning before lunch with a polo boot on one foot and a slipper on the other . had he been unable to make up his sartorial mind or merely forgotten to put on the second boot ? he talked to a horse-coper in the club bar . Ralph Peto owed the man &amp;pound;5000 already and was abusively demanding an additional &amp;pound;500 . his language was not merely explosive , it was obscene . Wilfred Egerton rebuked him mildly : please , Ralph , do n&apos;t talk like that . I can n&apos;t bear dirt . Ralph bowed and apologized , only to come out with an appallingly personal comment that so scared its recipient , a young lady , that she left her cocktail untouched . it is recorded also that in some outburst of domestic tension Ralph burned all his mother-in-law &apos;s clothes in the middle of Manchester Square garden . another time when an invitation to dinner with the Princess Polignac at her palace in Venice was not forthcoming , he jumped into a gondola . while the gondolier was delivering Ralph &apos;s letter of indignation , Ralph went to the Princess &apos;s kitchen , dismembered the stove with a coal-hammer and threw the dinner into the Grand Canal . the Embassy club was by no means my sole adventure in property dealings . always they have fascinated me . I longed , for instance , to buy the Ritz Hotel . 