the toothache . toothache on top of all this was too much . he had always taken great care of his teeth , even as a child . a child . his marriage was two months old and he wished that he was . fifty years had passed in as many days . that made him seventy three . another two to go . his life was almost over . he had come to the right place . the door was divided , like a stable door , into two equal leaves . he knocked on the upper leaf , a frosted glass panel with the name and profession in heavy black capitals . the upper half opened . a clean , florid face appeared and disappointment pricked him . - yes ? - would you &amp;hellip; attend to this for me , please ? the slip of paper was carefully scrutinised . himself . the paper . himself . - are you the father ? - yes . - come in . the lower half of the door was unlatched to admit him into a room which seemed half church , half office . the ecclesiastical half was neat and shining , the official half untidy , strewn with papers . nameless brass projections hung on the walls and looked as if they had been looted from a church . there were glossy photographs of the rest chapels in the city &apos;s crematoria . the funeral director busied himself among his littered papers , and , in a few minutes , with the air of having solved a problem , pronounced , as if he expected his client to haggle : - that will be three pounds ten , young man . - yes . he drew four new pound notes from his wallet , crossed the room , and placed them emphatically beneath the undertaker &apos;s eyes . - it will be tomorrow . will anyone attend ? - no . - has it got a name ? - no . - shall I inform you of the place of burial ? - no &amp;hellip; thank you . - some people like to know , but best forgotten . - if the child had lived only a few days or weeks it would have had a name . and a stone . he felt he was apologising for not bringing better trade . - a different matter . but best forgotten . he seemed to have solved a problem . - it does n&apos;t often happen these days . he wondered how much a child of a few months would cost . - right . I &apos;ll see to it tomorrow for you . - thank you . he turned to go . the business completed , the undertaker moved from the official to the ecclesiastical side of the room , and took his hand . - put it there . I know what it is . I &apos;m a family man myself . with his other hand the undertaker held out a small receipt for three pounds ten and a crumpled ten shilling note . he took them and went through the divided door . - good afternoon . - good afternoon , young man . it had been the same with the registrar of births and deaths , when he had collected the certificate for disposal at the hospital that morning . names . dates of birth . 1937 . 1937 . professions . schoolteacher . schoolteacher . the registrar wrote the date of the stillbirth . 19 February , 1960 . - when were you married ? - December the sixteenth . - nineteen fifty eight ? - no , last year . the registrar smiled . who had selected him to endure this ? time ? like an ever rolling stream . there was comfort in that . his tooth ached . no comfort . there was time to kill before his dental appointment . there was always time to kill . you stood in the present and watched either the last moment die or the next being born . as they were ejaculated into being , his mind , like a spermicide , killed off the seeds of time . all his moments were dying . when you were seventy three you could only look behind you . at that age you walked backwards into the future . there was time to kill before his dental appointment , before he died . he would walk . to reach the dentist &apos;s , which he had not thought to change , he had to walk from Town to Beeston , up the long hill that overlooked the rest of Leeds . it was very near his old home . since he had left so abruptly he had not returned . the lack of forgiveness would remain mutual . his resentment would consume his guilt . supposing he was seen ? let them see him . supposing he saw his mother at the greengrocer &apos;s on the corner ? he would ignore her . he had written a terse postcard to tell them about the child and that was all . they would say it was a judgement . besides if you were seventy three , your parents would be dead . all the names that had been heaped on them ! all the fragments of morality that had fallen about their heads ! the fifth and the seventh commandments . they had burned his photograph and the bible he had kept at his bedside . such as he had no right to possess that , let alone read it . it had only been an ornament anyway . a tit bit . a miniature edition , inscribed Joseph Carson , 1841 . he had picked it up in the market for a few pence , buried under the battered copies of Marie Corelli , Ouida and Hall Caine . after only two months of absence the familiar streets showed signs of considerable change . instead of the lines of gas lamps he was shocked to find overhead sodium lighting , and there was demolition in progress on a row of terrace houses , almost the same as his own street . he stopped to watch . there was time to kill . ahead of him a man on crutches stood watching the houses being torn down . that had not changed . the afternoons were always peopled by mothers and children under five , or by the aged and the maimed . all the able-bodied , like the demolition men , were at work . he himself would be back at school tomorrow morning . after his slight indisposition . a chill ? a bilious attack ? the blood on the stair , the floor of the ambulance , the attendants &apos; hands . at his feet on a pile of broken bricks , open at page 305 , lay the grey remnants of the beauties of British poetry : the Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold , and his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold ; he turned the stiffened pages with his foot . another by Lord Byron . Mrs Hemans . Hogg . two men with sledgehammers were poised on a high fragment of surviving wall . they might easily fall and kill themselves . this part of the city had worn badly . it was good to see it go . how doth the city sit solitary , that was full of people ! seventy three . fifty years had passed . you could expect changes in fifty years . every change after fourteen years was for the worst . a plaque on the site testified that the work was being carried out by a member of the national federation of demolition contractors . on it was a badge with a map of the British Isles . great Britain and Ulster were in black . on the circumference of the badge , surmounting the Outer Hebrides , was a contractor &apos;s crane . a shovel intersected Sligo and traversed Ireland as far as County Cork , where it emerged into the ocean . a pick in the North Sea had its point curved towards some coastal town beneath the Firth of Forth . a crowbar , its point of balance opposite the Isle of Wight , floated in the English Channel , extending , at a rough guess , from Plymouth to Brighton . beneath all this was the date , 1941 , ( he was four ) , and beneath that the motto , resurgam . the cripple had moved off . he overtook him quickly , imagining the cripple &apos;s envy at his straight , retreating legs . he turned round . the cripple &apos;s head , as if it always had , hung , like a cartoon Christ &apos;s , upon his breast . he was nearer to his old home . you could see almost all of Leeds from the crest of Beeston Hill , the roofs , the chimneys and the steeples , the higher civic buildings , the clock of the black Town Hall , to which he had listened , in his attic bedroom , striking the small hours of those mornings immediately before he left . the slightest earth tremor could level them . he could see the familiar landmarks that he had passed on his way up . the Salem Institute , Hudson &apos;s Warehouse , formerly Wesley Hall , the gas cylinders , the truncated pinnacles of Christ Church . some time ago , these had become insecure and the constant passage of heavy and rapidly increasing traffic had made them a danger to the community . the incumbent had sat for weeks at a trestle table , with placards ranged about him and fixed above the church porch on either side of what seemed to be a tinted photograph of Christ , beneath which was written in white capitals , come unto me . who would go to that ? the faded figure held out its arms in a gesture of welcome . an appeal for renovations to the fabric of the church . &amp;pound;10,000 urgently needed . please give generously . save your church . hardly a tithe was raised and , with no regard for proportion , the dangerous finials and crockets were removed , leaving four stunted growths of stone , projecting from a square tower . they should have left them to fall down . nearer to him was the large dome of a building , formerly the Queen &apos;s Theatre , the music Hall , the Queen &apos;s Cinema , now an unwanted fixture , described as an excellent site for future development , becoming more and more dilapidated , devoid of players , stars or audience . of the advertisement board above the entrance , between what had been two giant tulips , there remained only the word , today . just visible below , however , the Palace Cinema , formerly the Tabernacle , was still assertive . its prices had risen , so they said , from fourpence to one and six or two and three . it had risen in the world . the city was senile too . let the everlasting stars go out . they would all pass away as one , a slow driftage of stardust , crumbled brick and plaster , powdered flesh and bone . the dentist had his surgery in Cemetery Road on the very brow of the commanding hill . in the congested burial ground on his left the remains of his family from seventeen something were laid at rest , the butchers , the publicans , their wives , and some of their children . his father took flowers there almost every week and sometimes came home with the stains of clay on his trouser knees . the five sons , now dispersed in various parts of England , sent every year , with their Christmas cards , a subscription towards an elaborate wreath . from the chair , as he was having his teeth tested and found wanting , he fixed his attention on the landmarks below him , to distract his mind from the pains of the dentist &apos;s probe . four of his teeth required treatment . three new fillings and one about twelve years old that needed repair . he had forgotten about that . the tooth that ached was not to be extracted . it would just be possible to fill it . of course , they were paid more for a filling . - do you still clean your teeth regularly ? - yes , of course . after every meal . - and you do n&apos;t eat sweets ? - no . - or a lot of biscuits ? - no . no . - mm . your teeth are poorly resistant to decay . they gave you nothing to numb the pain of drilling . no cocaine . no laughing gas . the drill began . he stared at the heavens and the higher landmarks . he pinched his hand beneath the protective sheet . birds circled within his vision , circumscribed by the tilted position of the chair , seagulls fleeing the storms on the North Sea or the Irish Sea , sparrows , starlings circling the stunted pinnacles of Christ Church , the dome of the Queen &apos;s Theatre , the music Hall , the Queen &apos;s Cinema , the derelict , wheeling backwards and forwards above the gas works cylinders , the Salem Institute , and , nearer , settling on the houses on the hill immediately beneath the window . concentrate . transfer the pain into the hand . the birds soar as the pain is sharp on the crumbling tooth . they settle and it is subdued . the drill . the drill . they rise , they wheel and turn , around the stunted pinnacles , poorly resistant to decay , the Queen &apos;s Theatre , poorly resistant to decay , the Queen &apos;s Cinema , poorly resistant to decay , the derelict , the excellent site for future development , for future buildings , future derelicts , that will survive my teeth , my flesh and bone , my son , who died before he saw the broken world , that may survive my second or my third , their first , or be demolished , excavated , filled , plucked out , root and all , teeth and children torn out of their roots , the nameless flesh interred in nameless ground , the dead to judgement torn , Christ torn from the tomb , the roots , the judgement , the welcoming , the faded Christ , poorly resistant to decay . 