Jones , it need hardly be said , stopped that off at once . the days have gone when foreigners copied the British . with Jones in power , the British are encouraged to copy the foreigner . the foreign-made muck , which British quality goods were supposed to be pushing out of the market , is now being pushed out of the market by British-made muck . Jones does not believe in quality . he believes in low prices . he is not interested in the old slogan , British is best . he is interested in the new slogan , Jones is best , and the fact that Jones is British will , he believes , reflect prestige upon Britain . he is not interested in goods that last a lifetime , a tradition started by snobbish manufacturers who wanted their children and their children &apos;s children to reap the benefit of their impeccable trading probity . Jones wishes to reap the benefit himself , in his own lifetime , and let his brats and brats &apos; brats fend for themselves . to this end , he is interested in goods that do not last a lifetime , but which require large replacement orders to be made every five years . foreign contacts . when Jones goes abroad , he does not go as a member of any group , delegation or coach-party . he goes alone . Jones goes alone , secure in the knowledge that wherever he goes , his arrival will not go unannounced or his stay unnoticed . at the hotel , in a capital that he has never visited in his life before , he will meet an old American friend whom he last met in Paris , God , it must be years ago , and soon that old American friend is introducing him to the local Joneses right , left and centre . at Harry &apos;s bar , in any foreign city , it turns out that the particular Harry of the joint used to be the barman of a little club in London that Jones used to use in the days when Joneses still used little clubs , and this same Harry gives him the lowdown on where the native Joneses are currently eating and drinking . at the American express , which is a very Jones place in which to cash your travellers &apos; cheques , Jones just happens to run into an old army pal who has now got this amusing job of showing the yobbos around the night-clubs . the old army pal takes Jones to a number of night-clubs , most of them specialising in one sexual eccentricity or another , to which the yobbos would not be admitted , whether with or without paper hats . from the fact that Jones never fails to meet contacts such as these on his foreign travels , it is obvious that there must be an international Jones organisation ( Interjones ) , whose agents disguise themselves as barmen , old army pals and roving Americans . however Interjones may be organised , it is certainly a powerful and influential body . thanks to Interjones , it is now possible for Jones to travel throughout the world without losing any of his status , modifying his standard of living , or , out of sheer loneliness , being compelled to sit in the reading-room of the British embassy doing the crossword in the air-mail edition of the times . thanks to Interjones , it is possible to cross the Equator either way without leaving air-conditioning behind . chains of new hotels , indistinguishable from one another , have sprung up in the capitals of the world , and - without actually being called the Jones-Plaza or the Jones-Carlton - they are Jones all right , because look at the showers , look at the swimming-pool , look at the arcade of shops , look at the express elevators , look at the six or seven restaurants , one of them on the roof from which it is possible to get a panoramic view of London , Beirut , Madrid , Bonn , New Delhi or Copenhagen , as the case may be . thanks to Interjones , Jones in any foreign city can hire a car , use a credit card , send a transfer-charge cable , or get a ringside seat for the student riot in the course of which the British council building is burned to the ground . thanks to Interjones , Jones can now travel from airport to airport , from hotel to hotel , from Harry &apos;s bar to Harry &apos;s bar , without ever setting foot outside the Jones country . Jones ideas are now so firmly established abroad that as primitive states develop , it is not the old country on which they model themselves , but the new Jones . in Africa , Jones hotels spring up even as the Prime Minister elect is being let out of prison . in the middle east , oil royalties are turned into Jones amenities , such as ice , big cars , and night-clubs that would not be out of place on Miami Beach . in Brazil , an entirely new capital has been hacked out of the jungle as a living monument to Jones and all he stands for . foreign visitors . Interjones naturally works on a reciprocal basis , and when Monsieur Jones , Herr Jones , Signor Jones , Jones Pasha or Don Jones arrive at the Westbury , whom should they meet in the lobby but Jones , only this minute back in London himself . in this context it is worth noting that , although Interjones maintains branches in all countries , some nations do not appear to be signatories to the Interjones treaty . there are nations which are exclusively Robinson nations , such as the Dutch , the Bulgarians , and the Burmese . the French are essentially a Jones nation , but like to be governed by Robinsons . the Germans are essentially a Robinson nation , but like to be governed by Joneses . the Italians are Jones when abroad , but Robinson when at home . the Swedes are the Jones-nation among the Scandinavians , and the Norwegians are the Robinsons . England , which bred the first Joneses , is Jones . Wales , from which the Joneses took their name , is Robinson . Southern Ireland is Jones . Northern Ireland is Robinson . Scotland is Jones to come south from , but Robinson to remain in . the Isle of Wight is a compound of Robinsons . extremely small countries , such as Luxembourg , Liechtenstein , San Marino , etc , are Robinson to be born in , but Jones to be a foreign resident of . ( this applies particularly to the Channel Islands . ) the Russians are ideologically Robinson , but throw up Jones-deviates from time to time . all iron curtain countries , except Czechoslovakia , are statutorily Robinson . Iceland is not only Robinson to be born in , Robinson to live in , Robinson even to have correspondence with , it is also the only country outside the tourist belt that it is Robinson , and not Jones , to visit . Spain is unique , inasmuch as there it is Jones to be a monarchist , the reason being is that Jones is always on the side of the future . Portugal is entirely Robinson . Switzerland is Robinson to visit , but Jones to bank with . Egypt is Robinson , but is studying to be Jones . India fought to become Jones , but did not succeed . South Africa is fighting to remain Robinson . Australia revels in being Robinson . by a trick of light , Canada is Jones when seen from London , but Robinson when seen from the United States . within the United States , it is Robinson to appear like a Jones . in Latin America , Jones and Robinson live in a constant state of revolt against each other ; it is always possible to know when Jones is revolting against Robinson , because then we hear about trams being overturned , and Jones detests trams . China , with superhuman effort and against all odds , remains Robinson . Japan , despite all those paper flowers that blossom in a jam-jar is becoming Jones . the north pole is Jones . the south pole is Robinson . chapter five . to Jones according to his needs . the political pundits , the literary weeklies , the more telegenic members of parliament , the leader-writers and the public-opinion polls - to say nothing of various summer schools , conferences , congresses and other centres of political group-therapy - have devoted some attention to the question of who will rule Britain in the future . Jones may occasionally join in these discussions if the beer is good . but for him there is no question to be argued . Jones will rule Britain in the future . whether labour or conservative , the next government - or it may be the next but one - will be a government of Joneses . what are the facts behind this political reshuffle ? there is only one fact , and that is that Jones feels unable to lend his allegiance to any one political party . tory Jones likes the idea of free enterprise , but can n&apos;t stand the idea of class privilege . labour Jones likes the idea of equality , but can n&apos;t stand the idea of regimentation . the labour party , as we know , is in decline . what we may not know is that the tory party is also in decline . the Jones party is slowly emerging , composed of the Jones-elements from both these declining bodies . already Jones has established his position in both camps . there are labour Joneses and there are tory Joneses in power today . ( there are no liberal or communist Joneses , since Jones is not interested in causes but in politics . ) the labour Joneses write for tory papers . the tory Joneses write for socialist papers . the two Joneses , labour and tory , appear on the same television programmes and unite against trade union Robinsons from the left wing and backwoods Robinsons from the right wing . between them , labour Jones and tory Jones are forging a new policy . and that policy will be the Jones policy for Britain . why you should vote for Jones . at present , Robinson has a clear majority in the House of Commons . Robinson M.P.s go about on buses , hold dreary clinics in their constituencies , ask dreary questions about peat , and go on dreary fact-finding missions to dreary countries on either side of the iron curtain . what , in contrast to this , has Jones got to offer ? why will Jones make a better member of parliament than Robinson ? ( a ) . Jones does not waste time on dreary routine . everything he touches he makes exciting , and he is able to create enthusiasm , which helps the electorate no end . ( b ) . Jones is in touch . where other politicians have to consult polls , statistics , graphs , fortune-tellers , to find out what people think , Jones trusts his instinct and is always right . ( c ) . Jones lives in the present . he will cheerfully agree that his party has a shocking record , for his party &apos;s past history is of not the slightest interest to him . neither does he make sweeping promises for the vague future . if Jones says he is going to do something , he means tomorrow . ( d ) . Jones has the gift of the gab . ( e ) . Jones is a good mixer . it is only on the Jones level that tories and socialists can mix as equals , and consequently he is able to avoid all those unprofitable stalemates that politicians are always running into . ( f ) . Jones is very good on television . ( g ) . Jones is always positive . he would rather be a supporter than an opposer , and he will always endorse good ideas , whichever side they come from . ( h ) . Jones knows all about images , and in fact invented them . ( i ) . Jones is always ready to re-think . ( j ) . Jones is very good at inventing slogans . and the slogan of the Jones party might well be : what &apos;s good for Jones is good for Britain . the future Jones offers you . the Joneses , socialist and tory alike , believe in an egalitarian society ( within the limits of the Jones practical democracy , outlined on pp 83-87 ) , where the best brains ( i.e Jones ) rise to the top , but where there is wealth and opportunity for all . Jones has no wish for Britain to be a major power , so long as she can hold first place in the markets of the world . he is all for co-existence , peace in our lifetime , and anything that might come under the heading of progress . he is against outmoded traditions , gunboat-diplomacy , and monopolies . he would take the tax off coloured refrigerators . let us examine in detail some of the Jones policies for Britain : 1 . the Jones fiscal policy . there will be no significant fall in income tax , since Jones does not , in fact , object to paying income tax . 